Uncovering Hidden Thoughts: Enhancing Emotional Well-Being Through Self-Reflection and Mindfulness

Have you ever caught yourself running on autopilot, unaware of the persistent negative thoughts influencing your well-being? In this episode, we promise you'll learn how to identify and address those background thoughts that often go unnoticed yet significantly impact your mental state. We'll guide you through recognizing these underlying messages, helping you to understand and act on them to improve your daily life.

Loneliness is a common but often unspoken experience. We'll explore the value of self-reflection in understanding and accepting feelings of isolation. By writing down your thoughts and emotions, you'll uncover the real reasons behind these feelings, such as life changes or friends moving away, rather than viewing them as personal failures. This episode highlights the importance of listening to your own needs and desires, especially when modern distractions like social media might be hindering your self-awareness.

Negative thoughts about fitness and weight can be pervasive and damaging, but taking small, actionable steps can make a significant difference. We'll discuss the benefits of simple mindfulness techniques, such as daily walks and brief meditation sessions, to maintain calmness and reduce anxiety. Additionally, we emphasize the importance of being honest and communicative, particularly in parenting, and how apologizing for mistakes can foster growth and better relationships. Join us and discover practical insights to enhance your emotional well-being and self-awareness.

Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety.  Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!

Love and smiles from The English Sisters.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Checking in With Negative Thoughts
• 4:03 Exploring Feelings of Loneliness and Self-Reflection
• 7:37 Self-Reflection and Addressing Negative Thoughts
• 19:45 Mindfulness Techniques for Daily Calm

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

getting curious and just checking in with yourself and questioning how you're actually feeling. You know what's going on with you, trying to understand yourself and getting curious about the thoughts that pass through your mind. That we said that all together, didn't we? We did it's, it's um, it's just so important, I think, just to check in with yourself, because I think with our busy lives today, we're always like on the go and sometimes like real negative thoughts can come in, come and go and we're not really sort of catching them, we're not really aware that they're there, but they're just getting us down in general. Yeah, you're right, yeah, it's those kind of thoughts that, you know, sometimes they can be quite doomy, gloomy, can't they? They can, can be quite, and they persistently repeat themselves and they, in the end, these thoughts that are going on, let's say, like they're playing in the back of your mind, they're not, you're not fully aware of them. So it's like a playlist, but it's going on there and it's in that part of your mind and, you know, I think we have to sort of allow a little bit of space so that we can see what's playing in the backlist, you know, in that playlist, just to say yeah, because when we're always doing things. Sometimes we just don't realise that it's there. It's just there, it's just getting us down. It's like bothering us.

Speaker 1: 1:48

But really, what are these negative thoughts? If you stop a moment and you just actually catch one and you say, oh, you know the thought might be there. Well, it will be there, trying to give you a message. It is trying to tell you something. It's trying to warn you or tell you to do something about something, try and do something different with your life. Maybe you know there are many thoughts that you know that you might think unconsciously, like thinking, oh, my gosh, you know, I really, um, should do something about this issue, whatever it is health issue, otherwise, you know, this is going to be the death of me. People think things like this in their minds all the time and I've even caught myself thinking things like that sometimes. You know thinking, gosh, if I don't do this, you know it's good. But and that's not just that's a real thought and that's something that sort of like subconsciously is giving you a message, isn't it? Well, it's giving you a message. All right, to get up and do something.

Speaker 1: 2:56

Yeah, the problem is that most of us, we just kind of get comfortable with these negative thoughts in a sad way and we get used to hearing them and then they're just like they just become, they're just playing there and they're just part of us and we don't actually, you know, we don't have the energy or the will to actually go and do something about it, because it takes a lot of effort to do so and it may and it's almost easier to keep yourself busy, busy, busy all the time, and keep yourself with anything busy, busy all the time, and keep yourself busy With anything. Even just looking at your phone, you're constantly looking at things you know, scrolling by, or you're actually physically busy at work, doing work, but that's, you know, that's like the way out for not to listen to what's really going on. But if you are having thoughts that keep on repeating themselves like anxious thoughts, thoughts that are in the end getting you down, you know what we're talking about. Yeah, it could be as simple as thinking I really have to extend my friend group because I haven't got any friends at the minute. I've lost touch with all my the friends I used to have, and I haven't got anyone now.

Speaker 1: 4:03

So when I do feel like going out, I don't want to go out by myself and there's no one there, and, and, and that that kind of thought was starting to make you feel anxious. I haven't got any friends. Oh no, what am I uses? Why am I going friends? You know, you start saying all these things to yourself what's wrong with me? Why don't, why doesn't anyone? Ultimately, that you're feeling I am lonely. And if you address that feeling and you get curious about it and you allow that feeling of I am lonely to to just to be there and you accept it, then you can finally say okay, oh, wow, yeah, I am lonely.

Speaker 1: 4:44

So you can start with maybe writing it down I haven't got any friends, so then so the negative thought that's in your mind will come out and it'll be on paper in front of you and that's not even really negative, that's just factual sometimes, friends. Well, it's negative if it's getting you down. Yes, yes, in that way it's a friend, it's a thought that's making you feel negative about yourself or about your life. Okay, yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's what I meant.

Speaker 1: 5:09

Yes, so if you write that down and then you, that's what's actually bothering you, this is what then you might be thinking. You know, it's like my fault, why haven't I got any friends. So you write down is it my fault? Then you can say is it true that it's my fault? Then you can maybe no, because my friends moved away or they moved on, they had kids, etc.

Speaker 1: 5:31

But once you get it written down, then, like what Jutka says, you get down to the real underlying cause, the real issue, which is I feel lonely at the minute. Yeah, I feel lonely at the minute. Yeah, I am lonely. I feel lonely, or like if you find yourself in relationships that aren't quite right for you, they they're not really working out. You know you can get curious about that as well and say why. You know why. Why is this? What am I doing? That's an active part of this. What am I not doing? What? Who am I not listening to? And in the end, it's always yourself. You're not listening to yourself and to your needs and to your desires and to what you need in this moment of your life. Yeah, I think that's true that a lot of the time you just ignore what you're thinking. You don't want to listen to yourself. I mean, that's why you know it's constant social media music, anything that won't allow.

Speaker 1: 6:33

You know there's actually been a study made. Do you remember that study? It said people would rather be given a small electric shock than spend, like it was something like five minutes alone, or something. Do you remember that? I remember the study. I can't remember how much time it was no, okay, because I haven't got into that. It was actually, um, and maybe it was an hour, and on your own, no, no, I'm sure it was way less than an hour, way less than an hour. They would, they would, they were willing to get an electric shock, because that's what, sometimes it can be difficult to be alone with yourself.

Speaker 1: 7:08

So we're not saying be completely alone and isolate, just take a moment, like when you're brushing your teeth in the morning, maybe you know. Take one moment, go inside for a minute. How are you feeling? Try and get you know, do a little digging a little bit, not, you know. Or in the evening, yeah, and also, sometimes it can be something like you you feel as if you're not fit enough that you want to. You want to be more fit.

Speaker 1: 7:37

So you're having all these self-deprecating thoughts about how unfit you are or how maybe you're over. You feel as if you're overweight or you should do something, or the doctor's told you you have to do something about your weight, um, and they're just there at the back and and it's just there. Whereas if you write it down and you say okay, and then you say actions, I'm gonna take, okay, tomorrow I'm gonna go for a five minute walk and then the next day I'll go for a 10 minute walk, and these are just tiny little daily habits, like what we've talked about in other previous episodes, that can really change your life in the end, and they can. What happens is that they deactivate these negative thoughts, because then you think I'm actually doing something about it, I'm helping myself, I'm not just ignoring this thing, that this, these messages are coming into my mind because they're there for a reason, aren't? They are there for a reason, really, it's, you know, to protect you. They're there to tell you hey, you know, listen to me, but it's hard for you to listen to yourself when there's so much noise going on around you and you become addicted to that noise and thus you do not want to be alone.

Speaker 1: 8:50

But you know, and and we're all you know, I do this as well. I mean, when I'm alone, I put a podcast on. You know, I'm listening to something, I'm moving around, so now I'm sort of consciously trying to spend some time in just quiet. Yeah, I don't do that, I just go around quietly, quietly. Yeah. Before, like, if I did anything I had to do, like in the house, I'd always have a podcast running in the background. You know something I'm interested in, especially when I do have that, I don't have much time alone, so I want to listen to them and get them in.

Speaker 1: 9:27

But you know, I mean not because we're hosting podcasts, you have to turn us off right now. That's good advice, jukka. Listen to all podcasts. They're very good for you. Some podcasts I'm joking, but I think that you just, really you just need to do a five minute check on yourself every day.

Speaker 1: 9:49

So, while you're brushing your teeth, like what you, yeah, yeah, make it easy while you're doing your hair, your makeup or whatever, and just check in how am I feeling, what my feet doing, how my legs doing, how my, how's my heart doing, how my arms doing, oh, you mean like a physical check as well how's my mental health today? Do I feel any pain? Oh, I'm, am I feeling? You know, how am I actually feeling today? Because we don't take the time to feel and then we have these thoughts. I think already your mind will thank you, if you are, and say, oh, thank you so much. You're actually checking in with me today yeah, a miracle Instead of ignoring me like you normally do.

Speaker 1: 10:27

Yeah, totally, we. You said it's ignoring me like you normally do. Yeah, totally, we ignore ourselves so much. We're so programmed to just, you know, get distracted, distract ourselves. Just go with everything. Everything is programmed, even what we eat, when we eat it, the times, everything, exactly Everything. We're like super programmed. Everything, exactly everything. We're like super programmed.

Speaker 1: 10:52

So if we allow ourselves to just, you know, listen, simply listen. What's wrong. What's wrong, yeah, what's wrong. Something will come up if you can get a second to close your eyes even more helpful, because when you close your eyes, you're blocking out the outside stimuli and so you're naturally going to go towards your internal self and, um, you may be quite surprised what comes out. I know you will be. You will surprise yourself, you know. Just allow yourself to be curious, don't freak out. Whatever happens, you know, it doesn't have to be drastic.

Speaker 1: 11:31

Beat yourself up about it, either because these thoughts have been in your head for years, probably, or a long time and you've just been ignoring them. So now that you're actually addressing them, you know, give yourself a clap on the back yes, because it's a big deal, big kudos for actually bothering to address these thoughts. And then don don't just think, oh, but you know, my life's a mess or whatever. Now that I've addressed them, don't think Now I've realized, you know, I've done everything wrong, I'm in the wrong job, I don't like the person I'm with. Yeah, because sometimes it can be like that. I'm a terrible parent, a terrible mother, terrible. Look, these thoughts are there. They're there to tell you something, they're a warning. So say that.

Speaker 1: 12:15

If the thought comes up, like what you've just said, I'm a terrible parent then you can write that down I'm a terrible parent. And then ask yourself why you're a terrible parent. Maybe because you feel as if you're not spending enough time with your children. You're feeling guilty. You're feeling guilty, feeling guilty. Well then, address that. Why am I feeling guilty? Is it true? Is it not true? Yeah, turn it around. Maybe it's not true, it's probably not true. And most people now feel guilt in some way.

Speaker 1: 12:42

And if you feel you've made a mistake with your you know, with your kids, you can apologize. You know, children are going to learn so much from you if you apologize and say, look, I think I made a mistake. I made a mistake yesterday, I lost, you know, I lost my temper. Um, I'm really sorry about this. They're going to grow so much from that experience that it's going to be wonderful for them in their lives and you're actually teaching them how best you know the great way to communicate, because it's obvious you're going to make a mistake, even if you are a parent. It doesn't make us all invincible. You know we're going to make so many mistakes as parents.

Speaker 1: 13:22

But if you can say it with still being, you know, a calming presence for your child, because you don't always want to say you know, I'm making mistakes every day, that'll be no, because it can be destabilizing. Your child might think that you know you haven't got a clue what's going on. Yeah, but you can. You can say I think that every, every child will respect if you say mom, mummy or Daddy made a mistake. We made a mistake yesterday and we're sorry. They'll appreciate that and then you can also use it as a lesson when you make a mistake as well.

Speaker 1: 13:56

If you say sorry, it's a really good thing. It's a good thing to apologise, because I'm just saying we're all human. I mean children know that their parents are human in the end. I think there's nothing better really no, absolutely sorry. Yeah, absolutely no. There is nothing better than opening up and showing the human side. It builds trust, yes, a very strong connection, and a connection where your children will want to come to you as well. If they feel that they've made a mistake, they'll be able to acknowledge it and own up to it instead of always Hiding, hiding, yeah, and being ashamed of it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:43

So true, I think that's what modern parenting is all about, really, because before it was always like the parent was always kind of right, whatever said, ruled, yes, exactly. Whereas now it's like more Well, that used to belief that there was a belief that you had to do this so that your child would know who to respect and who to who to trust, in a way, because if you're always making mistakes, as I said before, you know it can be, but obviously it's not always. You're not always making. You have a general guideline. You've got some always making mistakes. You have to question that and say why am I always making? Why, yeah, how can I do better? Because nobody? I mean.

Speaker 1: 15:24

Ideally, we all want to learn from our mistakes and not repeat them exactly. Yes, yeah, and sometimes, if we can't, if we feel as if we can't because you know we have problems we could have, like an addiction problem or some problem you know we have to, we have to take responsibility for that and and address it and get the necessary help we need. You know, reach out if that's what's happening to you, if that's what you're fearful of because you have an addiction that you don't really want to admit that you have an addiction, then you know that's something else that you can listen to yourself, get curious about it, wonder am I addicted to this or that substance? Is this really true? Allow that thought to enter your mind and allow yourself to take the necessary actions To address it. I think already you've made a massive leap for yourself just by checking in with yourself and you'll. You know you, it's like as if you're giving yourself a thousand hugs. Oh, it's just checking in every day with yourself, because I mean, even if it isn't every day, if it's once a week, that's better than nothing. It'll become more of a little habit.

Speaker 1: 16:39

You know you'll find a space in your home where this, this can happen. I remember you used to tell me In the bathroom, in the bathroom, in the shower, yeah, or whenever you would actually enter the bathroom, yeah, it's like the space, it's like, yeah, they're like spatial anchors, you know, we want to call them that. It's where you enter one space and you just think about these things. It's like leaves usually doesn't it? Yeah, just think about these things, leaves usually doesn't it? Yeah, um, so you could, you could like think about it while you're in the shower and um, yeah, I think that's a good place really to have this. Yeah, and the bathroom is a good place, yeah, because it's like a private. Usually, hopefully, it's a private, quiet space.

Speaker 1: 17:21

And I was thinking, when you've got kids, they're in and out, but, yeah, if you can manage to, yeah, have that moment to yourself, just allow things, you know, to leave you as well. If you, if there's something that you're carrying that you don't like guilt that you're carrying and you don't need it, just allow it to leave you because, yeah, you can say thank you for that, it served its purpose or whatever. And I'm not, but and I'm not repeating that again but you know it's okay to say goodbye now, because some of these thoughts they're just from the past and they're not even really that relevant in the future. They're outdated, aren't they? Let's put it frankly they are outdated thoughts that are just weighing us down. They are no longer relevant. They have no use in our mind, except to occupy valuable space. Yeah, because the thing about our minds is that they do, you know, they don't seem to have. They're supposed to be infinite if you allow them to open. Otherwise, they just generally get filled in, they get cluttered with the some of the outdated thoughts, some of the, you know, just repetitive thoughts that you've said okay, I've got that.

Speaker 1: 18:30

Why do you have to keep on repeating it to me? You know, and that can be due to anxiety, yes, can't it? Yeah, often it's anxiety that will tend to repeat it, and to repeat it until you finally acknowledge it. Worry and anxiety. So, until you finally acknowledge it, worry and anxiety. So there you, you have to take action. You do, you do if you can, if you can take action, you must take action. You must take action, you must take action. You mustn't let these runaway thoughts, just to you know, get the better of you.

Speaker 1: 18:59

So, because your mind is a precious place, you can start a meditation practice, or, you know, listen to some hypnotherapy or go to a therapist or listen to some calming podcast, calming music, something that will help you with your anxiety. Yeah, a lot of times exercise as well helps. Say, a good walk a day keeps the anxiety away? Yeah, it does. It really does it. Can you know it can help you to de-stress and, um, it's all of these together, because maybe meditating, like what you just said now I don't know how, not everyone's, not everyone. Now they've got these little apps. Now, that's so, so easy to follow, even just 60 seconds, even the breathing ones, aren't they? Yeah, they're very easy to find.

Speaker 1: 19:45

It doesn't have to be a long meditative practice, no, so I'm sure you'll find your space, whether it's a walk a day keeps the anxiety away, or a five minute meditation, or just do some deep breathing. Deep breathing, just take three deep breaths in and out every now and again. You know how these watches tell you to stand up. Yeah, these watches we've got. Yeah, you know, just, instead of standing up, well, you can stand up as well, which will be good, but as you're doing it, take three deep breaths and that will calm your whole nervous system down. Yes, absolutely so we're going to leave you with that that, so please remember to vote for us in the women in podcasting awards. I think it's still the first of october, so I think this is still going to be okay, okay, great, oh, maybe I'm not sure, actually, we'll have to check on that, but if you've already voted, thank you very much. Thank you so much, and come and see us on instagram at get real with the english sisters. Bye.