The Essence of True Friendship: Joy, Empathy, and Longevity

What does it mean to be a true friend? Join us on Get Real with the English Sisters as we unravel the fabric of genuine friendship, emphasizing the profound impact it has on our lives. From being a reliable shoulder in tough times to celebrating each other's victories without a hint of jealousy, we explore the rare and precious nature of mutual joy and unconditional support. Drawing from our personal experiences, we delve into the importance of empathy and the vital bond that holds friendships together. We also reflect on how these connections play a significant role in our overall happiness and longevity, particularly in tightly-knit communities like those in the Mediterranean blue zones.

In this heartwarming and sometimes humorous episode, we recount a viral Instagram moment that hilariously captures the curly hair struggle, setting the stage for a discussion on the necessity of prioritizing relationships over work. We touch upon the effort required to nurture these relationships and their immense value in our lives. From the importance of being present with loved ones in their final moments to the social habits that contribute to a longer, happier life, we cover it all. Plus, we share some exciting news about the upcoming Women in Podcasting Awards and invite our listeners to connect with us on Instagram and YouTube. Tune in for a special conversation that underscores why it's crucial to express love and appreciation to those who matter most.

Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety.  Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!

Love and smiles from The English Sisters.

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Chapters

• 0:00 The Importance of True Friendship
• 12:38 True Friendship and Connection
• 26:24 The Value of True Friendships

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

true friendships, yes, and what is a real good friend, and what does that mean exactly? You know someone that you can count on in maybe good and bad times. Is it somebody that you could call to take you to the airport, like at 3am? Is that a really good friend, I wonder. That's what we're going to be chatting about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters, and also how important friendship is for longevity living a long and happy life. You'll be surprised, absolutely. So please do vote for us in the Women in Podcast Awards and, as you know, we consider you our brothers and sisters and we love you all very much. So thank you so much for all your support. Yes, we're actually beaming with smiles at the moment, and if you're listening, obviously you can't see them, but I hope you can feel them, or watch us on YouTube and you'll see us smiling. We're very, very happy to be here in our little podcasting room. Yes, and our podcast is growing. Thanks to you, it's doubled in viewership and listenership. Yes, absolutely. So. That's absolutely amazing. More than 89 countries around the world now. Yes, yes, thank you, yes, yes, thank you so much.

Speaker 1: 1:29

Right, so what are true friends? Well, you're my true friend and you're my true friend and my true sister, yeah, and real sister, because we're real biological sisters. Could I call you at three o'clock in the morning? Absolutely, of course you could. I mean you can't drive at night, but you're watching me. I mean I can drive now. I've got my new, my new spectacles, my new glasses. I can actually drive at night. Would I be happy? No, but uh, yes, I can drive. I'll probably be a bit nervous, but but, yes, your husband would do it. Oh, my husband would do it. Yeah, my brother-in-law, yeah, your brother-in-law would definitely take you if you needed to. But, yes, apart from driving to the airport at 3am, what are other signs?

Speaker 1: 2:21

I think another sign of a good friend is like which is something that might be quite underestimated, that you might not realize is that, when you've had some really good news, who are you wanting to tell them about? Who do you want to pick up the phone to or text straight away? Ah, so you mean not just bad news, no, no, really good news. Somebody who you know is gonna share the same excitement because they're rooting for you. Yeah, in the same kind of way, yeah, somebody who's going to be just as happy exactly because they love you unconditionally. Yeah, yeah, I mean that's.

Speaker 1: 2:59

I think that's more rare, because I think a lot of the times you might find someone that's really happy to help you out, but then someone that's not going to be like envious or jealous of you if you've got good news, it's going to be. Sometimes it's a bit bittersweet, isn't it, when you have that kind of friendship and you want to tell them but that you know that they may also have wanted that and so they might, whereas they still you know, they you but they're not going to be completely joyful for you. No, they're going to be a bit resentful, yeah. So you might think, oh, I won't tell them, yes, you'll keep it to yourself more, but they're still friends. They're still good friends. Yeah, they're good friends, but they're not 100%. Yeah, they're good friends. You can't just like not 100 friends.

Speaker 1: 3:46

I think yeah, because I think to be a someone that you're like, really, really gel with, but I don't know, maybe that's asking for too much. Someone you really really gel with you have to like really. They really have to be really happy for you if something nice or good happens in your life to you, and they also have to be there for you if something not so nice or terrible happens to you. So they have to be there for you. Well, you gel with them in the sense that you like, you know, you like they flow together. You like flow. Yeah, they're like gelatines or like Sticky. They're like yes, yes, they're sticky. They're like yes, yes, I understand they're almost like part of you, aren't they? They're like an extension of you. So if you're happy, they're happy. If you're sad, they're a bit more sad because they're gonna, they're gonna, share that space with they. Have that strong empathy. Yes, yeah, that is quite rare, I mean, we have that.

Speaker 1: 4:44

But if I look at the, I can't really say that that's always been the case. A lot of the times I've had to like, maybe not share some really good news with a friend Because I thought, oh dear, with someone else, yeah, not with me, no, not with you. I've shared the good news Definitely, but not, maybe, with other, you know, with other people. Yeah, just in case. I might think, oh, I can, even. I can think that can even happen with partners as well. With your partner? Oh, yeah, definitely.

Speaker 1: 5:17

With partners, I think there's a distinguished. You've got to think your partner doesn't always necessarily have to be your best friend. You have a romantic relationship with your partner. That can be. It's great if they are your best friend, but if they're not your best friend, it's not, it's no biggie. No, I mean, they're your romantic partner. They have a very specific role in your life. They have to be there for you. They're definitely there in bad times.

Speaker 1: 5:47

It says, yes, I mean, that's just how, when you get married? When you get married, yes, it's in sickness and in health, uh, but just referring to the health side, not like, not like if something great happens to you, so, like you, you're both working in the same job, and then you get a promotion and the other person doesn't. You know, that can be a quite, quite a tough one to take on board, can't it? I think a lot of people struggle with that in in romantic relationships, yeah, yeah, when one of you earns more, especially if you're like you know, and then the the financial aspect might get a little bit in the way, but that's a different thing. But yes, it does mingle though, because a lot of the time to phone your friend and tell them or text them and say let's meet up and celebrate well, well, I'd tell you, yeah, but I mean no, I would also tell my husband. Yes, people would. Yes, if I've got any good news, I would tell him. But as far as like the English sisters go, you know, from our point of view, I would obviously tell you any good news that came along, because we're in it together. Yes, yes, exactly, we're in it together, you're right.

Speaker 1: 7:05

But I think sometimes we do have to be a bit careful with the people around us, don't we? We have to be like less sort of take up less room. Yes, yeah, which I think as women, we're used to doing that a lot. Yeah, I think you know. Yeah, big size, because we've come to a point in our life where I'm, I'm, I'm quite tired of making myself small. Yeah, so as to, you know, make other people feel big. Yeah, you know, I'm sick of that, you know. And, and so many ways. Yeah, so you've got it. You think, look, that's it. You know, maybe it's because I've reached, you know, 50 or whatever, and and by the time you, you know, you kind of, you mature, you wisen up and you think, look, I don't want to make myself small anymore.

Speaker 1: 7:54

But, yes, this can also be applied to friendships, if you find that you're always having to make yourself small, occupy less space. The other person's always like the one with the good news and the happy and all the sad, oh, the one that's always dominating the whole conversation all the time. Yeah, yeah, that can be, that can be tiring, can't it? I think that's definitely a red flag you know to to watch out, yeah, and I think, I mean you're already lucky if you have friendships, because I think more and more people are struggling. Now, that's's what I was thinking.

Speaker 1: 8:25

I was thinking, like a lot of people, they'll go. They might go and make a video, like on one of the social media channels, saying how upset or sad they are, yeah, and yet they won't pick up their phone, either because they don't feel comfortable in confiding with a friend, yes, or because they feel as if you know they're going to bother that person, or because they really haven't got a real life friendship, yeah, which is really sad, because I mean there's nothing like looking into a person's eyes and actually talking to them face to face. No, it's very healing, it is a very yes, I mean we're actually one of the loneliest societies, you know. We've said this before in other podcasts that we're actually, you know, now, as human beings, we're the loneliest we've ever been, and yet we're so connected. But is it that you find that because we are so connected online that it's like it's easier and easier, like so, you don't even have to go out now to to eat, you can order in. You don't have to go out to get your groceries, you can order them in? Yes, you don't have to go out to, you know, to buy things. There's less and less and less actual inter social connections going on. It's we have to be very careful of that.

Speaker 1: 9:43

I think we do, because it's, uh, it's surprising how healing it can be, yes, to just look into someone's eyes and just have a quick chat with someone, absolutely, and friendships come, like what you said, they don't it doesn't have to be 100. You know, I don't be so picky in the beginning. No, if you're looking to to form friendships, you know, be a bit more flexible, be a bit more relaxed. Say, okay, I've got a friend when I go mountain climbing, I've got that person that I can share that with. Or when I go to golf, oh yeah, I know what you mean. Yes, you don't have to think that person has to be my end it and everything. No, no, no, no, no. It's the same way.

Speaker 1: 10:27

I was speaking about romantic relationships. Okay, when you speak to them, they might not be interested in everything your shoes or your bag or everything. They don't necessarily your hair colour. They don't have to be your best friend in that aspect. You can't expect everything from one person. That you can have lots of different people for different things. I think, yeah, yeah, and if you can, but cultivate them, don't use them.

Speaker 1: 10:57

I think what's what's really hard is I think my daughter was telling me that so she lives in london and she says when you're in london, you have to. She has very good friends, which is really lovely, but she says that everybody's. So their schedules are so packed that, like weekends are booked in advance, so you actually have to write to a friend say can you, can you save this, save the date for this, and we'll go out together or we'll do something together, whereas it's not like it used to be in small communities, when you would just pop round. I mean I remember people would just pop round and pop in. Oh yeah, all the time that now you'd be scared. I mean I would think, oh no, they're gonna pop round when I've got a mud mask on my face.

Speaker 1: 11:44

Do you remember we used to run upstairs and hide because my friends would just pop in and I would think, no. But nowadays, of course, you're texting, wouldn't you? Well, yeah, would they. Sometimes, I mean, they would ring the bell. Oh, they would just ring the bell. Yeah, they would call in. It was cool. They would come in, yeah, come in. Come up the garden park, yeah, and say, oh, I've just come in, are you coming out for a bit? You go, yeah, do you want to go for tea? Do you want to go out? Do you want to go to the park? Do you remember those first boyfriends we had? They would just turn up at that, they would definitely just ring on the doorbell. That's why I remember running up the stairs once thinking, oh my God, no, he's going to see me looking like this, that nightmare. Or or thinking, oh, no, I don't look, I look horrible. You know my hair's gone, nuts or whatever. Running away from them and then sending them and saying, no, no, I'm not there.

Speaker 1: 12:38

There's a funny video on one of the I think it was on instagram of these two girls and one had lovely straight hair and the other one was fizzed up. The other one had curly hair and she said is this, what? How you wake up in the morning? The one with curly hair, like that, was in a real state yeah, fizz bomb. And the other one woke up like a silky, smooth mane, as if she had the envy she hadn't even slept. Oh my god, no, that's not for us. Our hair is fizz bomb. Yeah, curly, my goodness, let alone in those years. Even wilder had a good laugh though, didn't they, those two friends, one waking up like that. We wake up in the same state when we go away together. Oh, yeah, sure we do. Yeah, definitely, yeah, we had our good friend beautiful, long hair, blonde hair, always straight, always perfect. Yes, I've had that experience as well, waking up together thinking, oh my god, they're fun though, aren't they these sleepovers? Yes, they are fun with good friends, definitely.

Speaker 1: 13:55

That's what we're going back to saying, you know, and also maybe ask yourself what is a good friend? You know, how am I showing myself to be good friend? Because sometimes it's not just tit for tat, so like, if the other friend has been like not that great friend to you, does that mean that you're not a great friend back to them so, oh no, they didn't bother with this or they flake. They didn't turn up to that. So does that mean I don't have to bother either? You know, what do you put first? You prioritize your friendships or do you prioritize other things?

Speaker 1: 14:30

So what you're saying that we should try and prioritize a little bit more, I think, because they're so important, exactly because for us, for our longevity, to be close to other human beings on our deathbed. Who, what do we say? We prioritize our work or our friendships and our loving relationships? Yeah, I don't think anyone thinks about their work ever. Oh my god, I haven't shipped that order out. Or I don't think anyone thinks about their work ever. Oh my god, I haven't shipped that order out, or I haven't done that. No, I doubt it. I doubt it. I very much imagine you would think I want everyone I love close to me. Exactly, I want them to be there.

Speaker 1: 15:05

And um, I was listening to a podcast yesterday, actually, and um, it's about this, this guy who's talking about dreaming. He's a dream specialist and he was saying that, apparently, after your heart stops, he's also a neuroscientist, I can't remember the name now, but and he said, after your heart stops, your brain has this immense cerebral activity that can last for like quite a few seconds after death. So it was saying it's important for you know, for the people that you love, to stay with you during that time. He says, whereas before they believed, okay, the, you know, the heart has stopped, but now they wait. He says I recommend you know, my, the family, to wait with the person, make sure they're really dead. No, no, not to make sure they're really dead, but like just stay with them because that, he says, that's when, that's why you know, like people say they have when they're near death, after near death experiences. Then he says they have these immense dreams where they talk about it. Well, he says that the brain shows it's like all it goes like extra hot, same way it does while you're dreaming just before death. So he says this can be a consolation to all of us.

Speaker 1: 16:28

But the only reason why I'm mentioning it is because he was saying that he has being a cancer specialist as well. He says that he has. He sees a lot of friends and families that just want to walk away at that moment. But he recommends they wait and everyone, because you said that everyone on their deathbed they want to see, don't be so confused now. No, because on your deathbed they want to see. Don't be so confused now. No, because on your deathbed I mean you wouldn't want people to say, all right, hey, you're dead, I'm off. No, no, but it's like, and you spend a few minutes, don't you? Yeah, yeah, but it's a little bit longer than you would expect. He says like to keep holding the hand and be with that person a little bit longer.

Speaker 1: 17:09

Anyway, that was just a little thing, but I was saying it's because of the importance of friendships and of loved ones, exactly, and who you want, you know, in times not only of need. Well, they say that having good friendships can extend your life by 10, 15 years. Incredible, it's not just you know, your healthy lifestyle and your healthy habits. No, no, it's also the friendships and the love that you have. No, no, it's also the friendships and the love that you have, um, they, and they were also saying that, maybe because a mediterranean, these so-called blue zones, have more healthier diets, but they also have like healthy, like um, habits. So they eat together, they chat a lot, they spend a lot of time together. Oh, my gosh, you know they've walked up to their friends' houses up in the villages. Oh, yeah, like here in Italy, there are so many communities that are still like that. Yeah, and they do. Yes, especially the older generations, but even the younger ones still really want to adopt that way of lifestyle. I think, yes, and they still do. There's a lot of getting together the groups. Yeah, definitely, that's so healthy. They will all go out and eat together all, or they're all cooked together, which is like this real bonding pass me this, pass me that you all cook together. You eat together? Yeah, definitely, and you're talking.

Speaker 1: 18:31

You're not sitting in front of a tv, no, on your own again. Or in front of a screen. Now, it's many screens. They don't even have television much. Well, yeah, a screen in front of a screen, just eating on your own or mindlessly scrolling and making you feel as if, because I think, yeah, okay, I love social media as well. I do too.

Speaker 1: 18:53

If you're on it for a few minutes and if there's something that inspires you and you go off and do something inspiring and it's really lovely, yeah, but if you find that you're, you know you're just procrastinating, you're not doing something else. Maybe not calling a friend because you're just scrolling mindlessly through, oh my gosh, yeah, no, call the friend, call the friend. Don't allow this to be like it steals your time on this planet. Yeah, it does. It numbs your mind. It really does, because one fantastic reel can make you laugh, can get you inspired, can do so many things for you. You could oh, wow, that's a great recipe. Oh, wow, I love that design for my house. You can get inspired, but the problem is with the finger that you're just scrolling.

Speaker 1: 19:41

There's so much that we see that in the end, what we first got us inspired, sort of like disappears into the big blob of it all and it makes us restless and uninspired. I believe it does. And a lot of the times we used to get bored as well, before, before all the social media yeah, before all the social media because they said we have to limit it now for our children as well. I believe it, because before there would be more boredom. So they'd say let's go out for a bit. I'm going to go and see my friend. I'm going to go there. I'm going to go and see my friend. I'm going to go there. I'm going to go on my bike, I'm going to go down the road. Oh, absolutely, I'm going to go and make jam, even making jam or picking blackberries to make jam, these things.

Speaker 1: 20:21

I was listening to a football interview with Wayne Rooney. He's funny. He was saying in the interview he was making me laugh because he was saying oh, I was part of the. He was, I think he was in the euros or something. He said I was. I was always talking to someone, bothering someone, always doing something. I wouldn't be in my room for five minutes, I know. He said I was always having human interaction. He didn't say human, I was always talking to somebody because some of the time they were thinking you know, go, I just leave, leave me alone. Yeah, he said he was always looking for someone to talk to or bother or some activity to do to keep moving, whether it was whatever it was.

Speaker 1: 21:00

I think the fact that we stay so still now, with all our devices, it really does block us from all. The fact that we can just yeah, we can just FaceTime someone or play a game with someone and we feel as if we've had that interaction which, yes, we have in a way, but that doesn't substitute the real thing really going out. It's really meeting someone. There are difficulties, there are challenges, you might find traffic. Oh no, the, the, the server where you're eating might not have bought you the one, the plate you ordered or god knows what you know. Some hassle goes on. All these tiny little challenges that, yeah, they're just part of life. They're kind of like build resilience.

Speaker 1: 21:44

But if you, if you become less and less accustomed to them because you become so used to just clicking a button, ordering food Even now, in these small villages we live in, you can just order food after pandemic. Before the pandemic, none of this would have happened. But now you can order food and they just bring it, you know. So you don't have to go out, you don't have to do anything. No, and I think you hit it on the nail there that you do become less tolerant, much less tolerant. And it's like what they used to say about older people. Do you remember when they used to say, back in the day they said old people like they haven't got patience, exactly, they just get really stuck in their ways, they don't want to do anything. That's different. Yeah, they have to eat at the same time, do this and do that, and they won't be flexible anymore, they lose it. I think that's what's happening to our young people now, to a younger generation, because they're so used to getting everything. So this immediate reward, that any tiny little challenge, you know not just the younger, you know even people our age, everybody. I think everybody is suffering from this. Everybody, they're getting used to this. Immediate, ourselves included. Yes, we're getting used to ourselves. Immediate reward, immediate, uh answer.

Speaker 1: 22:57

You want to go out for pizza? You have to, but you have to get dressed. You have to get pretty if you want to, because we do. If you don't want, you don't have to. But there's, all these steps are involved, aren't they? Get in the car, drive there. You know, hopefully, the expensive. It's more expensive as well than if you just stay at home. You have to pay more, you have to go out, you have to get. You know, all that little thing that's involved. Maybe booking the restaurant, booking the pizzeria? Oh my gosh, yeah, otherwise, what do you do? Click a button, and so that's why.

Speaker 1: 23:28

But you're not going to get the same experience. You will not get it. And sometimes you get the experience of where it's crowded, it's noisy, exactly. You think you haven't had much of a good time, yes, and then. But then what happens? When you come back, somehow you appreciate being home. You look for a start. I mean when, like just the other day, we did that and I did come back thinking God, that was a bit noisy and that was crowded and we had to bother and we had to book it, and oh my God, yeah. But then I came back and I felt like happier, like more serene, more peaceful, more satisfied. I think so, yes, whereas I think if we just ordered it, it wouldn't have been the same. Well, it definitely wouldn't have been the same, but that's what I mean.

Speaker 1: 24:16

So the effort to go out, the effort to go out with friends, that's even harder because you've all got, like what you were saying schedules time. Somebody might not turn up, so that it's, but that's essential because it builds resilience in you and it keeps you flexible. And I'd also suggest maybe don't schedule everything so much and now a bit more freedom. Maybe leave two weekends in the month free so that you don't have to have so much scheduling. Maybe tell your friends that on these weekends I don't schedule stuff. So you know, do feel free to text me, me, and say let's go out, or feel free to do this, and, and, or even one week, one day a month, if you're really busy and you can't.

Speaker 1: 25:01

Yeah, I mean, we have a family holiday now and they're asking they were asking on the family chat what are you with with my husband, what, what? What are you with my husband? What are you doing? What are we going to be doing if you schedule the week? And I said, no, the schedule is to relax and have fun. Yeah, and then we'll play day by day. But I think that the fact that we do schedule so much of our time, it limits us in a way, because it doesn't allow us that freedom to just say I know the schedules, especially for the holiday. It's flexible. If you don't, you know you don't want to, yeah, yeah. But I just think this whole scheduling everything so much is just, it's just too much in my opinion. Yes, it doesn't leave that time just to just be able to breathe. For another creative option to just pop along or I don't know, random, something random. Allow for it. Allow for it. Yes, obviously it's nice to schedule and have things to look forward to and some things you have to like schedule well in advance if you want to go and see someone or go to a concert and things like that. But there's other things that you can just be a bit more easygoing, a bit more free flowing? Yeah, definitely. So let us know what you think.

Speaker 1: 26:24

Do you have good friends or do you think you're going to start cultivating new friendships now? Yeah, I hope you do. They do take effort, but they sure are well worth it. They're very worth it and they'll pay you back in many years, extended to your life, hopefully so. So it's definitely worth it is. It's great for you and it's great for them. And remember to tell your friends you love and appreciate them, because it's really important. Yes, it really is. We often forget that, don't we do? Yeah, we do, yeah, okay. So come and see us on uh, come and say hi on instagram, at get real with the english sisters, and on youtube too, and you can also send us a text, and from the 1st of august, you'll be able to vote for us in the women in podcasting awards, so we're really looking forward to that too. Lots of love and smiles from the english sisters.