It’s Okay Not To Be Okay: Breaking the Stigma Around Mental Health

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What if the societal pressure to always appear 'okay' is causing more harm than good? Join us as we challenge the deeply ingrained stigma around mental health, tracing its roots back to the Victorian era's obsession with outward appearances. We question whether society truly accepts the notion that it's okay not to be okay and explore the often-invisible struggles of mental health compared to physical ailments. By examining historical context and modern-day challenges, we encourage honest conversations about our emotional well-being and urge listeners to break free from cultural conditioning that pushes us to hide our true feelings.

In this thought-provoking episode, we uncover the power of open communication and the bravery required to express one's emotions, even when it feels like no one is listening. Through personal anecdotes and reflections on cultural differences, we illustrate how sharing emotions can create meaningful connections and support. We highlight a touching film story about a man's mission to save lives through conversation and share a light-hearted personal experience to show that talking and empathy can significantly improve mental well-being. Tune in as we foster a culture of listening, understanding, and embracing the truth that it's okay not to be okay.

Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety.  Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!

Love and smiles from The English Sisters.

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Chapters

• 0:02 Breaking the Stigma of Mental Health
• 3:21 Breaking the Silence on Emotions
• 11:11 The Power of Talking and Connecting

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

hello, hello, the stigma around not being okay, yes, and I mean at the end of it, what? Nobody is actually going to get a prize. You know, when you say yes, I said I was okay, even when I wasn't are you really going to get some kind of a prize for this? Is it worth it? Is it worth, you know, bottling everything up, bottling up all your emotions, keeping everything to yourself because, yeah, there's no, there's no ultimate prize? There is not, absolutely. I mean, it's okay if you're in survival mode, but it's not okay for, just you know, when it just becomes a daily habit. That's what we're going to be talking about today In this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters.

Speaker 1: 0:52

Big shout out to all of those who voted for us in the Women in Podcasting competition and you still have time, because it's still the end of August, yeah, so please do vote if you enjoy this podcast and, you know, help us, because we're growing and we have a very supportive community around us and we're so thankful for that because it makes us, you know, really want to do more and more of these podcasts and we hope they're helpful for you. Yes, and you can now also support the show with a daily subscription, if you like, if you'd like to support, starting at three euros and going up to ten. So it's up to you to help us make a difference by supporting the show, right? So, yes, I mean, is it? You know what is this thing? Why do we always say we're okay? You know, why does everyone?

Speaker 1: 1:44

Do you remember, like in the in the olden days, when, like in the victorian times, when there was that kind? No, I do not remember, we're not that old, but I know, when we studied it at school, yes, or that, like, mum taught us that you had to have like sit up straight and have a book on your head and walk with books on your head. So the ladies were supposed to be doing that, weren't they? Yeah, I don't know, but maybe the gents did it as well. The gents, I think they had like a wooden rod, a wooden rod behind their back to keep their shoulders up. Yeah, keep them. Yeah, so, quite good, and that's like even if you weren't okay, but your body posture had to show that you were okay, right, so it's a stiff upper lip. Yes, it's a stiff upper lip, isn't it? So what are you saying? A lot of his social conditioning, even today. So I think it comes from those times where you always have to be okay and now they're saying it's okay not to be okay.

Speaker 1: 2:37

But is it really, yes, is it more progressive than what we actually think it is? And how tolerant are people to when you're not okay mentally? I mean, at first they might say, all right, then, yeah, take a few sick days off for mental health. But then how long does that last when you know how how high is the tolerance for that, before people start getting fed up, it's because they can see that you haven't actually got you know a limp, or that you haven't actually got you know a limp, or that you can't. You know you've got a broken arm. You cannot see, you cannot see outwardly these, these scars, these mental conditions can't be seen outwardly, can they? They're only inside you, so they're not like. It's not like a visible sign. I think you're right.

Speaker 1: 3:21

I think there is still a stigma around it. You know, and it still is taboo to. It's okay, like if somebody says how you feeling, ah, I'm okay, but you know not not being too great, but you know that's about it. A lot of people don't actually want you to go any further, or you feel as if they're not genuinely interested in allowing you to go any further. Yeah, I think you put it on the nail that they're not genuinely interested because they don't really want to hear about it. They don't want to hear about it. No, people don't really want to talk about their emotions. Even today, there's a lot, a lot of cover up around them and even if you want to talk about emotions and you're going even towards a friend, they may not be at that moment really wanting to hear about that. No, but I think it's even if they don't want to hear about it. I think what we have to all learn is to be more brave about yes, just spitting it out and telling people how we feel, just giving that fence a kick.

Speaker 1: 4:24

Yeah, breaking that barrier, breaking that fence and say do you know what? You know? Especially, obviously, if you know that person well enough, you're not going to go and tell your colleague at the office that you know. It really is just a five minute. How are you? Oh, I'm okay, thanks.

Speaker 1: 4:38

And then you turn around, you know, but in the right context, you have to break down that barrier and say do you know what? I'm not okay, actually, I feel bad, I, I don't feel good, you know, I don't know what is it. And then you may well get a response from the other person saying all right, I didn't know you were feeling like that. Yeah, you know, cry, you know? Can I? What can I do? You don't have to do anything, you just have to listen. You just have to hold space for that person. Like they say in therapy yeah, yeah, you just have to hold space and let them talk about it, let them vent, rant it out, rant it out and without saying, oh, it's gonna be okay, you know, just let them vent, because that's all they want to do. Really, in the a lot of people know what the answer is. They know what they have to do, yeah, but they just want an outlet. Yeah, that's it. They need an outlet.

Speaker 1: 5:31

And if you keep everything inside you, if you keep all these emotions shut up inside you and they've got nowhere to go, they will come out somewhere. They'll give you either physical ailments Chronic headaches, chronic headaches, chronic headaches, pain, pain, inflammation, yep or they will come out in rage and anger yes, over some minor issues that happen at work or in the family, or the opposite, when you just feel so lethargic that you don't know what to do with yourself and you can't get out of bed. Oh, yeah, yeah, that is so true, it's going's gonna be. They have to come out somewhere. So, if you, if you can like, nip them in the bud when you start feeling these emotions, start talking about it, and then you know what. So you're, you're the person you're talking to say, hey, I felt like that mate as well. Yes, yeah, gosh, yeah, I can really resonate with that. Oh, no, I've never had that. God, that must be terrible for you. You know, I think most people just want to. We're not talking about chronic depression here, or really severe. We're just talking about when you don't feel good, something, maybe that it didn't go the way you wanted. It happened, something happened. You don't always have to be okay. Yeah, I mean, for goodness sake, how, how rare is it to actually be okay, even for us therapists? How many times do we just wake up and say, oh, we're perfectly okay. Yeah, that comes to the.

Speaker 1: 6:55

It comes to mind how, when we first came to italy, that everyone would talk about like their bodily functions. Oh, that was a shock. That was like did you go this morning and did you go to the toilet this morning like what are you talking? You know, have you done a number two? I would say what? What are you doing now? There's no private things. You know, we don't talk about things like this, even though, I mean, our mom was spanish so, but she didn't, she was quite reserved in those. I think she just she left us alone. She knew that we were like like, she knew we didn't like it talking about, we were more reserved. Yeah, we were shy in those respects, but I mean, even the fact that here in italy, that they talk about things like that, I think that's actually quite good. It's a good thing because it shows that you know, we are human, we do have bodily functions and our mind and our body are all connected. Yes, and the more we learn to talk about our emotions and, um, you know, just feeling, yeah, I mean, you're right, maybe this is an italian thing, because I was thinking.

Speaker 1: 8:03

The other day I was at the coffee bar and I asked the lady behind the bar. I said, oh, how are you today? And she said da me di merda. So, honestly, she said I feel like shit. You know, she actually said that. So, obviously, when you tell somebody that you are going to get. Oh no, I'm sorry about that, tell me more. And I mean I didn't have that much time because I was actually moving around, but she did tell me more. Yeah, and, and we shared a connection, we shared a moment. Yeah, and next time I'll see her, I will ask her how are you? Yeah, because life can be tough at times.

Speaker 1: 8:42

She was telling me about her health issues, about, you know, they were very overwhelming Her husband's health issues, her daughter's health issues I do Everyone in the family seemed to have. You know, health issues related to something or other, even very serious things, plus the fact that she was struggling financially with the coffee bar because of the rent. Yeah, I mean a whole load of things. And I mean, yes, was I surprised to get this? What are you laughing at? I'm just saying why did you ask? You see, that's what society conditions you into. You just have to be in your own head going around your own little business. Yeah, just ordering your coffee. I want my coffee. Blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1: 9:31

I asked her. I mean I said that as a joke, obviously, I didn't really mean, because I always ask people how they are. You do even more than I do. Yeah, and I'll say why. I'll say why is that? And people talk to me and they tell me They'll talk. All right, yeah, she spoke and she spoke and I mean, in the end, what was it? 10, 15 minutes I left and I felt like maybe in a tiny way I managed to help her Because she was managing to let off steam, yes, and talk about how she was feeling. And we both left with okay then and a big laugh. We left. I walked out laughing, saying look, I'll come back tomorrow, we'll talk more tomorrow. Okay, coffee makes everything better. Yes, it was like a big laugh and then she had a laugh and life goes on.

Speaker 1: 10:17

But it's important, I think, yeah, because if, probably, if I hadn't seen her, because she looked terrible. Actually, she looked like she was all flustered and upset. So that's why I asked. But I think it is important to notice other people's, how they're looking, their appearance, what's going on with their faces, especially people you see every day. If you see they're not looking, there's something odd. Go and ask them. They may be. They may just say, oh, everything's fine what you're looking at. No, I'm just thinking I watched a cute I mean, it wasn't, it was a little film that while I was doing some work the other day on uh, on netflix about this, this, this famous singer that goes to to this island in cyprus and he meets an old flame I've seen that, yeah but he happens to buy the house which is on the suicide cliff, and then he sees someone coming.

Speaker 1: 11:11

He said, well, you know, and it's obviously supposed to be a bit funny, and then they disappear off the end of the cliff and then he finds out, oh my gosh, yeah, he finds out how that that's a house that no one wanted because it was a suicide house. Basically, on this place, it's on this really high cliff, this really steep cliff, where everyone so in the end A lot of people go there and they jump up. In the end he tries to build a fence to stop people going, but he's really rubbish at it, but eventually, instead of building, he knocks all the fence down and then he puts a sign come in and talk, let's have a talk, let's have a talk. And it shows how important I mean it was a it's like a fun film and everything, but it was like it shows the moral of it is how important it is to actually talk about things and how, when you do talk, everything's better.

Speaker 1: 11:55

Because in the film there was a pregnant girl who actually was contemplating jumping off the cliff because she'd, even though we're in today's world, she still didn't know how to tell her her greek father or her, yeah, her dad about the fact that she got pregnant and she was only 17 or something, 18. Yeah, she's from cyprus, cyprus, oh, yeah. So maybe the culture there's a bit I don't know more clothes in regards. She was thinking about it and he managed to get her away from the cliff and let's talk about it. And he made her something to eat and she slept there the night and then he went together with her to speak to the parents and, yeah, how important it is to just be able to talk to someone. There's more understanding. Yeah, I really like that film. Actually, at the end of it, yeah, that was cute.

Speaker 1: 12:44

When, when I saw the, I mean it was the sign, it was, yeah, who, yeah, it was corny and everything, but it was, it was sweet, it was corny, but it's, it was the moral of it was very good. Let's talk about it. Yeah, when you see the sign at the end of it, yeah, because, and then in there, in that family as well, there had been a lot of things that were hidden, because in the end, he was her father, the another girl's yeah, well, we're all flame, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, I don't. I we'd have to see what this film is called so we can tell you. It's about falling for her or something. Oh, yeah, falling, I'm falling. I'm falling was definitely falling for you or something, but they might have changed the title because we're here in italy and they change them, so we don't know if that's the original title. Yeah, yeah, that does. Yeah, that was cute.

Speaker 1: 13:35

So the importance of just asking somebody, you know, when you see obviously this is extreme case they were standing on the edge of a cliff. Normally people might not be standing on the edge of the cliff. A lot of them feel as if inside, they're like borderline thinking. I don't know how I'm going to do this. You know how am I going to get through another day of this? Or even if it's not that extreme modes, we're not talking about these extreme cases, but it's surprising how talking about things and saying that you're not okay can prevent these extreme cases. Yes, so it's like prevention is better than cure.

Speaker 1: 14:15

Yes, in this case, the lady was the one who started talking to me, and then her husband actually came in and so I asked him how are you doing then? Because your wife was telling me that you've had this. He had a tumor behind his eye, so I saw him with these really thick glasses on and I started asking him and he actually had a little vent as well and so, yeah, it's been actually been really tough and every day I see him there as well, just smiling, looking, okay. So I mean there's a lot going on in people's lives. Whenever I drive around, you know my husband might get angry at somebody else. I always say to them you never know what's going on to that other person exactly. So when they're driving, maybe they're going a bit slow, maybe they've had an upset, yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:02

So I think if we could all think like that but not just about what even when you're not in a car ourselves, really we have to come out of ourselves and think about other people, which is actually beneficial to yourself as well, isn't it? Yeah, because you get so much, especially in this society, that we're all becoming lonelier and lonelier. By actually talking to other people, you get a lot. There is a reward in this? You do feel better. What are you a reward in this? You do feel better. What are you looking at? You definitely do. You're just looking at me. Yeah, because I'm thinking, it's true, you do feel better when you talk to people about things and then it helps you and just connecting just the, the neurons of the brains, firing the two brains, or the connecting with people. We need it as humans. Yes, we need it. We are not solitary creatures that have to be with screens or with just on our own. We have to connect. The more we connect with people, the better we feel. Yeah, I mean just this random thought.

Speaker 1: 16:09

The other day I was just touching my ear and I had this massive long hair growing from it. I thought you were going to say you had a wasp in it or something. No, a massive long hair from my earlobe and and I thought I'm like turning into some werewolf here and I thought it was on my hair, but it wasn't. It was just actually growing from my ear. And so what? You thinking your husband should have told you about that. No, I showed him and I said what the hell is this? It felt like cotton, a cotton thread. He said that's hair. I mean, now we've had this joke because you know, I like looking at the moon, so it's like, oh, it's a full moon last night I didn't actually get to see it properly, but yeah, well, it's almost full, yeah, so, yes, talking about I don't know what the hair's got to do anything to do with nothing? I was just telling you. It was just telling you.

Speaker 1: 17:05

It's like anybody could just tell people stuff. They could tell people they've got a hair growing. I don't know, you can talk to people, but you know, especially obviously I can talk to you. You're my sister. I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, saying I've got weird, random hair growing from here, well, no, well, it's good to talk about health issues as well, because some of them could be like you were saying about your husband that you went to get a checkup and they saw a. Well, yeah, they discovered a mole on his foot that they said could be potentially dangerous. So if he hadn't had that, you know, when you see other people as well, if you see that your friend's got a mole, you can maybe say, good, get that checked.

Speaker 1: 17:40

Yes, absolutely yeah, because some people don't think about things like that, do they not? Everyone's so versed on, like no health issues and things. Well, yeah, I mean, this wasn't. I don't think this is a particular health issue. I've been random hair growing up my ear. It could be.

Speaker 1: 17:56

It's probably just because you know we are primates, yeah, and we get hairs growing. I see you thinking we're animals. Well, I wasn't thinking that, I was just telling you about this hair because it just came into my mind now. But, yes, we are primates. We do need to be together. Yeah, to be together. It's. How were you saying about bodily function? We do grow hair, we do have hair on our bodies and we yes, we do have to have a little pack, don't we? We need our pack, we do, and we need to talk about things. We need to know that it's okay not to be okay and to get rid of that stigma that's still around today, because in the end, everyone does resonate and even if they don't, who cares they? In the end, they might say, oh, yeah, okay, right, oh, she's given me a lot today, but then they'll go back.

Speaker 1: 18:44

And then you, especially if it's somebody obviously we're talking about confidant you know somebody that you talk to, even think, even if it isn't someone, even if it's at work. If you're overwhelmed, it's okay. Work. If you're overwhelmed, it's okay to say you're overwhelmed. I really can't do this. I'm overwhelmed at the minute. I'm sorry, this is not okay. Yeah, yeah, I don't feel okay. I need a moment. You'll have people which will cut. They'll come to you and they will appreciate the fact that you've said that, yeah, and then you might have someone. All right, then go and take a break. I'll take over, yes, yes, or I'll do that for you and then you can do the same for them another day.

Speaker 1: 19:17

Yes, and it opens up this lovely, uh, two-way communication between you and it strengthens your bond as well when you're more vulnerable. So much because even at work, we have like our work family, don't we? We have our colleagues, and that that can become our work family if we, if we, if we allow, if we let them yes, we talk about things. If we talk about it same at university, if you're always very superficial with your friends there, you you'll never really get that strong connection that can then last a lifetime. At school, at uni, wherever you go, whatever you do, if you actually open up in the gym, wherever, but if you tell people, if you allow them to enter, you are giving them a gift and then you are also able to receive a receive. Yeah, yeah, so so let us know, um, how you feel about this.

Speaker 1: 20:13

Have you, you know, vented or do you vent? Maybe you go online to do so, and that's also good, because you get lots of lovely people online as well answering you. Yes, yes, but obviously, if you can do it in person, you even have that extra warmth that can come from that, from real. And enrichment, yes, so you know, do make an effort to do so in person. What else We'll enrichment? Yes, so you know, do make an effort to do so in person. Um, what else we'll see you, see you soon, see you next week, and please do vote for us in the women in podcasting awards we're very excited about that. And also, please do come and leave a comment. You can also message the show. There's lots of ways you can get in touch with us and we're there for you. So love and smiles from the english sisters. Bye.