Is it easier to accept compliments when you're wearing a designer label? Today, we challenge the way we think about positive feedback, self-worth, and the hidden value of domestic roles. We'll explore why so many of us have a tendency to deflect or downplay compliments, especially when it comes to our appearance or the effort we put into tasks. Discover how something as simple as saying "thank you" can transform your interactions and build your confidence.
We'll dig deep into the nuanced world of self-worth, including the often-overlooked contributions of homemakers who manage to keep households running smoothly without the external validation of a paycheck. From the psychological toll of undervaluation to the societal pressures encapsulated in terms like "yummy mummy," this episode sheds light on the essential but frequently unacknowledged work that goes into maintaining a home. Through personal stories and everyday examples, we emphasize the importance of recognizing and appreciating one's own efforts, embracing compliments graciously rather than pushing them away.
Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety. Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!
Is it easier to accept compliments when you're wearing a designer label? Today, we challenge the way we think about positive feedback, self-worth, and the hidden value of domestic roles. We'll explore why so many of us have a tendency to deflect or downplay compliments, especially when it comes to our appearance or the effort we put into tasks. Discover how something as simple as saying "thank you" can transform your interactions and build your confidence.
We'll dig deep into the nuanced world of self-worth, including the often-overlooked contributions of homemakers who manage to keep households running smoothly without the external validation of a paycheck. From the psychological toll of undervaluation to the societal pressures encapsulated in terms like "yummy mummy," this episode sheds light on the essential but frequently unacknowledged work that goes into maintaining a home. Through personal stories and everyday examples, we emphasize the importance of recognizing and appreciating one's own efforts, embracing compliments graciously rather than pushing them away.
Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety. Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!
You look nice. Oh, thank you. So do you? Thank you so much? That's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters. Can you accept a compliment?
Speaker 1:
And I know we've spoken about this before, but I just think it has to be said once again. But do I have? Did I say it right? So do you, or am I supposed to? You said so, do you? Yeah, no, really, I guess I was probably just supposed to.
Speaker 1:
You were deferring, weren't you? Yes, I was deferring. That was an example. It was a good example. It was yeah, it actually came out genuine. Because you example. It was yeah, actually came out genuine. Because you have to say thank you so much. Well, I did say thank you, yes, but then you said so do you? So that's all right. I think that's all right. I mean, as long as you know, if I said something like when you said you look nice and I said, oh, no, not really. This is old, this dress, and I don't know I've had this for, oh, I've had this for ages, you know, that's more like I'm actually pushing the compliment away, not allowing myself to receive it, but by saying thank you, I did receive the compliment, and I gave you a compliment back, which is probably quite a nice thing. Well, yeah, I just think it. Well, it made me feel good, did it? Well, yeah, I mean, even though we were sort of doing it for the podcast, you knew, you know it was like it's a topic.
Speaker 1:
You do say that a lot though, don't you? Yeah, I do definitely. I mean, I remember when, a lot of the times when I come, say when I come to do the podcast, and I say, oh, you look nice. Yeah, yeah, you say so, do you? Well, yeah, and then we're wearing the same dress. If you see us on video, you'll know that we do because it's for the podcast. We know we're going to be filmed, but anyway, yeah, still so.
Speaker 1:
Um, what was I going to say? Please follow us on social media instagram and remember to vote for us as well. To vote for get real with the english sisters. Mind, health, anxiety. Uh, we'll. We'll be putting a link up because we're nominated for the women in podcasting awards, which we are thrilled about coming up in august. So I think, yes, from the first of august. Yeah, it's a bit early yet, but yeah, but by the time the podcast comes out. Oh yeah, that's true. Maybe by the time this episode you'll'll be near, near, near there, Near there, right, okay, absolutely. So I mean I think that so many people do.
Speaker 1:
I mean, the other day I said to someone oh, you look nice, that's a nice top you're wearing. And they said, oh yeah, but I only got it on, you know, on Amazon, got it on um, like you know on amazon. Oh right, yeah. So they were like saying yeah, they like diminish it. Yeah, instead of saying oh, thank you so much. Yeah, because you could say something like oh, thanks, I actually put quite a lot of effort into this, into looking for, looking.
Speaker 1:
I researched it and then I found it and then I went to buy it, because it's not just I bought it on amazon. Really, you have to look for your size. Yeah, you know, mean, I know it's easy if you say, buy it on Amazon, but is it really that easy? You have to look through everything as well. It takes ages sometimes. Sometimes it does, unless it's a standard thing.
Speaker 1:
But that's not the point. That's not the point. The point is that you're diminishing it, yeah, you're minimizing the fact that you know you're worth the compliment. You're like rejecting it in a way, yeah, you're not accepting that gift. It's as if you were given a present and you're not opening it and you're just saying, oh right, and oh really, ok, now it's as if I don't really deserve it and you put it away and you don't open the gift. So it's sad, isn't't it really?
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I think, if you think of a compliment as a gift, do you think that would be tied to like value? Because, say like, if you had like a designer handbag and someone said, oh, I like that bag, would you say, oh, yeah, but it's only like chanel or dior or gucci. Probably not. No, no, because there you've got the brand that gets the compliment itself, the brand. So the brand has already got enough compliments for society and yourself to feel valued with.
Speaker 1:
Unless you probably say, oh, it's not the latest, I don't know whatever bag. You know the latest model, this is an old. You could still say it. Yeah, if you, well, not vintage, and that sounds, you know, like, oh, it sounds good. If you say it's vintage, but like, if you just say, yeah, I've had this for ages, you know it's not the latest, it's got really shabby now, you can still defer, I guess. Yeah, you can still defer. I think you would less, though, because I think that you've made a good point there that it's the brand that holds the um, the importance as to say, it's not so much about your choice.
Speaker 1:
Maybe that's why people are attracted to the major brands yeah, because they feel safe, because they think, oh okay, this has a label on it, thus it's worth its own worth, its own import. Everyone knows that this is like this bag or dress or shoes have this label on them. Thus I am more worthy if I possess them. Because it costs a lot. Because of the cost, yeah, also. But I mean really, yeah, obviously, yeah, because, yeah, also, I mean really, yeah, obviously, yeah, because they cost. So you're like showing your worth through the money. Yes, a lot of the time you are, but obviously that's only going to get to you.
Speaker 1:
That's why a lot of people that are insecure they have all these brands, don't they? Yeah, yeah, they have, you have to, yeah, don't they? Yeah, yeah, they have, you have to, yeah. They sort of like cover themselves in designer clothes and bags and and everything possible that has a label on it in order to can, yeah, they often to have that word and say the old money, the like, the wheels, and that they don't wear all these brands. If they're visible, they don't need them as much do they, because they already have their value money that has all the loud, the loud brands with the big logos. Well, once again, because old money already has its worth in society, everyone knows that they go for the more, for the quality, don't they? Yeah, yeah, probably.
Speaker 1:
They don't need to shout it out that much anyway, do they? No, no, I mean, you're getting me distracted now, because I can't remember what I was supposed to be talking about. It's the same thing. It's the compliment thing, isn't it? They don't need the compliments as much I bet you they do, but they would just say, oh, thank you very much.
Speaker 1:
Oh, they probably do need the compliments because, even though they probably get many, they need compliments from people that they love and that they truly trust, not the fake compliments, because a lot of the times you can have, you know, just the fake oh, you look nice, but no people know it's not real, it's not really real. Yeah, but you can't like when you ask your partner, do I look nice in this? And they say, oh, yes, you look wonderful. But you know that they don't really mean it, they don't like, they just want to get you out the door. Yeah, well, I suppose if you change clothes so many times, by that time they say, yes, absolutely, you look great, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:
Do you like this dress? Yeah, yeah, I love it. I love it, come on. Come on, let's get out. Yeah, that's familiar to you, isn't it? I know You're happy to do anything to get you out.
Speaker 1:
No, you don't. You don't ask. No, I think I stopped asking ages ago. Yeah, because I just feel confident in what I'm wearing. I like the fact that they like what I'm wearing. Yes, I try and be a bit more mysterious and not show it so much.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, yeah, keep the, keep the, the, what's it called? The shaman going, the shaman going, I don't know. We're saying a lot of French words today. I don't know. Keep the flirting is going, I suppose. Yeah, because if you were on a date, you wouldn't know what they were wearing. They wouldn't ask you what are you wearing tonight? Or do you like this outfit? Yeah, yeah, so much. No, they wouldn't. You're just surprised. And then, oh, you look nice. So when you turn up at the door, you look nice.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, exactly, thank you so much that compliment, and it's also, I think, it's not just what you're wearing, though, is it. It's about like you get a job done and somebody at work says, oh, that's, you did that really. You know, that was very well done, so, true, it's not just about how you look, no, what you're wearing, how to accept a compliment is even in the workplace very often and you just say, oh, yeah, but you know you, you dismiss it, you dismiss the effort it took for you to do that. I think that's what happens a lot to people that are like working at home as well, that they're the, the ones that the caretakers of the household, the ones that are running the household and they're doing the washing, cooking, ironing, whatever you know.
Speaker 1:
And you, when, when your partner gets home, or how, have you had a hard day? Yes, I have, but then you kind of you want praise for it and you want what? For the person looking after the house? Yeah, you want the person looking after the house wants to, wants to praise, but then at the same time, yeah, but you know, I didn't get paid for this, so I'm not worth it. Yeah, that's horrible. Yeah, but is it? I mean? I know what you mean.
Speaker 1:
It's not like a compliment directly, but it's like you're not complimenting yourself. What are you talking about? You're just getting me so distracted now I don't know. I'm just thinking of people that work at home and they're running all the home stuff, like the old-fashioned housewife or househusband or houseperson, the one that's at home doing all the work, the slog, the slog, yeah, but that's not remunerated as per se. Okay, it's not. You don't receive a paycheck at the end of the month and what are you saying? It's like you're not getting a compliment. Is the paycheck a compliment? The paycheck is a compliment, and it's also that you may be feeling that you're not worth it and you're not valuable and that could be going into other areas of your life, because you may feel insecure because you're just, I'm just a housewife, I'm just a house husband, I'm just at home at the minute. No, my partner's doing all the work. Yeah, yeah, that is when, really, you are doing so much and probably supporting your husband or your wife or your anything.
Speaker 1:
Actually, I was listening to a podcast the other day and Tom Bilyeu was talking about this. The phone just dropped. Yeah, the phone just dropped. For many years she supported him in his business and she was at a traditional say housewife, but she was also supporting him and now they run the business together and he was saying that, um, he was saying that how, how, how much she actually influenced him and helped him to become the person that he is today and how successful his business is today. Because she was, she was, you know, she was, yeah, you're right, yeah.
Speaker 1:
They're saying, oh, I'm sort of, I'm at home or like what they? You know, I'm a, I'm a home mom. Is that what they used to be? Like a house, house mom, all right, I can't remember the word now. Housewife, oh, oh, not housewife.
Speaker 1:
House, the mother that was at home, like a yummy mummy, yeah, like the mother that was. She didn't work, you know, and she was at home. But really, if it's got yummy mummy, at least it's something nice in front of it. Yeah, but that had like a. It's demeaning, isn't it? Of course it's demeaning. It's terrible, really, why that had like a meaning. Of course it's demeaning. It's terrible really. Why do that? I mean yummy, what is this? Because they're supposed to be attractive as well. Yeah, that's what I mean. It's not really fair. Is it always looking at how they look physically, yeah, and they're usually quite well. They don't have to work, yeah, they're valued for what for? For their physical aspect. It's what we were saying in the other podcast.
Speaker 1:
Again, once again, about women. Yummy mummy, all right, yummy daddy, he's a yummy daddy. That sounds quite good, actually, no wonder the men like yummy mummy or whoever it is, has invented this thing, because a yummy daddy Okay, it sounds better than a house husband. He's a yummy, you're a yummy daddy, okay, maybe it does exist, I don't know. Maybe all the other yummy mummies would be after the yummy daddy. Then there'll be problems. But I think the yummy daddies would have to be daddies that are not working.
Speaker 1:
Yes, they would be all right, okay, together with the yummy mummies, and there could be problems if they're also yummy, yes, and one would wonder, would these yummy mummies have difficulty in accepting a compliment? No, maybe, because they're yummy already. They wouldn't. But the ones that aren't considered yummy by the society? Because, yeah, because they have. Yeah, because perhaps they're not, like what you said, wealthy or they're not super, you know, beautiful, considered to today's standards.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, because these let's say, let's be truthful, these yummy mummies have a lot of help. They're very well off. They usually have nannies, exactly, but it's not to say that they don't have a hard time. Oh no, no, because they still have to do. They still look after their kids as well, and they've got all the, you know all the things that all parents have the pressure, yeah, the pressure, and everything. They've probably got the pressure to look good as well with all the other yummy mums around them. So, yeah, and all the the treatments, everybody has their. Everyone has their issues, their own stress and anxiety, don't they?
Speaker 1:
But obviously, a mother who's taking care of, like you know, two kids, and she's not a yummy mummy, so she's just an average person who's trying to, you know, to find the time for herself, yeah, come on then, a lot harder. Yes, let's face it, she doesn't have time to go and get facials and massages. She's actually looking after the children and the house and trying to save money. Would she accept a compliment? I don't know. I don't know whether she would or not she should. Hopefully she definitely should and say to herself well done, she's like a superhero, isn't she? Exactly, yes, or he, yeah, so that's definitely. Or they, yes, would need more of these. You know, they would need more coaching, wouldn't they to accept that they've got their values.
Speaker 1:
What are other ways? When you don't accept a compliment, like you know, when you defer it, you defer it. What are other examples? Well, yeah, but I got this for a few bucks, exactly so that wouldn't be a. That'd be the money one, wouldn't it? That'd be the money one, yeah. The other thing is yes, I've had this for a long time. Or, if this for a long time, or or if it's at work, you could say, yeah, but but this is something I already knew how to do. It's not something yeah, I've been doing this for years. I should know how to do it exactly.
Speaker 1:
It's like when you make a lovely meal and your friends say, oh, this is delicious, and you just say, yeah, yeah, I've made this, for I mean, I've made this so many times now I could make it with my eyes closed. You're deferring because once again, that was delicious. Let let let that you know, let that soak in say learn. You have to learn how to say thank you. It did actually take a lot of effort, even though I'm used to making it. It requires time and patience and my skills. I mean you don't have to say all that, because then you say don't say it but no, but you could think it. You can, but by saying thank you, or you could say yeah, thank you.
Speaker 1:
That does actually require quite a lot of effort. Thanks for saying that. Yeah, it took a while. Ah well, I say that. You always say that to my husband. Whenever you make anything, you say, gosh, it took ages to make and anything's nice, yes, and that took a long time. It was a lot of effort. You always say that, yeah, it did take a lot of effort, so I'm glad it's nice. Yeah, but it does I mean.
Speaker 1:
It is true, though, that learning how to take complement is easier if you have been complimented as a child, because you've also you've had a kind of a model of reference. You've seen also how your parents, perhaps, complimented each other, and you watched how they if they were good at taking in compliments and loved them, then you would also, but sometimes, as a child, you may not have received that many, like I was thinking. Even at school, they very much say. They say well done. However, you know, let's, let's put in a little bit more effort. They say things like that, don't they? So it's like constructive criticism.
Speaker 1:
Well, you've got a silver star, not a gold star, this time Exactly. We used to get stars at school and they would, yeah, like gold and silver. And what other colours were they? Blue, red, yeah, yeah, and they would. But the gold one was the best. Yeah, the gold one was the best. I mean, that's in elementary school, wasn't it? Yeah was the best. Yeah, the gold one was the best. I mean, that's in elementary school, wasn't it? Yeah, when we were little.
Speaker 1:
But I mean, even the other day, I found myself when I was at golfers, um, this lovely lady I was playing with said, oh, your outfit's lovely, I love your outfit. And then I found myself saying, oh, yeah, I got this at the gold shot, and then I got this at another shot, and I was. And then afterwards I thought, why did I say all that? There was no need to say that. It's probably because I was. I was embarrassed by the fact that she went on and on about my outfit, how much she loved it, yeah, and so you could have just said, oh, thank you, thank you so much, yeah, yeah, and that's it. There is no need, there's no need to explain, there's no need to explain so much or say what you're trying to do there is by like getting the attention away from yourself and yeah, and putting it back on where you get it from.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, from the shop. And yeah, I mean it was just a cadet, it was just a golf shop. Yeah, I know it's a sports shop. It doesn't matter, though, it was just a sports shop. Yeah, it wasn't a designer thing. The point is you weren't taking it. I think if it had been a designer, who would have kept quiet. I think it might be for me like it's easier. It's harder to take personal compliments like that about clothes and etc. When I'm being an English. History is easy, it's easier not easy, but it's easier. Yeah, because you're not sort of like a team, a brand, you know once again, but when I'm on my own, I do.
Speaker 1:
I still do defer compliments quite a lot somebody's work on. Yeah, somebody said the other day oh, you know, say ancora bella. Oh, you still look good. You know. They said thank you, that doesn't sound like a compliment. You still look good, yeah, but but no, they said you still look beautiful. Good, I mean bella, you know. Lovely said you still look lovely.
Speaker 1:
But I mean obviously, yes, they're gonna say that I'm 57. I mean, you know, you know they hadn't seen me for ages and so that I thought it was a compliment. Yeah, but it's kind of a bit of a dick as well. No, of course not. Don't take away my compliment, because they couldn't. Why did they have to say you still? Because they say you look beautiful, yeah. But I mean, come on, I bet they put the word still in the word still is bad, it was ageist, it is ageist. But yeah, I know that happens. Welcome to the real world. So maybe that's why you weren't that happy about it. I was happy, you. Welcome to the real world. So maybe that's why you weren't that happy about it. I was happy, you were happy, I was happy.
Speaker 1:
But what I was saying, you said you found difficulty in it because you've been judged from what you used to look like and what you look like now. Yeah. Yeah, you're right, it's a judgment on you. It's not just saying, oh, you look great today, well, but today they hadn't seen me for like for 15 years. Well, then you just say, oh, you look lovely, yeah, yeah, you don't have to say you still look lovely. That's a good point actually. I mean, that does just classifies everything.
Speaker 1:
He said you. He said oh, you still look lovely. And I said, oh, thank you. And then I think he said, oh, it's good genetics, or something like that. And then I said, yes, yes, probably. And then I think he said, oh, it's good genetics, or something like that. And then I said, yes, yes, probably. And then I thought in my head, well, it's not just good genetics, it takes effort. You know, I was thinking in my head it takes effort to keep in shape and not to scoff myself with cakes every day, and you know I like cakes, yeah, and. And you know I like cakes, yeah, and. And you know, just have them once a week. And you know all of this. I thought it takes effort. So there I am deferring once again. I could have said, oh, thank you, yeah.
Speaker 1:
So what I'm saying is that, even though we're supposed to know about all this not, you know, accepting, when it actually comes to the truth we find it hard as well. Yes, like so many people, I think we all find it hard, everyone. You know, some people are really great at them, but most people aren't, and they're not that great accepting compliments usually I'm quite good at it, but I do notice that I do defer a little bit. Yeah, that was a bit unusual, maybe because I was in a place that I'm not very familiar with yet and it's like a new thing to me still, even though I've been doing it for ages now. But yeah, it's still quite new. So I don't feel that confident. When they give me compliments, as well on my swing, I think, oh yeah, but it's a lot to learn still, you know. So I'd still find it quite hard, but I should work on more accepting and say, oh, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:
You probably think you sound big-headed if you say thank you. You know it's also like a no if you just say thanks, no, no, you can just say thanks. But I think women in general, like in the culture we, have the low self-esteem. Yeah, yeah, because, yeah, I don't want to go back on to men and women difference, but it is a bit like that. I do think it could be like that. Yeah, yeah, I just see the guys all chuffed if they say something about this swing and they laugh. Yeah, they laugh and lap it in, you know. Oh well, I suppose it does depend, though it does, it's not so you can learn just to say thank you and smile.
Speaker 1:
That's the easiest, that's the easiest answer and then absorb the compliment, you know, take it in and enjoy it, and if you do catch yourself deferring and like pushing it away, think about the fact that it's a present. Have you seen what happened, though? This happened to me and I remember it because I thought, I thought I thought I'm deferring a compliment here. Yes, yeah, and I thought there was too much said, you were, you spoke too much. I thought there's no need to explain all of this afterwards. No, you could have just said, oh, thanks, great, great, oh, wonderful.
Speaker 1:
So it's obviously because it comes down to awareness again. If you're aware of what you're doing, you know you're so much, you're so much more ahead of everyone else, and then you will appear more confident. Yeah, and it's very useful in the work environment. Really, really, really listen to this. If you get compliments in the work environment, really do insist and say, oh, thank you very much. I have actually put a lot of effort into this, I'm applying myself.
Speaker 1:
You know, use those words, because do not defer the compliments, no, because then in the end they might say, oh, you know, they're great at their job, but they lack confidence. I mean, that's all you need, isn't it? That is all you need. You need to appear confident and to be able to accept compliments, and for me, it's like easier at work. I have to apply it more to my personal life, but even there, it's not that easy at times. No, no, it's not something to work on. Definitely, it's definitely something to work. Yeah. So let us know what you think.
Speaker 1:
Do you defer compliments or do you laugh and soak them in like a god or goddess, yes, and just absorb them? Thank you so much, and then think about them. Wonderful, yeah, somebody gives you a lovely compliment. You just love it. I'm gonna do that from now on. Yeah, let's enjoy them more. Let's enjoy the compliments, especially the genuine ones, flood in, let them soak through you and get the maximum benefit. So send us a text message, send us a compliment, and we will say thank you and accept it with open arms and be very grateful for it. Absolutely so lovely to chat again. See you soon, yeah, see you soon, not see you soon. What is it? See you next week? Well, of course. What are you acting so oddly strange about? We'll see them next week. I was just thinking of a compliment I received. Oh, that's why you're enjoying it. What was it? You can't say now, no, is it a private one? Yes, off mic. Okay, see you next week. Lots of love and smiles from the english sisters. Bye.
