What if the real impostors are the ones who never feel imposter syndrome? Join us on a deeply reflective journey as we tackle the complex issue of imposter syndrome and its particular impact on women in the workplace. We discuss why women, who often juggle numerous responsibilities, might feel undeserving of their success and explore how societal expectations and multitasking contribute to these feelings. We question whether men receive more inherent praise and fewer managerial responsibilities at home, and emphasize the critical need for more balanced and neutral spaces for shared responsibilities.
Our conversation takes a sharp turn to media representation, as we dissect the troubling portrayal of women on a popular Italian comedy television show. Young women are objectified and silenced, sending disturbing subconscious messages to society, especially to young girls. We connect these portrayals to broader cultural issues, such as imposter syndrome and how women in professional settings might feel undermined or undervalued. The impact of toxic workplace cultures, such as hazing and belittlement, on self-esteem and professional confidence is also scrutinized.
Navigating the challenges of starting a new job can be daunting, especially in unsupportive or hostile environments. Through personal anecdotes, we discuss the detrimental effects of unfair treatment and how it can lead to imposter syndrome. We share strategies to overcome these feelings, emphasizing self-belief, the importance of making mistakes, and recognizing one's value. Finally, we stress the need for open communication with superiors and the importance of commanding respect in a professional setting. Tune in to hear a personal story about trusting instincts during a challenging childbirth experience, and why following your intuition can lead to positive outcomes. Celebrate our nomination in the Women in Podcasting Awards by engaging with us on social media.
Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety. Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!
What if the real impostors are the ones who never feel imposter syndrome? Join us on a deeply reflective journey as we tackle the complex issue of imposter syndrome and its particular impact on women in the workplace. We discuss why women, who often juggle numerous responsibilities, might feel undeserving of their success and explore how societal expectations and multitasking contribute to these feelings. We question whether men receive more inherent praise and fewer managerial responsibilities at home, and emphasize the critical need for more balanced and neutral spaces for shared responsibilities.
Our conversation takes a sharp turn to media representation, as we dissect the troubling portrayal of women on a popular Italian comedy television show. Young women are objectified and silenced, sending disturbing subconscious messages to society, especially to young girls. We connect these portrayals to broader cultural issues, such as imposter syndrome and how women in professional settings might feel undermined or undervalued. The impact of toxic workplace cultures, such as hazing and belittlement, on self-esteem and professional confidence is also scrutinized.
Navigating the challenges of starting a new job can be daunting, especially in unsupportive or hostile environments. Through personal anecdotes, we discuss the detrimental effects of unfair treatment and how it can lead to imposter syndrome. We share strategies to overcome these feelings, emphasizing self-belief, the importance of making mistakes, and recognizing one's value. Finally, we stress the need for open communication with superiors and the importance of commanding respect in a professional setting. Tune in to hear a personal story about trusting instincts during a challenging childbirth experience, and why following your intuition can lead to positive outcomes. Celebrate our nomination in the Women in Podcasting Awards by engaging with us on social media.
Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety. Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!
Do you feel like an imposter sometimes, as if you're faking it, as if it's not, you shouldn't really be doing something, as if you don't deserve that success, because it's like you didn't really Earn it. I suppose, yeah, earn it. Yeah, that's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real With the English Sisters. Welcome everyone, welcome. Get real with the english sisters. Welcome, everyone, welcome. Thank you for all your support. You can now text the show the link is in the description and also you can vote for us, for the women in podcasting awards. Yay, so that'll be all up as well. Thank you so much, okay, okay, yes, let's see. I mean, it's quite.
Speaker 1:
I think quite a lot of people do suffer from imposter syndrome. It's quite a common. We come across it a lot, don't we? Well, apparently yeah, it was published in one of the Psychology Today magazines 82% of the American population, mostly women. It's funny that it's mostly women. Yeah, we're affected by this imposter syndrome. Yeah, mostly women.
Speaker 1:
That's not really fair, is it? No, not really. It's not fair at all, but it's just the way I think that this is in the workplace. Sorry, I forgot to say that, but do you think it's because we're like, so multi-tasking that we we feel as if, like, we've got our hands in so many different pots that when it, you know, when it comes to one particular thing, we feel as if we're not actually adequate in it. Do you think it could be something to do with that? Because we, we're so good at so many things? Women, well, I don't know. I mean, men are good at so many things as well. It's not like I want to make that kind of distinction, no, but in general, women do have more of a workload, don't we? In general, if we're generalising, yes, but this was for the workplace, so I don't know if they have more in general in the workplace as well. They do. Normally they do. Yeah, I'm thinking, if I want to be honest, I do think it is like that. Let's not be silly now. Yeah, okay, yeah, so probably, yes, I don't know if that causes imposter syndrome or why, but but the women do seem to be more men also as well. I mean, this goes on. You know, everybody can have bouts of it, bouts of it, as to say, as well.
Speaker 1:
There may be sometimes in your life when you feel more of an imposter, as to say, as to other times, you know, but do you think it's because men get like more praise? They just they have more like more praise, they just they have more, like more. Is they already come from a more, from birth? Yes, yes, it's like a birthright. Yes, they have more. They have less expectations put on them in some ways and more in other ways, more in other. Yeah, but in general they are, look, they're like they're just men, yes, and women are inferior kind of thing.
Speaker 1:
Gosh, yeah, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, that's a tricky one, but definitely we don't think that. We definitely do not think that, if anything, we think the opposite, the opposite, which is not really fair either. No, but we do do so much more. Let's be honest, yeah. So, yeah, let's be honest, we do. Yeah, we do a lot more. So I mean, if you just think about all the mental workload that we have at home as well, compared to to men, yes, men help out, but who organizes them to? Who manages it? A lot, a lot of the times, it's the women that have to manage the workload at home as well. Yeah, that's odd, because it's not just. I think it's not the thing, it's just not doing. Yeah, it's not just doing the work, like it's not just hoovering or like vacuuming it's. It's oh, oh, I have to. Oh, look, this is dirty, I have to go and vacuum today, whereas you might, you might delegate it to your husband. You might say, oh look, can you go, darling, can you go and vacuum a carpet? But you have to say you have to manage it, you have to be the manager of it. Yes, so all that mental stress, yes, it's on that. Yeah, still today. They say, still today, 80 is on women. I know, it's shocking. It's like what we were saying this morning.
Speaker 1:
We went into, we were at a shopping center, weren't we? And we saw a lady. She entered the lady's toilet with the baby, yeah, to change her baby's nappy, and we thought, you know, surely you know that that it kind of looks old-fashioned. Her husband or partner was outside and he was trying to come in, but he wanted to help and wait till, you know, other ladies came out, but he couldn't, but he couldn't, and she was having to try and he actually had gone in and come out when we saw us coming. Yeah, yeah, poor thing, but you know that those things like that, we said that shouldn't be. It should have been. The changing room should have been in a neutral space or in both for both, both men and women. But if you want to go in together to help out, like, oh, hand me the nappy, help it, help me out, and then in the neutral, it should have been in the neutral. If she could be in the neutral space. There was another, there was another area that was dedicated to um, the disabled toilets wasn't there.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, but in general, you're right, still a lot of the load is on the females, you know. You know there are some men that do everything and you see that the females, the women, don't do anything else. The women don't do anything else. We're trying to be, you know. You just said female. Yeah, I don't know why, because it's female toilets. That's why.
Speaker 1:
Oh right, okay, yeah, but anyway, I mean the imposter syndrome can affect anybody. Yeah, it does, but it does seem to be more the women. They feel more insecure, I think, and it could be a lot with the way you brought up. You know, if you're a man and you're, or like what you say, you do get more praise. You're more praise and you, you're like you, I think. I think other men respect you more as well.
Speaker 1:
Yes, yes, other men, a lot of men, put women down so you could have a male boss and he could be like, oh, well done, you know, kevin. And then, oh yeah, not too bad. Then, jane, like, for example, you know, and you think the fact that you got a not too bad and he gets a well done, you know, know, why is yours not too bad? You know what happened there? What, what kind of language is this? Or well done, pet, you know, things like that.
Speaker 1:
All these are kind of love, yes, exactly, but it's not. It's kind of a different, kind of admiration why we're going down this route. I mean, this is not the way I planned this. Well, you know, this is gone. Well, you know, these are always organic conversations. Yes, it's.
Speaker 1:
I don't know why I'm thinking about things like that, but maybe because I'm thinking this is what makes women feel as if they're like it doesn't give them that confidence from an early start. Yes, yes, yes, it already starts in the classroom. Yes, it does start. Oh, you're right in the classroom. Yes, absolutely, it starts where you have the oh good, good, good lad or good, I don't know what you have, but yes, the girls they tend to be. Oh, isn't she cute? Yeah, well, here in italy it is very much like that still today. And in england, yeah, and in uk as well, it's still very much.
Speaker 1:
Oh, que bella tesoro. You know, like, the girl is bella. That was shocking to me when I first came over. Oh gosh, I placed so much importance on the bella bello. Okay, I know they're a culture that love beauty in all of its different forms, and you know art and everything, and you can see, italy is a beautiful country, but I wouldn't think to be so obsessed with, like beauty in the sense for humans as well, like if a human comes out beautiful, turns out to be beautiful as they expect it to be, they're almost like, oh, like a god or a goddess, you know, oh, she's beautiful, that's it. You know that's her job in life. Do you know what I mean? Like, don't worry about it. Oh, you've got a beautiful kid. You know what's a worry? Male, males as well, boys as well. He looks like a statue. Oh, you know, all right, but you know we've got to think about other things here. Yeah, no, this is true. Do you remember how surprised I was? Compared to the uk, it was massive when I first came for what is this culture everyone? Yeah, they really do focus on it a lot. Yeah, it's like it's ingrained. It's ingrained, but it's also like it's an asset. Oh, yeah, a massive asset. It's all massive, massive.
Speaker 1:
You know, I remember once when I had my little boys and there was another two parents and I was saying they were saying something oh, she's's terrible, like talking about their little daughter. She's so naughty, oh, she's so out and disciplined, but she's so beautiful. What can we do? And I thought, okay, she's beautiful, but she still needs this, she needs to be helped. She. What's she gonna do to be beautiful?
Speaker 1:
For I thought in my head, you know, I couldn't really sort of verbalize it at the time, it caught me so much by surprise that I thought, surely this can't be the hurt like, whereas you could see, like this is very, very much an italian thing, I think. You know, I don't know if the french are the same with beauty, I would imagine, maybe, yes, but if you're, if, like, beautiful, but what if you're not beautiful, according to them? Well, then you're lucky, then you're unlucky, yeah, but then you have to have other talents. That's it. Intelligence, yes, then you must be some kind of an intelligent. So even in the workplace, if a woman is considered beautiful by what she can't be intelligent, then can she here? They're very surprised, yeah, and they don't particularly like it either. Let's face it brains and beauty a bit too much, isn't it? You have to be kind of I think. So I mean, I'm still shocked, honestly. I didn't want this podcast to be about this but, honestly, the other day I just think the imposter syndrome comes from this. We're in 2024. It's the way we're treated, it's the way women are treated. We're still treated today.
Speaker 1:
Honestly, on the television, my husband watches this program. It's supposed to be like a comedy thing, comedy thing and it's very, very well known in italy. There are these two young ladies, young girls, that come on to this little platform and they prance around half naked. You know, the more glutes are on show, the better it is, and the camera will focus right into the glutes, honestly, and these girls. Then afterwards somebody says, oh, and here are our showgirls, blah, blah. And they present them, they present their names, they do this little prance like on top of this little box thing, and then afterwards they have no mic, these girls, so they just like mute. Honestly, it's creepy. And they just smile and they nod, but you can't hear because they've got no mic on them and that is done on purpose. They do not have a voice. So, yeah, it's horrible.
Speaker 1:
I was creeped out by that and then, when I said it to my husband, because I didn't notice it, I go come on the girls that are on that, that he goes. Yeah, they've always been there, though I go, don't you think it's odd that we're in 2024, there are still girls up there prancing around and the camera is focusing on their glutes. Come on, this is ridiculous. It's very humiliating, so humiliating.
Speaker 1:
What kind of message are we sending out, even if you don't want to say we're not consciously saying it, unconsciously? What kind of message are we still sending out, even if you don't want to say we're not consciously saying it, unconsciously? What kind of message are we still sending out to the world if these programs are still broadcasted on national television? I mean, in this country I can't speak for england at the moment because I don't know. I don't think this is still going on today and we are and this is a bit different to say whether if, like as an artist or a song, wants to expose part of their body. No, no, this is because it's like artistic creation and they can.
Speaker 1:
Everyone's free to be able to do what they want, but it's the fact that these women don't have a voice, no, and that you can hear you. You can, you know, if you ask some small italian little girls what do you want to be when you grow up, I've heard them say I want to be a velina. Velina, which is the translation of, like this showgirl, and she's typically put up on these, you know, just to be gawked at, basically. And what is her job? To be bella, and that's it. To be bella, and really nobody's interested in her being anything else but Bella. She has to be Bella and quiet, like what you dance. Well, if she dances, that's fantastic. Yes, don't these girls dance? They do dance. Yeah, they do their little, they do. Yes, they're dancers. They have a little few little dances, yes, and that's it. And you know so that that's still going on today. So there you go.
Speaker 1:
Do you think this is where imposter syndrome come from, this kind of general culture, this like silence around us? It's just still accepted. It's so, um, even in film and uh and television, the way women are portrayed is still so much like that as sex objects. Sexual beings are beautiful beings. Yeah, I didn't. Yeah, yeah, we're marketed to uh, to to, unfortunately. Yes, I think we still are today. It's getting better, you know, there's more awareness and but it should have never really existed in the first place. It's just, it's just something that is. And, yes, and I think the more women are aware of it.
Speaker 1:
You might want to ask yourself am I just suffering from imposter syndrome because of you know, the culture that's been formed around me, or do I have to really work on my own? Because it's not just you, it's not like you think. Oh, I've got low self-esteem. Maybe there are other issues around. You know, this is why. Because it's because sometimes you could be like in a particular, you could be like a doctor or anything, and you could be perfectly satisfied with where you are, and then you can move position, you can go to a different hospital and you can feel that you have imposter syndrome. That can happen when you change, yeah, when you change, yeah, because you might feel you're not adequate. But you also have to look around. Who's managing you. You know who's in charge. What are they doing to make you feel welcome, to make you feel as if you're doing your job, you know so, yeah, see, yes, culture, yeah. Or are people around you always putting you down or putting you into trick or trying to to laugh at you, because some people actually take great enjoyment of just having a laugh. I've never understood that culture. Like with the newbies difficulties, yeah, when somebody new arrives, yeah, they'll have a laugh. It's like that culture at the university when the new people arrive and new students, new, the hazing, yeah.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, when I used to work in el italia as well, it was when you were new. You were an aliev or the other older, treated badly, terribly, on purpose. I mean, I used to think what kind of what is this? A military, very similar. But they would like, yeah, you would. They weren't pranks, they would put you down on purpose, absolutely To show you your place. Yeah, so that you would conform. Yeah, it's like gosh. Yeah, it sounds terrible. Well, so that you would do their.
Speaker 1:
I mean, they used to just literally take advantage of us. Yeah, they'd take of your work. I just remember, you know, yeah, they would just sit down and smoke a cigarette in the galley while I was doing all their work, you know, and they would just say look, hey, that's your job, you're a A newbie, a newbie, yeah, you go and do it and I think, gosh, this is it. You know, this is how we're treated. Yeah, you know this is how we're treated. Yeah, I hope things are a bit different, probably. Yeah, I mean that I'm talking about 20 years ago, but in a lot of new jobs, you like, because it reminded me, because you say you laughed at, because I even fell down the stairs and they laughed at me.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, my first flight, I went to nairobi and I got out when the plane, you know, when the stairs come down, I actually slipped on one of those and it was, it was a big 747, and I slipped and I really hurt my knee, but I tried to pretend I hadn't hurt my knee because I didn't want them to think oh, look, here she is the newbie, she's pathetic, look at her, she can't even walk down the stairs properly. And so I hobbled onto the bus saying, no, no, I'm fine, I'm fine. And then there was a whole group of people, especially my, the responsible, you know person who was in charge of it, just laughing and say and then all the ones saying are pathetic, these new, new girls are pathetic. I just remember going into my hotel and I just started crying, you know, thinking god, my knee was killing me and I was thinking what a horrible, what a horrible job I've got myself into, plus the feeling like an imposter that it was all new to you, it was completely new and I felt like I couldn't do it properly.
Speaker 1:
You know so the big imposter syndrome coming along as well, and so it's often like that when you're starting something new as well, you do feel like, because you're still kind of in training, you're very much in training, but people you feel you might feel yourself that you're expected to like, you know, be, you know really qualified. But you always have to remember you're a trainee and as trainees you're allowed to, to have that time, to have that time. Yeah, I think afterwards it got better, you know, in the companies I don't want to say you know no and then it definitely got increased, got better with the years. But at the beginning it used to be like that for a lot of us. Yeah, a lot of other things going on as well.
Speaker 1:
So how do we get rid of this imposter syndrome? If we have it? Just believe in yourself and don't believe in what other people are telling you about it. You have to be strong minded, that's for sure, and you have to realise, if you're in a new position, allow yourself some leave way, allow yourself to make mistakes. Just think I'm new at this, this is a new position and I've got to be kind to myself. Yeah, position, and I've got to be kind to myself. Yeah, just be kind.
Speaker 1:
Don't. Don't expect yourself, don't expect you know you to be the same as the other colleagues that can do it all perfectly, because they've been doing it for years. Yeah, and I think, if you feel uncomfortable as well, you should go and talk to the person in charge as well, shouldn't you? Because I'm actually feeling uncomfortable? If you can, definitely yes, if you can, and you do have somebody that.
Speaker 1:
And also, I think, impose what you want to do, because you have to remember that you know when you work somewhere, they're not just doing you a favour. No, they're not doing you a favour. You're an asset to them. You're an asset to them, yes, and you know you're valuable to that. You're super valuable, otherwise you wouldn't have been employed. You, like, you know they can't treat you badly. They shouldn't, they shouldn't be able. You shouldn't put up with that. You should command respect. Yes, you have to be clever at commanding respect. Yes, absolutely obviously. Be polite and everything. Yes, say in a nice, polite way, but say, if something's making you feel uncomfortable, if you're out of your debt.
Speaker 1:
So I'm not quite ready to do that yet. Can you come along and help me with it? Yes, I'm still in training. And or even if you're very experienced because you know that it happens to really experience people as well. They've been doing something for years and years yeah, yeah, you're right, yeah.
Speaker 1:
And then maybe something new comes in, like a new computer, and they suddenly feel vulnerable because they, you freak out and you think, oh gosh, I don't, I can't do this. And then maybe somebody that's really techie comes along and they do it all in five minutes, easy. There you go and you think, why can't I do that so fast? You know what's wrong with me and you know then I'm not really, I shouldn't be here, sort of thing like gosh. You know you get all these fears. No, there's nothing wrong with you, you just haven't learned how to master it yet.
Speaker 1:
Yes, and you might need a little bit more time with someone else, but who cares, you'll get there in the end, you'll do it. You've done things like this before in your life. You've, we've all done it. You'll get there in the end. You just might who cares if you need a little bit more time. You know, be kind to yourself. I think that's the uh, the takeaway. Yeah, yeah, and be kind and, you know, don't believe your imposter, unless you really are one like in the film fly what is it? Fly with me, oh my, yeah, yeah, famous film where he pretends to god he was so good at it, he was even fine. I think, yeah, I think it was. Yes, I think it's super famous, yeah, so, unless you're like that, where you really are making it and we have had stories and real stories about things like that, oh my God, in our lives.
Speaker 1:
We have had, I mean, just I just yeah, just, let's just put it out there we had a gynecologist who was not a gynecologist. I mean that was so creepy. Finally, he did get arrested, but it was. And he got prison. Yeah, he got arrested, he got put to prison, but that was. He delivered. This is sounding like closet confession. He delivered our babies, he did. He delivered my first son, I mean my son. Oh my god, this is hilarious, oh my god.
Speaker 1:
But he was not qualified and he pretended to be qualified and he got away with it, I think because he had had some studies. And you know what? I was annoyed because there was part of me, my intuition, said something was not quite right. Yes, because I had to go through fertility treatment and it was really intense for like five to six years. I think it was about six years, yeah, and that was so intense.
Speaker 1:
And he was the one doing fertility treatment. I mean, come on, he was that person, you know, telling me, oh, we have to get the gamuts here and we have to look, this is what the biologist has done. They've mixed them all the right. He had all the language. He had the studio, like it was language, everything. He had everything. He conned everyone, really conned everybody, yeah, everybody. I Total, con artist, total. And then he deserved to have the label imposter because he really was an imposter. He really was an imposter. I mean he almost. You know, when I then I got pregnant again with a second baby and then he almost, he literally almost, killed that baby, oh yeah, it was terrible, terrible. Yeah, he said I needed what? Did he say I needed amniotic fluid. Yeah, and he, he got this big, long knee.
Speaker 1:
This sounds like. It sounds like you think what a life of these two had. It's just just think it. Just, things happen in life. So check your doctors out.
Speaker 1:
But nowadays you would go on internet and say let me see who is this guy, who is he? But in those days all like the reference was oh, he treats his, he's treated a footballer's wife, he's treated so and so, and so my husband came along to me one day and he said oh, I've got a guy. He speaks english. I think you'll really relate to him. He's a top doctor, he's come, he's come and he's bought a car off me. I think he's a real great connection. Let's meet up. And I thought, wow, amazing. Then he came along saying oh, I'm Australian, I've got all these brilliant new technologies, he had it. I mean I don't even care if you people find out who he is, yeah, but he had it all and um, he had. I mean I don't even care if people find out who he is, you know, but he had it all and um, he had it all.
Speaker 1:
And we believed it, even though my instinct when he did that final thing, when he said you need more amniotic fluid there. We were suspicious there. I thought come on, what are you doing? I feel perfectly fine, the baby seems to be fine. Why? And he practically induced his premature birth with giving me that thing. Then afterwards, when I was finally taken into hospital because I started getting contractions, blah, blah, blah, everyone said who did this to you? And when I gave his name, who is he? Where is he? Give me his car and then he disappeared and he flew off to Australia.
Speaker 1:
Incredible, so that is a real imposter. Yes, it's a real, that's a story. That's an imposter story. That is our imposter story and we certainly do have them. But yes, that's not imposter syndrome, that's a real.
Speaker 1:
No, I don't know what kind of syndrome he had, honestly Delusional, yes, totally Delusional. That he could. I think in his heart he probably did really want to help. That's all I can hope for. Yes, one can hope for that. That he had good intentions. So we don't have any. Yeah, so we don't have.
Speaker 1:
Thank goodness, everything was okay and you know, my son turned out all right. But he was born at the end of the six months which he could have easily gone through and had, I'm sure. I'm sure of it if I had said no, no, you know to my instincts and just got up and gone away. So that's something, if anything, we can teach you for this. If your instincts are telling you something, I say listen to them. Listen, listen, definitely. Listen. 99%, you're right. Yes, so you don't have imposter syndrome, but other people around you could have real imposter syndrome. No, not in. No, no, they could be real imposters. So watch out, yeah, and you get rid of your imposter syndrome because you're genuine, because you're not and you're.
Speaker 1:
I think the conclusion is, if you believe to have imposter syndrome, that means you're not an imposter. That means you're authentic, genuine and a pure person and you really care about what you're doing Exactly and you're more valid than anyone else Exactly. And if you don't have it, then you could be an imposter. Let's put it that way. But get rid of it. Okay, all right. Well, uh, okay, do come and see us on youtube, come and say hi, take the show and tell us what you feel. And, yeah, and vote for us in our women in podcasting awards absolutely nominated with the english sisters. And bye-bye, bye-bye.
