Ever found yourself questioning whether a friend truly has your back, or if their compliments come with a hidden barb? We've all navigated the treacherous waters of relationships where the line between friend and frenemy is as thin as ice in spring. Join us on this heart-to-heart as we share stories resonant with the reality of these complex dynamics, offering a beacon to those seeking to identify the genuine from the disingenuous. We discuss the slow dance of trust-building and the importance of investing in those who earnestly cheer us on, drawing from the wisdom of nature and psychology to guide us.
Have you ever been blindsided by envy within a seemingly supportive partnership? It's an emotion as old as humanity, but our conversation takes it a step further by dissecting its impact on both platonic and romantic relationships. We examine whether envy can be surmounted or if it signals the end of the road, all through a lens of empathy and self-improvement. Our candid exchange aims to empower you to set healthy boundaries and maintain the civil fabric of society, even when the green-eyed monster rears its head.
Wrapping up, we peel back the facade that frenemies often wear, revealing the telltale signs of insincerity that can leave you second-guessing their applause. It's about nurturing friendships that are as authentic as they are supportive, recognizing the value of positive energies and mutual celebration. We invite our listeners to engage with their stories of navigating these nuanced relationships, as we continue to build a community grounded in sincerity on our podcast platform. Remember, it's about protecting your peace and cherishing those who genuinely revel in your light. Join the conversation and find solace in the solidarity of our shared experiences.
Ever found yourself questioning whether a friend truly has your back, or if their compliments come with a hidden barb? We've all navigated the treacherous waters of relationships where the line between friend and frenemy is as thin as ice in spring. Join us on this heart-to-heart as we share stories resonant with the reality of these complex dynamics, offering a beacon to those seeking to identify the genuine from the disingenuous. We discuss the slow dance of trust-building and the importance of investing in those who earnestly cheer us on, drawing from the wisdom of nature and psychology to guide us.
Have you ever been blindsided by envy within a seemingly supportive partnership? It's an emotion as old as humanity, but our conversation takes it a step further by dissecting its impact on both platonic and romantic relationships. We examine whether envy can be surmounted or if it signals the end of the road, all through a lens of empathy and self-improvement. Our candid exchange aims to empower you to set healthy boundaries and maintain the civil fabric of society, even when the green-eyed monster rears its head.
Wrapping up, we peel back the facade that frenemies often wear, revealing the telltale signs of insincerity that can leave you second-guessing their applause. It's about nurturing friendships that are as authentic as they are supportive, recognizing the value of positive energies and mutual celebration. We invite our listeners to engage with their stories of navigating these nuanced relationships, as we continue to build a community grounded in sincerity on our podcast platform. Remember, it's about protecting your peace and cherishing those who genuinely revel in your light. Join the conversation and find solace in the solidarity of our shared experiences.
enemies, friends or enemies. Which one is it? They're neither friends or enemies, which sounds rather obvious. Yeah, sometimes it's tricky, isn't it? That's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real With the English Sisters. So buckle up and listen to this week's episode, right? Yeah, we're getting straight into it today, aren't we? Yeah, I think the word says it all, doesn't it? Friend and means they're neither friends nor enemies.
Speaker 1:
And I think that's where the red flags can come in, because they're usually people that try and make friends with you really quickly and in a rather unusual way. Really, do you think it's unusual? Well, like a bit forced, yeah, you kind of think. Hey, like the other day I was shopping on my own, could you wonder, and the shop assistant she was being really, really friendly with me, which I really liked, but then I was thinking there's something off. And then she started telling me all about how she'd been hard done to by this other person and that she wasn't going to go on holiday with her again, and she was like giving out a bit too much information for considering that I hardly knew the person. And then that made me think if I had, you know, more time to become friends with her. She would be the kind of person that would really friend you really quickly. But then I could think that there might be, you know, she might have ulterior motives to be friend you. Yeah, I know what you mean. Like then, if she's talking about badly about her other friends, then she might be badmouthing you very quickly soon. She could be yeah, I know I'm always wary of that. She could be.
Speaker 1:
But also, I think when people try and make friends with you so quickly, there's it's a bit forced, like what you say. It sounds a bit weird. It's not natural, is it? I mean, let's look at the animals as well. If we want to go back to them, what do they do? You know, dogs that go now sniffing each other. You know there's a whole like little dance that happens. That's like supposed to happen in evolution and that's how it is supposed to be. With us humans as well. It's not like okay, hey, you're going to be my friend. Hey, it takes trust to be my friend. Yeah, because you can know, I think what do they want from me, you know? Do they want to gain financial status? Do they want financial advice? Normally they do. If they're going to make it so quick, you know. But beware, why are they suddenly so interested in me?
Speaker 1:
But the whole concept of a friend of me is that someone that will become, apparently, someone that wants to become your friend and does become your friend really quickly. That's where the tricky part is. And then, when they're actually friends with you and you've confided in me, you've opened up and shown your vulnerabilities yeah, you've shown your vulnerabilities. And then that's when the little digs start and they start putting you down and they start saying, oh, they might say something about the way you look or what you do or how you are. And then, because they're already friends with you and they've, like, gained your trust and confidence, then you might start thinking oh well, maybe it's me, I've done something wrong. I'm not, you know, I'm not being a good friend, or I'm doing something that's not right. So that's where the it can be so destabilizing, can't it? That's where you can be fooled. You can be fooled by that.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I think. Do you think they actually set out to do it on purpose before I know things? Well, I think, from a psychological point of view, there's an element of envy that they have for you, so they're envious of you. So there's something that really attracts them to you, right, because they want to emulate you, they want to become you, but then at the same time, they kind of sort of want to pull you into little bits psychologically, like destroy your own. Why are you so confident? Destroy that self-confidence without them being aware of it? Yeah, I think a lot of it is self-conscious. Yeah, I don't think they kind of realize, oh, this is my intention, but slowly, by like little digs, like what you were saying. Those little digs, I mean, I had somebody like that once and they were constant little digs. I know exactly what you mean and you know who I'm talking about when I'm going to say no, and it was constant, and it was. It was once they'd gained my friendship.
Speaker 1:
Yes, you're right, I'm not very wary of them at the beginning, weren't you? Because you were thinking Put me ages to open up. You were thinking why do I? No? But you were thinking why do they want to be my friends? I don't even I'm not gelling with this person. No, no, there was no vibe, you're right, absolutely zero vibe. But there was so much effort from that person's point of view. No, let's hang out together, let's do this together. Yeah, they'll want to do that so much.
Speaker 1:
But in the end I thought, oh well, I'm in a nice enough person, you know sure. Okay, what's wrong with me? Why am I pushing away If somebody wants to be friends with me? I guess I should consider myself lucky. But at the same part, there was a part of me that was thinking, oh, I don't know, there's a bit too much. But no, why? Why are you so weird? I thought. Is it just because you only get along with your sister? You know, it's not been weird.
Speaker 1:
But then, yes, then it happened slowly over the years that I could never really I mean, it's horrible to say frenemy, because I wouldn't have actually considered an enemy, but to the part of not being a complete enemy, but to the point of actually, yes, getting at me slowly, slowly. No, you're no good at this, you're no good at that. Let me take over that. We know what would happen if you do it. Yeah, you know, small digs, constant, constant digs were just. It became overwhelming in the end where I actually had to distance myself from my own mental health and I thought, no, I don't really want to be around someone like that. That's how it can happen. And you might not realize it for a long time, but the red flags were there from the beginning. But then I doubted myself and I accepted it and I let that person go along with the whole thing. And sometimes it's because you're already in a vulnerable position. Maybe you haven't got your friends, your normal group of friends, with you. You're in a vulnerable position.
Speaker 1:
Yes, just started a new job, so it was like a new colleague, a new job. It was all very new. So, yes, I was listening to Closet Confessions the other day and they were saying Tolly great. They were saying In one of them they were In one episode. They were saying that this person was really alike. Oh my gosh, I, I, I, I. I friended this person and they really wanted to be friends with me. And now all of a sudden they're going and seeing all my friends without actually telling me about it yeah, that's also quite common and they're going to go and they're going like behind my back. Oh, I hate it that much. Like taking all my friends kind of not away from me. But they is that right, or should I be? Should I feel like? Should I feel like jealous or envious of this? This is exactly what happened with me.
Speaker 1:
Not only was I over, you know, being overstepped, it was actually to the point of actually phoning my boyfriend at the time and just just making arrangements directly with him, you know. And I thought, why, why don't you tell me that you're you know? Hey, you know, social thing to do is to talk to you. You consider me your best friend. This is what they were discussing, isn't it? The social end? And this, this lady was saying I'm not sure if I'm just being, you know, if I'm just being really doubting myself. Why am I, you know, why am I suddenly thinking that this isn't okay, yeah, yeah, because it's not really okay, yeah, and then it would just be like what you say.
Speaker 1:
There's these unwritten social norms that we, we follow, we follow, and they're there for a reason and they're like respectful. Yes, yes, they are. If you want to contact, you know, my boyfriend or my husband, kind of like your, my friend, this was the same sex. She was just taking over her, basically over all her social life. Yeah, I don't like that either. No, I don't, yeah, without telling her that she was doing it. Yeah, I don't yeah, that that's not on. No, no, it's not because you're going to be jealous of your friends. It's just that, make me part of it.
Speaker 1:
Come on, you know, there's there's like my group of friends that I introduce you and then you just go and start doing things without me and kind of why, yeah, that's going to, it's going to. Are you talking about me? Yeah, it's going to hurt me, isn't it? Because you were thinking you're talking about me. If you're going, you're going on these things without me. Normally, if they're actually, you know, if you, if you want to become to understand, you become aware that they're frenemies, then that's what they will be doing and gossiping about me. They'll be gossiped, they'll be going.
Speaker 1:
Oh yeah, I should not really very good at this, or? No, not? I didn't like what that was dress or whatever. There are little things going on, aren't they? Let's be fair, let's be fair. That's what happens. That's what happens a lot of the time.
Speaker 1:
Yes, I think it's, it's. These frenemies come along in the disguise of a shiny quite it. You know, they can appear as my charismatic at times. Yeah, in my case, I had that red flag and I thought no, but then it just was like overwhelming, it was like insistence. So I just all right, okay, I think if you're slightly you know you're not that I was insecure, I was insecure, you're more insecure, you're not that domineering you might accept it more. I don't know. Yeah, I just kind of, without wanting to, kind of accepted it and also because I think you don't want to be rude. Yes, exactly, that's amazing. You don't want to be rude. You don't want kids asking you to let's go here, let's go here. You can't keep saying no, no, no, if you're in cause. No, it's embarrassing as well.
Speaker 1:
It's like, oh sure, you know, the normal nice thing to do is to to not to not invent excuses and and to just, yeah, it is. It's quite difficult really. Yeah, and it is quite rare to find friends that really do look after your interests. Yeah, and when you do and have and have real joy when you, when something nice happens to you or something good happens to you, they're really are joyful from their heart. Yes, yes, yes, those are the real friends.
Speaker 1:
The real friends that, when something good happens to you, or real partners because so many partners are not happy when something good happens to you they might start having a fight with you when you get home. Yeah, exactly, because they want all the attention. They want all the attention. They want the attention. They're not happy for you getting that promotion, especially if you work in the same company. I can tell you that, yeah, they may not be very happy about it and it that takes a good person to look inside and and you know, if somebody you're in the same company, you both work, yeah, and one of you gets a promotion and the other one is genuinely happy for you.
Speaker 1:
That's. You know that. That's pure, isn't it? Yeah, special, and they don't ruin your evening or your day. No, they can celebrate with you and you don't have to feel guilty about saying, oh, you know what I got, because I think sometimes, when you have to feel bad or you're not allowed to say it kind of thing, you have to kind of act toward you, me. When you get home, yeah, and I kind of like, yeah, something happened, cool, but really you want to jump up and down, but you don't want to like show them that you're really bursting with joy because you're scared. They're gonna be a little bit like, well, what are they then? They're not, and they're not friend of me because they're not friends, they're like partner enemies, yeah, because I think the friend of me enemies. Yeah, it can go on in the family as well. You know, these, these kind of feelings can develop in all when they're actually envious of you.
Speaker 1:
Yes, that green monster isn't. It can come out in any kind of. I suppose that's why they call it a monster, because it's not very nice. No, it's not nice at all. But I mean, we're wearing green. Yeah, we're two little green monsters today. That is odd. If you watch us on youtube, you'll see we've both got green on them, all green, I think. Complete green outfit from a judge in town. I don't know the accessories yeah, the accessories are tan and gold, but the rest of it's green. But yes, I don't know why. But we are talking about the green little monsters.
Speaker 1:
Hey, you know, you've got to be careful of it. That can happen in households too, I mean in like romantic relationships. That can happen. That's just sad, I think.
Speaker 1:
But what can you do when, when you are in that situation? What would you do if you knew that your partner might be a little bit, you know, envious of you? Or what would you do? What advice would you do? Be happy about it? No, but what would you do? Would you say, oh, this is cause for a breakup or would it be like one of those? Well, it wouldn't be a breakup straight away, but yeah, if it kept happening, I would think about it, because I would think, why aren't you being? Why you're not supporting me?
Speaker 1:
Yes, I mean, for me, in my relationship, one of the most important things is for your partner to support you and be happy for you. Yeah, as much as I support and I am happy for them, for them, yes, yeah, because I mean, I really think that's really fundamental for for how I am. Yeah, it's an important part of a relationship and I I don't really suffer, thank goodness I don't really suffer, maybe because of the way we were brought up, but I don't suffer from envy. So if I see someone that's in a more, I might want to like, be like, yeah, me and learn from them and emulate them and think, oh, yes, oh, look how they kind of look, they've done all this and you know, I want to model that. I want to be there, yeah, copy, model excellence and be like that. But I don't actually envy. I'm happy for them and I'm proud of them for being able to do that. Yeah, yeah, me too, I feel overwhelmed with you know, like if I see maybe other women as well out there in the world, I just feel pure pride, yes, and happiness, and I don't envy them. I I'm so bloody proud of them. I really want to go and give them a hug, yeah, and think, yes, one day I'm amazing, yeah, I'm amazed by them and I want to, you know, be like them, so be inspired by them and motivated by them.
Speaker 1:
Maybe that's because we don't like live in anyone's shadow, but imagine if you lived in someone's shadow and you had someone that's really next to you that was always so bloody brilliant, yeah, so great, yeah, and you were always the one that wasn't. Yeah, that does sound like it. It's a bit of a yeah. What do you mean? Like friends that are really successful and you're not like?
Speaker 1:
Imagine if we had some of the two friends that had this podcast that was bit like ours, but there was doing whoa much better than ours. Like, why, yeah, but then I would find that inspiring. I would find it because I would say what are you doing? Yeah, and I'd rather hang out with them, yeah, can you help? But they were like frenemies, though, and they were saying, oh, yeah, but you've just got a pitly podcast, it's only 1,000 in the world. Yeah, but look, frenemies don't always do that. Then afterwards they come to you and they're really nice to you. So there is that friend part as well. That's why it's tricky. It's not just always criticize. On the other hand, they'd just be enemies. They come to you and sometimes they're really nice to you as well.
Speaker 1:
Well, they would be nice if they took us on all their things, if they took us to all their you know, their expos and things. They did. Yeah, wow, you mean these virtual. Okay, now we're going to need you mean these virtual people that we would. They say come along, we've got a show tonight, we've got a live show, come along and see it.
Speaker 1:
They would just be friends though, wouldn't they? No, because then when we went to the show, they would say oh yeah, here they are, their English sisters are here, but oh, no, they're also podcasters. Yeah, but no, their show's like, it's not like on the same level as ours is. You know, it's just. That'd be horrible. We're like in the top 5%, you know they're just. That would probably make you feel bad.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, and then when you're to, oh, no, don't worry about them, you know, just leave them over there kind of, oh no, I would hate that. No, I would hate that. You mean if, like, a journalist came or something like when we went to the expo, yeah, like if they're interviewing that, no, no, they're just English. You know, they just got a little mental health podcast, no, it's not like ours. But then how would we consider them friends? Because then they still invite you and they still say, oh, come. And so they make the hurt just a little bit, but the pleasure is more. Right, okay, the hurt is just a little bit. Yeah, you're right about that. Yeah, the pleasure is more. Yeah, but the hurt in the end the little bit.
Speaker 1:
The little digs, the little digs get to you in the long run, don't you? Yeah, because in the end you might start thinking, well, what's the point of it? We know we might start saying like, if we've been doing this for a few years, wow, we haven't gotten. You know, we're not in the top 5% like them. We're not stars, yeah, we're not. You know why should we just stop doing this? Yeah, you know it might start getting bogging you down and you might start losing confidence. I think you probably would. You would lose confidence Unless you had other people say no, come on, keep going.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, or you had lots of people writing to you saying no, I really like your podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's true, isn't it? Yeah, okay. So, yeah, no, I would. Yeah, you can see why.
Speaker 1:
That would be attractive at first and you would think they'd be friends. Yeah, well, yes, they would be really good friends. Yeah, especially if they were really good friends Like in the top 5 podcasts, and then they would really like something, yeah. Or even if they weren't but they knew loads of people in the podcasting business they were always going to a friend In the industry. Yeah, they were always inviting you, come along, come along. I mean, in the end you'd probably say yeah, but then every time you went along, there'd be a little bit of a dig, a little bit of a hurt In the end. I think it was.
Speaker 1:
I think that's probably the sneakiest way, because they really would be frenemies, because in the end, they would really be your worst enemy, because in the end, they would like erode all yourself. It's a bit like gaslighting, exactly, yeah, they would erode all yourself. That is gaslighting. Yeah, confidence. In the end, you just feel as if you're nothing. So the floor is like shucked in the ground, isn't it where you normally confident? Yeah, your foundation's like broken. Yeah, yeah, they probably break you. They kind of break you over time. Yeah, over time they do If you don't, if you don't spot it, because they want that, they want that of you, they want something of you.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, because you would say, why would they be interested in us if this is so great? Maybe they're like us because we're authentic or something. Yeah, they could be something like that, they could be a part of you that they find fascinating. Or they might just want to just have some little light. Right, project, no, no, like little, I don't know. Like a little. Yeah, I've been nice, I've been a nice person because, look, I'm inviting these two along. Do you know? It might satisfy part of their ego, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, show that they're like the do-gooder.
Speaker 1:
Oh, yes, but I do think that's an actual frenemy, though the do-gooder, I think they just do good and then they stop. They're not really that. What do you mean? A frenemy? Well, a frenemy, I think, actually wants to become your friend as well, whereas a do-gooder say all right, I'll do that, like for charity, invite that little person along and do that, but then that's it, because they like think of you as like you're not good enough for them, you know. So that's like in a charity case, for example, but then they don't really want to socialize with you, or that. That's almost clear, in a way.
Speaker 1:
I know why they want to be your friends. It's because they want the energy that you've got, as they want that authenticity, that spirit, yes, but they want your energy, they want the light. It's a light, the light, the light, the love and the light that you have, that they might be getting a bit burnt out. Yeah, well, like in the case of the person that was doing it to me, they wanted my look on life. It was always that and I mean years after, as I finally got like a confession saying I've always envied the way you look at life, your take on it. Why are you always so enthusiastic about things? You know this, this my eyes, as to say, the way I would see life was the part that really was different to this, very, very, very different, and that is what they wanted.
Speaker 1:
But in a way, instead of just you know you, I think, if you know you're being a friend of me to somebody, perhaps you can think about what it is that you love in that person and why you want to become their friends. And you know, try and, and, do you think, to cultivate that in yourself without having to be mean. Or you know, without even realize you're being mean, Because I think there is a part of them that does really and get enjoyment for me. Yes, there's a lot of laughing as well, when I was like you know that the evil laugh, but like when you didn't succeed and when you weren't particularly, there is a part that says, yeah, one up, got one up on them. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, I suppose that's the enemy part, isn't it? It's a tricky one. It is a tricky one If you know you've got a friend of me. I think you, the, the.
Speaker 1:
The important thing is to be aware of it. Just take what you can get. You take what you get from the relationship, but don't think they really your friends. No, and then, if it's not too detrimental, you know, just distance yourself so that you can still be friendly but you can still be cordial. I could still say it can become more of a, it can be more of an acquaintance, yes, somebody that you'll say I won't let you do that. No, they won't. And they'll get really annoyed, yeah, and they'll say you're not being a good friend and blah, blah, blah. So sometimes you do have to just distance yourself completely. Yeah, unfortunately, but you'll be the one to judge that, you, you.
Speaker 1:
You can look and say what am I getting out of this relationship, but the the important thing is to realize that it's it's not you, that's that you're not at fault. It's not you, it's it's them that are making you feel like that, because no one should make you feel less than than, um, you know, less than that, you're not enough. No one should make you feel like that. If anything, people should lift you up. A good friend will be a friend that will be able to see your qualities, if anything, aspire to them and say, oh, wow, I wish I could do that and I wish but be proud of you and and sincerely happy with your success and with whatever you do, you know, and when you feel down, they should be able to a good friend or be one to come and give you a hug or whatever and and cheer you on. Really be your best cheerleader, yeah, as to say they will be invested in your life and your happiness, not just their own. Yeah, I'm thinking of what they can take from you, and a lot of time you'll find that those people are actually. They're not actually your friends at the moment, but they can become your friends who, people like that? Oh, the good ones. They'll cheer you on. Yeah, the good ones, yeah. Anyway, they're the ones that are definitely worth saying let's go out for a drink or a coffee together. They're the ones that it's worth.
Speaker 1:
If you do have people like that in your life, that you find that they cheer you on, whether they're colleagues, whoever they are, I would say invest in them, yeah, and also look at their body language, because body language doesn't lie either. So when they're first friending you, look to see what they're doing and they really sincere. Do they really look you in there? Yeah, are they really trying just to get something from you? I think, instinctively. We know that. We do know, yeah, we all know it.
Speaker 1:
And a trick is to go up to that person when they're not expecting you and see what their first instinct is when they see you, if they're really happy or if they look shocked or if they're Really so, when they're not expecting you to arrive, yeah, so she'll come up behind them. Well, you can't blame them for being slightly surprised. If you come up, you can see if they have. Say, if you came up behind me and I wasn't expecting you if I was somewhere else around, yeah, yeah, you'd just be happy and I would be you'd have a massive beam, oh hello, yeah, yeah, oh right, I see I'd have a massive. My whole face would light up. Yeah, naturally, naturally, without even my first instinct.
Speaker 1:
Whereas if there's someone you don't like, you could see they're not happy to see you, but then afterwards, in that split second, and then afterwards, there'll be the fake. The fake will come on the face. Smile away. Anyway, let us know if you have any friend of mine hopefully not or if you've ever encountered them in your life, and do come and support our podcast and help us grow even further. We're on YouTube, on Instagram Instagram get real with the English sisters and Facebook. Wherever you like, you'll find us. Yeah, bye-bye. See you soon. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye-bye.