Exploring the Magnetic Pull of Opposites in Relationships

Have you ever been magnetically drawn to someone who challenges every thread of your being? Our latest episode delves into the heart of attraction, tearing down the mythos and laying bare the truth of what it means when 'opposites attract'. We tackle the complexities of modern relationships, the risks of echo chambers, and the growth that can sprout from embracing our differences. Discover the joys and trials that come with connecting to those who aren't a mirror image of ourselves, whether it's across the dinner table or in the silence between heartbeats.

This is no ordinary discourse on love and diversity — it's a tapestry woven from the stories of those living it. We take a close look at the dynamics of partnerships that thrive on dissimilarity, sharing tales of individuals who have found strength and fulfillment in what initially seemed alien. From the surprising benefits of a golf swing to the unexpected bonds forged on a mountain trail, our conversation uncovers the transformative power of stepping beyond the comfort zone. So, tune in and be ready to have your perspectives challenged and perhaps, find an affinity with the unfamiliar.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Opinions on Opposites Attracting
• 9:30 Opposites Attract in Relationships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

opposites attract. That's what they always say, isn't it? Yeah, do they really attract, or do you think that's a bit of a myth? And I think nowadays we're looking to be with people that are more similar to us rather than opposite. I think there's a big trend moving towards a similar, so I don't know if that's actually a problem or not. Could that be good or maybe not? Could that be an issue? Let let's see.

Speaker 1: 0:25

Well, that's what we're going to be talking about in Get Real with the English Sisters. As always, it's our own point of view, so hopefully you will agree with us. Well, you can relate to it on some level, or you might not agree, and it might be. You might have the opposite point of view. That's good too. That's good too, and I think, um, what was I going to say? I think, like with um, I think it's because it's the algorithms as well. They're helping us to always look into our own little world and have just things that we like and are similar to us. You mean like on social media, for example, and so in real life, whereas before we would be thrown into situations where you might have like people with opposing Somebody completely different to you, yeah, maybe opposing political views, opposing religious views to you. Yeah, we'd be thrown into that kind of environment, whereas now we're more and more choosing what we want, and I think we choose similarities.

Speaker 1: 1:36

Well, yes, yeah, especially. I mean like if you're going out with friends, you don't really want a friend that's completely different to you. That has you know, just like different to you. That has you know, just like what you were saying before. You know they just like opposite to everything that you like, because then it's going to be pretty different. You know it's going to be difficult to be able to hang out for a start, because they'll probably want to go to different places than you. Yeah, I know, but isn't that a good thing? Because they take you out of your own comfort zone and they take you to places. Yeah, but let's face it, if I've got a friend that she always wants to go and hang out at some nightclub or something, and I'm not into that at the moment, I'm going to be saying no, lots of the times. But you could also be in love with your life at that nightclub, I guess.

Speaker 1: 2:19

So, yeah, so what are you trying to say? Is that we should be flexible, is that? Yeah, I think that the fact that we always tend, especially now, to look for more similarities to ourselves is causing a bit of a problem. We tend to want similarities to everything, don't we? Even with in our own families, with our parents or with our caregivers? We want them to think like we do, yeah, whereas they do not, and we know that any family gathering, it is best to avoid certain arguments because otherwise you're going to, especially about politics or you know something like that whoa, stay clear away from that. You know that's what we used to do.

Speaker 1: 3:02

I mean, I still say it nowadays do not talk about this and that I don't discuss. Yeah, because that's a main reason, but in a way it's a shame, because it is a shame. No, but it's okay not to discuss, but we can still enjoy that person's company and be in really good company with them, oh, yeah, and really and really have a good time with them, love them. But I accept the fact that they're different, yeah, whereas now I think there's more a trend to not wanting to accept that, and I think we're limiting ourselves in a certain way because we're not open to hearing new ideas. We immediately shut off as soon as we hear that someone hasn't got the same, I don't know like views on something as us. We're shut off instead of ready, being curious, being curious and willing to learn and look into their shoes, maybe why you know what's their past been. Why do they think like this Instead of just saying no, that's bad, I don't want to do that, you know, I don't believe in that. Yeah, totally, totally, and I think we limit our own experiences so much by doing that.

Speaker 1: 4:08

Yeah, and I think this can also be like from if you're a parent, you can also, you may have a child that's the complete opposite to what you were like, you know, has a completely different passion or a completely different view of life, or they have a different kind of idea about sexuality, whatever it is, and you know it's you. You say you love them and so it's important for you to love every aspect of them, even if they are completely different or the opposite to you. And I know that that's very difficult for many people to fully accept that their their children. They can say, even if they're completely different, it's, that's not for me as a parent, that's not for me, but I accept that. That's what my child is really difficult, though, as we know. As therapists.

Speaker 1: 5:02

We know that a lot of parents have great difficulty with accepting the fact that their children are the complete opposite to them. For example, if one is a great, the parent is a great businessman and by the time he was 25 he created an empire. And then they, they judge their sons and daughters and think, look, what are they doing? Why haven't they yet? Come on, they've got they could have the knowledge from me. I could be. Why aren't they inspired? You know, why don't I? They just do not like that about them. They say you know, this is something because, hey, the children might be the opposite, they may be the opposite. You want to say chalk and cheese is different, isn't it? Yes, but it's hard when they actually your children.

Speaker 1: 5:49

It may be easier if it's like a romantic relationship to accept. I don't know if it's easier if it's a romantic relationship, because when your children grow up, I mean, you don't have to see them all the time, whereas a romantic relationship you're with them 24 7. I'm not 24 7, but a lot. I mean sometimes you'd want to be with them 24 7. It's pretty difficult, especially if you're working a lot of the time. Yeah, with them a lot, yes, yeah, I guess you're right, yeah, so, but I think they're like your partners, aren't they your partners in crime? For some reason? I'm thinking, I don't know why, in crime, but in crime. If you're together and then you don't like what your children are doing, I suppose, yeah, well, it's because the children are opposite to you. That's why it made me think about how many parents have children, your children. Even when they're grown up, they don't agree with what you're doing, like I was reading the other day.

Speaker 1: 6:46

I was reading on Reddit. There was this man, a son, that lived with his mum. He was already grown up and he was looking to move out. But he said I can't understand why my mum insists on cluttering the whole house up when she knows it makes me so, so anxious and it causes me great anxiety. And yet she seems to have no regard for me. She seems to just continue like cl me. She seems to just continue like cluttering things up when I've asked her not to, so many times. Yeah, but whose house was it? It was her house. I mean, come on, sorry, but I mean it's her house and this is an adult man. This is an adult man. Well then, it's time for you to move into your own space. Yeah, he said he kept his room tidy, but he said he had constant fighting with his mum over this thing.

Speaker 1: 7:40

And I said, as a therapist, I suggested, I said, look, first of all, I can empathise with you that if you're the opposite to your mum and you like minimalist style, it is going to cause you anxiety. I can empathise, yeah, if you're the opposite to your mum and you like minimalist style, it is going to cause you anxiety. I can, I can emphasize yeah, but for your mother, the clutter that she has obviously gives her comfort. So it's two sides of the same coin here. For one it's comfort and for the other one is anxiety. So you know, I think if he is a bit more empathetic towards her needs and understands that for her it's causing her it's causing giving her great comfort, yeah, he might be able to understand it that it's the same as his problem in the end.

Speaker 1: 8:20

So in order for opposites to get along, you have to be flexible and you have to step into the other person's kind of viewpoint, into their shoes, and see where they're coming from and then, and only then, will you be able to be attracted to them in. I mean, I know they say opposites attract, like it was. It's a phrase from like. Normally they're talking about different sexes and you know romantic relationships, don't they? I think it's like when you have like opposite points of view, so the opposite to you, so, uh, you mean you know. That's why the actual phrase was coined. You know opposites attract. It comes because, a lot of the times, like, our mum was really noisy wasn't she real chatterbox? And dad was really quiet. Yes, they were very opposite. He was very reserved in some ways and she was all the other ones blurting everything out as soon as she could. Yeah, you're right about that. And they had a very successful, very long marriage till death. Did they part? Yes, absolutely. So, yeah, what about you? Do you think that you're the opposite to your husband? Not completely, no, but very much Quite.

Speaker 1: 9:30

A lot, a lot of the times there are opposing views not only opposing, but when you first started going out together, you were much like the opposite. You seemed like to be quite lively, very extrovert. He appeared to be extremely shy and but he wasn't really shy because he played football. He was part of a big team, he was quite in in his own way. He was quite an extra. He's quite well known in his own circles from from the outside.

Speaker 1: 9:58

I remember when I went to see you at uni he seemed like this really shy person, yeah, and you were like no way. You were like 80s girl with all going nuts. He was more reserved. He was much more reserved. He was much more reserved. But he was also very much part of teams that I wasn't. I was more of an individualistic person, so you admired that part of him. The team thing, yeah, because you keep on going on about it, team, the football team, I mean that's obviously something you found attractive. What I mean is he wasn't just a person that was in his own world, just an introvert. He had lots of friends. Yes, yes, just the person that was in his own world, just an introvert. He had lots of friends. Yes, he was. He was sociable, even though he was kind of shy. Yes, whereas I might have been more shy but I was more like externally it looked as if I was louder because I had a lot of.

Speaker 1: 10:45

I wore lots of bright makeup and short skirts and very 80s, like what you said, very, very 80s, 90s, very much like extravagant, but on the sort of London scene, on the surface, but then really underneath, you were shy, whereas he was more outgoing underneath, even though he looked so shy, shyer, because he was very like yeah, that was funny he was very much more like, more discreet in the way he dressed. Oh, yeah, he wore his man-knitted jumpers. Oh, absolutely, he looked like a you know, a very good lad, yeah, whereas you were like more of a bit of a rebel. You know, it was from coming from London, but I wasn't really a rebel. No, no, but I might have been in some ways. Some ways it was probably your way of conquering, you know, this new life. I just think that now, because I know, like some of my people, I know that they're dating, they're looking to date now, and I know that on the dating apps as well, you can tick everything off what you're looking for and it's really easy to look for similarities.

Speaker 1: 11:53

Oh, they love dogs, I love dogs, they don't like cats, I don't like cats, or I don't love dogs. Isn't that helpful? Come on, if I've got two dogs, you would think it is helpful, but then maybe in another way, it isn't. It's not. I know it limits you. It is because if I don't, if I say no, I don't.

Speaker 1: 12:11

If I say I'm a cat person or I'm a dog person and they might have a dog, and then you fall in love with that dog. Or you might say I don't like pets, I don't like to have pets, and then you might go and meet the person that's got this lovely dog and fall in madly in love with the dog and suddenly your world broadens. Yeah, the dogs I I mean they can really. The doggy, oh, they can make your heart. You can go away and adopt a dog. But what I mean is that you want that dog. It. It enriches you in a way. It does even things you don't want to do. The things that you don't want to do, it can really, yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:48

So maybe we shouldn't be so scared of things that you can are things that you can't do Because you feel you have this fear of doing them. The other person there is more outgoing and saying come on, you know It'll be okay. It'll be okay, let's go here, let's. I mean, I know a lady who's just gone into mountain climbing. She's in, she's 56, because her partner is really dedicated to mountain climbing and it's something she said I would have never, ever done before in my life. Well, I know, but she's suddenly become really sporty and her whole world is like opened up because of this. You know this difference. So very different people, indeed, very different, yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:29

So sometimes you know, opposites attract. Good Not to be frightened of opposites. That's why the saying exists, right, yeah, but I think what we're doing now is we're cutting this, all this out, so we're like being too selective. So do you think, as humans, we're secretly attracted to the opposite because it's something for our genes Exactly? I mean, my daughter's a scientist, jasmine, and she tells me but I knew this already from biology. I mean, it's pretty obvious, but the more you know Different, different you are, the more chance you know you've got of having stronger Genetic background, yeah, stronger offspring, goodness me.

Speaker 1: 14:12

So we should not not, when we do feel attracted to something, that something, no, even something, because something that we might think, hey, that's not really me. Well, it could be, it could be you, it could be you. How do you know? Yeah, I mean, I used to think I would never play golf and look at me now I love it. Oh, my God, I know, that's so weird. Yeah, that you really do like it, I know, and all the aspects of it. I thought would be really difficult and that I wouldn't like you just thought it was boring, yeah, but the fact that there's so many rules and there's so much you know stuff and I thought would be so difficult, that's what I'm finding the most challenging and the most exciting, which is a real learning curve for me, because I never thought that would be the aspect that I actually like. No, I thought I would definitely think that's the most boring.

Speaker 1: 15:03

And everything you have to use I used to think what the heck? Yeah, just give me one club and throw that thing into the hole, talking about how and how the hell am I going to be able to use all that, all those and that's what I find now really exciting. Oh, I can use this one, I can use that one. Yeah, that's what you like. Well, that's what you like. I'm not into it yet, but yet I mean normally everything you do. I'll probably get into it sooner or later. I don't know if I have the time for it at the moment, but you, if I have the time for it at the moment, but you know, you can make time for things you really love. When you love something, the time appears. Yeah, that's that's.

Speaker 1: 15:41

And even if you don't, when you start something new, it's it's your, your, your horizon expands because you have, you have more energy in the end. Well, you've got different neurons that are actually firing off in your brain and then they're like creating new pathways, they're like actually firing together when you've got a challenge, something that's different. So when you do everything, when you're always repeat, what are you laughing at? You know it's. I think you know because I'm thinking so when you have an opposite, like mate, yes, it's probably firing all these different neurons and you're having to try and understand that person, trying to figure them out, trying to. So it is a challenge, it's definitely a challenge. Yes, it's like learning it, like makes your brain grow, kind of brain food it is. It is probably like brain free.

Speaker 1: 16:27

So we should not be so frightened of it. We should not, even though I know why we are frightened of it, because we want to stay in that homostasis. You know static kind of position of things that we know, that we've tried out. You know the road, the path well trodden, what is it? You know, is the one that's safest. It's a chosen one. I can't remember the saying now, but the path that you basically always walked on is like you know the path that you know it's a safe one, it's a safe one, and the other path, we don't really know what's down there. It could be the boiling frog syndrome, couldn't it?

Speaker 1: 17:03

Very often you are in that and you're stuck in that rut and you don't realise it and you're always on and on and on looking for the same person. If you're looking to date, the same kind of person in the end could be the one that's just not right for you. And the opposite kind of person is perfect. Yes, you might think, oh, no, I don't like that guy. I mean or that girl, or or them, because they're into sports, like what you were saying, and they're really no, no, no, no, no, that's not the person. And keep on ticking them off. Yeah, and they and they could be the best thing for you.

Speaker 1: 17:38

Yes, yeah, so expand, expand. I think when you expand any horizon within you, it's always a good thing, obviously, if it's ethically correct. Well, yeah, that's what we're talking about. We're not talking about the crimes like what you say partners in crime. I don't even know what we're talking about. We're not talking about the crimes like what you say partners in crime. I don't even know why you're talking about that. Obviously, that that's. That's. That's obvious. We are talking about things that are ethically correct and then we're that was, that was. That's given, isn't it? Come on, that's a given.

Speaker 1: 18:10

So let us know what you think and, as always, please do tell a friend about this podcast, because it's the one of the number one ways of helping us grow, and we are in most continents of the world now, so it's very exciting, very, very, and if you'd like to support our work, you can come and watch our youtube video as well, and you can buy our book stress free in three minutes, which is available on amazon, and probably, yeah, wherever you get your books, wherever you get your books, so have a look for it. And and and I'm gonna look for an opposite now, as something that I wouldn't normally do I'm gonna go and do it. Gosh, really well, yeah, I have to look out for something, something that's the opposite, yeah, yeah, what do you think it could be? Just like watching a tv show. You would never watch something.

Speaker 1: 19:01

That's easy, because I've been watching the comedy specials. I would normally really I like that snub my nose out because I would think I can't stand up live. I don't like. Well, I thought I didn't like stand up, but but you love them, I do like it. They're funny, I do love it. I've been watching two of them. There you go On Netflix. The Netflix ones have been very entertaining. So, maybe just something as small as that.

Speaker 1: 19:24

They've taught me stuff as well about myself, really Well, they've taught me that I like. They've taught you that I like. They've taught you that you like stand-up shows, comedies. Okay, yes, I thought it was something more than that. Well, maybe there are other elements. We don't even realise what they're teaching us. They teach you to be more tolerant as well. I don't know, well, I don't know about tolerant at a comedy show, but who knows? Because it pushes your boundaries, doesn't it? It's something you're not usually doing. It's opening your world up. Yeah, it's. We're living, we live in these little cocoons and, well, we repeat same things, yeah, over and over again. So it's opening opening up, changing, changing, going and watching a show that you normally wouldn't watch.

Speaker 1: 20:09

Going to the theater now, I don't like the theater, how do you really know? You've watched one show. Come on, let's be frank. Yeah, you may get something. I don't like the opera. Then you might start. Even you you, you know classical they say, no, I don't like the opera. You go to the opera and then they're crying next to you. So what are you saying? They don't like it. You're getting emotional. Come on, you do really. You've obviously got something from this. I know it might not be your regular thing. You want to go and see, but look, something has happened here, something has been stirred, so you never really know. So we've got to keep our eyes on. Yeah, okay, yeah, try something new and come and say hi to us at, get real with the english sisters on instagram or the english sisters everywhere else, and we love you all. Dots of love and smiles from the english sisters. Bye.