Mastering Emotions: Navigating Relationships and Personal Well-being

Can understanding your emotions truly transform your life? Join us to explore how the often daunting world of emotions can be navigated with clarity and peace. We unravel the complexities of emotions and how they can lead to anxiety and fear when left unchecked. Uncover the power of accepting and expressing your emotions, particularly in relationships, to prevent misunderstandings and dissatisfaction. We also shed light on the pressures of societal and personal expectations and how prioritizing your emotional well-being is not just beneficial but necessary. By recognizing and honoring your feelings, you're taking a critical step toward managing them effectively.

In this episode, we share practical techniques such as externalizing emotions through writing, helping detach from and gain perspective on your feelings. Inspired by thought leaders like Byron Katie, we explore the significance of questioning your relationships and personal accountability. Learn how labeling and acknowledging emotions without the pressure of finding immediate solutions can lead to greater mental and physical health. By embracing our emotions and taking mindful steps, we can nurture a healthier mindset and foster a sense of peace in our daily lives.

Chapters

• 0:00 Mastering Your Emotions and Communication
• 12:23 Understanding and Accepting Your Emotions

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

emotions can get the better of us, can't they? These uncontrolled emotions that we don't know what to do with, that we don't know what to feel and we push them away and they can just overtake our lives completely and just making us make us feel like really terrible, really anxious, frightened. All of these emotions that we can feel on a day-to-day basis, we might not really need to feel them. That's what we're going to be exploring today. So stick around and join us in this week's episode of Get Real With the English Sisters, where we're chatting about how to master your emotions Maybe easier said than done, maybe easier said than done, exactly as usual, but I think there is a tricks. There are tricks to it. There are definitely tricks and there are ways to uncover these emotions, to make them more bearable, to make them more understandable, more relatable, learn how to express them. I think. I think the main, the main trick, of course, is accept them. Accept them for what they are. Yeah, understand that they're there, because once you accept them, then your, you could, your mind, like has peace. It's like gives you peace of mind because you say, okay, I'm feeling this total acceptance and that's right. Yeah, it's not easy, though, is it. You know you've got to accept what you're feeling and sometimes you don't want to feel that. Let's say, you're in a relationship that you kind of. You know, you know that it's not going the way you want it to go. It's not going the way perhaps your parents want it to go and the whole world around you thinks, oh, you're great together. But there's a part of you that thinks, hmm, why am I feeling like this? Why? Why are all these emotions coming over me so strong if I'm supposed to be here? Yeah well, maybe you're not being listened to the way you want to be. You know you want the person that's with you to listen to you fully and you feel as if you're not being heard and and sometimes it can be really, you know, difficult to ask your partner to have that conversation with them. But I think that if you understand that you're feeling emotions the emotions that you're feeling are because you feel as if the other person isn't really listening to you, doesn't kind of get you, doesn't understand your point of view Then it is necessary for you to learn to verbalize how you're feeling. And that is not easy. We're not saying it's easy. It could be really scary as well, yes, it can be really, really scary. But you know why it can be scary? It's because you might think, well, then that person's just going to leave me.

Speaker 1: 3:13

Then, yeah, yeah, I mean because we tend to most of us, we tend to catastrophize, catastrophize, so we tend to go to the worst thing possible that could happen, because, maybe because there's already like, because maybe because you're thinking like that as well, maybe you're already thinking that maybe we're not right and we're not the right fit, and you've been trying to fit into that person's model, yeah, of what they want. You know their partner to look like, but it just doesn't fit. Yeah, yeah, and you're trying to mold yourself and change yourself so much so that it's making you feel uncomfortable. Then, yeah, that, that, that that is the reason why I mentioned this thing, because this is quite a common issue, isn't it in our lives in general, yeah, we're either trying to fit our parents, what our parents want us to to be like and act like, what our partners want us to be like and act like, or what our friends what, what in general society kind of says hey, you're doing this, you know, that's who you are. Now maybe you know that and and that, and this can lead to very strong emotions. It can even lead to depression, because if you feel that you're not fitting in and you're not really accepting your emotions, it can just go down to the where you just start feeling really bad about yourself. Yes, and then, exactly and that can also be, yeah, that that that's a dangerous hole to go down. If it's not, if you.

Speaker 1: 4:41

So it's important for you to understand that, yeah, there is a reason why. Why am I emotions? Yeah, why am I feeling, you know, sad or anxious, or angry, or angry? Exactly, there is a reason why you're feeling these things and and it is your duty to yourself. I mean, I'm using the word duty and I know that's really heavily charged, but I think some, you know, I think we do have a duty to ourselves. Yeah, to our own minds and our own bodies, because we are important. We are so important that we owe it to ourselves, and it is like a duty. It's something that we must understand, to learn about ourselves and to understand that we owe it to ourselves, because I think most of us, we do put ourselves last. We don't. Especially if you're listening to this podcast, you're probably one of these people that does tend to put yourself last and other people first.

Speaker 1: 5:42

Exactly, yes, because you're somebody that's interested in the mind, yeah, in anxiety, in, and you may be feeling anxiety and this may be one of the reasons why you're feeling it. Yeah, because you are not understanding the real reason that's behind all of this. What's a root cause of it? Yeah, yeah, and that's where it does help sometimes to write it down. So if you're feeling angry, you write down I'm feeling angry. Then why am I feeling angry? Ask yourself. Just keep going down.

Speaker 1: 6:12

And because because because of this, because of that, maybe it's because you feel it's of your parents, your partner, your whoever, but in the end it's like what yutka says it's your duty to say okay, well, what am I going to do about this? These are the emotions I'm feeling. Am I just going to carry on feeling these without addressing them? No, really, it's because you're you're like, you're subconscious or unconscious minded. Your body is giving you these emotions as a warning, but also to help you, to help you understand how you're feeling and what to do to to feel better and do better. Exactly, they are like unconscious signals that keep on coming, supposed to be ignored. You might not be able to sleep because of it. You might not be able to. You know you just got. You just feel anxious. I mean, we all know this feeling, feeling. It's not a nice feeling and it hangs around. You know there is, it is.

Speaker 1: 7:13

It is important for you to understand that and be able to go through it, like what violetta was saying. Perhaps writing it down can be really, really helpful. Journaling does help. Or even if you don't want to journal, just write down specifically what emotion you're feeling, yes, and then why you're feeling it, and then just sit with it. Just sit with it and say I accept you as an emotion, I'm just going to accept you. And you may start crying, you know, you may have a really physical reaction to it, and just let let it be and just hold your, hold the space for yourself, yeah, and and kind of enjoy it, revel in it. Just say, yes, this is the emotion I'm feeling. I'm just gonna accept you and do you know what? You're probably gonna be feeling a lot better afterwards and then your mind will be clearer and then you'll, so you'll be able to, in a way, master that emotion and say, okay, well, these, this is what I'm gonna do now.

Speaker 1: 8:11

You might need to, you know, head for a divorce or a split, a split from your partner, or, uh, you know, change, change, change where you're working, or something you know. It could be something quite drastic that we're quite scared of, very scared of, but it could also not be that drastic and it could also be just a question of communicating how you're feeling, yeah, so it could be. Yeah, let's separate, okay, we're, let let's take time out from each other, let's because what happens is, if you don't express your emotions like what you're saying, in the end your mind goes wondering and it goes to these really, uh, extreme, like solutions. But there are also solutions that may not be quite as extreme. It may be just this question of speaking up for yourself.

Speaker 1: 9:02

As a very important person that you are, it is your duty to speak up and you have the right to express what you're feeling. And if you feel that you're not being respected, for whatever reason at work, at home, you know, and doesn't really matter your age then you have a right to speak up, yeah, and to say I feel this, and nobody can really get offended because it's you you're starting with with the word I and I, and when you you're not attacking everyone, you're not saying you don't do this, you don't listen to me. It's very important that you start with the word I. I feel this way.

Speaker 1: 9:44

I feel that at times, perhaps my words are not received in the way that I want them to be received. I feel as if perhaps you're not understanding me fully. Let's discuss how I can explain myself better. I feel as if perhaps you're not understanding me fully. Let's discuss how I can explain myself better. That way, you're not attacking anyone, are you? Exactly? Yeah, because if you go with the you, you, you, then the other person is just going to completely shut off and then it will end up in extremes. Yes, yes, after all, we are discussing it's a miscommunication that leads to all these extreme solutions. When we actually sit at a table and communicate properly, exactly, we can avoid conflict and settle things, and then you know it's a lot better.

Speaker 1: 10:32

And it all starts by mastering your own emotions, by understanding and by writing down, if you want that, because I am angry, writing a because I am sad, and then put a because I am anxious, because maybe you don't know the, because of feeling anxious, because anxiety is one of those things that you know creeps into every aspect and it's like multi. Yeah, it can be just a feeling and you may not be quite sure why, because you think things seem to be going well. Sometimes, when you do that, when you do take a pen and a paper and you just brain dump, or, you know, do it on your device if you want, or notes or something, you just, in the end, you just, you just accept what's coming to you and you'll notice on your device if you want or notes or something, you just, in the end, you just accept what's coming to you and you'll notice you'll be starting, you just almost like doodling, doodling, that's it. It'll be almost like automatic and then you can. Even, if you want, you can do like a little I don't know what those are called, those mind maps where you know you have all the little arrows. Yeah, they're fun. You do everything that goes all in all directions. You can put yourself in the centre and then just say what's bothering you. That's a really good idea. You know, draw a little diagram and you put, you know you're in the centre, that's me and then all the reasons why, with little arrows, of why you might be feeling that particular emotion that you can detect, like today. So today you're feeling sad. Okay, little arrows, why? Because loneliness could be because this hasn't a financial distress, because this, because that and some of them. You are able to find small solutions to them. That can be steps that you can take to help.

Speaker 1: 12:23

We're not saying it's all going to happen, you know, miraculously, but somehow having it put down on your device, like what Violetta was saying on a piece of paper, it's almost like a detachment occurs within your mind. Yes, a dissociation. Yes, you can detach from it and see things differently that were just unclear, because thoughts are not tangible, you can't. Feelings that you can't really touch them, can you? But if they're on paper, you can start understanding them. If you know how to label them, I guess you know what they are anger, sadness, um, um, some of us, it's just what's that word called non, what was that? Um, nonchalance, it was like a feeling of just apathy. Apathy, yes, sometimes it could be just something that you say numbness. Yes, exactly, I don't have the energy that I used to have or the excitement that I used to feel. You know, and you know you can write those things down and try and just see them. Clearly not find solutions. No, and sometimes you can do like the way, um, katie byron.

Speaker 1: 13:42

She always says turn, turn it around. A famous psychologist, uh, author, and a very coach, or whatever, mental coach, very esteemed, very esteemed. Yes, she always says turn it around. So if you say it's your mother, turn it around. Is it my mother? Really? You know, ask yourself what it is, what is it the relationship between you? Just, you know, start questioning things and then you'll find that, yeah, maybe your mum is mean to you, but maybe you're also mean to your mum. Well, you know, maybe your partner? There's misunderstandings that have gone on and maybe they're on. Maybe it's just time for you to see each other. It's time for you to maybe cut the umbilical cord and be a bit more, yeah, like what your cousin, see yourself less or be, act a bit more independent or, uh, you know, if it's your partner, whatever.

Speaker 1: 14:32

But if you start taking charge of your emotions, then they're not just like they're there for a reason, they're not just there for no reason and they don't just come your body. Yes, so it is important because these emotions that you feel over time can transform into you know, disease in your body as well, pains and headaches and other things that are even worse, like high blood pressure, you know, and there's so many things you know that are connected to your mind. You know that there are connected to your mind. So it is really important for you to be able to understand the reasons why you're feeling. Yeah, and if you're like feeling overwhelmed as well, just one of the emotions is overwhelmed, just write that down and then then just take, you know, take a deep breath and just think, okay, one step at a time, and you know all the changes that, because sometimes you're facing big changes in your life, for your family and for yourself.

Speaker 1: 15:32

Yes, but if you take one step at a time and you say, okay, I'm going to accept the emotions I'm feeling, it's normal to feel like this. You may have grief, you may have loss, a sense of loss, of grief, of anger, whatever. But if you just accept the emotions and the kind of the changes that you need to make, they kind of take care of themselves. If you just accept the emotions and the kind of the changes that you need to make, they kind of take care of themselves. If you just take one small step at a time and things do sort themselves out when you're in a better mental space, headspace. So it is important to you know, to like, almost take care of these emotions. You know, give them a little cuddle, say hey, I'm here for you, I'm listening to you. Yeah, I like that.

Speaker 1: 16:10

Yeah, yeah, look after them, sort of as to say, instead of pushing them to one side, say, hey, hello, you know, take a moment today to to look, I'm gonna, I'm gonna read you today, I'm gonna try and understand you, I'm gonna try and listen to what you're telling me today, you know, instead of just pushing them, shoving them under the carpet and ignoring them day by day by day, and they get stronger and stronger, numbing yourself hey, hey, hey, I'm here, I'm here, listen to me, listen to me. Yeah, now, today, you're going to finally take a moment to listen to them, and you can do that in the morning when you wake up. You know, instead of grabbing your device, you can take a moment to see how you're feeling. Or perhaps, you know, after work yeah, just checking, just check in. Yeah, just a few moments. Yes, definitely important to do. It's so important.

Speaker 1: 17:10

So it's important for you to realize that you don't have to find solutions because you can say oh, I know why I'm feeling stressed. I've got this financial debt and there is no solution to that. Look, we're not saying look for a solution. Just understand why you're feeling. You know that way. Just understand what the just give it a name. Just give it a name, try and understand it.

Speaker 1: 17:35

Say, okay, it's anger, it's sadness, yeah, then it all becomes like normal. It just like becomes like, yeah, okay, so what? No big deal. I'm feeling these things. Yes, I'm going to look after my emotions today. I will look after myself. You know, maybe you need a little bit of time out or you need to, you know, have a little chat with a friend or something, but just accept them. And then, when you acceptance brings very good things in your life, it does, it does. It's amazing, yes, and everything becomes clear all of a sudden. Okay, let us know what you think. Do please come and see the video on YouTube as well, where we've got our little matching outfits. Yes, dressed in blue today. Yes, and for no particular reason. No, the sun is shining. Yes, it's all very and random. Listen to us wherever you get your podcasts and wishing you all a lot of love and self-acceptance. I think the world will be all of us if we give ourselves self acceptance, lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye for now.