Embracing Vulnerability: Rediscovering Love and Navigating Tough Conversations

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Have you ever wondered if the fear of getting hurt is keeping you from experiencing the true depths of love? Join us on "Get Real with the English Sisters" as we explore the raw and tender process of opening up your heart again after facing significant setbacks like divorce. We share personal stories and insights on how even the simple act of bonding with a pet can be a gentle first step towards embracing vulnerability and rediscovering joy. Whether through romantic relationships, friendships, or the unconditional love of a pet, we argue that the rewards of love are well worth the risks.

Effective communication is the bedrock of any strong relationship, but how do you discuss sensitive topics without causing offense? This episode offers practical advice on navigating those tricky conversations, from expressing personal preferences to addressing deeper symbolic meanings, like dissatisfaction with an engagement ring. We emphasize the importance of understanding and mutual respect, suggesting neutral settings for difficult discussions to foster a constructive dialogue. Tune in for a heartfelt exploration of how seemingly trivial matters can carry profound emotional weight, and learn strategies to foster a loving, open, and communicative relationship.

Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety.  Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Vulnerability and Reward of Love
• 10:57 Navigating Communication in Relationships
• 17:36 Navigating Symbolism in Engagement Rings

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

falling in love and actually going for it and being in love. What does that actually do to you? It makes you vulnerable, and being vulnerable means that you're probably going to get hurt, but sometimes, a lot of the times, that hurt is resolved and it's well worth the effort of allowing yourself to have that open heart and allowing love to enter into your life, because love is like that. Love is like that. It can hurt. Yeah, it can make you feel vulnerable. It can open you up to so many new feelings and you know just that feeling of just being exposed, as if that person literally has your heart in their hands, and that can be scary, and that's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters. Thank you so much, as always, for listening and commenting. Come and see us on Instagram, and we're also in the women in podcasting awards, so please vote for us from the 1st of august. Thank you so much. Right, yes, I mean, is love worth it? That's ultimately the question, you know. Is being in love worth it? Is having a partner worth it?

Speaker 1: 1:24

I know so many people decide that it's better to be alone, don't they? Because they've been hurt. Maybe once They've been hurt so they're saying I'd rather just be alone. I've heard that so many times. A lot of our clients say that to us as well, don't they? Never again, especially after divorce. Oh, absolutely yeah. Once you've had your, you know the expression. You've had your heart ripped out and that is beyond repair. You know I will not go through that again. Or you know I'm just perfectly fine on my own, and maybe you are perfectly fine on your own. However, humans need to thrive in communities. You get that sense of connection when you do allow love to enter, whether it's through friends, through relationships, through pets pets as well.

Speaker 1: 2:10

Do you remember when we didn't want to have a dog? Well, I never wanted to have a dog, also because I never wanted that dog to die. The fear, the fear you lived I mean Ricky Jo both says that yes, yeah, he he, yes, yeah, he does actually. Yeah, he commented on it once yeah, and he actually said I don't want to actually get a dog, first of all because I travel a lot and also because I fear that one day, obviously, the dog will die and it would be this unbearable pain I know it was. It's a massive pain. It's a massive pain, yeah, but it's so worth it. It is. I mean, I've lived through that and you have as well. Yes, yeah, both our first dog pets have died and it was devastating, but just to have lived with them was so precious, so precious, and all that love they gave us unconditional, unconditional love. Yes, vast, unconditional, unconditional love.

Speaker 1: 3:07

Yes, and we're not, you know, comparing partners to pets, but they are on the same level. Once you love, you love it. It is not. It's not. I mean, you know, people call their pets sons and daughters, don't they? Sometimes they do, yes, they do. They feel as if they're part of the family. It's a part of the family, yeah, so, yeah, definitely. I mean there is nothing wrong with that and it's still. You're still opening up your heart.

Speaker 1: 3:32

So I would say, if you are someone that may be having difficulty and just get, you're really scared of being so vulnerable, you could start with a pet. Yeah, if it's possible for you to have one, obviously, if you work and you know you, you manage to be you think you could start with a pet. Yeah, if it's possible for you to have one, obviously, if you work and you know you, you manage to be able, you think you could have a pet, um, and have that pet live a decent life. You know a good life. Yeah, adopt a pet. You could try and adopt a pet and see how you feel, because a pet does open up your heart. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. It's like the first, you know it starts opening it up. You're looking after someone else, um, the pet, yeah, you're looking after it and caring for it and it'll, it'll get into your heart.

Speaker 1: 4:16

I mean the little two rescue cats that have arrived in my garden. They arrived like three years ago I think now. Yeah, the the first one. She arrived and we just thought, oh, you bit scraggly, scrawny little cat, so skinny because she was starving. We started feeding her, I mean, and now she's just like an endless pot of of love. She just wants to be pet. She's the sweetest little thing in the world. Another one arrived like a year ago. She's so sweet. Not she's got a different personality, she's very sweet, but she's still. I think she suffered, yeah, something. She has had a different, yeah, with humans. Probably, somebody's probably hit her or something. Poor little cat. She's adorable Little black and white thing and she, she is a little bit more timid and, you know, frightened, but she certainly gives you love when she's ready for it.

Speaker 1: 5:14

So you know you have to open up your heart to them. You could, you. I think the thing is that what happens is, if you feel that you can't open up your heart because you can't be vulnerable, because you don't want to get hurt, it's like a double-edged sword because, yes, okay, in a certain way you will be able to just carry on with your daily habits and have your own routine and just be on your own and you know you won't have to have little squabbles with anyone or open up to anyone or share your space a lot of the time. Yeah, sharing your space. You have to make so many concessions and compromises, flexible and compromise so much when you, when you let love into your life. Yes, you do, but on the other hand, it's just so amazing and rewarding when you do, and I think as humans, we are meant to do that, we're meant to connect, we're meant to love, we're meant to be happy with other people, you know, with other other humans and other animals, and it can be scary too. It's so scary because when you love, you love deep and you think, gosh, you know, and you might be in just the fear of them dying. You might be just starting a relationship and you might be thinking, oh, you know, maybe I just keep a part of it, you know this, to myself, and I won't open up and I won't share my vulnerabilities. But that's what actually stops the relationship from growing, isn't it? Yes, it is, it is. You have to eventually, you, when you do open up your heart, then normally you're, you know, the other person, or open up their hearts, and that's when you get the real. It's this beautiful bond that that you can think.

Speaker 1: 6:58

I mean, I remember at the beginning of my, our, my relationship with my husband, I used to think, gosh, this is too good, you know, maybe something might happen now, or this is just. And then, when I had my first son, after we spent ages trying to have him, just to have a baby, it took like seven years in the end, with infertility problems, ivf for miscarriages and everything when I finally got, oh, the beautiful little boy I remember thinking, gosh, you know, my heart is just so vulnerable now, this baby, you know, if anything happens to this baby and it used I used to think this is like a scene from a painting. You know, I remember once I saw him in the garden on the little girl on the grass playing with his little blonde curls and I thought this doesn't even seem real. Is this real? I could have my heart broken.

Speaker 1: 7:55

Now, you know, from the love I feel and the love for him and for my husband and I, you know those feelings are like. It makes you vulnerable. There's nothing, you know. You're completely open and vulnerable. But, boy, is it worth it? Is it worth it? Because that's what hearts are meant for they're meant to expand, they're meant to love. And you really won't believe it until you live it. Because at the end of your life, you're you know what. What's a life worth living? If you think, yes, I was safe all my life. Yes, I lived a good, safe life. I, I had basically everything I wanted. I didn't have my needs met, all my needs met. Yes, I, I traveled and I enjoyed good food, and that you know all of it. But in the end, you, there is, your heart is not completely open and until you share experiences, I think, yeah, um, this is reminding me of something I read on Reddit about this lady that was saying that she, just her fiancé, proposed Right, and he proposed with a ring that she doesn't like.

Speaker 1: 9:10

And she doesn't want to offend him because she said, obviously he proposed and he went and he got the ring and everything, yeah, which is lovely, but she doesn't like it and she says I have to wear this for the rest of my life. But what do I do? Do I broach the subject? And then she was saying but I've tried to broach the subject and he gets very edgy about it and gets like really offended, and I've just tried to say, delicately, maybe can we change. You know, is there a larger setting where we can change this? And he didn't want to hear about it, didn't want to hear about it.

Speaker 1: 9:47

I think, in that particular case, maybe what was going on is that he was feeling that vulnerable, probably thinking, hey, you know, I've, I've made, I've taken this massive first step and I've actually proposed. And, if you know, she is not willing to accept this gift, maybe feels like it was a failure on his part or something. But then again, it's a bit, if I think, if your partner isn't actually willing to, you know, if you can't be open and just say, oh my gosh, I love the fact that you got me a ring and it's amazing. I love you. I can't wait to get married, I can't wait to be engaged. Oh, I'm not sure I'm mad about the style of this particular ring. Yeah, and it doesn't. I mean, I'm just so happy that you got it for me, you know, and just just love him to bits. But just say that you know, if you change it, well, yeah, I would say I would. I mean, after all, you are probably gonna wear that for a really long time. Well, hopefully, for the rest of your life. Hopefully, yes, for the rest of your life. Exactly so, I wouldn't want to wear something I don't like.

Speaker 1: 10:57

But do you think that love is also, that it's also opening up to your partner and being open with them and communicating, instead of just keeping things within you? Yes, or just, or, or, on the other hand, just thinking, because a lot of the comments were just saying you should just leave him, then he's not, he's, you know it's, it's very. It goes to very extreme, very radical. If you can't talk to you, get quite a broad idea of what's going on in human connection with on, on that. You know threads like this, you can see and you can.

Speaker 1: 11:29

So what, what, what do you do? Do you just leave someone without talking about it properly? Surely it's worth open? You know open dialogue and open communication. Well, yes, yes, it's, that's essential, that's a given. You know that's, and you can. You can get that's common sense. Someone more like that can't you? Yeah, but it's common sense for you, but no, no, no, yes, yeah, exactly, yes, we know how common sense is not so common. No, you're right, yes, and perhaps it's the fear, maybe this lady was frightened of hurting his feelings. She was really frightened. Oh well, she said I don't want to hurt his feelings because I know he went out and he got me the ring and everything, and I don't want to try and get a more expensive ring or anything.

Speaker 1: 12:16

It's not about the price, it's just about the style. It doesn't even actually look like an engagement ring and I want to be engaged. I want other people to say, hey, you're engaged, kind of thing. It'll just look like a normal ring. Well, yeah, I mean yeah, in that case, yeah, I would just, I would just really just say you know, I love the fact that you got me the ring and it's not quite my style. Maybe we could just pop in again and have a look and maybe choose another one together, something that we both enjoy. I don't know. Yeah, I mean it depends If he's going to be very upset about it.

Speaker 1: 12:55

I don't know, I wouldn't. Don't say you don't know, you're a therapist. No, I'm a therapist, that's what I mean. I don't really, I don't know if I, would, you know, really appreciate being with someone like that as well. You know, if it's going to be such an important thing, what do you mean? If he won't accept the fact that it's not my style, then I'm a bit fearful's offensive as well, isn't it? Because you can't just impose what the truth is. We don't know enough about this story, because, obviously, pretend that we do know enough about it just for the sake of arguing it, okay, for the sake of what are all the facts?

Speaker 1: 13:32

I'm sure a lot of our listeners are in this situation, okay, where they have a question they want to or something they want to talk about with their partner and their partner just shuts it down or is yes, because they just get offended so quickly, the partner will just get offended. So I mean it's it's a very common thing, I think, in relationships. So I think it's so important to be able to communicate and talk about your fears or what your likes, your dislikes. You know what, how you want to be and grow in that relationship. Yes, you can't. It's a problem if the person is going to get offended. It could, could be a red flag. Yes, it could be a problem.

Speaker 1: 14:13

I would definitely talk it right, you know, all the way through. I would, I would. I being the way I am, I wouldn't be able to wear something I don't, I don't like, but the fact that he gave it to me and I love him, yes, would be of great significance. So I might even you know like it. Do you know what I mean? I probably not. If it was, if it was something that, to my eye, was horrendous and really not pleasant, then I would have to know I wouldn't like it, because I have changed jewelry in the past. Luckily, my husband is always saying oh, if you don't like it, you know, let's swap it. I think.

Speaker 1: 14:52

I think that's the key thing. I think in a relationship, you have to be willing to accept that your other, your partner, has their own tastes and their own likes and dislikes and be respectful of that. Yes, so if you do give a gift, or if you, if you want to go somewhere and your partner really doesn't want to do that or doesn't like it, I think you have to be really understanding and don't just immediately think that it's like a rejection of for you. It's like you know they're rejecting you. I would imagine the boyfriend in this case might be feeling rejected because, oh, she's like, or she thinks he's feeling rejected because he is feeling well, he's actually he's not.

Speaker 1: 15:33

He says he gets upset and every time she tries to broach the subject very delicately, he gets very upset about it. Oh, dear, and I didn't understand that. Oh, I didn't get that first part, that he actually got really upset. Well, he gets offended and upset. He gets a bit shirty, as they say in england. Okay, so he gets defensive, defensive. He builds, he creates a barrier, a wall he doesn't kind of want to talk about and then goes off, goes away, because he feels hurt and vulnerable. Yeah, he finds it really hard.

Speaker 1: 16:06

What would you, what's your advice? Well, my advice, what should she do? She should, she should talk to him about it and say, look it's, uh, if we're, if he goes away, you say every time he just goes away, sure, he can't go away. Go to a coffee shop or something where you can't just walk out. It'll be really obvious. If he walked out there, you know, then that's a big red flag. That's a red flag. If they can't, if you can't even have a communication, you know, conversation about something, no, it's a massive red flag. He's obviously so insecure about himself that you know this it could be. I think he said he could probably need therapy. I think I remember now he said if you don't, okay, if you don't like it, just go and get one yourself, go and change it. Just go and change it and choose one yourself. Oh, that's okay, but he was offended. Yeah, but yeah, let's go and get one together, let's go and change. That would be nice. But yeah, yeah, I don't know the reason why I'm thinking.

Speaker 1: 17:05

The reason why I'm making such a big deal about this is because I think it reflects a lot, of, a lot of the things that we have in relationships A lot of miscommunication and misunderstandings that people have with each other and the kind of thing you know that couples come to us for couple therapy about. They're just silly little things. In the end they're not relevant. She loves him Apparently, he loves her. That's what I want to know, if it was a proper therapy station, I would be discovering they love each other real love.

Speaker 1: 17:36

But this, this is just like a like, a thing that has been taken yes and but. Could it be like the first fight you have with your? Could it be like sabotage, though, towards a marriage? I think? Well, he might be feeling that she is like, you know, like sabotaging. She wasn't 100% sure about getting married. Isn't that something you should talk about? Yes, great detail. Well, I wouldn't just go off and say, oh, if you don't like it, you know. If he's feeling that there is some underlying issue there, the reason why she's rejected the ring, why she doesn't like the ring and all of these other things, perhaps she's, but I think if you just don't like something, you could just not like it. It's just not my color, it's just not like, is it? Somebody gave me an esmol ring or something with a with green. I might think, oh, we're not green or blue or red or something. She may just want classical. Yeah, she wanted a transparent ring. If anything, it showed that she loved him even more because she wanted a ring that looked like an engagement ring so that people would say, oh, you're engaged, are you? Yeah, you're engaged to be married. In the western culture it's a classical, isn't it? Transparent stone, yes, the diamond, yeah, that's what she wanted, something like that. Well, anyway, I don't know, but yes, it's.

Speaker 1: 19:04

I think love opens you up to all these kind of vulnerabilities and if you're not accepting to be able to talk about it with your partner, that that's, that's a red flag in itself. And if you see that red flag, yeah, you do. Yeah, that is what I mean. I don't want to be really radical here and just say, oh, it's a red flag. I mean I don't, we don't actually know enough about it because, like what you said, it's a Reddit thread and something you read. But I know what you mean the importance of these symbolic pieces in our relationships, that they are of importance and they're not to be, you know, just dismissed. It is an important traditional stepping stone, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 19:50

In the western culture, the, the, the buying of the ring, the giving the ring, the the fiancee is supposed to be happy with the ring and it's a whole ritual that has a symbolic and psychological depth to it. So I also think that if she isn't happy with the ring and she does get married, and every time she looks at the ring she's not happy with it. What does that? The symbolic nature kind of transfers onto their marriage, doesn't it? And she's kind of won't be happy with a marriage either.

Speaker 1: 20:23

Well, because of the symbolic nature of this particular object, yes, it could. It is an important. It's not just a vase. It's in your living room. You can hide behind some books. It's something that you choose to wear, so it becomes part of your body language, part of what you say to the world.

Speaker 1: 20:41

So, yes, I can see the symbolic depths in in the wearing of a ring and the importance of it. Yes, it's something that is a delicate subject from, but for both people, you know. But the best advice is, if you decide to go and get a ring, go together. You know, let's just go. You know, I went together and I chose my ring and it was all very happy. It was a happy moment for me. It was a symbolic moment, a happy moment, even though here in it they don't even he didn't even really understand all this engagement. He didn't. No, they have they place. I think they do understand.

Speaker 1: 21:19

It's more American, no, because all our friends at the time had engagement rings. Not really, though. It's not that symbolic. I remember seeing them all have the same ones that we got. In the end we all got the same kind of ring. Probably we passed it on, because I remember saying, oh, this, they got married first, didn't they? Well, the first person that got married that I knew, she did not have an engagement ring, didn't she? No, she got the wedding band, that's for sure, but not the classical engagement ring. Then I said, oh no, oh no. In England, you know, we have this thing called oh okay. Then I remember a rather friend had one. Really, yeah, oh, yeah, she did. Yeah, well, maybe that's because it depends where you're from, maybe, maybe from Rome. It wasn't so popular at the time, I think now it's becoming more and more, you know, traditional, getting more of these habits coming over, but it wasn't that.

Speaker 1: 22:14

The point of this podcast episode is, yes, that love opens you up to vulnerabilities, even silly little things and big things, yeah, and big things that you would think aren't that important. Because, okay, you don't, just don't wear the wreath you don't like, you know, just put it away and don't wear it. Yeah, no, it could be as simple as that wreath. If you don't like it, you know, just put it away and don't wear it. Yeah, you know, it could be as simple as that, but no, if you want to have something that you know is reminding you of your fiancé every day and of your love yes, and of your love it's going to be like what you say a symbolic thing. It is a symbolic thing and it does carry and importance and, uh, and a depth, uh, that that that is I don't know what knowledge. Well, it is, it's said, it's, you know, I mean it's, it's very, very you know it's really fickle, though, yes, that's why I'm laughing.

Speaker 1: 23:08

Yes, it seems stupid, it's just a ring. It's just a ring, yes, but we all know that the importance of that ring and and and why it's important, and why I think it's important for the person to be giving you that ring to be fully open to the fact that you know it is a symbolic and really important thing. And I guess he was probably thinking the same thing. Exactly so, two minds that are thinking the same thing, but when was probably thinking the same thing? Exactly so, two minds that are thinking the same thing, but when you're thinking the same thing in different ways, the important thing is to communicate with each other that you're thinking the same thing. Yes, in the end it's. It's the same thing.

Speaker 1: 23:43

Yeah, he's thinking it's really important and important and she's thinking it's symbolic and important. Therefore, I have to be able to like it. Well, it's the same thing, like when the ring comes from the family heirloom, heirloom, and so it's an important ring. And so there, what do you do? As well, you know, you think this belonged to my great grandmother and now I'm giving it to you. Yeah, and if you don't like it, you don't like the, and if you don't like it, you don't like the style, you just keep it. No, you just keep it and then get another one. I think that would be the best thing, and then you wear it when you go to the family. That would be my solution. Yes, to keep things just calm, just calm. Yeah, just just yeah. And when you go to these big family Christmas and do's, you wear it. Yes, exactly, and the other times, you get your partner to do something that you both like.

Speaker 1: 24:38

I think the crux of the conversation is be flexible, yes, be loving to each other and be accepting of each other's needs and desires and wants. Yes, and maybe ask do you like this. Do you know you do want this? Yeah, she said she. She kind of tried to show him a few things, but sometimes people just don't get. Yeah, she was maybe too vague, sometimes people don't get the hint. Be a bit more, maybe, direct with your partner and say no, I'd rather, if we are going to get married, yeah, have that conversation. Are we going to get married? You know, have that conversation. Are we going to get married?

Speaker 1: 25:12

Our partners cannot read our minds. They can't read our minds. So let's choose something together. You know, obviously it has to be within your budget. I understand. You know we can get it together whatever.

Speaker 1: 25:22

You don't always have to be so traditional. Either. You know you can get the ring together or get it with a joint. You know it doesn't have to be. Or it with a joint, you know it doesn't. Yeah, no, no, get a smaller ring, but something that you like.

Speaker 1: 25:34

You know it's just the symbol of it, isn't it? Yeah, but make sure you're both happy with it, because it's that's what it's like in in everyday life as well. Make sure you're both happy with each decision that you make. Exactly. Yes, it's a circle, isn't it? The ring is a circle and the circle is a complete union. It's, it symbolizes, like the two of you together in, you know, when you form this perfect circle. So, whether the circle you know is it, and in love it's, there's perfect, the perfect circle, and it's full of imperfections. Inside that circle, there is so much that goes on. So accept the imperfections as well and just be happy together and open your heart. Open up your heart. Open up your heart because it's well worth it, definitely, obviously with precautions, you know, don't just throw it away. No, no, you said, open up your heart when you see that, that, that it's worth it.

Speaker 1: 26:41

This podcast, honestly, is going on and on, but, yes, obviously it's about 40 degrees in here, so we may be getting a bit delirious. It's the italian summer, it's the italian summer and it's very hot, yeah, so I think I'm actually finding it a bit hard to concentrate. So, yes, that's why we're going to say goodbye, but open up your hearts, it's worth it. Let us know if you have any love stories or if you've had similar stories like this. Yes, let us know and write it in the comments. On spotify, you can actually leave a comment. On our Instagram. At Get Real with the English Sisters, you can leave a comment. Vote for us from the 1st of August and everyone have a lovely, happy summer. Have a lovely summer. See you next week. Bye, bye, love and smiles from the English Sisters. Bye.