Unlocking the Power of Kindness: A Natural Remedy for Anxiety

Ever wondered why a simple smile from a stranger can brighten your day? Turns out, the act of kindness not only elevates other’s spirits but can activate our brain's pleasure and reward centers, providing a natural 'helpers high'. In this captivating episode, we shed light on how sprinkling kindness around can serve as a potent remedy to combat chronic anxiety. As we navigate through this enlightening conversation, we unpack the science behind it all and illustrate how even the most minute gestures of kindness can have a profound impact on our mental health.

But the benevolence shouldn't stop with others, we emphasize the crucial role of being kind to oneself. Oftentimes, we get so entrenched in caring for others, we forget to cater to our own needs. This episode will guide you to better recognize this pattern through heightened self-awareness and equip you with the tools to practice positive self-talk. So tune in, and explore how showering yourself with kindness can be a game-changer in managing anxiety. Let's not just spread kindness to others, but extend that same compassion to ourselves. Join us on this journey and uncover the hidden power of kindness in alleviating anxiety.

Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety.  Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Kindness for Anxiety Relief
• 8:31 Kindness Reduces Anxiety
• 21:21 The Pursuit of Kindness and Self-Awareness

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

The pursuit of being kind. Who would have thought being kind was something to pursue And who would have thought that being kind can actually help relieve anxiety? I know that's what we're going to be talking about in Get Real with the English Sisters. Please do take the time to leave a review and follow us as well on Instagram. Follow us if you like us, share our podcast and help us grow, as we do really want to spread the word, and that would be a kind act, that would be a kind activity On your behalf, on your behalf and plus. It's going to make you feel good, too, doing it, because that's what we're going to be talking about, and it makes us feel good as well. There is actually a thing called helpers high, i know, i mean. I mean, i know that. You know, you're always taught. You know be kind. Well, we would talk that when we were little Be kind, it's good to be kind to others, but who would know that being kind is going to actually make you feel so much better about yourself? Well, i think it gives you a dopamine, doesn't it? It gives you dopamine, it helps you feel in control, and when you're feeling control, that's actually anxiety relief in itself, because a lot of the time when we're feeling anxious is because we feel as if things are out of our control. Have you noticed, like when we've got to go and do a public talk, for example this is, you know, the English is when we're going out there And we're feeling anxious because, of course, we all get anxious, we're feeling nervous about the situation. How lovely it is like to be extra kind. If you I mean, we're nice people, so we're disclaimers, we like to be kind, but we're kind of like extra kind, like to anybody, like the person serving the coffee, for example, we might be like a bit extra kind. If you ever noticed that. Well, is it because we're in a good mood? Yes, but there's also kind of a selfish reason to this. Well, i never thought of it like that, but it could be. Well, i also think it's because we're like representing the English system. Obviously, we're in our little outfits, we're doing the English sister thing. I know, i know that is also a part of it, but there's another part of it that our brain actually wants to be extra kind so that we can feel in control. And by being in control we relieve some of the anxiety we may be feeling before going up and having to perform or whatever we're going to be doing. Well, that's a good point, because I've never really thought of it like that, but you're probably right. It does make us feel good. It makes us feel good. It makes us feel extra good, extra good, so we might be extra kind to staff members or to anybody really extra kind because it makes you feel good. So that's a little hack in everyday life. It reveals anxiety. It reveals it, it relieves it Really. Yes, it relieves it, and what I mean is it reveals that you're being anxious. So that's why you're extra kind to calm yourself. Yes, that's what that's.

Speaker 1: 3:25

I that, when I was actually reading about this study let me see if I can find it here, because there's a proper study that was done at the University of Emory I don't know if I'm saying it right It actually, according to this research, it says that when you're kind to another person, your brain's pleasure and reward centers are activated, as if you were the recipient of the good deed, so as if you were getting the good deed. So isn't that interesting? Not the giver? No, it's as if you're getting all the good things, as if you're on the other part of somebody being really kind to you. That was the unusual part of this study. I think that's. The unusual part is that, indeed, because this has blown my mind I'm thinking that you would think that the other person would be happy that you're being kind. Yeah, but the other person is happy, but you are also getting all the reward centers and pleasure centers activated in your brain. So you're getting a dopamine high without just by doing something, just by being kind, and the phenomenon is actually called the helpers high. This can actually help to reduce feelings of anxiety. So, in short, being nice is one of the easiest and inexpensive ways to keep anxiety at bay.

Speaker 1: 5:02

Wow, this is what the Emory University study found out. So that was. I mean, it might seem obvious, but who would have thought, you know? so, if you are feeling anxious, just be kind, and the curious thing is that you would. If you're feeling anxious, you'd want to withdraw, wouldn't you, and not say anything. I mean, not be extra kind to people and talk to people and be that nice, yeah, cause you might just think, no, i'm feeling nervous, i'm feeling anxious, i'm having a horrible day or whatever, but hey, no, no, no, watch out, watch out is what we're telling you This is for your own benefit, and then the rest of what happens is just, it's like a side effect as well, which is a lovely one, because you're being kind and kindness spreads And listen. If you're feeling anxious, go out of the way to be kind to somebody. So smile at somebody near you Even.

Speaker 1: 6:04

What was interesting about this study is that the social interactions with strangers gave us a really high dopamine effect in our brains of happiness. So with strangers, so it doesn't have to necessarily be extra kind to your colleague and go out and get them a coffee or whatever and be extra kind. No, even with strangers, the person on the bus, the person, even more, isn't it? Cause you don't know the person. I wouldn't have thought it was more. I would have thought it would be more important to be kind to the ones that you know, but it's like a completely new thing. It's like not someone that you already know, it's like a new person, exactly, yeah, maybe that's why, cause it's a new thing You've really seen that person, or how they're going to react or smile back at you.

Speaker 1: 6:52

Yeah, so like the neuro-merit, how we were saying how much we missed social interaction in the most, but now ways, exactly, exactly, Like just talking to the person that was selling us a fruit and veg, just having these, really, just having a little giggle with it Yeah, a giggle, just, oh, yeah, hi, yeah, thanks, i'll get that loaf of bread and whatever You know. Going to the coffee shop and talking to the barista. This is what we missed immensely. Yes, but I didn't actually realize this was anxiety relief. This is what we do as social animals. Yeah, so that's why we were probably more anxious then. Of course, that's why it was a nasty time, yes, for everyone as well, and that's why it's probably left so much anxiety as well, because some of us may have forgotten to go back into making that extra effort. Yes, and even though the masks may not be obligatory anymore in any parts of the world, however, there's this invisible mask that's been left within us, in our souls, and it's kind of time to think about that and to remove that invisible mask and make more of an effort to connect with strangers, to smile, to talk to them, even just a few words, because that will relieve your anxiety Really, really well in the most, you know, just Because it does with me. I noticed it does with me. I do it with time.

Speaker 1: 8:31

When just the other day I went to do my golf exam and I sat next, i said can I sit there please? and I smiled at the person and they didn't smile back or do anything back. They just said yes, but really curtly. So I was like ooooh, and that made me feel really anxious even more anxious about doing the exam, because you were trying to be kind and to get some of your work And I thought, thanks to this person, they might be happy because they're on their own. I'd be like supporting them, we're supporting each other. But there was no buddiness there and it was just and I thought, oh no, maybe they're annoyed, they think I'm going to cheat or something. I got started going into my own head and I thought, no, don't be silly. It's not that they're probably just anxious or nervous themselves, but maybe if they had smiled back and made an effort, it would have relieved a lot of anxiety. it would have. Yeah, instead, i kept all the anxiety inside me and actually when I finished the exam, i felt actually physically ill from it. There you go, because I hadn't been able to release the anxiety throughout the exam.

Speaker 1: 9:40

Because you wanted to be kind, in a way, i did want to be kind and smile at them and be nice, feeling controlled, because being in control reduces anxiety feelings. That's the reason why you wanted to do that, not just because you're a lovely person and a kind person. I was telling my husband about it and he said what do you care? if he talked to you who cares, you know, he couldn't really understand it. He couldn't relate to it. And now that we're doing this and talking about this, now I can understand why. I wanted him to be nice to me exactly. Yeah, you're looking for that. Not only did you want, you wanted to be able to share your kindness in order for you to feel better, but your kindness? there was no words to be seen. Now the body language has turned away everything. So I thought, oh no, yikes, he obviously didn't know about this study. Maybe he would have been kind to you. He was nervous himself. I presume he was probably just too anxious, too anxious himself.

Speaker 1: 10:41

But yeah, i mean it is interesting to notice this and if I think about how I deal with my anxiety, in a lot of ways, a lot of my daily activities are based about having a little chat with a stranger, or always something You love. That, don't you? I mean not completely Do I Do. I do it a lot. You always try to. I try to because I'm probably trying to control my. I used to try to more and you'd have to pull me away, i remember, but now I know, just you more chatty. Yeah, i think really it is. After the pandemic, i think I really realised how much I missed it. I really suffered from that. So I really find it quite a blessing, in a way, to be able to be around people and to see them smiling, to see their faces. So I like that. Yeah, i think I really missed it, but yeah, i mean it was.

Speaker 1: 11:42

It's an interesting fact to this thing that this helpers high. Now, we know, we know what it's called now. Plus, you know, i mean acts of kindness. Do you make the world a happier place for everyone? Well, they make it a kinder place, that's for sure, and a more helpful, and I think it. Do you know what it is as well?

Speaker 1: 12:01

I think that you feel as if you're not alone when you do an act of kindness, because you feel, first of all, the person receiving it like, say, if you're on the tube or underground or someone helps you with your bag or something. It's really nice that you help a mum with a pram or a dad with his pram. You know, you feel as if you've been able to help someone. There's part of your community, don't you? As if another human being, another person that needs your help, you're there to help them. So that makes you feel good, exactly, and it makes you feel And the other people, they feel oh, we're not alone. There are other people here that we're not just alone in this world. You know, each of us fighting for our own little survival. Yes, we're a community, we're together. It does increase that togetherness which is part of our social.

Speaker 1: 12:51

There was a study of the National Health did. I think it was a programme I can't remember it was a long time ago now that they said that people, like the people that you know, collect the rubbish and that the bin men and women and people they have. They have. Sometimes their jobs can be very mundane and they're just going and they don't actually see anyone. But they say, if they can manage to interact and do a random act of kindness, either with the people that they were working with collecting the rubbish or the people in the houses, the garbage of rubbish, yeah, but otherwise, with just in the evening, if they managed to write a letter of kindness to someone or an email or you know, yes, it would make their jobs 100%. They said they felt much less stressed. So it was even through indirect.

Speaker 1: 13:41

So in the evening, just phoning someone or talking to someone or writing to someone, right, so that act of kindness through the because they might not be able to get it with their job, yeah, and it wasn't direct, because they were isolated, i suppose, just with the people that are doing it with. It's very mundane, isn't it? Yeah, because they just collect the garbage of rubbish. It's a hard, it's just yeah. So they couldn't. You can't actually talk to anyone, i suppose, when you're doing it, unless you've got a colleague to get that. Yeah, it's quite quickly. You've got a colleague you can have big fun with. but it wasn't always the case, No, and it gave them a lot more fulfilment and satisfaction.

Speaker 1: 14:23

Yeah, you would think like doctors would be on the top of the happy list, because if they're doing acts of kindness all the time, i'm pulling a face here, you're pulling a face because they're not actually. They're actually super stressed. They're actually one of the most highly anxious and stressed you know professions, aren't they being that because of the increased amount of workload? Yeah, but I bet you the kind doctors feel better themselves, feel better they do, of course they do. They've got to The ones that have that extra little time for their patients, the extra kind somebody that's really in need. Yeah, you're right. Yeah, because I was thinking about nurses, doctors, everyone in the medical profession. Yes, they definitely need it, don't they? They need it.

Speaker 1: 15:09

And I think that the irony is that a lot of these professions they require you to be people oriented and you know, like people and like working with people. But then when you actually get into it, unfortunately the workload and the system and the bureaucracy and everything it forces you to kind of forget about that. And you're so overworked and you've got so much to do that you forget why you went into it in the first place And that. And then. So if you are in a doctor or a nurse or in that kind of medical profession, if you do take a step back and think, yeah, if I can even just squeeze that tiny little smile, hold someone's hand for two seconds, it will make a difference not just to the patients that you're working with, but to yourself, to yourself immensely, you will feel less anxious, immensely to yourself, yeah, and then that will have that lovely ripple effect because the patient will feel better, probably go back home and feel better as well in that environment. And it ripples on and on and on because it's contagious. So, yeah, and it's so easy to forget when you're so stressed and so anxious to do that. It's so easy. I think you really do have to make a conscious effort to do it. Yeah, and I think if you start by thinking this is going to help me, then it's like you're. You know, we're self-hash. Yeah, we're human beings. We want to help ourselves. So if you think this is a hack, it's going to help me to be kind, i am going to benefit immensely. My anxiety levels are going to be reduced. So I mean, there's no, it's a win-win, isn't it? Because you're going to help yourself and you're going to be helping somebody else.

Speaker 1: 16:59

And why do you think we like watching those videos that go viral about random acts of kindness? Why do people want to watch those? We want to watch them all the time. Somebody being kind to a dog, an animal, some, a person You love it, don't you. You love it because it makes you feel good. Just even by watching that video, you feel. and then all the comments. There is kindness in the world And if you weren't so happy, when they get whatever it is, they help someone. They give them money for no reason or random acts of flowers. So these are for you. We watch them over and over. We don't. We want to see the expressions on everyone's faces, isn't that? Yeah, you want to see it, don't you? Yeah, because it makes you feel good to see that, just for no reason, like somebody just giving you a lovely smile or somebody doing something like that. Yeah, you're right about that.

Speaker 1: 17:48

I hadn't actually thought that Those are like indirect acts of kindness, because it's indirect, it's not actually you doing it, but it's someone else that's done it. But you kind of feel the spirit of it, you can empathize with it. You feel the spirit of it, of the person doing the act of kindness, and you kind of get it. You get it, yeah. You get it like in your own back. You get it indirectly, yeah. However, it's much stronger when it's you doing it, of course.

Speaker 1: 18:11

Yeah, and an act of kindness is anything. It's literally anything. Oh, yeah, i mean, it's just a smile. It's just a smile, so be a door Saying oh, thanks, that was really nice. Actually, like you know, you drink your coffee every day, your tea, whatever you're having. And then, just by actually making a point, that what you said the other day at that coffee bar, you said, oh, i actually hadn't thought about telling them. Do you remember that there are new people that have come in to take over the coffee bar near where we are? And you actually said, oh, my sister always tells me how lovely you two are And how happy she is that you've come and you've taken over this business and she really enjoys coming here. I mean, that was an act of kindness on your part. It was And it was all. Now we know, we know why you did it. You did it also because it's true, but it also because it benefited you yourself by doing that, what I'm so used to doing these things.

Speaker 1: 19:06

I like to verbalize it and compliment people when I can. Yes, me too. I like it as well, because I think it helps them. I suppose it's helpful, it helps them, but it's also the helpers high You get, you know, you get happy. You like doing it. So the more you do it. I like looking out for these things. I suppose I do look out for them. You look out for them, you certainly do. You look out for them and then you point them out, yes, and so just keeping quiet, cause most people, i suppose we just keep quiet about it. Yeah, i guess that's why we're therapists, you know, in a way we get, we get that helpers high, you know, we get it ourselves. We relieve our own anxiety through being kind to others And and I mean it's lovely, it's just to make a difference, don't you? You feel it helps, you feel more in control and it helps your self-esteem and it helps boost your own confidence. So there's many reasons why we do this.

Speaker 1: 20:05

What about being kind to yourself? If you're kind to yourself I don't know about that, cause the research wasn't actually talking about that That seems like an obvious to me. Being kind to yourself and having good self-talk is gonna, you know, it's gonna make you feel better. It's gonna make you feel one, yeah, like, if you're in a dialogue is nice, yes, and kind Is kind. We've said this very many times. But do you think if you're in a dialogue is nice and kind, then you, you, you can be kinder to other people, or do you think? Definitely Not, really? No, totally.

Speaker 1: 20:39

I think if you are relentless at kinder self-talk and you catch yourself when it's not kind and you you're constantly repeating kind self-talk to yourself, then you will be kinder to others, because you will not be in a position of this and not helpful self-talk, like mean things that you're saying to yourself. They tend to come out towards others as well. So if you're Yeah, cause sometimes I think you can be the opposite. People that really mean to themselves are really helpful to others Really. Hmm, i never thought of that.

Speaker 1: 21:21

So you think that you could have a really negative Oh yeah, you could have very low, low self-esteem but then be really kind to other people and really helpful to them and yet not be kind to yourself. So I think that's something to watch out for. If you find that you are That's tricky You are very helpful to others and yet you're really mean to yourself. Watch out for that and turn it around and be kind to yourself too, cause you deserve it. It's easier said than done, because there's a lot of work behind that being kind to yourself. It's about being, you know, having the self-esteem to be kind to yourself and not judge yourself. And maybe, if you look at how you're kind to others and you pretend that the others are like yourself, how would you treat others if you're kind to others? Would you treat others the way you treat yourself? Would you say those things?

Speaker 1: 22:18

I think you have to become, you know, a little bit aware of this, a bit more self-awareness, yeah, cause a lot of the times you're not even aware you're nasty to yourself. No, we have done an episode on that, if you wanna go and check it. Yeah, we will do more in the future, cause I think that's basically it's what It's life really, isn't it? Yes, it's about how your world is based, and what kind of repetitive self-talk you have going on in your head is a game changer. It really is.

Speaker 1: 22:51

So I think, with the pursuit of kindness, definitely we will pursue it even further now. So we have our little hacks now, so we're gonna do it even more Well. No, the benefits are gonna be getting from it, because I really wasn't aware of that before. No, that's no, this episode of the podcast, i was not aware of it. No, no, no, indeed. So we learn as we go along, we learn as we go along. So we hope this was helpful And, if it was, please share it and share it with your family and friends, and we're sending you love, love and smiles, smiles and kindness from the English sisters. Bye-bye.