Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety

Embracing New Beginnings: Navigating the Emotional Whirlwind of Overwhelm and Change

March 20, 2024 The English Sisters - Violeta & Jutka Zuggo Episode 110
Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety
Embracing New Beginnings: Navigating the Emotional Whirlwind of Overwhelm and Change
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

Have you ever felt like your world is spinning with the chaos of new beginnings? We've been there too, and it's the heart of our latest conversation where we unpack the whirlwind of emotions that come with starting anew. Whether it's the first day at a new job or the daunting task of buying a house, we share how taking things one step at a time can lead to growth and knowledge. Imagine hitting fast-forward to a moment when today's challenges are mere memories, and join us on this journey of transformation. We're talking self-care, patience, and the transformative power of breaking tasks into manageable pieces.

Emotions aren't just about the heart; they affect every aspect of our lives, from the boardroom to the bedroom. This episode takes you through the winding paths of professional changes and the vulnerable cliffs of personal relationships. Discover how self-care and rest can be your allies against the exhaustion of transition and how opening up to love can leave us feeling vulnerably beautiful. We bring you heartfelt stories and practical advice for navigating these intense emotions, affirming that feeling overwhelmed is a natural part of the growth process.

Finally, we extend a warm invitation to share your own tales of navigating life's overwhelming moments. Connect with us on Instagram at Get Real With the English Sisters, and let's build a community that rides the waves of overwhelm together. By sharing our strategies and stories, we foster a sense of solidarity—reminding each other that none of us are alone in this journey. We can't wait to hear from you on YouTube as well, where our podcast is also available for your viewing pleasure. So tune in, share your thoughts, and let's embrace these experiences with open hearts and minds.

Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety.  Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!

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Speaker 1:

overwhelmed. Yeah, I know sometimes we get that feeling of feeling overwhelmed by emotions, especially when we're starting a new job. Yeah, I think when we're starting something new differently, yeah, when we start a new job, it's like it's so many things to do all at once, yeah. Or even when you're starting anything new, like when you first buy a house Anything new, anything new. You're right, yeah, so much to do. So that's what we can talk about in this week's episode of Get Real With the English Sisters.

Speaker 1:

Please do take a few moments to follow us and leave a review. We really love hearing from you, right? So, yes, feeling overwhelmed. I know, I've certainly felt overwhelmed in my life more than a few times. I even noticed having it just to lighten things up a bit, even when, like, you go shopping and you buy yourself a few new things oh, yeah, I don't know what to do with them. And then you see the little bag and you think, oh, lovely, because you're so happy that you bought all her stuff. But then you like think, okay, yeah, I mean, that's not really overwhelmed, but that's kind of it feels like what am I supposed to? Okay, right, so then you have to have a moment to put it all away, yeah, and what to do with it? Definitely, definitely.

Speaker 1:

I think when you start like a new job, it's like there's so many new things to learn, isn't there? Yeah, that can be very overwhelming, yeah, and so I think the best way to deal with it really is step by step. It sounds like obvious, yeah, and you wouldn't think. You wouldn't think you would. You know. You think, oh, that's too obvious, yeah. But I think if you treat it day by day, without getting like save your bosses giving you a whole load of new things to do for the next, in the next couple of weeks, and you think I really haven't got a clue how to do these things yet, I really don't know what I'm doing, and your mind starts to get like getting really overwhelmed.

Speaker 1:

If you think about it in a different way and you think, well, in two weeks time, I'm not going to be the person I am today starting this job. I'll be different because I'll have already acquired a lot of new knowledge. Yeah, that's so true. And you can like step into this other version of yourself in two weeks time and you know and like feel what you would feel like in two weeks time and then I'm going to be okay. Yes, you know, all looking forward, or looking forward, you can like see, okay, I'm going to be more competent in two weeks than I am today, which I'm like scared, and everything feels really new, and you know. So, give yourself that time.

Speaker 1:

Imagine a confident you in two weeks time having learned all the stuff you would have learned by then. Yeah, and go back to who you are today and think that it's not going to be me in two weeks time. No, I'm going to be a different person. I'm going to probably know if there are colleagues around, I'm going to know their names and I'm going to be more familiar with them. I'm going to be integrated into the atmosphere. Yes, yeah, and that's going to make you feel confident. It does, doesn't it? Of course it does. You're a different person. Yeah, you're a different person.

Speaker 1:

But I think, even if it's not just on the first day, even in the first few months of a new job, absolutely, there's still loads of stuff coming at you all the time, because the truth is that we all get into our comfort zones when we've been in a position for a while, don't we? Absolutely, anything new can put us off our game for a bit. It can be destabilising and you think, gosh, it's, you know. Sometimes you regret it. You say I should have stayed. You know where I was, where everything was familiar and safe. This is all new. I don't even know these people. They could I, you know you, you might, you're going to threat. You think, yeah, you do think that you know better to stick with the old tribe. I knew them, they were like safe, even though I might not have grown as much, but I felt safe there and that's that's a challenge in life, isn't it? There's always going to be a new.

Speaker 1:

The thing is that if we get, then if you stay where you were, you feel stuck, whereas if you move forwards, you're moving forwards, but you can feel this sense of overwhelm. Absolutely Everything, like Evan, you can feel is so tired. So, really, you know, we recommend that you try and get as much rest as possible between your working days. Yeah, that is true. So don't plan anything like there's really going to be really tiring. Yeah, like dinner parties, or I don't know if you're not into dinner parties, going out a lot and things like that that are going to make you feel tired. Take the time to realise that. Hey, you know, this is a particularly, you know, novel time for me and I'm going to take care of myself. Yeah, take a chill pill, yeah, in the evenings and think, no, I've had. You know, there's a lot sort of on my plate. And yeah, because sometimes you can feel as if you're not up to the task.

Speaker 1:

You can feel as if that's where the overwhelm kicks in even more. When you feel like it's you almost know, you get that kind of imposter syndrome. What am I doing here? Definitely why I shouldn't really be in this position. Yeah, this is, oh my gosh. They think I'm really good, but I'm not. I don't, I don't know how I don't. Yeah, I don't understand this programme. All these things are going through your mind and you're seeing. But you see, the people around you are confident and I think if they're confident, there's a reason, because the truth is that you do have a lot more skills available to you than you realise and a lot of skills that are transferable, and that you will be able to cope with that position in a few times. Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. That is so true.

Speaker 1:

And overwhelm can come. Yeah, we've discussed how it happens at work. It can also come when you're, when you're suddenly feeling like overwhelmed with with love for somebody. Oh, yeah, enjoy. So there are other good. You know it can, and that can also feel overwhelming, though, like you just fallen in love and it like takes over your entire. Are you talking about when you kind of, when there's all this love bombing when someone's coming at you? You mean somebody that's loving, that loves you, not love bombing, I don't know. When you feel in love, you can feel like overwhelmed when you feel, when you feel yeah, when no, because you know they say that these people, that some people that are really like overly yeah when they first start dating. You have to watch out for them. Oh, really, no, I was.

Speaker 1:

I was thinking about your own feelings in this case, like how you feel, like it could be, it could even feel overwhelming because you're not used to having your heart so open and fit. The feelings of vulnerability that come, you know, along with saying I love you to somebody. Oh, yes, sure, that's a lot and you may want to withdraw. You may want to withdraw and it's probably wise to withdraw and take a breath and think, yes, so so maybe not see the person every single day, I don't know. Yeah, I mean I I do remember saying I love you for the first time, and I was feeling really overwhelmed when I said it the first time.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, you were very young though I was so young. Yeah, but people are listeners, you know, we have a different variety of ages listening in and so, yeah, you can feel overwhelmed when you say it. It's like a really big deal. I can say it, but it is truthful If it's truthful. But I said it in English. I said I love you to my now husband. I said I love you, and then he answered me in Italian and he said Ti voglio bene anchillo. So I'm not speaking Italian very well.

Speaker 1:

I went to look at the up in the dictionary and ti voglio bene means literally. It was translated as I like you too. So I was devastated, cause I remember thinking, oh my God, he likes me. Yeah, I've just told him I love him. And he says he likes me. And then when I read obviously I love you, it had ti amore in Italian. And so I remember just, you know, absorbing that and just thinking, gosh, you know, obviously I have stronger feelings for him than he has for me, and I felt overwhelmed. And then I went back to him and I said no, not. And then I said io ti voglio bene. Like you know, it's not, I don't, you know. I withdrew and I said no, it's not that I love you, it's that io ti, but I like you too, sort of thing. But did it mean I like you to do all your bene? Well, that's what I read in the dictionary. But now that you know Literally, now, knowing how it is for Italians when they say ti voglio bene, it literally does mean it's practically the same as saying ti amore, I love you.

Speaker 1:

It's just that, you know, he used to say ti amore is more like in the films, it wasn't like colloquial enough, it was like weird. He said to say ti amore. Italians didn't used to say ti amore. Well, I don't know, he didn't, I don't know about all Italians. I just stated him and and and and and I think I got out of the overwhelm there because I said I think I love you. Oh, you did. Oh, okay, yeah, but anyway.

Speaker 1:

So that can also be a time when the, the advice that we give you for work is the same advice, you know, when you're going into something new. So either a new job, new relationships, even sometimes having new friends can be rather overwhelming because they're doing different things and they're saying different words to you than the words that you're used to hearing. They have different discussions and topics of conversation. It can be a bit much, can't it? It can be You're quite introverted as well. If you like to be on your own a lot, yes, that's a good point. Yeah, and if you absorb other people's, if you're quite empathetic and you're absorbing other people's like, you're not just like thinking, oh, I'm just along here for the ride. You know, I don't really care that much about what's going on, I'm just enjoying the kind of atmosphere. I have a few drinks. Yeah, you get more involved in it, more involved in the whole.

Speaker 1:

You know the whole friend thing and trying to make friends and making a big effort, it can be very stressful for you. Yeah, that's what my son was telling me. He was making a big effort to join this new group and he was very overwhelmed by it. Yeah, it can be. It can really take it out of you actually. Yeah, so there you go. I mean, being overwhelmed is a natural part of life basically. Well, it's part.

Speaker 1:

You wonder how they would do it. You know, in the olden times they would have to. You know, especially like the wanderers, they would wander and gather and wandering, gathering, and you would think, maybe, that they weren't that overwhelmed because that was normal Every day. It was the same thing like wandering. Well, unless they went to new territories, yeah, on boats and things, yeah, that must have been very overwhelming as well. The boy didn't have a clue, but I think there it was more brutal. In those days you kind of thought more. It was like life or death all the time. Yeah, death used to be very close to people in those days. Probably, you're right, yes, it wasn't so far removed, because it was so much, so real all the time. An animal, anything could attack you, yeah, mainly a predator. We were just like you could get gobbled up. It wasn't like you know, nowadays we were more brutal.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, but like even nowadays, like talking about in the olden times, but like even sometimes, if you're just walking to a really busy city, like for somebody like me that I'm not used to it, I can feel overwhelmed by the traffic, the noise, the people. There's so many people, like walking into New York or something going to Tokyo, which is so beautiful at the same time, can be overwhelming if you're not used to it. So, also, travel can be. Well, travel, can you just take one day at a time To one day, if you're careful. Watch your valuables. Yeah, definitely watch your valuables, because you're always in that kind of overwhelmed state. People can spot you as well, can't they? They can spot you, but you're not local and that you're a bit overwhelmed, you're a bit dazed out. What's going on, especially if you've traveled to a different time zone. Yeah, absolutely yeah.

Speaker 1:

So what else would we have to say about feeling overwhelmed? I think you just take one day at a time and just keep safe and keep you know that you're safe and if you're starting a new job, know that it doesn't really matter that much. You just take one day at a time. It's not things that seem really scary they're not that scary in the end and also a lot of stuff that maybe your boss has given you. It might even fall through at the last minute.

Speaker 1:

So just take a step at a time and don't get too overwhelmed and too bogged down by too much, and know that your employer realises that you're new, exactly, and they're obviously going to take that into account. They don't expect you to have, you know, produce 100%. They know that you're like learning, this is a new thing for you. And if they don't know, you can always say hey, remember, I'm new here, I'm just adjusting. This is all very. You know, I'm learning, I'm new, I'm getting used to all the rhythms and how this place works.

Speaker 1:

But what about if your employee won't accept that and they just get really annoyed with you and they're not very nice? Yeah, that's not, and they could be mean to you and I bully you. When you're so new they can say, oh, that's not good enough. You know what you're doing. Well, what I would say is that you know, there you have to have your own protective shield around you, you know, I would say, be prepared for that as well, because you could get people like that and especially if you need that job and you're new in that position, don't let what they say to you, don't allow it to. You know, don't take it too personally if you can. I know that's hard to do really, but you know, protect yourself.

Speaker 1:

What would you say if you had that? What kind of advice would you give? Well, I would say, give it a go, but if, obviously your boss insisting on it, I'd start looking for another job because you don't really wanna be working in that kind of climate that you're always gonna get bullied by your boss. You want a boss really that understands your needs, don't you? You do. But what if you've got that job now and you need to keep it because that's your money income? When you need to keep people, then you have to do what you said. You just gotta protect them. You don't take it personally and you just think, oh well, your job isn't worth risking your mental health for.

Speaker 1:

However, if you do need to be there right now because that's your option, then, yes, realize that what is coming to you in the form of these not nice words are probably a reflection of what that person is feeling. So they may be feeling fearful because they think, gosh, they're in a position. For example, think that if I've asked this person to join the team and they're not good enough, this is gonna reflect badly on me, and so they're feeling insecure. They might be feeling frightened and if you look at it from that perspective, it might help you just think they're not just big, mean old bullies, they're frightened. So if you look at that person and think, oh, he or she, they're frightened, that might help. You feel like kind of in the same shoes because they're frightened that I'm not good enough. I'm frightened because I feel I'm not good enough yet. So we're in the same boat as to say and we'll learn to adjust to each other if you can.

Speaker 1:

Obviously it's not ideal to be bullied like that and to have those, but the real world can be like this. And it's not good to be too fragile either. No, because you can take it too personally. But obviously, if it's just like this isn't good enough and you need to do more, do better, yes, but obviously if it gets really bad whether you really see that they're abusive obviously you can go to HR. Or you know, if there is a big company and they do have HR, many small companies do not have these kind of services. They're small, they're private business companies, whatever it is, they don't have HR. No, you have to kind of figure your way around it. You have to figure your way around it. You have to, like, learn to put your own shield up and begin to understand their point of view, you know, and just think, okay, take a deep breath and think, okay, they're frightened too. I'm gonna be able to cope with this If you have to cope with it, obviously, and we know many of you do, yeah, that's why we're saying it.

Speaker 1:

You do have to. You can try, I think. But I think you can try and understand people a lot and then it can be just like counterproductive, because in the end you're the one that's missing out, because you're the one that gets bullied. We don't wanna understand them too much and allow them to step all over us. I'm just saying at the very beginning if you do and you need that job, yeah, and you need to put that protective layer over you and you need to like, be strong, then you have to bring out that courage to yeah, maybe then you can seek solace in your colleagues as well.

Speaker 1:

Well, yeah, yeah, normally we have the same kind of treatment, you know, if there's two or three people, even if it's, and they can say, oh, don't worry, no, yes, they're always like that at the beginning, but they'll be okay afterwards, exactly. Oh, yeah, sure, they have rants and they go on at you, but then they're fine, scream and shout and then it passes. Yes, I've been here for five years and it's just a nuisance, but it's fine, I get paid. Exactly, just get what you can out of this. Get what you can. You can get what you can, exactly Get what you can and learn from it and then look for other options while you've got all that experience that you've learned from this or the new place, because it does toughen you up as well. Yes, that's what I mean.

Speaker 1:

I don't want you know people to the real world isn't always you know about, yeah, rosie, and if you do get somebody, you say oh, no, he or she, they are a bully. You know, and then I'm going to leave this place. You know this place of employment that it might be necessary for you, so you can identify them as that. That's why I was saying that a way of coping is to kind of understand their position. Yes, but then obviously you have to make sure that you stand up for your rights.

Speaker 1:

I think the best way to do everything is when you're starting something new, it's just really just to do Take a breather, yeah, and then just take one day at a time and know that the you that you are today is not the new you. You'll be in two weeks. You'll be a much more competent you in two weeks, yes, at that same position, absolutely. Or in four weeks, or in eight weeks You'll be, you'll know everyone, you'll be part of the team, you'll be fully immersed and you'll you'll probably really hopefully you'll be enjoying it and thriving because you will be experiencing new things which create new neural pathways in your brain, which expand your brain, which is good for you. In the end, change is as good as a rest, they used to say. So you know, it is a rest for your mind in the end, even though it may be overwhelming at the beginning.

Speaker 1:

Yeah, so we want to hear from you. So we're on Instagram at Get Real With the English Sisters. So come and give us a love and come and give us some comments on what you think about our podcast and especially this episode. And you know, have you ever felt overwhelmed? How have you dealt with it? What's the best way you find to show this? Yeah, what are your strategies and your coping methods? Our best experiences? Haven't we in the end? But I think when we talk about these things, we all get closer and we all know that we all experience them, which sometimes it can be scary when we think we're the only ones in this position. Yeah, and it helps us connect. We've all felt that. We all feel it all the time. Yeah, every day, every day. So yeah, join us and come and say hi, and we'd love to hear from you. And our podcast is also on YouTube, where you can actually get the audio podcast and the video version, because we upload both. So lots of love and smiles from the English Sisters. Bye, bye.

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