Discovering the Freedom of Moderate Expectations

Ever felt suffocated by the incessant quest for perfection in every little thing you do? We've been there, and we're here to tell you, it's time to embrace the magic of 'good enough.' Join us, The English Sisters, as we recount the ways the 80-20% rule has revolutionized our lives, from academia to social mixers. Listen closely, as we're about to reveal how letting go of perfection can lead to a stress-free and joyous existence, and why being a perfectionist might actually be holding you back from true happiness.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wished for that 100% satisfaction with what you see? Well, we're tossing out the idea that perfect is possible and instead, we're celebrating the 80% victories in self-acceptance and moderation. We're sharing tales of external beauty that hide internal battles and discussing how even a moderate workout can work wonders for the soul. Plus, we're redefining healthy living by mixing nutrient-rich breakfasts with the sweet indulgence of high-quality chocolate, because who wants to live a life of constant denial?

Wipe away that smudge on the mirror, but not because you have to—because you want to. We'll chat about the practicality of not sweating the small stuff, and why a slightly dusty shelf might actually be a sign of a life well-lived. And for those of you who've been seduced by the flawless facades on social media, we're uncovering the beauty in life's messy, unfiltered moments. Tune in for a real talk on living authentically, and don't forget to share your thoughts with us – we're all about that genuine connection beyond the airwaves.

Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety.  Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Living by the 80% Rule
• 10:43 Importance of Self-Image and Moderation
• 20:11 Healthy Living and Realistic Expectations
• 27:05 Living Authentically Beyond Social Media

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters, where we'll be talking about, yeah, the 80-20% pool of life and, anyway, our take on it, our take on it, our interpretation of it, because it is slightly different, isn't it? It is, indeed. If you enjoy watching our episode, please do come and like it on Instagram. We're at what Are we Get Real with the English Sisters and YouTube. Wherever we are, youtube, the English Sisters yeah, we're all over the place, and so, yeah, we really do appreciate it when you come and comment and you like it and you share it and everything else you know. So please do support us in this, because it does take an effort to make a podcast, but we do still enjoy making them so much and we hope you do too, and we'd like to sort of hear back from you, get some. It's great to connect, yeah, and to get some feedback, isn't it? It is, anyway. So today we're going to be talking about the 80-20%, our interpretation of this, because we do know that this rule was by Vilfredo Pareto, an Italian economist, who kind of said, or he discovered, that 20% of the Italian population were actually doing most of the work, whereas the 80%. Hang on a minute, I'm just going to make sure it's not what you want to do. You get someone else to do the work for you, okay, he observed that 80% of income, sorry, yes, well, more or less the same thing In Italy. It was received by 20% of the Italian population. This assumption is that most of the results in any situation are determined by a small number of causes. Right, right, so that's a bit so a small number of causes.

Speaker 1: 1:53

But in our particular case, I was thinking about how, really, I and you have always kind of lived by, okay, not being perfectionist, but getting things done kind of to 80%, and that's kind of good enough for us in order to live a decent life, a decent but kind of a non-stressed life. Well, at least at school I wasn't aiming for all A's, no, and neither were you. Well, I tried to. Did you really try that much? I did want to. No, you wanted them, but you did not strive that hard, otherwise you probably would have got them. You were not. I did get quite a few, yeah, but you were not the kid that would study until midnight to get them and overthink things and overgo.

Speaker 1: 2:43

You would say, okay, if I get it, I get it, and if I don't get it, I still want to go and watch Little House on the Prairie. Well, I mean, when you're little it's difficult because your character's not that formed, is it? But when I can remember, when I was at university, I was always a B, exactly, I didn't go for the A's, come on, come on, you were going for the B and that was fine. You were just saying, look, I want to enjoy my life and if I pass, I pass. No, you wanted to pass. No, I wanted to pass. If a pass was definitely what that does enter 80%, doesn't it? You had to pass. Yeah, I had to pass. And I didn't want to just get like a third, I wanted to get. You didn't want to fail no, but I didn't just want to get like average, no, wanted to be above A good, a good, yes, good, good enough, good enough.

Speaker 1: 3:33

I'm thinking this kind of good enough philosophy in life may be very irritating, for like a perfectionist here, but maybe if you could apply it to some areas of your life, you'd sure feel less stress and less anxiety. Well, yeah, so I think, with everything we've always done, that we're just trying to be our best. But good enough is good enough, exactly, you'll go for. We aim for the best, but then we don't kill ourselves trying to get it Exactly or over-obsess about trying to get that. You know anything, whatever it is you're working on, like if I host a dinner with some friends, which is rare, which is rare because I can't really be bothered I don't know whether he's bothered, yeah, it's just not really my thing. It's not your cup of tea, is it? No, like I will host it to the best of my abilities. But once the people are here and I look at their faces and everyone seems to be enjoying themselves and having fun, that's fine.

Speaker 1: 4:44

If the table is not set to perfection, if the food isn't, oh my gosh, no, that's not exactly how I wanted it to look. The cake's got a bit of a hole in it or something has happened that you know. Like it didn't rise properly, or something. I'm not going to go nuts and ruin my evening with my friends because of that. You probably have a bit of a laugh if the cake didn't rise, wouldn't you? Well, of course, but knowing what we're like and our group of friends, we just eat it anyway.

Speaker 1: 5:15

But I know that can be very upsetting for some people, for example, yes, you know my son, he's a perfectionist, so the food has to be perfect, otherwise the dinner is not right, and you know his mood will change, and you know. So what advice would you give him or someone like you that may be feeling like this? I'd say look around you. Look around at the table, like what I just said before. Are people enjoying themselves? Are they having fun? Is it just you, your internal perfectionism that's getting in the way of you even being able to savor that moment, let alone the food? Think about that. You know, is it you getting in the way of you? And what your standards are supposed to be? You know you. So do you think perfectionism is the problem? Then? Is that what's taken away from the 80-20?

Speaker 1: 6:16

I think trying to be 100% and trying to get 100% of everything in life is, it's overwhelming, extremely tiring. You may be able to get 100% of one area of your life and do something to 100%, but then the other areas of your life are just inevitably not going to be like that, because we're humans, we're not androids. Even androids, you know, we're flawed, aren't we? We're imperfect. We have moments where our emotions may get in the way and things might not be, is what's the point of like, for example, in the dinner scenario, having everything to be so perfect the crystal, the silverware, everything is perfect.

Speaker 1: 7:01

I mean, people enjoy that, don't they? That's beautiful, it can be beautiful, you're going to have beautiful flowers and have everything beautiful, but then if you're inside feeling overwhelmed, stressed out because of the effort that talk and it kind of ruins the point of it, you won't be able to really enjoy yourself. Will you wear it with you? You won't, I won't, because that's the way. My rule is 80% is good enough for me. So if the food is good and 80%, the food is pretty good to be 80% good, yeah, well, that is bad the food. If it all goes bad, who cares If it's rotten? We're just ordering a pizza or something. We still have fun and we can have a laugh about it.

Speaker 1: 7:47

Okay, the food didn't come out, we rotten it. What have you done? But yeah, if it got burned or something Got burned, absolutely yes. Or if it was off, you buy something and then you look in the fridge and it's off. I mean, for many people that would ruin their evening grip, give them massive yeah. I mean, luckily nowadays we can order we would. Even in our little country area here in Italy, they've got services where you can actually order food. The food is delicious when you order it. Yeah, so I've just run out. I run out and get some pizza or something, or just quickly make a plate of pasta. Yeah, I mean, just change something Improvised. Yeah, it's not that difficult, is it Not? Really it's. I think it's not difficult. It's your mind isn't in the right place, it's the mindset. The mindset has to become, yes, that's it the mindset.

Speaker 1: 8:39

In relationships as well. Things aren't always 100%. In a relationship with two people that love each other, there's so many ups and downs. I mean, if you're in any kind of relationship parents, people that love you, in a romantic, whatever it is you'll realise this as well. Living by the 80% rule can really be helpful. Well, yeah, because you look for your perfect partner, don't you? And then you're never going to find them? No, because you're not perfect yourself. So how do you expect someone else to be Exactly so? If 80% of the time, you're feeling good, close to that person, then that's pretty awesome. I would say that's amazing. That's a good benchmark. That's it for you as well.

Speaker 1: 9:23

If you're worried about your relationship, because I was reading a lot about like toxic relationships and things recently. If you're worried about your relationship, you think, am I in the right relationship? Yeah, you can think that 80% of the time it's good it's good, then that's good enough, that's brilliant If 80% of the time it's good and only that 20% percent. But if you find that 80% of the time you're arguing or it's bad, then maybe it's time to make a change or change things up a bit. Definitely, if 80% of the time you're not enjoying yourself I mean literally maybe not even enjoying yourself you don't feel comfortable, you don't feel okay. Yes, you don't feel comfortable around that particular person Then maybe, yes, especially in a romantic relationship, or if that person's making life difficult for you because a lot of people will make life healthier, and you'll think what was wrong with me? Yes, yeah, and it's not you, it's the other person that's making your life difficult. Because they've got their own issues. Yeah, that's right, that is great. They need their own therapy? Yes, definitely. So you know, that is what it's. If 80% of the time it's okay, everything is great really, basically, and I feel that that's how I've lived my life most of the time. What about with.

Speaker 1: 10:43

There's a lot of ones. There's a lot of people Now that are worried about their appearance and how perfect they may look on video or on their phones when they're taking selfies. Do you think, if you're looking 80% of what you would expect, oh my gosh, that'd be brilliant. If you look at yourself and you think, oh, 80%, I like that 80%. Most people say, oh, I hate that. Most people really do not like how they look. So if you like yourself 80%, you'd be like, oh, it'd be incredible. Really, honestly, if you think you look at yourself and even this video later on, you think 80%, that's pretty good. Well, I think that's good enough, that's brilliant. I mean, even if it's just like 20%, you like yourself. And I think you also have to look at yourself as if someone else is looking like the eyes of your best friend or something. What best friend thing? I'd look like Everybody who loves me. How do they think I look? Because you're supposed to love yourself, because how you look is not really how you look. It's how you feel. Exactly, it's not how you look because you could be looking great and everyone's saying you're looking great, but you feel yucky inside.

Speaker 1: 11:58

Yes, do you remember that lady we used to know. She was so beautiful. We used to at the gym we can say the ice queen. Everyone used to call her the ice queen. Do you know that? I can't remember her name? Oh my gosh, she was like the most beautiful girl. She was young and she was absolutely gorgeous based on any standard. I remember now. But there was inside. She was a bit like Snow White, isn't she Snow White? When she was asleep, you mean, yes, yes, when she wasn't like alive. You know, obviously In those days we hadn't even studied psychology, but we didn't know about it.

Speaker 1: 12:38

But later it came out that she wasn't happy in her marriage. Exactly, oh, in her marriage. You sound like some kind of? Oh, this sounds like some kind of old 1940s recording.

Speaker 1: 12:51

Later we discovered she was not happy in her marriage. It's true, it's true. That's why she may have appeared like that. That's why I always used to think that there's something wrong. She's so beautiful, I mean, but there was no shine. No, there was no shine because inside, yeah, she was sad, she was a poor girl. Yeah, she was sad, and some people thought she was mean and they just well, they just didn't like her, but her beauty was outstanding.

Speaker 1: 13:19

Well, she was known for her beauty. She was known, but she got this, this horrible nickname of being the ice queen because she was like, I see it, like inside and so that, like what you were saying, no matter how beautiful you are on the outside, if the inside is not like, she was like the tip of the iceberg, that underneath there was all that side sadness that we didn't know about. Yeah, but you could. You could perceive the ice on the top, yeah, and underneath, yes, there was a lot of sadness. There must have been more.

Speaker 1: 13:51

Have you seen her lately? Now, because she's in a happy relationship? No, I've never seen her again. I wonder what she looks like now. She'll be different, probably. Yeah, I'm sure she's different already. When you smile more, you, you, she, she basically wouldn't smile much, would she? Let's face it, no, anyway, I didn't know her that well, but I could see her in the distance, in the, yeah, like a little bit frightened of her. I think this beautiful person, but so, yeah, so it doesn't really matter what you look like if you don't shine, if there's not that kind of glow that comes from the inside.

Speaker 1: 14:29

So what about also with them, with, like physical exercise, you know the training and everything. Oh my gosh, the training. What about you know, if you just do 80% of it, brilliant, 80% would be more than I'd be more than happy to do. 80%, I think I'd do 20% and I'm like, oh okay, 20% is a good start. Yes, I did like 20% of walking the other day on the treadmill. I only walked for like 20 minutes and I thought, well, that's enough, you know, to start off, because I haven't done it for ages. So I just did that. Yeah, I was pretty happy with it. I mean it's good.

Speaker 1: 15:04

I think what happens is that if you're satisfied with the effort that you make, it's going to be a big, there's going to be a big incremental difference in your life. Absolutely, if you're not satisfied with it, you're living in a state of dissatisfaction. So, even if you're satisfied with 80% of the effort you make, that's good. Well, for me on that day, it was 80%, because I thought that's what my maximum today is. This, I mean, I've just had eye surgery as well a month ago. So I thought, you know, just start taking. I'm trying to make excuses, but yes, I can't really over exercise. You're exercising. No, I mean, I wouldn't over exercise anyway because I'm not in that frame of mind at the moment, but I'm trying to get there and I'm going to start doing it more often.

Speaker 1: 15:51

I think it's just the importance of exercise is for your mental health more than anything. Well, it's heart health as well. Definitely, don't come up with the mental health is enormous advantages, but it's also for your physical and your heart, you know, is just for exercise is brilliant, isn't it? For all your organs. So, yes, I would say it's good for your mental health.

Speaker 1: 16:17

And then the rest follows. Like, obviously, not over exact, not 100% exercise. No, that's not a good frame. Gentle exercise, you know, within your limits, without getting obsessive about it, because that also can lead to many problems when your perfection is. Look, if you're going to be exercising 100%, that means you're like it's almost over exercising, which is over, and the overly doing anything is not good for you. You know want to be perfect.

Speaker 1: 16:50

So do you think this 80% is like living life in moderation? Is that what we're getting around to? Absolutely? What about food In moderating? In the meantime, you eat good, healthy food and 20% of the time you can cheat and eat whatever you want. But why do we have to call it cheating? Yeah, I don't know, I hate that actually. You're right. Yeah, we don't have to call it. That's what we've been called.

Speaker 1: 17:12

We've been conditioned, we've been taught that, like eating sweets and candy and sugar and things that I think are cheating, like fried foods, and that would be yes, because if you know it's not really good for you, that's why you think, oh, okay, I'm putting food into my body. That's not actually nourishing, but it is nourishing for me because you might actually need a bit of sugar in that moment. Yeah, no sugar. Yeah, for example, fried foods, for example, well, fried foods, unless you've had the doctor say you shouldn't eat them. Yeah, maybe you have. Yeah, you know you can eat them. You can eat them, can't you? Yes, you can eat them with moderation. Yes, 20%. So even if you apply that to your food intake for one day, so if 80%, like you're having good protein and you're eating things that you know are going to be good for your body veggies and fruits and nuts and whatever you're going to be drinking good water then afterwards, if 20% of that day, you might have something that's not.

Speaker 1: 18:23

I bought lentils today for lunch. There you go. That's part of our 80%. You bring them all the time, every time we do a podcast, we eat lentils, which I really like. Actually, they're part of really good, healthy, 80%.

Speaker 1: 18:36

Well, I've discovered this lentil soup that I make. That's really easy to make because it's just a packet of lentils. You just throw them in, don't you? I don't throw them in, no, but I mean you just throw it in with water and you would you put an onion and a carrot in there, put them in the cooker, in the pressure cooker, because I've got, but you can cook them in a pot, just add some water and then one or two onions, a carrot, a couple of carrots, a couple of celery stalks and that's it. It's ready to go and some nice pepper.

Speaker 1: 19:10

On chino, I added a bit of spicy pepper, spicy pepper like paprika yeah, I did taste this once last time. Yeah, and a bit of garlic as well, but garlic powder kind of thing, because it's easy, because it's easy, but you could just put garlic in there and then afterwards I put it all in the blender because I don't. I mean, I don't mind them, but I prefer it when it's blended. Yeah, a lot of people don't like blended, but that's good, because if you didn't blend them, then you could also put some rice in there or something. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, you could have like lentils with the brown rice and that's like 80%, isn't it? Yeah, I'm not bothered with the rice. I'm not bothered now either, because normally we have some other form of.

Speaker 1: 19:51

But then I bought some mackerel as well to add to the dinner. God, I don't know, I'm not crazy about that, but I make you eat it, don't I? Yeah, violetta does make me eat that because it's a fish, isn't it? Because I always bring it, because she brings it, it's got the omega 3's, doesn't it? Yes, it does. Actually, it's very good for eyesight and heart health. So I know all of this.

Speaker 1: 20:11

But then afterwards, this morning I had pancakes for breakfast which I made with oats, and those are my go to. I make them every day, yeah, or nearly every day, yeah. Well, not always with oats. Sometimes I put camomile flour, but today I put oats, greek yoghurt, a little bit of olive oil, and they just rolled oats that you like blend. No, oat flour, ah, oat flour, yeah, but you can put them in. I just buy those rolled oats. No, I bought oat flour. It's easier. Yeah, and it's a.

Speaker 1: 20:38

I've never even found that it's bio flour? Yeah, you just find it in English. What's it called in English? Bi, bi, biological, isn't it bio? No, I think. Or anywhere, hasn't got the pesticides in it. Organic, organic, yeah, organic, it hasn't got the pesticides in it. Well, that's what they say.

Speaker 1: 20:56

But anyway, any Any oats flour, 80% is fine, and I've got there. But then the 20% on top of that, I put lovely honey on it to have. But honey is considered sugar, a super food. No, it's not just sugar. Sometimes I do put lemon curd on it or something else which is a pure sugar. Lemon curd, yes, yeah. So I had that for breakfast with a coffee Before coming here.

Speaker 1: 21:22

That was a good break, yeah. And then on the way here I got to stop by the police. What is it? Have you had a good breakfast? I also got warned by this friendly car, because in Italy they warn you. They flash your lights. So the police are coming that's cute. From the opposite direction, they flash the lights.

Speaker 1: 21:44

I slowed down a bit, even though I wasn't speeding back. I just thought I'd better slow down a bit more and drive really slowly. And so slow down to exactly, you know, under, under, under, because here you always go five over anyway. Then they stopped me and they asked me for my you know my yeah. Did that make you nervous? It does to me. I don't like it when they stop me, I must say but I've got everything organized. Yeah, yeah, it helps if you've got it. I think it goes back to the olden days and a long time ago, when they used to stop me and I didn't have, I used to have a special thing Saying that I was British, I didn't have the proper Italian license, so that used to cause a bit more anxiety. I'd ask a few questions yeah, and things like that. Yeah, anyway, I don't know what that's got to do with anything. Well, I don't know.

Speaker 1: 22:39

We were talking about 80% food, you know. So I mean eating like 80%. So you've had a really good breakfast and that was a healthy. No, no, very healthy. Yeah, come on, it wasn't just a cake or something like. I mean, I consider that to be like the 20%, because it's nice and sweet. Yeah, all right, but I'm some cinnamon on as well.

Speaker 1: 22:59

They say that's really healthy. Come on, it's not. It's not just a croissant. I'll eat some chocolate later. Yes, that's a 20%, isn't it? So you're like, have a couple of all those chocolate with nuts in. That's my favorite. Yeah, you know, it's. Generally is 80% healthy. You know I love chocolate. Don't get me started. That would definitely be my 20%. Like if you gave me chocolate, I did. But I just have, I do. I don't just binge on any chocolate. I want nice, good quality chocolate, you know. But Really, any chocolate will be fine. Here is confessions. But not too much though. Yeah, I know I keep it within the 20% limit. So, yeah, that's a that can apply to anything.

Speaker 1: 23:46

Also, I think about your, the way your house is, your apartment or your house or wherever you are, where you're living. I think if you know 80%, keep it tidy. You don't have to be 100% tidy. 80% is really really good, 80% is brilliant. But sometimes I go around and I see a mess, like this morning I left the house and I could see I said goodbye to Otto, who's on the stairs, and I Little bits of fluff around and you just dust. And I just left it. Yeah, because it's fine, because I was gonna vacuum, but then I thought I just did later. Yeah, who cares? Yeah, you're still day after day.

Speaker 1: 24:22

So what mom said is going to be there when you get back, isn't it? She said that the dust will always form. But yes, the famous English lady told her she wasn't really famous. She was famous for my mom because she kept on repeating her her quote. Really, she was just a kind. She became really famous for us, for our family.

Speaker 1: 24:42

She was like, oh, my mom would live by that rule. What was it she would say? She said the dust will always be there, but you won't. Yeah, it was something quite poignant. No, it was like live your life, live your life, because tomorrow the dust will fall again and tomorrow you'll have to dust again. Whereas if you don't bother dusting one day and you dust every week, yes, it dusts. Basically, it was dust once a week. My mom took that take on it and she would say I'm not dusting every day, the dust always comes back. Yeah, but I thought it was like, quite, you know, significant. Well, it was significant because we tend to dust, don't we? Yeah, in the end, yeah, we do actually. Yeah, so we don't need to dust all our lives because we'll be dust one day. Yeah, so you better enjoy your life. Now, that was definitely the meaning. I don't really want to end on this rather somber note, but yes, but it's a somber note, but it's like live.

Speaker 1: 25:45

Don't be a perfectionist, because if you, I mean you can't be, if you're really enjoying your life and you're living like that hey, some of the geniuses are doing well on it. No, but definitely in one area. In one area. If you want to excel, yes, and you can excel, but then don't get over preoccupied. If your house is a mess, yeah, and you can't. If you're not the perfect mum or dad or the perfect host and you know things. But you're excelling in one pattern. If you were one pattern, if the way you look isn't like what you would really want to look like, you know Also, that is another thing. Yeah, you can't always keep up with everything. You can't keep up with everything, and everything you see as well and you're getting fed to is not real. So nowadays we have to. I think we have to be.

Speaker 1: 26:33

In today's age, we have to be even more careful. Yes, because we're not just looking at our next door neighbor. We're looking at celebrities and influencers and normal people that are being brushed up yeah, I just have got their filters on and people that are. Just they're reflecting a life that isn't real and maybe if you know them. You realize how sad their lives are. Maybe they're not. Hopefully, for them they're not. They have really fulfilling and happy lives, but that doesn't make us feel as if we should feel any less than they are. We're all guilty of it, even ourselves.

Speaker 1: 27:05

What we put up on social media is not a real reflection of our everyday life. Well, no, you might see some other moments when we're not, you know, always with our makeup on and always looking glam and always happy and being the English sisters. There's so much of our lives that you don't see and. But that's what it's like, and they're imperfect and they're messy, and there's illnesses and stuff going on, and that that's just life, isn't it? It's what you love, because it's true, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 27:40

The stress is everywhere. You get up in the morning, you put your makeup on, you get washed and dressed and you make the best of your day. You live trying to save your day and I think if you can keep your mind calm, taking a deep breath, and do your little things, you'll be okay. You'll be definitely okay, and that's how we live our lives anyway. So Let us know if you're going to do this, or if you already do this, or if you're on the other side, if you're a perfectionist, or if you're on the other side of that scale which you, where you've never really, you know, tried to do anything, you've never strived to do anything, and you feel as if maybe your life would be a bit better if you did 80 percent more in your favor.

Speaker 1: 28:27

Yes, yeah, because you could also be on that scale. Yeah, you could also just be trying 20 percent and yeah, so maybe think, hmm, if I, yeah, I could, I'm going to go for it. Yeah, get that energy and go for it. Get energy and get going. Ready, steady, go. So come and see us on Instagram, at Get Real with English Sisters, on YouTube, but at the English Sisters and Twitter, wherever well, it's not called Twitter anymore. X Really, oh, yeah, on X. See you there, see you there. Bye, bye. Lots of love and smiles from the English Sisters.