Embrace Your Worth: Overcome Guilt and Nurture Self-Love

Have you ever found yourself feeling guilty for needing help? Rest assured, you're not alone. In this week's chat, we The  English Sisters, open up about our own experiences with guilt and shame, particularly the feeling of guilt when needing to hire help. We're here to reassure you - there's no shame in needing assistance. In fact, by doing so, you're not only providing for yourself, but also creating jobs and supporting other businesses. Remember, it's essential to provide quality time and care for our loved ones, even if it means seeking help.

Our journey doesn't stop there; we're also sharing how to let go of these negative emotions that, if left unchecked, can lead to severe issues like depression and anxiety. Sometimes, all it takes is a change in perspective - like the enlightening advice from a neighbour that prompted one of us to shift our viewpoint. We'll discuss how self-recognition and mindfulness can aid in releasing the guilt and shame that often weigh us down.

We believe in the power of self-love and self-care, and in that spirit, we're wrapping up this episode with a guide on how to create a sustainable self-care routine that suits your needs. It's time to shed the guilt and shame, step into your worth, and cultivate a loving relationship with yourself. Join us on this journey of self-discovery and growth, and let's together open the window, breathe, and let go of everything that weighs us down. Tune in, learn, grow, and remember - you are enough.

Chapters

• 0:00 Letting Go of Guilt and Shame
• 3:56 Overcoming Guilt and Simplifying Life
• 14:40 Letting Go of Shame and Guilt
• 19:44 Podcast and Past Episodes Listening Guide

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Free yourself from guilt so you can have an easier and smoother day. Listen to this week's podcast with The S isters. Get Real With The English sisters. We're here in our studio and we're looking forward to this conversation, aren't we? We are, yeah, because it's something that can affect us all, and it has affected me personally, definitely, and I'm sure all of us Me too. So, whereas guilt comes into you know, into play you can get, you can live, really, you know. Well, it can be something as simple as just thinking like you're not, you know you're not making the bed in the morning, so you feel guilty, exactly, yeah, we're not simple thing like that, but it can weigh you down for the rest of the day, yeah, for the rest of, not just one day. But if we just think, let's just take day by day, you know, step by step, and we can go through this, these feelings of guilt and shame, even like not brushing your teeth or something like that, and then you feel bad all day because you didn't brush your teeth that day and you think, you know, maybe your breath smells, definitely it's stinky. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Or you could just go and get a chewing gum or something and that would be it. Well, so we'll be discussing these kind of small feelings of guilt and kind of shame in in a small, more less intense way, and then also, perhaps, feelings of guilt and shame for more yeah, serious for more. For more, yeah, for for things that have affected your life in other ways. So, yeah, because some of the deeper, the deeper issues they can go with you, like in your every day and they can, they can bog you down and they can even cause depression, anxiety, you know, poor mental health. But even just the little tiny things like feeling guilty about not doing your hair that day or not brushing your teeth or not wearing something nice, yeah, that can really, you know, bog you down. It can make you feel really bad throughout your day, yeah, and I mean, is it worth it? No, it's not. So. That's what we'll be discussing in today's episode. So, if you enjoy our episodes and our podcast, please share with your family and friends, because it's so important it is for us and it helps us grow and it helps us share. And come and see us on youtube, too, where you can see the live video, not mine, but right here in the studio. We are here recording so you can see us. So okay then.

Speaker 1: 2:33

So let's get cracking about this guilt and shame. God, wouldn't it be lovely if you could live like an ideal life where you had no feelings of guilt or shame. But where does it all come from, this girl? That's a question, million dollar question, isn't it? Where does it come from? It comes from our values, yeah, and our moral compass of how exactly we believe we should be. What we believe is so.

Speaker 1: 3:00

It also depends on your culture, because a lot of it is culture, values, beliefs. So if you've been brought up in one certain culture, you're you can have guilty feelings about not cooking, for example, elaborate meals, because in that culture, that's the thing you're supposed to do, yeah, and you're supposed to be, yeah, you're supposed to cook, you know, like three course meals and and if you don't, there's guilt. What you're doing, you're not like, you're following the norm and the. Do you think people feel guilty? Yeah, even in just all the, in just every. You know, even in the western culture, you mean, yeah, in the western cultures it's can be. If you're like simplifying your life, for instance, by getting you know and someone to cook your meals for you, or you're having this service that provides you meals. Yeah, that can happen nowadays.

Speaker 1: 3:56

Can't you get stuff? Yeah, and you might feel guilty about spending the money, or why can't I do it? Yeah, yeah, why can't I just make? I mean, I remember ages ago when you told me that I had to get a cleaner to help me out. I felt so guilty because I thought was that the real? Why can't I just do the cleaning? It's ridiculous. I have to get someone to help me do the cleaning. What was that really? A feeling of guilt, or was it just thinking because it was guilty? It was like wasting money or wasting money, yeah, yeah, I think when you do have feelings about wasting money, what you have to do is think about the other person.

Speaker 1: 4:38

So if you're getting, for example, meal prep or something, what you're doing is you're actually giving somebody else a job. You're actually helping another business. If it's a small business or whatever it is, you are actually helping somebody else. Same case is a cleaner you're actually helping somebody. You're helping them, aren't you? Let's face it, you're giving them a job. If they're looking for a job, you're giving them a job. So I think if we try and get out of our own heads and our feelings of guilt and we start thinking, hey, I'm actually helping someone here and and look how happy you're helping yourself as well. The person that came to clean actually stay for like 20 years with you and with me. So they're there, there are wonderful people and we've we've connected with them exactly.

Speaker 1: 5:26

So you're feeling guilty by getting that person to help you because you had feelings of being inadequate, thinking I could do it. I thought I should be doing it. It's that should. I hate that word. I should be doing it. I really hate the should word Because at the time I wasn't even working, so I was like just looking after the kids, just, just, just.

Speaker 1: 5:49

Yeah, two little babies, yeah, two young kids, exactly. And I mean, but we would Come on. Just, I'm living in a big house because you bought that massive country house, I'm doing all the DIY and everything, because you had to do all the DIY, because it was expensive and you had to. Yeah, but even before that, you told me I had to have someone to help me. Even before, when we were in the little fat, yeah, that was a novelty for me as well. That's because my husband he'd always had someone to help him and he just thought are you kidding? You need somebody. You know this is like A standard practice. A standard practice you need to have somebody to help you. And I didn't know that, because when we were little, we would do everything. We were the cleaners. No, it was the opposite. We were the cleaners, exactly.

Speaker 1: 6:36

And wasn't Mum happy when she would get a job? Yeah, she was delighted and we were as well. I remember when we got I got that cleaning job cleaning the offices I was delighted, yeah. And when I was 16, I got the cleaning that lady's house, I was so happy because for me it was pocket money, it was easy. I remember she would always leave me a chocolate bar or whatever.

Speaker 1: 6:54

Yeah, but I thought how can I get a cleaner if I was a cleaner? Yeah, you're right, yeah, that's what? Yeah, yeah, but since my husband and they don't think they're called cleaners anymore, they're called housekeepers or whatever. You know. Basically, they help you clean the house. We don't have to be. You know it's a wonderful job and who cares? We were somebody else's housekeeper once.

Speaker 1: 7:19

But, yeah, you're right. Yeah, I know, and you felt guilty about that. I did feel guilty. I had to overcome it. Yeah, they say poor you. Oh, yeah, poor you. I mean, it sounds like it sounds yeah, you're getting a clean-. It's the same as feeling, say that feeling guilty about. Do you remember when mum used to look after the kids and the mum's that worked, they felt so guilty about having to leave their kids and not being with them. Yeah, we know about that. And in the end, if you're enjoying your job or you need to work, for whatever reason, because people need to work, there's no need to feel guilty as well about leaving your child. But there always is that In the end, they're children. They're children. We're really happy with mum as long as you're leaving them in a safe environment. And also, I think they expand their connections as well. Yeah, they expand their connections and they become more wise and they learn more social Things, more sociable. And also I think that you know it's a really good thing in the end, because I think if you, the parents, happy, the child's gonna be happy in the end.

Speaker 1: 8:26

And if you're passing eight hours with them but you're a bit grumpy and you're on your phone and you're thinking, oh God, what's a bit of this bit boring, isn't it? Or you might even start to feel a bit lonely, you might get a little bit depressed, yeah, feel a bit lonely as well because I don't know, yeah, whatever, or you're going to work and you're coming back and when you see your little bubba you're like, oh yay, I wanna have time with my kids, my babies, and you love them to bits and you're giving them like one and a half hours of really good quality time. You know, we can tell you that's a massive difference, massive difference. For the little ones it's enormous to see, you know. So, really, let go of the guilt. Let go of the guilt in that case as well. I know it's easier said than done, but it's a process and it's step by step. Once again, day by day, day by day. You're thinking I'm not really this.

Speaker 1: 9:26

You know the child might cry for a bit, because that's what happens. They cry, not always, no, but when they cry they pull on the heartstrings, don't they? Yeah, so that's what also makes you feel guilty, because you think, oh gosh, you know it's like, ah, no. But I think the other is the opposite, because you remember the mums when they didn't, when they children didn't cry. They used to think I'm not being a good mom. Why don't they want to stay with me? Whatever you do. It's tricky. It's tricky, you know, why do they want to go off so much? Why do they don't love me? Why do they know, why don't they want to come home after they've been at the, why they want to stay there nursery? Yeah, I know. Yeah, so that's why gill is so.

Speaker 1: 10:09

It's so insidious and it's a weight, sneaky and away you carry around Totally, you don't? I mean, sometimes it's useful, yes, if you've done something really wrong and you have to apologize and make amends, obviously, if you feel guilt because you know that you've obviously done something wrong. But we're talking about that kind of guilt. There's just sneaky here, yeah, and it just kind of ruins your life. It ruins your day today because it's just like useless and it's so common, so common for every single person. I mean, people even feel guilty about the way they look, about their weight. You can feel guilty about every single thing. It's just so awful, really.

Speaker 1: 10:58

What are we supposed to do to get rid of it? Become aware of it, I think, as is you. It's what we always say. I've become aware that you're feeling that and just say no, and often, when you like, if you, if you do get things that simplify your life, like Domestic help or meal prep or meals or you know, whatever it is you. You in the end oh yeah only, and your life will become more simple, you'll be a happier, nicer person to be around also, definitely, yeah, I Think I think becoming aware of it because, because of the fact that it's so sneaky, you don't really know that you're feeling it. That's what happens, unless it's like, oh, I feel guilty, I'm leaving my baby at the nursery or whatever. That that's quite common now and so many people talk about that. Parents, that is becoming more. There's more awareness around it.

Speaker 1: 11:55

But it's like what you were saying about smaller things that just weigh you down. It's a smaller things that sometimes we're not aware of. I Mean here I was reading about it and it was saying the distinguishing between guilt and shame is the first step, mmm, before learning how to overcome guilt and shame. So I didn't. I wasn't really that aware of the guilt and the shame. They're actually different.

Speaker 1: 12:23

Did you know the guilt if you feel guilty about something? Yeah, the guilt is a feeling when you have, when you realize that you've actually violated a value system of moral contact and conduct, sorry, but the shame is when you're actually so save you didn't. If you say that we're talking about, you didn't make your bed and you felt guilty oh no, I didn't make my bed today. And then you go out and then you meet someone and then you think, oh gosh, no, I think that's more embarrassment, I think that's just a you don't have shame as well, shane? Well, embarrassment is typically more fleeting than shame. It's like lighter. But that could be that they could have shame for the rest of the day and the days to come.

Speaker 1: 13:01

No, I think shame is like it's a belief that we are inherently bad and the feeling there is something fundamentally wrong with us. Shame stays with you because you feel as if you're not good enough, as if you're unworthy of being connected with other fellow humans. Yeah, I'm reading it. Can you feel as if you're not good enough to be able to make your bed or brush your teeth or do whatever you were, get dressed up nicely or whatever? Look what it says in this article. It says our body and our brain process shame the same ways they process physical danger, with impulses to fight, flee or freeze. Can you believe that? So you process a shame in the same way that you process physical dangers if something's going to attack you Isn't that awful. You know that you could carry these feelings of shame and always have the sensation that you're like under attack. Well, that's why you get so ill, that's why you get so stressed. You get so stressed and all these things come from it.

Speaker 1: 14:02

Goodness me, the language of shame can sound like I'm unworthy, I'm not good enough, I'm inadequate, I'm broken, I'm wrong, I'm unlovable, I don't belong. Other people don't like me. Other people see all my flaws, like what you were saying before about. You know just the way they are. They see my flaws just because they might not fit into some kind of body stereotype or whatever, and you can have shame for that. It's awful, it's awful. Yeah, it really is horrible.

Speaker 1: 14:40

And so I think you know you have to become aware of it, become aware of it, because you might not even realize this is happening to you and you're just always feeling like and it's just an everyday thing, it's not even something really massive has happened, exactly Like what you were saying. It's not like you're feeling guilty because you were really mean to somebody and you know you were mean to that person and then you've got feelings of guilt. No, you're actually feeling shame, shame about what you know About being you, about being you, and so it's time for you to realize that it's time to let that go. Definitely time to let that go now, because there's nothing we can really do about it except for let it go Because it's not like you have to. Well, you can. I suppose you can apologize to yourself. That's a good thing. You can say I'm sorry that I've made myself feel this way. Absolutely, that's really good, because I don't deserve this. Yeah, apologize to yourself. I mean, those are kind of things that you can also do, like in self-hypnosis. You can close your eyes and you know, and just say sorry, sorry to yourself, and give yourself a hug, give yourself like an inner hug, and you can even, you know, give yourself an outer hug and you know, and tell yourself that you are worthy, you are worthy, you are enough.

Speaker 1: 16:21

It reminds me of, like, what mum used to say when she used to feel guilty about like, not doing the dusting, and that little lady yeah gosh, said to the next door neighbor that lady changed her life and it was such a silly thing, and she changed her life because she told us about it All the time. Mum would always say it. She said, dust will be there tomorrow as well. Even if you clean it, it will come back tomorrow. That's right To just leave it, but today will never come back. Enjoy today, enjoy the time you have and leave that dust and stop fretting about dusting. Yeah, this thing about dusting all the time, yeah, and yeah, that is so true. And she let go of it because I think, probably you know mum used to feel ashamed when. You used to feel guilty and ashamed that she couldn't do the dusting and the shame Because she was so busy doing all the stuff. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 1: 17:12

So go in there and say sorry, say sorry to yourself. Well, apologise, apologise and maybe think about it. You know, even when you go to bed at night, close your eyes and think about how you've been feeling that day. I think, try and do like a little thing. Have I been carrying any guilt and shame around? It's time for me to apologise to my heart and my soul. Basically, you apologise and then move on, let go. Yeah, because these are just in the end and I mean it's pointless really, isn't it? It's pointless, like last night. It's not helpful.

Speaker 1: 18:02

In my kitchen there was this massive fly. It wasn't a small fly, it was really big fly and it was really bothering me. It was like a horse fly, yeah. So I got the fly swatter, I was trying to catch it and I thought, oh, I was tired and I just, I don't know. In the end I just finished what I was doing in the kitchen. I just closed the kitchen door Luckily I've got a door and I thought, well, I'll just be in there.

Speaker 1: 18:23

This morning it was obviously, it was flying around, buzzing like crazy and I just thought, all right, I'll just leave the door open, opens out into the garden. And then I just opened the door and it just flew away and I thought I go there, you go, just let it go, instead of trying to catch it, trying to kill it, trying to all the effort. It was just so easy the next day just to let it go, just to let it go. So, the same way, shame and guilt can be like that, that fly that's always buzzing around, bugging you and you know, just open that curtain, open that window and just let it go. Let it go and let it go, and you'll see how you feel in the days and weeks to come. Well, you're gonna certainly feel a lot lighter. You'll feel lighter, definitely, you'll feel better and you'll have more space in your mind for other thoughts and more creative. Yeah, your brain will become more productive, more productive, more creative. You're, you know you. It just feels lighter. You'll feel much lighter, definitely. Well, let us know if you put that into practice. Letting go it's always a good thing, always a good thing.

Speaker 1: 19:44

Follow us on Apple Podcast, spotify, wherever you get your podcast, and come and listen to us next week again. And also, if you fancy, you can binge on all the past episodes. Yep, yeah, yeah, you can have a little retreat. Yeah, a little health retreat. Wonderful, lots of love, lots of love. Smiles from the English sisters. Bye-bye.