Choosing Comfort Over Style: A Journey to Genuine Self-Confidence?

Can choosing comfort over style actually boost your self-confidence? This week on "Get Real With the English Sisters," we explore a woman's journey sparked by a Reddit thread, where she feels more self-assured but less inclined to wear makeup or dress up. We dissect whether this newfound confidence is genuine or a form of complacency, and question the societal expectations that push us towards maintaining a certain appearance. Reflecting on personal experiences and observations, we delve into the impact of these choices on self-esteem and social interactions, pondering the balance between self-care and the effort we put into how we look every day.

Join us as we navigate the liberating yet complex path of rejecting conventional beauty standards. From embracing a natural look inspired by figures like Pamela Anderson to questioning the social costs of opting out of traditional beauty norms, we share anecdotes and reflections that highlight the importance of authenticity in personal appearance. We discuss the subtle nuances of daily grooming habits and the deep-seated influences of upbringing on our attitudes towards makeup. Tune in for a compelling discussion on self-esteem, personal care, and the choices that shape how we present ourselves to the world.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Importance of Self-Care and Appearance
• 7:57 Exploring Self-Confidence and Personal Style
• 15:56 Personal Choices and Self-Confidence

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Self-care and how much effort you put into your everyday looks and general well-being. That's what we're going to be talking about today In this week's episode of Get Real With the English Sisters. Please vote for us from the 1st of August, because we're nominated for the Women in Podcasting Awards and the link will be there for you to go and vote for us. We're really counting on your vote. Yes, we really really are. So, please do. And so right, let's get. Let's get into this. Yeah, I was week's episode. I know.

Speaker 1: 0:43

I was reading on Reddit the other day. This lady was saying is this normal? I've come to a certain age where I just feel confident and I can't be bothered to put my makeup on like I used to. I used to spend hours doing my makeup in the morning and, you know, taking a lot of care in what I was wearing and what, what I do. And now I just find myself I just want to go out in a t-shirt and the jeans every day and not bother with any makeup or anything. Well, I'm hearing two words here. I'm hearing I feel confident and and I want to go out in a t-shirt and jeans. So I I think, if she feels confident and she wants to. They're very, because she was saying is this normal or is there something wrong with me? Why am I feeling like this now? Well, how old was she? You don't know, because it was just a thread. Yeah, did she mention any other particular? I think she was over 30. Over 30. It was just a thread. Yeah, did she mention any other particular over 30? Over 30? Um, well, it sounds like she's coming to her own and she doesn't feel like she needs the armor. Yes, yes, and the uh and the you know, yeah, and the whole. Yeah, the whole sort of outfits. Yeah, and she just decided to just go out in jeans and a t-shirt all the time. Yeah, she's just questioning it.

Speaker 1: 2:11

I think, because she's the, I think there's still, if she's questioning it like that, is there a part of her that feels like she's missing out on something? Well, yeah, I do. I do because I think, if you are feeling so confident, I don't think you would really write it down in, even, you know, online. Why would you bother writing? She was asking for other ladies opinions. So I think, yeah, maybe, if you're asking for the ladies opinion, there's a part of you that does think. Perhaps I'm not, I'm feeling a bit down or I'm, you know, not really.

Speaker 1: 2:40

There's something I think maybe she was sort of lacking a sort of say why bother? Why should I bother? You know, getting dressed up there's no need, sort of thing. Maybe you know, it's a bit like when they say when, after you get married, then you don't like what they say about some. You know they used to say about the men oh, you can grow a belly bit. Now they grow the dad bod, don't they? What it's called? Yeah, well, well, they don't grow it, they get it. Yeah, exactly, yeah. And then they say, oh, you don't have to worry anymore now you're married. And uh, well, maybe, if it's like that, maybe then there is an issue because it means that, yeah, I think, if you're listening to this and you're questioning, did I used to make more of an effort before than I do, than I do now?

Speaker 1: 3:28

Is it really a choice that I've come because I'm owning it and I feel really confident and happy, yeah, like, dressed like this, or is there a part of me that, say, when I meet up with my friends, my girlfriends or friends or boyfriends, is there a part of me that that's thinking so, feel the things am I doing, you know, am I doing myself more harm than good? Is this making me feel good or is this making me actually feel worse? Is this, is this bringing me down? Sometimes being too stubborn about a t-shirt and jeans is not going to make you feel good. If you think, no, this is who I am now always a t-shirt and jeans. But then you're looking at your other girlfriends and they look prettier than, or you think they look pretty because they're wearing pretty clothes and they've, they've, like, made an effort to perhaps, you know, buy a little new dress or something, and then you think I'm always in my same t-shirt and jeans and you kind of feel a bit. Yeah, I think I think that would, you know, make you probably feel a bit left out. So is this just you being so determined into just wearing your t-shirt and jeans? Yeah, or not just it, but it could be like something else, you know, like a tracksuit or something like joggers. Yeah, I know what you mean these comfy clothes, never, never bothering to.

Speaker 1: 4:49

Actually, you know she said before she used to spend hours out doing her makeup in the morning. Well, there you go, these hours that were spent before on herself. Were they mindful hours. Was she enjoying it? We don't know, I don't know, yeah, I, we don't know, I don't know. Yeah, I'd say if they were mindful she would probably still be doing it now. Maybe she just did it because she, she thought she had to, yeah, to conform to society. And now she feels free. Yeah, that's lovely, you feel free, and then, but then why write it on the thread? So I mean, we know, because you know, obviously we've had friends that have done this before as well.

Speaker 1: 5:26

You know, I'm thinking of a few that just Let themselves go, let themselves go, and then when they come out and they see us, we still make an effort, even though we're over 50, and we still make an effort. You know they say, oh, you look nice, oh, I wish I'd done that, I wish I'd done my hair, you know. So maybe I don't really know, because for me I just wouldn't. I just I can only speak for myself. In this particular case, I would feel bad if I didn't look after myself for us.

Speaker 1: 5:58

I think it's part of our self-care, isn't it something that we actually enjoy doing? I actually enjoy doing. Yeah, me too. Yeah, and I get excited about the new products.

Speaker 1: 6:06

Yeah, new things are coming out and makeup I need to do doesn't take. It's like a creative process. It takes a bit longer for me. You're always quick, I'm really quick with it, and then, obviously, if I don't want to wear it, I don't have to feel forced to wear it. No, I am more confident now as I've aged.

Speaker 1: 6:28

Before, when I was younger, I was always very, very concerned about all the makeup had to be on and I would spend hours doing it. I think if I had to go for an event like sometimes we go to events I would still spend probably at least 35 to 40 minutes doing it. Yeah, one layer on and then you put your creams on, then you put your foundation and then all the various layers. I would still do that and enjoy it. Yeah, it's like a self-care ritual, isn't it? Yeah, it's a bit like exactly a self-care ritual. Yeah, it's like a mindful moment for us, but maybe other people aren't. You know everyone's different.

Speaker 1: 7:07

Some people find it like it's like Tiring, tiring or it's enslaving them into looking like something that they don't really feel To conform with. Why does a woman sort of always have to be? Well, it's a bit less nowadays, but still I think perhaps in many places, it's still. It's still sort of. I mean, hardly anyone looks at the men, do they? No, it's always I don't know. Or they do look at the men, but well, look as a man who just always wears t-shirt and jeans. If they're smart, t-shirt and jeans, I guess. So yeah, if he's not, if it's not a professional environment, if it's just for when he goes out, that's perfectly fine. Obviously, it's fine for a, for a woman as well.

Speaker 1: 7:57

It's just the question is how do you feel? That's all the question, that's the only question. That's the point that the whole point of it is how do you? How does it make you feel? Does it make you feel liberated and you're enjoying this newfound freedom that you've got? And you think, no, I don't have to conform to society. Yeah, I don't have to have all the pressure of having to put all that extra jewelry, the ways, a ton on, and I don't want to make my hair and and, yeah, I'm free, I'm a natural, natural, natural person just going around naturally. Yes, yeah, we were intended really well, yes.

Speaker 1: 8:33

Or do you feel like if, as if? Do you feel in the heart of hearts that you are? You know, you do reminisce over the times when you look better, or when you see your friends or your colleagues looking, uh, you know, as if they've made that extra effort, yeah, do you feel? Does it make you feel bad? Or do you do you rejoice and think, yes, good, oh, thank goodness I don't have all that hassle there's a lot of, because I'm thinking of one person in particular that I know that, um, that she always says that she doesn't want to make an effort and that she's glad that she's freed herself from all these like shackles and chains, and that it's all ridiculous, ridiculous, but then she's always, she never, like, wants to participate in anything. No photos, always no photos. She never wants to participate in anything.

Speaker 1: 9:21

And and it's just, what is the cost of this freedom? I wonder sometimes, exactly because I can't is it true freedom? Or is it that you just don't feel confident enough to, or that you're feeling slightly down and you don't want to be bothered to make that extra effort? Yeah, that's the real question. What cost, at what cost am I deciding to go like and go and just say, okay, I just want to be au naturel? You know completely, yeah, because we've spoken about this before.

Speaker 1: 9:52

Like, if you, if you are looking like that au naturel and you get invited to go to, like, some evening event, would you go? If you say, yeah, sure, of course I'd go. This is this is me. I love looking like this. Yes, this is amazing. You know I'm fine. You know if, if the club or whatever requires for me to put a jacket on or something, I just put it on. But I feel great. Yes, exactly, I really look, enjoy the way I'm looking. Yes, then then that's fine. You know you're owning it. Oh yeah, that's for you. You don't have to bother with all the extra, you know stuff that maybe was holding you back before. And good for you. Yeah, there are people. Yeah, so many, so many people. And good, it's a good thing.

Speaker 1: 10:35

But then, on the other hand, if you're thinking, oh no, I'm not, you know, oh no, I'm not going to that, if it's limiting your life, limiting your opportunities, because there's a part of you that deep down under thinks that you don't, wouldn't look appropriate in that place or you wouldn't. Oh no, that's sort of not for me Any more. Yeah, why any more? Oh, my gosh, yeah, exactly. Oh, that hits it on my heart. Any more, that's right. Oh no, that's something that I would have done like 10 years ago and but now, no, I can't accept that invite. Or if it's going to be limiting your life like that, it should be. That's too high a cost. Yes, it should be giving you that full freedom. You know there are people like even you know loads of women that have just decided go get really short haircuts, go for it. Freedom, total freedom. No more buying makeup, just sun cream on.

Speaker 1: 11:36

Yeah, wearing trainers I mean sometimes trainers, can you know they can make you feel free, gosh. Yeah, when we started wearing trainers, it was a completely different world, I know. Yeah, we were in high heels, felt as if that liberated us. Yes, yes, we could actually walk to places properly without thinking, no, that's too far to walk to. Well, this is what happened with the pandemic. Yeah, we started wearing trainers and then, slowly, sometimes there's some, some fashion changes can really, uh, you know, give you that freedom and empower you. But then you know we're not writing on reddit why can't we wear high heels anymore. No, we're happy that we've freed ourselves and then, if we need heels, we'll wear them.

Speaker 1: 12:22

Pack our trainers in a bag and take the heels and put them on at the event if it's necessary. Yeah, yeah, but for an event I would definitely take a pair of shoes like normal shoes, yeah, with it, with a heel if necessary, obviously. I wouldn't, you know, sacrifice my, my well-being by wearing very, very high heels. I might think I'm going to fall over. No, no, I wouldn't. I've never done that, though it's not like anymore, because before that's exactly what I would have done wore a 12 inch heel. I wouldn't do that before and I wouldn't do it now, being over 50, so I would have never done that, because it's the anymore.

Speaker 1: 13:04

That really hit me when you said that, yeah, yeah, I think that's the thing to watch out. Yeah, yeah, because I mean, why can't you do it now? Just because you are, you know, over 30, over 50, over 40, doesn't? Yeah, because some people think that, okay, well, when I've had children, then that's it, then I can't look like what I did before. It's just, which is absolutely ridiculous. You know, I can't do the things like I did before I had kids because I am a mum now and I've got. I look different now to what I did before, but it doesn't have to be the case. No, it doesn't have to be the case and you can own how you look at any age in your life and enjoy it. And you know, sometimes you think it's like that because I remember before we had kids.

Speaker 1: 13:48

You know you, the people would say, oh, you're. You know the people you know. Other women would say, oh, you'll remember. You know you're going to be changing after childbirth. You know all the myths that come along with it. Yeah and okay, you might grow two centimeters at the hip. There's no big deal if you look after yourself and you carry on doing what you were doing before. In general, you're going to get back into your more or less yeah, more or less yes, like what. You might have a few extra pounds on, but who cares? Especially at the beginning, the first few years, it's normal and healthy for you to have a few extra pounds. Well, even more than a few years, it's absolutely normal.

Speaker 1: 14:26

But there's, you know, there's no need to feel that you're feeling different or you it. We've got to remember the attraction is. The attraction, I think, comes from how your charisma and how you feel. So you can be any size, any body weight and you can feel fully, fully confident, super sexy in jeans and a t-shirt, if you really are confident and you're oozing and everyone else will probably wish I wish I wore my t-shirt and jeans. That's exactly what happens when you are confident. Everyone else comes towards you and say, look at her, gosh, she rocks that outfit. She looks so sexy. She looked because she's so confident. But if she's wearing those t-shirt and jeans and then she feels, oh my god, look at everyone else, gosh, you know, I this then then that's where the problem is. Exactly yeah, touche, yeah, because that's really does, because it's so true, isn't it? It's so true. Whenever you see anyone that really has that beautiful confidence and they're, they've got joy within them then the beauty radiates from them. It doesn't really matter what they wear. It's like what mum used to say you can wear a bin bag. Yeah, you've got that shine within you. Exactly, you've got. You're going to carry it with confidence, no matter what you're wearing and whatever you're looking like.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Okay, you decide, because it's your choice, not to do your hair, to style your hair, obviously, you know, one would expect you would wash it and look normal, etc. But to Well, general hygiene is a different thing. General hygiene, yes, exactly, unless you want to go and become like a wilderness beast, and that's different. But if you just want to, you know, then that's a different story entirely. That's not what we're talking about. No, no, general hygiene I mean obviously, yes, I was just imagining somebody with really filthy hair. No, obviously not. But you know, generally, come on, usually, if you don't wash your hair unless it's a personal choice because you're on one of these things of not washing your hair unless it's a personal choice because you're on one of these things of not washing your hair, it's because you're not feeling well. You're not feeling well, you're not taking care of yourself. What was one of the first? Yes, definitely yes. So you know, get in the shower. Get in the shower. That's happening to you, because it'll make you feel a lot better. Yes, when you come out, you'll feel better and you're generally, yes, taking small steps to self-care. But that's a different situation.

Speaker 1: 17:06

We're talking about, yes, it's more extreme, deeper issues. Yes, this is just like someone saying should I own it? Own it and be confident If you really own it, if it's really 100% true. Ask yourself is it 100% true or is it because I can't be bothered anymore? Or is it because I don't feel I'm worth it anymore? Yes, because I don't deserve it anymore, because, whatever reason in life. I don't deserve to have nice clothes. I don't deserve. What is the real question there? Yes, that's a real question to be answered, because if you don't think you're worth it, so you won't invest even small amounts of money in yourself. Money and time, money and time. Exactly so it's. Your self-esteem is here. How much do you esteem yourself? How much would you put value on yourself? That's a real question.

Speaker 1: 18:05

I think, yeah, like Pamela Anderson, now she's rocking it, she's going around without any makeup on, great, and she loves it. And she says I've worn makeup for so many years and now I've got, and she's all into her skincare and everything. And she said I've got my glowing skin and I love it, and this is no makeup, no filter, look, and I am absolutely rocking it and enjoying it. Well, great, good for you. And that's also probably, yeah, some kind of publicity, isn't it? Because she's, she's doing her skincare, so it sounds like it's all part of me, even if it was, if it is or isn't, that's not that. She says she's confident and she looks confident. Well, I guess if she wasn't yeah, if she wasn't she wouldn't be wanting to do this. She would say, no, this is bad press for me. Yes, I'm not going out looking like that, exactly, no. So she's owning it and she's really happy with it and great for her and for so many women that are like my mum. She hated, oh, she would never touch it, she would never. No, no, so probably why we loved it so much? Yes, but it's, it's, uh, because it was like, oh, we can never find it.

Speaker 1: 19:11

This lady, this lady on reddit, said that she she also has had a refusal towards makeup and doing herself up so much because she says that her mum would never go out the house without even her false lashes on. Oh, so she would be the opposite, she would have to have a full, full, you know, like a mask on, yeah, face on. So she said that she's come to the conclusion she doesn't want to do that anymore. Well, she's still. There was red flags in her message because she was, she wasn't totally owning it.

Speaker 1: 19:42

I don't think who this lady? Oh, my god, I was getting confused with the other one with the false eyelashes, the false eyelashes with her mum, oh right, ah, so this lady who's decided to wear jeans and a t-shirt had a mother who was overly, yeah, but she said most of her life she has put on full makeup and really enjoyed the way she looked. Listen, listening to the history, then, obviously, yes, I can. I'm beginning to get a bigger picture here. So the history was with an, a mother who was overly concerned about her appearance, very, very insecure, always having to go out super, super made up, thus her making this decision. Perhaps it's it's like an act of rebellion against her mother. Still, even though you know, you never know, you don't really know. Yes, well, anyway, definitely, definitely something that you know you would have to consider.

Speaker 1: 20:35

Perhaps, so, yeah, so, yeah, we never did have any makeup in the house, did we? Oh, no, no, we, no, we, yeah, we wanted it, we made it. Yeah, in the end, we made it. In the end, we made our own blusher. We, we got some. Mom and dad weren't too happy, but the fact that we'd made it ourselves, they couldn't say no, they couldn't say no to it, we couldn't wear it.

Speaker 1: 21:02

We were 12 and 13 with talc, with some talcum powder, and we put it in this little container and some pink food dye, which used to be cochinella no, I don't think it was poisonous, because it was a natural dye from the cochinella insects. No, no, it don't think it was poisonous because it was a natural dye, yeah, but I think they said it was poisonous afterwards. No, no, it wasn't poisonous. I remember being really, I mean really freaked out because I remembered the dye was actually made from, like these tiny little ants, you know, those red little tiny spiders, yeah, but I think that's why I've got them in the garden. Yeah, well, of course, I mean, they don't use that anymore to make that, no, but I thought it's because it has some poisonous ingredient in it, doesn't? Well, I don't think so. It's probably safer than the dyes I used today. Yeah, anyway, that. So we made that.

Speaker 1: 21:52

And then we put on rosy little cheeks. Yeah, I would, yeah, we would paint on pink these little rosy cheeks, just and obviously. And they couldn't say anything. They couldn't say anything. But I remember going to school and the headmistress said, oh, there's no makeup on allowed at school. And I thought, oh, she thinks this is makeup, cool, yay, so I look like I've got makeup on. I mean, we were so desperate for it. I actually got taken away. No, no, you have to take it off. And I thought, oh well, you know it's makeup, it's officially been approved, that's good. Yeah, and then, yeah, we couldn't because mum didn't want us to wear makeup either. No, no, we were not allowed to wear makeup. No, until what? Age 15, I think Couldn't say much.

Speaker 1: 22:41

After we started making it. If you can't buy it, make it. I mean, that's where we come from. I think after we were 14 or 15, we started getting our pocket money Pocket money and just buying it and buying it at the shops, yeah, and then boots. I remember our favorite place, yeah, it was.

Speaker 1: 23:00

Yeah, we'd spend hours in that shop, wouldn't we just look, browsing through the makeup. I suppose that would be like what would it be for the us? Like walmart? Walmart, yeah, something like that. Yeah, definitely, it was just one of these large stores where they had makeup that was available for for all ages. Really, they had all the different brands, yeah, and you could find that, yeah, the very accessible brands that teenagers would go and look at, and that's where we would be looking to see if our pennies would be able to buy us something, and so, yeah, it's quite exciting, though it was exciting and and I still like buying it today love for it now, isn't it? Yeah, that's continued. It has, yes, it's continued. They're still very excited about all the new stuff that comes out. Yeah, we still look at the new colors and the ranges anyway. Yes, so, but anyway.

Speaker 1: 23:57

So let us know how you feel. Have you decided to, you know, go for the natural look and do you own it, or do you find that there's a part of you that wishes that? Maybe not every day, but you would, you know, still, you know, make that special effort when you go out for the evening. Yeah, I think, if you have to say, if you add the thing anymore, no, it's not for me anymore. Yeah, look, look, look at your words closely.

Speaker 1: 24:23

I'm just thinking now, because just the other night I went out for a pizza with my husband and I made the effort and I was looking all pretty and he was delighted and I got lots of compliments from him, even though, I mean, we've been married for over 30 years now, and he was saying, oh, you look so pretty. And then, and so he started taking a picture of me. Oh, here I take a picture. And I took a picture of him. Then there was the ladies, that there was a lady sitting right close to me with her husband. Well, I presume it was her husband I've just invented that, but somebody, anyway, he looked pretty, he looked like he was a husband and and, and he, he said, I think, to her, when he saw us taking photos, he said to her do you want a photo? And she said, oh, no, you know, like per carita, she said but my goodness, I don't want to. No, no way, no way, yes, like.

Speaker 1: 25:18

And that she looked very insecure. All her body language was giving me because she had not. You know, she, she was like this t-shirt and jeans, literally, even though the location was quite, you know, elegant. And I thought to myself, maybe she's just feeling insecure because she hasn't, you know, made the effort her husband had offered to. He actually offered to take a picture. He wanted to take a picture of her. So he obviously thinks she looks beautiful. Well, I do. Yeah, he probably thought, oh, let's commemorate this little evening as well, because we were taking a few pictures, I don't know. But yeah, I just thought in my head. I thought she's feeling insecure.

Speaker 1: 26:02

Well, she, well, she actually touched it. She had, like a t-shirt on. She touched it. Yeah, yeah, anyway, that was just a little side. So if you touch your t-shirt and you love it, good for you and own it and be proud and you're fine.

Speaker 1: 26:10

Yeah, own yourself a scene, but if you're worried about it or you're stopping you from having making memories because that photo could have been a memory for them to cherish in the future, yeah, um, you know, think about it. Maybe it's worth making a little bit more effort. Yes, so just see how you feel, because really it's all about feelings and how you're feeling and how you know your emotions are doing. How. Exactly that's what it's all about, isn't it? It's all about exactly that how you feel. So let us know, send us a text and let us know how you're feeling about this episode, and remember to vote for us in the women in podcasting awards. And please do come and follow us on apple, youtube or wherever you get your podcasts, and come and say hi on, yes, instagram. Yeah too, where we'll be waiting for you. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye for now.