Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety
Feeling Anxious? Feel calmer and get much needed anxiety relief. Listen to Mind, Health, Anxiety with The English Sisters the podcast show for mental health that will give you the tools you need to manage your life and your anxiety. Anxiety and overwhelm is on the rise today and most of us experience it in some form or other. The English Sisters, Violeta and Jutka Zuggo are clinical hypnotherapists, business women, authors, wives and mother’s of wonderful grown up children! As hosts of their show they chat about real stuff that empowers, excites and inspires well-being! Always looking to share their point of view and expertise on how you can manage your anxiety and mental health so as to enjoy life! Sharing their experiences to help you live a calmer, happier, fuller and more relaxed life. If you are in need of anxiety relief and want to learn how to manage your mental health, follow Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety so as not to miss an episode! New episode weekly every Wednesday!
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Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety
Altering the Landscape of Our Conversations for a Better Life
Ever found yourself in a conversation looped in negativity, or found that a seemingly harmless conversation has caused friction in a relationship? Ponder this, do we really give thought to the conversations we engage in every day, and how they shape our relationships and lives? This episode is dedicated to dissecting how our everyday conversations can become powerful tools for change and even improve our lives. We question the subjects we choose to discuss, like politics and religion, their potential pitfalls, and how avoiding such topics may actually be beneficial in maintaining harmony.
Steering into deeper waters, we tackle the art of handling difficult conversations and how to break free from the web of negativity they often spin. We offer pearls of wisdom on how to shift the atmosphere of a conversation, from being a venting ground to a nurturing space of empathy and understanding. We also emphasize the need to be conscious of what we bring up in our conversations with loved ones and how tweaking these can lead to healthier, happier relationships. So, join the conversation and let's start making a difference with our words. Let's alter our conversation landscape for the better!
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Change your conversation to change your life. Is that really possible? That's what we're going to be discussing. English sisters welcome. Everyone welcome. Please take a moment to leave a review on Apple podcast, because apparently that's the one that really counts, or Wherever you get your podcast, and on Spotify too. Thank you so much for your support. Yeah, thank you so much, and please do continue to share with your family and friends and Continue to support us, and we will be making many, many more episodes. We do plan to, so, hopefully, all goes well. We continue. It's lovely. It's lovely to be part of this community. It is, yeah, anyway, change your conversation.
Speaker 1:They do say we're talking about politics or religion, don't they? Yes, they do, but I just think that's because it's like controversial. No, it's, I wouldn't say it's controversial, but, however, I probably say you may be more likely to offend somebody if you want to be more, you know, diplomatic in a social environment, so you might want to avoid speaking about certain topics. Yes, because I have different views, don't they? And they have different political, religious, yeah, well, finance, for example, in the UK, and I know in America that it's a bit of a taboo, but in many other Oriental, you know, asia they talk a lot about money and specifically about how much each other, and so I think that just depends on you know, cultural yeah, that's a cultural thing, that thing we were thinking more about the conversations that you have every day, I, with your loved ones or a work. Absolutely definitely, we're going more for those conversations that you don't have Exactly. Yeah, what you don't say can be just as important as what you do actually say, because sometimes what you don't say but what you're thinking are two different things. Yeah, and that can be a big issue.
Speaker 1:Actually, by not saying certain things, you could be repressing your emotions, keeping them in, and that can cause friction, even a level that you might not even be aware of. But you're constantly saying things in your head about that person, yeah, but you're not actually verbalising it, but we're not having a conversation around it. So, like it's something you know, it's something that gets on your nerves or bothers you, but you're just keeping it in and it might explode one day, yes, well, that's typically what happens. You will also. Well, sometimes you just keep all your feelings in as well. You might keep, you know, even if you're in a long-term relationship, there might be certain things that you're expecting from that relationship, but you're kind of, you're not saying them. You're not saying them. No, maybe you're a bit scared to say them, or you're scared of what the other person will think and you're constantly feeling disappointed and because your expectations are not being met. But the other person might not know what these expectations are. They might not know that you expect Clue. Probably they haven't got a clue. Exactly that's really common in many relationships.
Speaker 1:I think when we decided to make this podcast, though, about you know, change your conversation. Yeah, I know I guess it was. Yeah, it was a development it was. The idea was around relationships as well. Yeah, very much. So I guess I think you can't avoid it, can you? No, because relationships are part of life. Usually they are any kind of relationship. Yeah, it's very important.
Speaker 1:I was like thinking of, like you know, like when I Sometimes we like moan a lot, and I think a lot of people do, especially in the past, we used to moan more. By moan I mean it's that you tend to. It's also lovely because you're venting, you know, and you're expressing, oh, this happened and this happened, and blah, blah, blah. But then in the end, it can tend to be it's good up until a certain point. Then I remember once we kind of had that realisation when we were around that's too much, yeah, like 10, 15 years ago or something, when we thought, hmm, is this maybe just too much? Let's discuss this for, like, let's vent and have a little rant about what's all the stuff that we don't like and that, but then let's stop it and let's make our conversations more productive. And then I remember thinking, gosh, I actually feel a lot better when I do this, because I can still, it doesn't take over your whole day, does it. Yeah, I can still express and have a little moan which is also human and say, oh, yes, that I did that and I went wrong, whatever. I don't even remember now, but have a moan about something. But then it's not just constant moaning. I입니다, unfortunately.
Speaker 1:I think that can happen a lot with people. You can get together with certain people, of course you can and you can just be like moaning Moaning, I have no other word for it. Complaining there are worse words. Is that yeah, okay, we won't please them? Yeah, yeah, and you can be just doing that all the time about people. It's either like gossiping and complaining about other people or complaining about your own life, complaining about your partner Very common, especially in marriages.
Speaker 1:Oh, this and this, and so how much of this is actually useful to you? None of it, really. About 10 minutes, maybe 10 minutes. You're saying oh yeah, that happens to me too. Oh, don't worry, that's happened to me.
Speaker 1:You know, when you can get some empathy of somebody, somebody that cares for you, say oh no, don't worry, never mind, that went wrong, you had a bad day at work, blah, blah. But then give it a time and I remember actually thinking I think if you're processing information and it's different, it's different. But if you just tend to go down that road and it's so common you go down that every time and you tend to go down that rabbit hole where you're actually talking about that same kind of thing every time. It's always the same thing. It just becomes like a broken record and it's of no use to you. You can't turn it off.
Speaker 1:It's a bit like saying no to those negative thoughts that keep coming up in your mind. If you let negative thoughts keep taking over, in the end you just get over anxious, you do, whereas if you say no, I recognize this is a negative thought, I'm not having it. Stop, go away, let it pass. I've heard you. I've heard you, I accept you. I know what you're trying to do. You're probably trying to protect me in some way Because, yeah, that's fine, I can accept you. You mind your brain. You are trying to protect me somehow by continuously telling me and repeating this thought.
Speaker 1:But, ultimately, I think the question you have to ask yourself is this thought helpful? Yeah, and is this conversation helpful to me? Exactly the same way, is this conversation helping me feel better about my day, or about today, or about my life, or is it actually hindering my progress? How does it make you feel when you leave that conversation? Do you feel like, ah, say, relief? Do you feel content? Do you feel calm? Or do you feel like you've got a knotted stomach and you feel nervous? What's going on there? Yeah, or a headache, or something? Yeah, manifesting a different way backache, headache, exactly. So something has not, is not being helpful to you. So I think, if you're aware of this, you can really change, start changing your conversations from today.
Speaker 1:The thing about conversations today is that we have them all the time, don't we? They're part of our everyday most of us, even if they might be virtual conversations. They might be online, but they're still conversations. Most of us do tend to converse with people and interact with people. So, even if you're just I'm just thinking, even if it's self-talk, if you're not conversing, they won't have to. That's a conversation with yourself, definitely, so it should be taken into consideration. You know what are you saying to yourself. Absolutely. Once again, that's a massive, big deal. Yeah, is it a helpful conversation that you're saying to yourself? Because if you change that conversation and you, you know you reverse it or change it for the better, it will change your life. It just cannot not do that. It cannot not do it. It will do it. It will change your life and it's.
Speaker 1:It's as simple as becoming aware of it, becoming aware of the conversations you have with other people, even the kind of small talk, as it's called, like um, but in the UK, a lot of the time it's moaning literally about ah, can't stand this weather, it's so bad, blah, blah, blah. And even that can get you down. That can actually get you down. It might have. Should been a nice day the day before, yes, but you're not thinking about that, you're just thinking about you know the the weather today. I mean, that's not so much. You get like locked in there. You get locked into the small talk of it all or you're moaning about something that is the world, the government, the, that there's something that you focus your attention on and your attention is precious. It is so precious. If you focus your attention on something that's going to make you feel good, you will feel good. And if you focus your thoughts on something that you like, something that's pleasant for you, you're, you'll feel amazing. You will, but it's, it's so obvious that it's not obvious. Exactly. Yeah, you're right, it's so obvious.
Speaker 1:You think, why wouldn't we just all do that? Why won't we just all go around focusing on what we love? From the moment we wake up and people think that then you're acting a bit like a robot or something. Yeah, like you're not a real person. You're not real person. Yeah, I mean, don't we like that? All the time we keep things back, we don't say things, we don't express how we really feel. So that could be. You know, we do it for the, for the, for the kind of like, for the negative. Yeah, we won't do it for the positive. We won't become aware of what the things that actually make us feel good. Why are we always focusing on what's not right in the moment? Why do we always tend to do that?
Speaker 1:It's self-protection, once again, but I think if, once we're aware that okay, I'm aware of this, I've acknowledged that your, your brain, you know like because when you do worry about something, there's a purpose to worry, yes, it's to to, to warn you, to advise you. To, your brain is saying hey, that's a tricky situation there have. So, okay, yes, you couldn't. You can say thank you to that thought, but yes, but I've had it now. Yeah, that's okay, I will be proactive, I'll do whatever I can to avoid being late for the reunion or whatever you've got, but then there's nothing else you can do about it. So let's think about something else. Yes, that's gonna make you feel a lot better.
Speaker 1:Hmm, it's easier said than done, though, isn't it? But you can use little tricks. I put your favorite song on, or do something different to break the state. Go to work or go for a walk yeah, you break your state, you break the pattern and to change your conversation to. You know, read about something different, something that inspires you, and say I'm gonna talk about that.
Speaker 1:If you find that you're always squabbling, say at the dinner table, when you go out with your friends or relatives at the Christmas table oh, my family festivities, do you know? Avoid those conversations like the plague. I said absolutely I say don't go down there. It's not worth it, not especially if they're just random family occasions. Sometimes there will be one person that really wants you to bite. Yes, because they kind of get like a bit of a high of this, all this high energy of all the discussions and some people. For some people it might be okay and they might not get worked up about it. But if you're the kind of person that was gonna get worked up about it and they're not like you know how the evening or the occasion went afterwards, or feel upset, just don't go there. Don't go there. No, don't go there. Avoid it.
Speaker 1:It's what we say, especially if it's something that you know it's not really someone that close to you that you have to. But even if it is someone that close to you For instance, my husband and I we don't always agree politically, so now we've decided just not to go there. Just don't discuss it, because it just gets me worked up. He doesn't care, he'll have a massive conversation about it, but it gets me worked up. So I've just said I'm not going to talk about that with you. We all have our differences. That's fine. I've accepted. I respect your opinion, you respect mine. Okay, that's it.
Speaker 1:Then we don't have to talk about it, because in the end it always ends up with me getting upset and I get worked up about it and I don't like it. So I think why do I have to ruin my relationship over this? Because I think in the end it does start ruining your relationship because they're not even really things that affect you really directly, so they're indirect. It's not like something that's really completely affecting you directly and there's no point in it. It just I think it just builds a wall between you in the end, especially if you have someone a bit like my husband. There's quite polar and so he will tend to go on the opposite. He'll play like the strawmans. He'll try and see what the counter argument will be. So in the end, so if you say white, he'll say black. If you say black, he'll say white.
Speaker 1:Because I don't find it helpful to me and so I just decided not to talk about it. That's it. You've hit it on the nose. It's not helpful to you and it's also not helpful to our children who are growing up, to our adults. But they've decided to do the same thing because it's not helpful. It just divides. Yeah, I guess I kind of do the same thing, really without realizing it, kind of yeah, I mean, politically I think we're more or less on the same level, but with other things I just can't be bothered. Yeah, I probably can't be bothered to tell you the truth, yeah, I mean I don't know, but I think I know what you're talking about, so I must be doing it as well. There's kind of conversations that you know they're not really things that are really going to affect you directly. No, so there's no point as far as I'm concerned, because it just gets you worked up and it doesn't. It's not helpful to your day, it's not helpful.
Speaker 1:And what about situations that where you've got a colleague at work that tends to be a Mona and that's always moaning? I remember when we used to I used to fly with Alitalia and there was one guy we actually called him he doesn't even know who he is, so I can say it Lamens, which means Lamentella, which actually means to moan, and he was we had. We called him this because nickname. It was his nickname. I mean. So many people it wasn't just me, a lot of people in the crew were saying that because he would just constantly moan about everything we were in these gorgeous locations. Focus on the white sand, don't focus on the mosquito that might have bitten you a few seconds ago. You know, for goodness sake, there was so much beauty to be seen if you wanted to see it, but he could only see that all the time when we were there, whenever I flew with him, I would always think, oh, dread, the dread of it. I was actually almost scared of him because of I think he said brings everyone down, doesn't it? And he was just random, because I didn't always fly with this person, thank goodness.
Speaker 1:But obviously, when you work in an environment, when you're always going to see someone every day, that's when it can be tricky Because you're trying to change a conversation. Well, there, I suppose you can say yes, and you can use that little trick yes, and I really noticed that the sound's really special here. Yeah, well, like yeah, I was already imagining it in an office. So I said well, if you're in an office, it's a yes end, but the coffee's good today. Yeah, I know what we say. No, it's not, yeah, we tried that, I've enjoyed it, I've enjoyed it and then just maybe walk away. I think so.
Speaker 1:I think when it's really like that, when you have somebody that's particularly, but most of the time you will change your conversations around. But what would happen if you moan back? No, then it's just one big moan, oh yeah, then it would just be your festering in it. It was just very Especially with this person. It was just radically odd, almost, I must say. But anyway, yeah, I was just thinking you know more normal occasions. Well, then you can change your conversation, you can say something. I've done that many times.
Speaker 1:I remember the other night we went out for dinner and the restaurateur, he came to us and I think my husband said, oh, so I'm glad business is picking up or something. And then he started on this massive moan. So for a point I was thinking, ok, we're empathetic. Yes, it's been hard, we know the times have been difficult times for everybody. But then it was just on and on about the future generations. There's nothing for them, nothing for them. And there I remember I managed to change your conversation around and actually you led it to something more inspiring. I led it to something quite positive and they were both quite, I remember. But the couple, they were both quite inspired and they turned out to be quite really lovely people actually. And then we've kind of we know them more now.
Speaker 1:So that was in it, when I remember actually consciously thinking, oh gosh, I want to change this conversation, how can I do it? So I think I started speaking about how young people are more resilient, that we think they are, and they started they had to agree with it. You give them some of these truisms that people know, kind of a true, and they have to say yes to yes. So I was like I'd be led to say yes. So if you're mo, if somebody's always moaning about something, you can say yes, but have you noticed that the cushion is rather comfortable or something, even something silly like that? And you can actually break the conversation and they'll say, oh, yeah, and they're going to start saying yes to the fact that the cushion is comfortable and things like that. So you can I think I did something like that was quite a while ago but yes, yes.
Speaker 1:So what do you find? You know, definitely, do you find that your conversations are lifting you up or getting you down. If you find that they're lifting you up, or Do you find that they're lifting you up, that's jolly good Then you're on the right road. You're on the right track. You're definitely on the right track. You're on that beautiful track for very helpful conversations that can really really help you go far, and you'd be surprised how interesting people actually are and how supportive people can be as well.
Speaker 1:You're not saying something to someone that you want to say to your partner or to your loved ones or whoever it is. And sometimes you know, when you do open up and you tell them about you know, whatever it is, you're sincere, you will be. You'll be surprised. You'll be surprised how much, or maybe how relieved that other person is to say, oh, thank goodness, you know, you said it because I'm really concerned about that, but I was imagining it, but it might not be you, it's just because you're not bringing me a cup of tea when I kind of expected it. You know, it could be something as simple as that and you might think, hey, you know, this person seems rather rude, but they just don't know it. They don't know it. They don't, or not? People aren't always aware of everything.
Speaker 1:Well, let us know in the comments, and please do come and see us on YouTube as well, where you can comment and say hi and you'll see the video there too. It's on the YouTube playlist for podcasts Wonderful, so it's been lovely Conversing with me. Conversing, yeah, and hopefully you know we'll share this conversation with you. Just right, in the comments, tell us what you think. Tell us what you think and how you change conversations and how they're affecting your life. Bye-bye, lots of love and smiles from the English sisters.
