Have you ever felt the sting of cold shoulders at a party, or the bite of being bypassed in professional settings? We've all been there, and on "Get Real With The English Sisters," we're peeling back the layers of rejection and the pursuit of likability that often leads to encounters with negativity. As we navigate through these rough emotional seas, we'll share stories and strategies on how to handle being snubbed, whether it's in person or online, and the importance of finding solace in our unique identity. Through candid conversations, we reveal how such experiences, albeit painful, can point us towards those who truly value us for who we are, and why that's a journey worth taking.
This week's heart-to-heart is all about the sweet relief that comes with shedding the weight of others' expectations and the energy drain of insincerity. We'll talk about why it's crucial to cultivate genuine connections and how the digital landscape both complicates and facilitates the search for our tribe. We're also tackling the tricky business of criticism and hostility, especially in the unforgiving realm of social media, and share insights on how to differentiate between feedback that fosters growth and the kind that just tears down. So join us for an episode that's not only about bouncing back from rejection but also about stepping into the empowering light of self-acceptance and authenticity.
Have you ever felt the sting of cold shoulders at a party, or the bite of being bypassed in professional settings? We've all been there, and on "Get Real With The English Sisters," we're peeling back the layers of rejection and the pursuit of likability that often leads to encounters with negativity. As we navigate through these rough emotional seas, we'll share stories and strategies on how to handle being snubbed, whether it's in person or online, and the importance of finding solace in our unique identity. Through candid conversations, we reveal how such experiences, albeit painful, can point us towards those who truly value us for who we are, and why that's a journey worth taking.
This week's heart-to-heart is all about the sweet relief that comes with shedding the weight of others' expectations and the energy drain of insincerity. We'll talk about why it's crucial to cultivate genuine connections and how the digital landscape both complicates and facilitates the search for our tribe. We're also tackling the tricky business of criticism and hostility, especially in the unforgiving realm of social media, and share insights on how to differentiate between feedback that fosters growth and the kind that just tears down. So join us for an episode that's not only about bouncing back from rejection but also about stepping into the empowering light of self-acceptance and authenticity.
Do you find that it's difficult when someone doesn't like you? I do. Do you have an issue with that? I think I've come to learn that not everyone's going to like me, but I know that it can be painful not to be liked Exactly and to be excluded from a particular group. That's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real With the English Sisters. Join us and do take a few seconds to click like and come and say hello on Instagram, at Get Real With the English Sisters or on Facebook. Right, yes, so we're going to be discussing that.
Speaker 1:
I mean, is it possible for everyone to like you? No, we know it's not. No, and there's this culture of the liking, or the hating, of having all these haters. You know, you hear people say well, if you've got haters, that means you've also got a lot of people that like you. If you haven't got anyone that hates you, it means that no one likes you either. You mean, like more on the social platforms. Oh right, yes, yes, probably yes, and it's something you have to accept, because sometimes you think, oh, you know, you don't really want anyone to hate you. Well, no, no, naturally, you wouldn't want anyone to hate you. You want to fit in. It's a natural part of how we are. We want to fit in, we don't want to be.
Speaker 1:
I mean, I think you know it's painful, isn't it? If you like, you're in, you're at work and you can hear your other co-workers organizing, you know, a little meeting after work and and they don't say anything to you about it. That's horrible. Well, exactly. Well, that's what? And it can feel exactly like what you said. It can feel horrible because you can think, oh, they're all going out for drinks or whatever for a coffee, and why is nobody saying anything to me? And that can be unsettling and painful physically. You know, you can actually feel pain. We're humans.
Speaker 1:
You ask yourself why are they doing this to me? Yes, why are they doing the same? When you get, when you get, you know, somebody you love to just leaves you, you get dumped and you have that instant feeling of rejection. You feel my gosh. So why? Why? Yeah, why doesn't you know they they love me? Why don't they like me enough, you know, to be with me? Why is it that we always think what have I done? What have I done to you to deserve this? Well, I think it's natural to think that, well, I don't, but really you're probably right, we shouldn't go straight for the because it's ego. Your ego is hurt, so you go for the eye. What have I? You know there's something wrong with me. Why don't they want me out there for drinks and why did that person leave me?
Speaker 1:
And really, I think we can accept it's painful because it is painful. There's nothing, there's nothing wrong with accepting it's painful not to be liked, and especially if it's if we're not talking about social, even on social media, for example, on social media, that's painful as well, because people can say really hurtful things without even knowing you and you think, hey, what's your problem? Well, they're just the trolls, aren't they? Yeah, or they place judgment, you know, even though they might be real people, they're not, like, you know, like trolls. I think sometimes it's more hurtful, like if you've had some interactions with someone online and then, all of a sudden, they turn against you because you post something and then they start suddenly said, you know, writing hateful things or sending hate things and saying I'm not going to follow you, blah, blah, blah. And it's, it's, it's, it's disconcerting. Yes, it's painful.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I think what we can do, you know, we can acknowledge it's painful, is painful, not to be liked, but we can. We can kind of see it as a new window of opportunity. I think so it was saying okay, those coworkers didn't invite me out for a drink. Perhaps that's where the window is. Well, the window is they're not my tribe, so why would I waste time literally being with people who don't particularly want to be with me? They don't like me so they're not my tribe, so I can just keep myself, you know, reserved as to say, to look for people that do want me, that I will belong to them because they like me for who I am. Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, I think that's a window that we have to look at. It's same as when somebody that you know dumps you after you're in a relationship romantic one, for example you can think, okay, they've left a window open for me to find somebody that really is truly going to resonate with my being. I think that's a window we have to look for.
Speaker 1:
When people don't like us, we have to think they don't like us. Thus, why would I spend time with them? My time is precious in this world. We have limited time here, unless, of course, we've done something for them. You know something that we have to apologize. If there's something we have to apologize because you've, yes, but I mean just generally, they just don't get along. There's no vibe. There's no vibe, exactly. They think, no, I'm not going to invite that person because they don't belong, kind of thing. Well, if you don't belong, I think the lesson is for you to think. It all sounds very petty, doesn't it? It reminds me of like being in school High school, yeah, but real life is like that. Real life is like that. Unfortunately, cow workers can be like that.
Speaker 1:
I suppose the kids that were like that at school they grow up to continue to be like that. Some of them, some of them, have changed. Hopefully, some of them will change, yes, but perhaps, yeah, that's the way they were sort of brought up a little bit to sort of, yeah, I would not, I would not like that. I, you know, we were the opposite. We were the kids that if I would see somebody who wasn't being invited into the group, would go over and say, hey, come, enjoy my little group of the like the weird ones, because at school I was definitely a weird one and you were like the shy one, so we were definitely left out. We were. I got a whole group of little weird ones with me and I formed a little group of people that I thought were my advice to have to like, accept that I wasn't liked, but now I would find it even more hurtful because then I just used to think well, that's the way it is, I'm the shy, weird one, it is hurtful.
Speaker 1:
No one we must accept it's painful, it was painful. It can feel like if you're just sitting at a booth, say like working with people, and you can just hear them whispering and organizing this thing, and even though you might not even really wanted to go in the first place because you're tiny, you want to kick your shoes off and rest. But you hear that and you think why. You know it's like the birthday party when you were kidding you weren't invited. It was painful, it's going to be painful, but we have to look at the window it's leaving open and that is a way for us to heal, I think, and also gives us more time to do what we want to do and be with people. Why would we want to be with them if they don't want to be with us? They don't. They were saying, yeah, they don't like us really. They don't resonate with you. There's a different energy flow, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:
For example, say, you go out with a whole bunch of co-workers. They invite you and in the end all they do is end up gossiping and you don't find gossiping interesting because you don't particularly like it and you're more interested in another kind of subject. You like talking about stuff. That's different. I'm purely no. This is like very much If you let us laughing because this is like kind of what we're like really. So yeah, so for many years you wanted like to fit in and you would end up going out with these people and it was just gossip and, to tell you the truth, I thought, well, I'd rather kind of not be lied by them if I felt like I didn't really, you know it's not, they weren't nice people. They were nice enough, they were nice, but they just weren't my tribe. I'd rather go out with people that are similar to you know, have the same kind of interests and you can really talk to. I want to talk deep. I want people that don't aren't that bothered with small talk or gossip. So they're my tribe and they're your tribe as well, but there, so I'd rather just read a book or go home.
Speaker 1:
Are we happy with them not liking us and not particularly jealous? It's difficult, it's difficult. You kind of want to keep a like, a like, one foot in the door. You kind of want to be. You don't want to be like hated, that you know they won't talk to you. Oh no, I'm not talking about hated, I'm saying just not liked in particular. You don't want to be, but you don't. You want them to say hello to you. Oh, yes, yes, but you don't necessarily have to be invited to dinner and have all their stuff going on that they were not going to invite you, exactly, and you're happy with that. Well, yes, I think the ideal is to be happy with that and say, ok, I can accept, they're not my, they're not my people, because in the end you might find yourself going home getting bored and then, who knows, you might get, you might connect with somebody that really is, somebody that really does belong to your tribe, and they may, you know, you may end up meeting a whole group of different people that you really like and they really like you for your qualities.
Speaker 1:
Do you think if you're a bit more insecure, you feel this more? If you're like you have more insecurities. You feel that you need to. You know you want people to like you all the time and you feel as if you have to make an effort, even if you don't think you fit in. But you feel as if you have to kind of make an effort to fit in with them. Yeah, just kind of go along with it and say yeah, yeah, yeah, you have to be like a chameleon.
Speaker 1:
I think being a chameleon is OK for a little bit, but I think if you do that all the time, in the end you'll find yourself totally depleted and sad inside. It sucks the energy out completely Because you're not being. It's not really what you like. Yeah, if you, for example, I went out and I started suddenly finding some gossip about something and just started gossiping and in the end I wouldn't feel like what's the point. I went out with these people and they liked me because they found me oh, I had a juicy piece of gossip or whatever and they found me interesting and they might invite me again. And then again I would have to go and put on this facade and then look for more gossip, look for more gossip. It made me feel not good. I don't like it. What's the point Exactly? What's the point of being this chameleon? I know you can do it when you're very young and you're learning and you do it and okay, I mean, I did it like twice when I was very young.
Speaker 1:
I think it's better to look for the people that you resonate with and they like you, yes, and it's better to be almost like solo, like what they say in Italian, on your own yes, solo che mal accompagnato. You know, that's an expression. It's best to be alone than with in bad company. Rather be alone than in bad company, because it might not be the right company for you. They might be just fine as a company for somebody else. We're so different as people Everyone's different, aren't we? Yeah, we're so completely different that there's just not.
Speaker 1:
I'm sure you have thoughts on this. Yeah, I mean. I mean, yes, it can also be empowering. You know to be to slight. You can start finding that like say, okay, I'm gonna be empowered by this, yes, that I accept, I accept that they don't like me, and you can go off proud with your head up high saying, okay, I wasn't invited to this or that or whatever. I'm walking with my head up high because I'm gonna, and then treat yourself to something you enjoy doing. Yes, so what exactly? Try and do something that's entertaining for you. Well, something's gonna feel your like, make you feel good. Yes, something's gonna feel your needs, exactly. Yes, that's something that's more pertinent, because you're always trying to feel the people's needs when you're like that. Yeah, trying to get in with them, with people that don't like you.
Speaker 1:
If you live in fear of being disliked, it's extremely tiring, Extremely tiring, and also, I think that leads to a lot of rumination, ruminating, where you're just going over your. What did I say the? Why don't they like me? What did they mean by that? Why did I put my foot in it? Oh, no, and then you have all these endless thoughts like just going round and round in your head that aren't helpful to you or to anyone really, no, not at all. So they're not good. No, really is. If you get over the fear of being disliked, you're actually free, aren't you? You're free. It's like freeing yourself up. You're cutting those chains away from you and you're just saying, look, this is me, this is what I like doing this. And you have to be careful now as well, I think, because with all the cancel culture that a lot of people are getting more and more fearful of always wanting to be liked. Yes, and we're like.
Speaker 1:
People are limiting themselves in what they feel, as if they can, what they can say, because if they're going to get attacked, if they're going to get haters and very much so, and it's. I think, as we go on, we're going to have to accept that we're all going to get haters, because no one's going to like your 100%. You're definitely going to be disliked in your life. There'll be people might dislike you for a variety of reasons because of your social position, or because it's it's too high, or because it's low, or whatever it is they're not going to. They might not like you. They don't like you because you're tall or small or young, or that. There's always millions of reasons why they won't like you, and I think we've just got to accept that people not everyone's going to like us and it's going to be okay. Yes, we have to feel proud. You'll find that window. You will find it. People that are like you will find you if you leave the window open. That's what I'm going to say.
Speaker 1:
If you look out for these opportunities, yeah, don't close off your heart and just say, okay, that's it, they don't like me. No, there's, especially nowadays. You can find your tribe. It's easier now as well. It is, in a way, yes, it's harder in some ways, but easier in other ways. Yeah, because you can connect you know tribe with whatever. Yeah, resonate with that, jive, jive together. Yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:
Anyway, let us know what your thoughts are. Are you comfortable with not being liked? Yeah, we're working on it, but it's difficult. It's difficult, but I think, especially when we're out there, when we're, you know, we're out on social media, yeah, we are. Yeah, when people say things that they don't like about it, it can be tough, but then that's part of it, isn't it? We do, we look at it and we take it as feedback. If it's true, if some of it's true, we analyze it, we take it as feedback. But if we believe there's no truth in it, then we just let it go. We just think that's us and they don't like us because they don't like us. Nobody can like everybody. Yeah and yeah. So let us know what your thoughts are.
Speaker 1:
Hopefully, if you're listening to this podcast, you do like us. We love you and, yes, come and say hi. Come and say hi Because we've got people all around the world listening and we don't really hear from you that much as yet, no, so we really love to hear from you. We want to know you're there. Yeah, we want to know you're there. So, on at, get Real With the English Sisters on Instagram. We're also on TikTok, the English Sisters, or. If you just Google the English Sisters, you'll find us all over. We also have our own website where we've got all our books and things. So come and say hi, come and say hello and see you soon. See you soon, bye-bye. Thank you for watching.