Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety
Feeling Anxious? Feel calmer and get much needed anxiety relief! Listen to Get Real with The English Sisters the No. 1 podcast show for mental health that will give you anxiety relief leaving you smiling. Anxiety is on the rise and most of us experience it in some form or other. The English Sisters, Violeta and Jutka Zuggo are clinical hypnotherapists, business women, authors, wives and mother’s of wonderful grown up children! As hosts of their show they chat about real stuff that empowers, excites and inspires well-being! Always looking to share their point of view and expertise on how you can manage your anxiety and mental health so as to enjoy life! Sharing their experiences to help you live a calmer, happier, fuller and more relaxed life. If you are in need of anxiety relief and want to learn how to manage your mental health, follow Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety so as not to miss an episode! New episode weekly every Wednesday!
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Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety
From Stubborn Habits to Flourishing Relationships
Do you ever find yourself saying, “You knew I was like this,” as an excuse to avoid change? Think again. Thinking like this can be the difference between a successful relationship and one that fails. We break down why being open to change is crucial, not just for the sake of others, but for our own personal growth. Through heartfelt anecdotes, we highlight how even the most ingrained personality traits can evolve and how learning to control emotions can significantly benefit those closest to us.
In the latter half, we shift our focus to the continuous journey of personal development. We discuss the importance of learning from everyone we meet, emphasizing that personal growth doesn’t stop as we age. Childhood memories of oversized gifts that eventually became useful serve as metaphors for how our perceptions and circumstances change over time. We also reflect on the unexpected longevity and quality of older garments compared to today’s fast fashion, urging everyone to remain open-minded and curious. Join us for a conversation that balances personal authenticity with a zest for experimentation and lifelong learning.
Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety. Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!
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change? Yeah, so what do you do if somebody comes to you and says to you well, you knew I was like that. Yeah, you knew I was like that when I met you, when you first started work here. You knew what it was like. Yeah, when we first started dating, I made it very clear what do you do? What do you do?
Speaker 1:That's what we're going to be chatting about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters, and we're very excited to announce you can now text the show and that's at the beginning of the description and we've also been nominated for the women in podcasting awards, so that will be up shortly. You'll be able to vote for us. So that's exciting. We are counting, we want to win and we're very happy to be part of it. Yeah, definitely so, and you can also contact us on social media and obviously listen to us wherever you get your podcasts and also on youtube, where you can have the video, and the biggest thing you can do to help us grow the show is to tell a friend if you enjoy listening to it. Yes, absolutely, share it. Share it. Sharing is caring, like, yeah, we certainly do care if you share. So, yes, take a deep breath. Yeah, so that's what we were discussing earlier on, wasn't it when we were having a chatting about that over a cup of coffee?
Speaker 1:Because I mean, you do hear it, don't you? I don't want to change, I'm like this, I'm stuck in my ways. No, I don't think you do actually hear that. Well, no, sometimes you do, they do. Yeah, you do hear people say, look, I've arrived at this age and I'm not going to change. You know, even like when they're 30 or something not not necessarily, you know elderly people, even people that you know are younger you can hear people get fixated that they can't change. Yeah, well, don't look at me like that.
Speaker 1:I feel as if I'm constantly changing, but I, I I suppose that there are some fundamental aspects of our personality that we keep from the day we're born. Change them as well, because, like, if we have like, say, if we had a really fiery temper, oh yes, and our emotions always used to get the better of us once upon a time. Yes, yes, yes, we can change to learn how to control our emotions, especially if so that they don't control us. Yeah, especially if it's bothering somebody in our close circle. Yeah, yeah, that is true. Yes, things like that. Yeah, but I I was speaking even more fundamental things, like from the day you're born, sort of things. You know that. Well, I mean, we both had kids and we we know there were just different personalities. Yeah, they had different characters. Yeah, it's not something that you can. You just don't know what personality your baby's going to come out.
Speaker 1:And also, also, when we talk about change, we have to be very careful here because we don't want to, you know, insinuate that you have to change. No for somebody else, no, no, or something. Yeah for somebody else, or something that you truly, uh feel is you we're not talking about. No, because that should be treasured and that is true. Yeah, yeah, that's one of the things that you, you have to say like no, yeah, it's a classical story of like a husband and wife where one of them saying but I don't want to change. You knew I was like this when you married me, kind of thing. Well, yeah, for example silly thing, you know, I don't like dancing. I never have. Even when we started dating, I never wanted to. You know, I don't like dancing. I never have. Even when we started dating, I never wanted to dance. I just don't like it. And then the other person says, yeah, but why don't you give it a try? I know that at the beginning you said you didn't like dancing, but let's, you know it's having that door open just to to experiment, get creative and just try. You know simple things like try having a dance with somebody, even in your own living room. Just try, put the music on it, just try, let's see how your body feels by just moving it. You know, I'm not saying we have to go to ballroom dancing twice a week, for example, or you know anything else. I don't like going to the movies. Never have, never will. You know it's these statements that are never will.
Speaker 1:What about the New Year's Eve things? Those are. You know, I don't want to go out on New Year's Eve. What's that got to do with it? What are you talking about? I don't want to go, mom and dad. Dad was always trying to get mom to go out on new year's eve to a party and she would always say, no, I don't like it. Do you remember really? Oh, well, then, obviously she had her. No, I can't remember that. She had that belief and dad would get really upset because he would really want her to go dancing and celebrate the new year's eve. It's so weird that she didn't want to go dancing. No, she said she didn't like it because in those days he used to smoke and drink. She liked smoking and drinking. Oh right, I mean, I suppose it depends where he he suggested taking her.
Speaker 1:Was it just like to the local pub or something like the new year's eve events? I mean, they happen. Yeah, yes, yes, yeah, of course we don't like going to the mine. No, we don't. Yeah, wonder why. Yeah, too many people for me really, like, I know, I know, but it's just too many people Like. I prefer going like to someone's house, yes, yes, or very small events, but not these big crowded events. No, not any, never really have no.
Speaker 1:But if you're going to make your partner happy, though, well, obviously my partner says please, please, please. I mean he doesn't have to say please, that may die. But if he just said look, no. But if he says, look, I've got this, I've got the vent planned and it looks lovely, it looks. I mean, okay, is it a nice location and something that I probably think will be glamorous? It'll be a chance to get dressed up and look pretty, and so you would be flexible. Yeah, of course I'd be flexible, that's it. It's being flexible, you're right. Yeah, it's just allowing that flexibility to enter the relationship, whether it's work or whether it's, you know, love, whatever it is.
Speaker 1:I think if you have this conviction, this self-belief that you are not that kind of person you know, I don't travel, I never will hate it. Come on, be a little bit I. I think that's a bit of a red flag. Actually, if you're first starting to meet someone, oh yeah, but it's kind of it's not always, because sometimes they can have flight phobias and things. I'm not talking about flying, I know, obviously not. What are you talking about? No, just when you hear, when you tune in and you listen to all these kind of statements that are being made, it's as if they're very much planned, yes, like they're ingrained in their mind, don't they? Yeah, and that can be difficult to um, you know to, to get the little grease on it.
Speaker 1:The people that never want to learn anything new after a certain age well, that's practically everybody. Like, when there's something new, like at work or something, they get really, they get really stressed out by it, because it's normal, you would get stressed, you don't want any, anything else and plus, you have to study new things because system's going to be changing the, whatever it is. No, people hate that. But then how many times does it work out for the best and how many times are they happier afterwards? Well, I hope so. I mean work-related things. Sometimes, according to me, they're always better, really, because it's Not always. Not always, though, yeah, but anyway, you know, sometimes it's better, but that's a different, but it's not. It's a frame of mind, though. That's important, isn't it how you Like?
Speaker 1:The other day we were talking to a friend of ours who says that she loves her job now, yeah, and before she used to hate her job. And I said loves her job now, yeah, and before she used to hate her job. And I said, well, what's happened? She said I've just changed my perspective on it and she goes. Now I can't just change. She came, she comes from a place, um, from a place of gratitude now, where she, when she goes to work, and she says that she appreciates it and she appreciates the people around her and her colleagues, and you know, just having just going into work, she says she likes it now. So that's really amazing, isn't it?
Speaker 1:How you can change your outlook on something because you're willing to change, you're not like stuck in your ways. Before she says she used to really struggle with and the ironic thing is that we're changing every day. You, you know, but the thing is that in her position, in her work position in her job, nothing actually changed except for her, her outlook changed. Well, yeah, I mean you know it's, and what I mean is it's something that's free, that we can all do. We can all change our outlook if we're willing and we're open to it. Yeah, if we just remember to be a little bit flexible, a bit more flexible. Yeah, you're absolutely right. I mean, it's true that we cannot change the world around us, but we can change the world inside us, our internal world, and that doesn't mean it's going to be easy to change it.
Speaker 1:No, you, you're going to have to find yourself asking yourself lots of questions. You know, is that really true? For example, a bit like Byron Katie. You know, I hate ballroom dancing. Is that really true? You know, ask yourself that question how many times have you been to a ballroom exactly? I mean, it's really popular now with the Bridgerton thing exactly how many times have you actually tried it? Maybe once? A lot of people have never even tried it once and they already say they have. I've never tried it. Well, there you go. You don't really know, do you? No? So it would be. I think I would like it. Well, yes, I don't know. I don't know if I would like it or not. I might not be patient enough Because you have to learn all the steps. You know, it's all the.
Speaker 1:The choreography is a bit awkward, isn't it? Yeah, but I think if you have a lovely partner and you have a laugh, you have a laugh. As long as it's taken as a game and, as you know, yeah, it's a fun thing. It's fun. Yes, yes, you can see it like a hobby. Obviously, we're not talking everyone has to become a professional dancer now. No, I don't even know why I'm saying I wonder what level you could get to. I think you're saying because your husband wanted to do it. No, he did not want to do it. I thought he said he wanted to do that instead of golf. No, no, he said he'd never be seen dead doing that. No offence to all you boring dancers out there. We love it.
Speaker 1:I think it would be probably quite good fun, but I don't know where the locations would be like. If it was like the bridgerton kind of location, that'd be gorgeous locations aren't that great? No, no, not really so I think that would probably put me off a bit, but maybe not. I'd be willing to try it anyway. I would definitely want, I'd be willing to try. You know anything and not anything? No, but try and stay open-minded. Yeah, no, I'd stay open-minded, though definitely. At least there's boundaries here. There's boundaries.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not anything, but obviously, you know, I think we have to be careful with what we say as well, because what we say we can't do and what we can do, because I think as soon as you say you can't do something, obviously you're not going to be able to do it, are you? You're going to be imposing a self-fulfilling prophecy on absolutely on your own, on your own self. It's like imprisoning yourself into that one belief, yes, into thinking that you are sort of like carved in cement. But you're not. You're made like of like, like clay, like earth. You're, you're going to be evolving and changing. You're very easy to mold and change. It's not that difficult, even no matter what age you are. It's not like it's just allowing one tiny little speck of flexibility to enter there and then you will. You know you're, you're mold, you'll change, you're always forever changing anyway.
Speaker 1:Well, what we say we can't not change, can we? No? But we change while you sleep. But sometimes we can change for the worse or change for the better. So I'd always choose better. I'd always choose better, absolutely. But it's it's our ideas and our mental state that really has to go on changing. And the physical, physical.
Speaker 1:I think the way of check, the easiest way of changing, is just to always be open to learning new things and to listen and learn from people. Yeah, that's a good point, listening to other people, because everyone, everyone has a story to tell. You can always learn something of someone. Yeah, even if you think, no, they don't really interest me, they like work in a different kind of field, or they're just so different to me, can't be bothered, but who knows what they're like? Work in a different kind of field or they're just so different to me, can't be bothered, but who knows what they're gonna say that you might, you might not even know you're gonna be inspired by until later on. It could be even years later.
Speaker 1:I remember some of the stories that mum used to tell us about people. I think what's she going on about? Yeah, oh god, yeah, tell us these random now. I remember them and I think, oh, oh, so-and-so used to say this Exactly yeah, it's odd, isn't it? It's odd how it can come out years later. So I mean, no matter what somebody says to you and you might think I'm getting bored to death here but try, and you know, override that I'm getting bored to death and try and look at that person and actually, you know, allow for some learning to happen and it will happen.
Speaker 1:There is things you're going to learn from every single person out there Something that they do something particular, no matter who it is, whatever age they are, even if it's something negative. You just think I don't want to be like that and I never want to go and do that. Well, yeah, you could learn. I don't like their, you know their way of thinking. Or I don't want to grow up to be like that, or I don't want to. You know, grow older and be like that person either. As long as you're always growing. You know, it's not just growing up when you're a child, no, the growing it does not stop. That's the thing I wanted to say that growing doesn't stop when you're 18 or 24. Exactly, you're always growing. You're growing wiser, you're growing in. No, because I'm thinking like your nose never stops growing. Oh, ok, I thought you were laughing at some other thing. No, I'm not going to be going down that road, no, no, no, your nose, your features, they can't be on. Grow, yikes. We're going to have enormous noses by the time we're 90. No, they say noses and ears grow, don't they? And hands, apparently.
Speaker 1:I remember once, when we were little, that we got a present. I got a present, a 90. I think you got one as well. Oh, of course I must have, you must have. We both got it off of some of our friends, our mum's friends, and it was absolutely enormous. I think we were like six at the time and it was like for a 13-year-old. Yeah, I remember that, yeah, and I said Mama, look, this is enormous, it doesn't fit us. She said it will fit. Yeah, you'll grow into it, you'll grow into it. And I thought no way in hell, this is massive. How many years do we have to wait for this? And then it just passed quickly and then we wore that nightie.
Speaker 1:I had it for many years, I think after even the kids were born, I still had it. Yeah, I did have it. Now I remember I used to take it to england because it was a long sleeve nightie and used to take it to england because it was a long sleeve nightie and I would take it to england. Did it have flowers on it? No, mine had like yours might have had flowers. It was like stripy. Oh, I think I do remember that. I think it was an m&s nightie. Marks and spencers yeah, they're like, is it like a nun thing? No, no, it's just a no, it was one. It was long. I remember the fact it was really big, it was long and but I I mean for years after we had the children and everything, when they were like, I think I finally gave it away.
Speaker 1:When, when, when my kids were like, I don't know, 15 or something, 10, it's amazing how clothes you know used to last such a long time once upon a time. Now, if you want to get no, they don't, they don't. I mean like, if you want to buy really good quality garment today, I think you have to spend so much money. Well, this wasn't that good, it was a 990, you know. Oh, it's not a great thing.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, I thought it was like polyester. Oh, it was one of those poly. Oh, now I remember. But I mean like it's like you're talking like some cotton heirloom, oh, no, I was thinking it's something else. Then I can't remember it. Then, no, I can't remember that. We're just warm and practical because you could wash and go. Oh right, okay, no, it's one of those modern ones, because the ones mum we used to make us were like the ones with embroidery on it. No, it wasn't like that. No, obviously, yeah, no, I'm getting confused.
Speaker 1:I do remember something about them giving us a really big thing, though it was a bit of a disappointment, I think. Well, we were upset because we wanted to wear it and we looked at it and it's like but you'll grow into it, you'll fit into it. What? What's the point of this? The point is that we, you, grow into things. So if you, don't, all right. So if you, if you feel they don't fit now, you will grow into it. Right, obviously, things that are going to be useful to you and helpful to you. So allow yourself the time to say well, it might be like that night I would have given it away if it'd been a five-year-old. Six-year-old, me would say no way in hell, mama, give it to someone else, give it to the cousins that are older, or something Exactly. And she said no, we'll keep it for when you grow into it.
Speaker 1:So you're thinking that ideas that might not suit you today may well be stored in your mind, as to say, say, and you can think about them and utilize them later on in your life as assets for yourself in therapy. By the way, we're not supposed to explain the metaphors, no, no, but in this particular case, I think it was a useful thing. Yeah, because they would just sink into your own minds and you would like do with them what you wish, right, yeah, and apply it to your own lives, yes, indeed. So, as with the nightie, as with many other things in in one's life, stay, stay flexible. Perhaps. Don't chuck them out immediately, yeah, don't chuck the ideas away. Absolutely.
Speaker 1:Think about things a bit more, yeah, and don't be so quick to say no, that's not for me, that's not me, because that might not be you right now. Right now. Yeah, because if we could see ourselves right now from 20 years ago, we would say this who are they? Yeah, what they're doing, what on earth are they doing? Yeah, so shocked we would be shocked in a good way yeah. So there you go. You never know, no, you never. You never know. So keep it, keep your mind open, stay flexible, yeah, and the world can really open up.
Speaker 1:And also, don't fret either if you're doing something now, like if you're in, if you're in a job now that you're actually enjoying, but then you're still fretting about will this be right for me as I grow older? You know, if you're enjoying something and it's good for you at the moment, you know, just be grateful and enjoy it moment. You know, just be grateful and enjoy. Enjoy that and don't worry about what the future will bring. Because, first of all, nowadays there's so many changes going on in the world so we can never really know what you know. New opportunities are going to arise, arriving, so and also there's no point is there if you're actually enjoying the.
Speaker 1:But you said, if you're enjoying your job, well, I think when you're actually enjoying it, you don't actually have those thoughts. You do have those thoughts because it might be a job that like it's like it doesn't have a big, it doesn't have promotional, like, oh right, yeah, like there's not much growth, much of a career. Yeah, what you feel is, if I can't really grow in this position, there's yeah, there's no career path. That's clear for you. But if you're actually enjoying what you're doing and you're doing that, you know to, to good abilities, and you don't know what your mind will come up with afterwards. No, no, very well said, yeah, you don't know it. Could, you could be inspired by something that happens in there.
Speaker 1:You're learning anyway, you're learning, and that's always good, absolutely, because sometimes as well, we can always be thinking, I think, especially today, too far into the future. You know, always, five, ten years ahead, 15, you know, even really young people are already talking about their pensions, which is a good thing, but it can also cause a lot of worry and stress. And so, you know, just take a moment to chill and enjoy the moment as well. You don't really want to be worrying about that. No, you don't really want to be worrying about what your 20-year-old self say.
Speaker 1:If you're in your 20s and you're enjoying the position you're in, but you're thinking, well, there's not that much of a career path. You don't want to be worrying about yourself what your 40 year old self would do, because by the time you're 40 you might have had a spin-off, say, business from what you're doing now and have had a great idea or a new opportunity, and you can't really tell because we're not fortune tellers, nobody is. So you can't look into the future and say this is what's going to happen to me in the future. You can just be sensible, obviously, be financially responsible and look after your finances and things, but don't get too stressed out about what your 40-year-old self or 30-year-old self will think about yourself. Yeah, I do agree with that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because that can be quite. It stunts you. It's like when they say, when you're taking a picture, you don't actually get to live it the moment. I think if you're thinking about yourself in your future self, it's like you're taking a picture but you can't actually live it the moment. I think if you're thinking about yourself in your future self, you're sort of you. It's like you're taking the picture but you can't actually live it. Don't know if you get what I'm saying. You're not present, are you? Yeah, you're not present.
Speaker 1:So you're always jumping ahead, whereas the real journey in life is the actual journey. You're on, that's the real thing. That's the only real thing. The past is the past and you're on. That's the real thing. That's the only real thing. The past is the past and the future is just an imagination of what we can just imagine what it's going to be like. We have no idea and we end up always chasing, chasing, chasing the next thing. Yeah, so it's good to be financially responsible and it's good to, I think, enjoy what you're doing. And good to be financially responsible and it's good to, I think, enjoy what you're doing and good to embrace change as well and don't be and allow for the growth. Yeah, don't be fixated on it.
Speaker 1:And it's too difficult, because a lot of the stuff, the things you think are too difficult, they're not really that hard once you start doing them. Well, once you you take them down into little, small chunks, you don't just see the massive thing. It's like you want to learn how to make a cake. Oh my god, it's so complicated. Just look at it, try and do it step by step. And it's the same with everything. Really, it's breaking it down into doable actions. You just do one little action at a time, then you put them together and then you may get a good cake or you may get a disaster, but you've done it, you've, you've taken, you learn it.
Speaker 1:Hopefully, you can eat it. Sometimes you can't eat it, but you've got feedback, you can eat it. Sometimes you can't eat it, but you've got feedback, you can eat it. Well, not if it's like raw, I mean it hasn't cooked properly or something. But yes, I mean I've eaten. Put it in the microwave yeah, we've done that before. Yeah, uncooked cake all right. Sticky toffee chocolate cake yeah, we've always tried to fix things like like that, so there might be some kind of way of fixing it as well. Yes, I'm sure there is. Well, anyway, let us know what you think.
Speaker 1:Are you flexible? You open to change? I think you know, the more time it passes, the more change we embrace, we get more and more adventurous, don't we? Well, I think, ever since we decided to say to ourselves you know, like the mantra, if it's difficult and we don't want to do it, we're going to do it, that means we have to do it. Yeah, that became like our mantra, like almost 10 years ago now, if it's difficult, oh god, no, I don't want to do that, do it. Do it, because it means you're going to grow while you're doing that.
Speaker 1:What is easy, what is the normal thing, is like you're always in that comfort area, your comfort zone. When it's difficult, it's a challenge, I mean as long as it doesn't make you sick to the stomach, but sometimes they can. Even they can make you, yeah, but you still do it, and then you have this sense of pride at the end of it. You certainly do well, text us with your thoughts and see you soon, see you next week, and thanks for your love and support. More and more. Yeah, it's becoming, it's increasing and we're starting to actually feel more connected to you. Yes, so that's great, very good. Lots of love and smiles from the english sisters. Bye, bye, and come and give us some love on youtube too, where you can see the video and the podcast as well. Bye, bye, bye.
