Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety
Feeling Anxious? Feel calmer and get much needed anxiety relief! Listen to Get Real with The English Sisters the No. 1 podcast show for mental health that will give you anxiety relief leaving you smiling. Anxiety is on the rise and most of us experience it in some form or other. The English Sisters, Violeta and Jutka Zuggo are clinical hypnotherapists, business women, authors, wives and mother’s of wonderful grown up children! As hosts of their show they chat about real stuff that empowers, excites and inspires well-being! Always looking to share their point of view and expertise on how you can manage your anxiety and mental health so as to enjoy life! Sharing their experiences to help you live a calmer, happier, fuller and more relaxed life. If you are in need of anxiety relief and want to learn how to manage your mental health, follow Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety so as not to miss an episode! New episode weekly every Wednesday!
#anxietyrelief #mentalhealth #mind #health #anxiety #therapy #relationships #theenglishsisters #psychology #getrealwiththeenglishsisters
Get Real With The English Sisters - Mind Health Anxiety
Chasing Love: The Art of Persistence and Unexpected Connections
Ever been caught in the chase-and-run dance of love? We unravel this intriguing dynamic with a captivating story of one of us being pursued by an Italian suitor, whose relentless yet charming courtship eventually broke through initial indifference. Through daily phone calls and roses, we explore how cultural nuances in romantic pursuits can transform resistance into a meaningful connection, highlighting the power of persistence in the face of reluctance.
Is the path to love or success paved with relentless chasing, or is there more joy in savoring the journey? We reflect on this question with tales of determined pursuits that span continents and years, drawing parallels with the persistence of figures like Grant Cardone. Balancing ambition with contentment becomes a central theme as we share personal anecdotes, pondering if the pursuit of dreams can sometimes eclipse the happiness found in the present moment.
Unexpected love often blossoms in the unlikeliest of circumstances. Hear the heartwarming tale of a long-lasting relationship that emerged from a shared living arrangement, challenging initial doubts and illustrating how affection transcends first impressions. We celebrate the beauty of discovering love through imperfections, sharing stories of personal growth and the evolution of attraction, reminding us that true love is a journey of cherishing our partners beyond initial appearances.
Hypnotherapy coaching sessions can help if you are struggling with anxiety. Please email us at englishsisters@gmail.com if you would like help with an issue, mentioning this episode of our podcast for a special discounted rate. We work with clients worldwide over Zoom or Skype. Buy our Book Stress Free in Three Minutes available on Amazon and Kindle, to help support our work. Thank you!
Love and smiles from The English Sisters.
Watch the show on our YouTube Channel
Follow us on Social Media
Share this podcast with your friend
#anxietyrelief #mentalhealth #mind #health #selfcare #anxiety #simplelife #emotions #psychology
Support the Show.
Apple Podcasts
Spotify
YouTube Channel
Follow us on Social Media
The more you chase someone, the faster they run away. Is that really true, I wonder? I wonder, I don't know. Chase, chase, chase and run, run, run. I mean just the word you're chasing someone. It sounds kind of like. It makes me feel like I'd want to run away. So that's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters. I think if you chase someone, they run away because you sound like desperate. People don't like desperation, do they no? People don't like desperation, do they no? So there is a. So I think you have to sort of if you really, really like someone, you've got to like dose it. You know that. Cool, you've got to act. Cool, yeah, that's it, you've got to.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm thinking about how high my husband like literally, I thought he did chase you. He did. I Wouldn't have got away with that now. No, it was almost like stalking levels. It was like every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he was in Italy, I was in England. He would like phone me every single day and I would. It would be almost boring on the phone because I, you know, we used to have those old fashioned hand phones on the wall and I was just holding it and thinking well, mean, I could barely even understand Italian, so I was barely. It was just like hello, hello, what are you doing? Oh my god. And I mean I'd only met him on a random vacation, so, yeah, that was like he was constantly like, wore me down every day, and then he even came to the UK, you know, to meet me. So I kind of you weren't that interested in him, were you? No, I wasn't, no, I wasn't interested at all. It was like, you know, just keep on. It was like the kind of more old-fashioned, probably, idea of courtship. Yeah, that I didn't even realize I was being courted. But because I was 18 and I was, like, brought up in English background and he was an Italian, he was much older, 28 years old, and he had a different idea. You know, that's how you would court a girl, like in Italy, you would leave a rose on her car, yeah, for months, you know, and then, oh, all of a sudden you'd appear and, and you know, you would do these, these things, and that's that. That's how he thought it was normal to make a phone call every day.
Speaker 1:Even though my parents would answer the phone, most of the times it would be our mother. She would answer the phone and I would be saying no, no, I don't want to talk to him. You know, just say I'm at the doctor's or something. She would be embarrassed. She would be so embarrassed she would say, come on, he was a nice guy that had you at his home and he invited you be kind to him. And I thought, mom, that's enough. You know, I don't. If it hadn't been for mom actually answering the phone, you you probably would have never answered it. I used to stare at the phone and think, oh my God, not again.
Speaker 1:You know, because he used to work for a phone company, to be fair. So he would get all these phone calls. You know that were in the 80s. They used to cost a fortune in those days. They used to cost a lot of money. He would get them for free and so he would just be there at his office and, you know, phone the UK. This is that would be on his agenda. Oh yeah, it was actually on his agenda. Phone Jutka.
Speaker 1:I mean, we'd literally met we. I came hitchhiking to Italy, we met for two weeks. Yes, there was something. There was something. There was a little bit of romance. We'd held hands. Yeah, you know, we spent like I I had, you know, I stayed at his apartment and we spent like one real night together. You know, I was an innocent virgin, so I thought that we'd actually had a proper you know relationship. But we hadn't even you know, for me I thought, oh way, you know, he touched like second, third base. That was a big deal. But then, you know, then we then, the day before I actually left to hitchhiking back home, he actually said to me, we went to this little restaurant and he said, ah, this, this is going to be, this is not goodbye, this is going to. You know, we're destined to be together, we're going to stay together, for this is going to be your love story. And I thought, no, not really, cause I'm going back now. You're nice and you're kind and you're like the first man that's ever showed any interest, made me feel like, you know, pretty and appreciated, because I was a bit of an ugly duckling, you know. In those days that, you know, you felt like, I felt like that. I felt, you know, and and I felt like you know, this interest, but I thought this is never gonna, you know, buy, that's it. But then, little did.
Speaker 1:I know there was a reason why he asked for the phone number and then it was going to be a constant persistence, as they used to call it. That reminds me of, I think, grant Cardone. He did the same with his wife, who had nothing to do with him, and as soon as he saw her he said I'm going to marry her. And he says nowadays it would be considered stalking, really. Yes, because of the lengths that he went to to get her to go out with him. Yes, and when she kept saying no, I'm never, I don't like your type, you're not my type, I don know, I don't like your ideals, what you represent, I'm not really bothered with. You know, when he they talk about their love story, it was always like that. And he just kept insisting and insisting, and insisting. And there you go. I mean, there's something to be said for that kind of old fashion that in that he chased, he chased like mad, but he never did show himself as being needy. No, no, because that's the distinction. Yes, yeah, he did chase and he did.
Speaker 1:You know, he came, he came to England. He actually said I'm getting on a flight, I'm going to be there at Gatwick Airport on this date. And I remember thinking, oh, what if I can just not go and pick him up? And then I told my mum and she said who is it that? George Orfello. I said yes, mom. He said he's coming round and he's coming like on this day. And she said, of course you have to go, you're gonna have to go and greet him. You stayed at his house, he, he, you know he, he treated you really well when you were in Rome, in Italy, and it's our duty once again, you know to to to be good, to be citizens not like to be good, you know to offer him our house now, to be kind and let him stay with us and we have to look after him, sort of thing, because he looked after you. So I did go and pick him up and that's the end of a long story. But that, yeah.
Speaker 1:And how many years have you been together? And we're still together? It's been like 39 years now, so it has been a very long time. I think it's more than that. Not married together. It's been more than that Since you were 18. Yeah, married together. He's been more than that Since he was 18. Yeah, no, well, I'm 57 now, about 39 years. Definitely a very, very long time together and yeah. But that I mean I don't know why.
Speaker 1:I thought that because you said the more you chase somebody, the more. The more you chase, the less likely they are to be interested in you. I mean, you weren't interested in him at first, but then he obviously did the right things afterwards. He was a clever chaser, wasn't he? He didn't show himself to be needy, no, no, he didn't Chased at the right time.
Speaker 1:I guess it's like you know the tiger, when you're going to see the prey. You know they, what do they do? They can't run, run, run, run all the time, because they get exhausted as well. They wait, you know, like the little cats as well, they wait, they go down, they wait for the right moment. Yes, they pace and then they pounce. In that particular case of hunting, you have to be patient, yeah. But I mean what about say okay in love and that if you obviously no one? I mean now, if you act like desperate or needy, it's going to be a massive red flag. No one is going to go near you. No, it's not nice to be needy or desperate. So in that case, to chase is not a good thing, no, no. But what about? What about in life, if you're you know you're chasing your dreams, chasing.
Speaker 1:I think the thing about chasing is that sometimes you might be so busy with the chase part of it that you might not realize what you've already got and you might forget to actually enjoy the journey. Yeah, because how many people actually that happy when they actually get there? That's what I mean. And when they get there, do they just, you know, chase something else? So they just okay, the bar will raise another bar now. Yeah, so it's, if you're chasing, if you want to be, say, a millionaire, you get to be a millionaire. Then that's not enough, then it's okay, I've done that, okay, great. And now I want to be a billionaire and I want to be a multi-billionaire.
Speaker 1:Exactly, there are always other people that are going to have more than you or that, perhaps with your lifestyle, then you need to raise the bar, like what you were saying, because you have other you know financial needs. The higher you get, the more you have to pay, the more you have to. You know, it's stressed, you can get. It's all in proportion, really, isn't it? Yeah, and how happy are you actually when you? You might be really happy if you appreciate the moment, but then I don't think that's really chasing. If you're appreciating each step of the way and enjoying the journey, you're not actually chasing. You just have a goal in mind, but you're not chasing it, you're in acceptance. Well, to be fair, I may not.
Speaker 1:That's what my husband did say at the time, because when he did say we'll meet you in Gatwick he remembers just the other day he was talking about it he said in my mind I did know there was a chance that you might just not appear, because you didn't sound that convinced on the phone and I wasn't even sure you even understood me, because I told you write it down. But I told you in Italian and you were writing down numbers, but you know, like the flight and the time, but I didn't know whether you were going to be there and I just had to accept the fact that I might arrive in a foreign country in a place where he couldn't speak English and nobody would be there to to say hello. So in the meantime he sort of started making friends on the plane with other Italians and saying, hey, I'm, I'm going on this adventure, but I have no idea. So he let go of the outcome and he enjoyed the adventure, experience, the experience. So in that particular case, you know, to be fair, that that is what he did say so it wasn't just like a crazy chase. No, I'm crazy about this girl, you know. If she says no, I'm gonna, you know, be really really upset. It was just like, okay, an adventure, yeah. So, whatever it's a bit of a game will be. Yes, it was a bit of a game really. I think so in my particular case. But yes, I think, if you do, if you can have that mindset, you know, like chasing success, yes, but if you're in that mindset of whatever will be will be, I'm gonna put my best, you know, I'm gonna give my whole for this project, but if it doesn't work out, there may be something else along. Yeah, I'm thinking about my husband. He did the opposite of chasing. Yes, he was very clever. I wouldn't have been interested in him in the slightest one bit. No, he acted cool, didn't he? He acted so cool. I mean, we met in our dig, so we were living together.
Speaker 1:I was one of two girls in a big house with, I think there were five boys there, and I thought, oh God, this is going to be a bit dodgy. I was a bit scared because I thought it was a bit dodgy. I was scared for you. Yeah, they had told these men in the house, but I thought there's another girl. It should be okay, being a bit naive as you are in those days, you just went for it. You went for the adventure and, uh, and he was one of the five lads and he kept his cool. But he really liked me right from the start. When he first saw me and I didn't, I didn't think anything of him. He was not my type, absolutely not your type. No, no, a shy redhead, absolutely not, you know. And he kept it really cool, not your type. His room was on the way. I was right up in the attic.
Speaker 1:He would always leave his door open so I would always pop in. He was clever, wasn't he? Hi John, what are you doing? Are you bored? Hi John, what are you doing? Are you bored? Yeah, ok, I'm just sitting. He would just be pretending. I would just have him be asleep. No, I'm awake. I'm awake, I'm just because when I would see his door open, I'd say, oh, he wants to have a chat. So I would go and chat.
Speaker 1:Obviously, there was a part of you that liked him though, because he was really sweet. We became really good friends. But dream of romance, oh no, absolutely. But he kept his cool, he didn't chase at all and in the end it was me who did the chasing, because then, when, when you said that I was in love with him, I was around. Yeah, because I mean I might have realized on my own, but I don't know a lot of these things slip away. You don't realize them, because you had other, you know other other young men that were interested in you at the time, and so it could have just just slipped away. I mean, it was because Violetta phoned me. I was still in our parents house and she actually phoned me on the same phone, the wall phone. It was funny, and we were having a chat and all she would talk about was oh, I did this with John. Then I went to see John play football. Then I went with this and, yeah, we had a long chat with John. We went to see this weird film yeah, it was in French or something. Oh, cool with John. Okay, everything was John.
Speaker 1:I said it wasn't it when I came home that I was still talking about. Yes, and then with on the phone and then, when you actually came to visit and you came home, I thought, oh my god, it just like it was so clear. Yeah, I thought you're in love with John and your little was like no way do I love him. I just not. No, I'm not in love with him, I just really, really, really like him. I go, you love him, you are in love with this guy. And she was like. He was so shocked when you. She was like no, no, he's not my type. I go look it just. It doesn't matter what he looks like on the outside. You might you know, he's not your type. Who cares? Yeah, this is real love. You have something so special with this person. And then you know, the rest is history as well.
Speaker 1:You have been with him for the same amount. I've been together, basically, yeah, the same amount Almost 40 years now. So, come on, that was a weird beginning. Well, I've been longer with him than I was alive on my own. Now, yeah, me too, I know. No, come on. Yes, how can that be Longer with him than alive on your own? You have not. Don't be silly, I know we're. I was 19. When you met him, oh, when you met him, you mean, oh, okay, we've been longer together than we have both been separate, separate apart. Yes, yes, right, yeah, us too, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, yeah, us too, yeah, yeah, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, we've grown together and we've evolved.
Speaker 1:There's a lesson in your relationship as well. Well, the lesson is that he did not chase and he got and he got and he wasn't your type. No, in the end, you know so, there is more to physical. Yeah, there's more to physical. There is more to physical attraction. Yeah, you know so there is more to physical. Yeah, there's more to physical. There is more to physical attraction. Yeah, you know, like this instant, physical.
Speaker 1:It was a bit like love is blind. If I had been, if I couldn't see him, I would have been completely, massively in love with him. Oh, yes, if I hadn't seen him and just been talking to him, and I was not attracted to my husband either at all, I thought, no, no way, you're shorter than me. That was a big no-no, because I am quite tall. And I thought, no, I want a guy, you know, that's at least a little bit taller than me. Yeah, he says he is taller than me, but that's come on, is he really maybe one centimeter? But you know, you know, I just wear a tiny little. I'm already taller than him. You know, I had to get married in complete flats because because he's, he's, he's not tall. I mean, he thinks he's tall because he's italian.
Speaker 1:Now, that era. He's like I, I am 174 and he is like maybe 174.5. You know, let's face it, I used to think he was very short. Yes, yeah, now I'm sort of kind of got used to him. I mean, I should have got used to him by now. But, yes, he definitely wasn't my ideal, and I know that. Your, you know, john was not yours. No, it's funny.
Speaker 1:But they love you now, aren't they? Yeah, and, and so you overcome that part as well, yeah, obviously. Then the attraction comes. Once I realized it was, I was in love, then the attraction came, it's like it all flooded me, the whole thing, absolutely. Yeah, you suddenly thought, wow, I had. You know, I did not realize it. It's like in those rom-coms, isn't it? When they have, when they're good friends, and they don't realize that they're actually attracted to each other. Yeah, yeah, it's very true in life as well, life.
Speaker 1:So chase, chase, chase, so you chase and um, you know, you've got to realize that it's not just about the chase, is it about the journey. It's all about the journey and it's during the day, day by day. It's about the journey. It's all about the journey and enjoying the day to day by day. It's about the person that you've got in front of you. It's about you know so many different things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's definitely not. It's definitely not just you know, and then you can be perseverance. You know not perseverance, you can be, um, persevere, yes, you can persevere, but what? As long as you're not bothering the other person, obviously. I mean, you know, if the other person said do not persevere, like if you said to jojo, never, ever phone me again, I don't want to hear from you again. No, I was not, you weren't.
Speaker 1:You were quite chatty, you were polite, you, you were polite, you were taught to be yes, you just like say okay, he'd probably say okay, I'll phone you tomorrow. You say okay, bye, yeah, and then you'd hope he wouldn't phone. No, I used to say things like no, tomorrow I'm busy, I'm going to college, you wouldn't get there, I'm going to school, yeah, but in the end lost in translation, to be fair. You know, perhaps if we had been of the same language, he would not have persevered as much because he would have understood. The vibes are not there.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, he did have like a uh, a coupe when he first saw me. What's it called? You know he had a first love. No, it's that lightning thing. What's it called? Colpo di fulmine? You call it in italian, which means love at first sight. I love at first sight, but he did, it's a fulmine, it's like a lightning bolt. So he did not feel love. He said he didn't realize he loved me, he just really liked me. It was like attraction, yeah, but that's what they call love at first sight. Right, okay, in english is called love at first sight is when you just sight, right, okay, in English it's called love at first sight. It's when you just see someone and you know you want to be with them. Right, okay, there's a mad attraction, a mad love for that person, for something. Yes, he said he felt it when the first time he ever saw me. Yes, he had that. Yeah, but I definitely did not. And I did not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't think John had that, but he must have had something similar, because he remembers the exact moment of me eating the marmalade sandwiches he had. That Are you kidding? He just says he didn't. He had it the first time he ever saw you. Come on, you remember you were eating a marmalade. It's the same way that Jojo, he says he remembers me opening the car door.
Speaker 1:I remember him as well. I remember him coming in in his like little little football outfit, this guy that comes in. I guess you remembered him because it was like an event in the house where there were lots of boys, yeah, and I didn't know he lived there. So I said, do you live here? And he said yeah, and he thought, oh god, she doesn't even know I live in the same house and I was. You live here? And he said yeah, and he thought, oh god, she doesn't even know I live in the same house and I was here before her and he was a second year student, so he was more used to living in digs and everything. It's because we were very, but we remember the exact words and that you know more or less to the word. We remember exactly what happened at that time. So it was obviously an eventful moment. I guess I remember it too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, is that what they say when you're in it like in that love state or that, like I definitely wasn't in a love state, I was in a fight or flight state. Well, fight or flight then. But I was like, when I saw him, he was on this balcony in a particular state of mind. You're not in like, just being normal, just going about your day. You wouldn't even remember. No, definitely I was not in a normal situation.
Speaker 1:I was hitchhiking and this weird guy had picked us up and he was scary and he said I'm going to introduce you to another guy and from what we understood, and then he rang on the doorbell and then my husband appeared on this balcony yeah, but it was like this scary version. And I saw this guy and I thought, oh my god, and this other guy in the car I mean, the story is very long he said I'm going to take you to this guy's house. And we were saying, no, we want to get out, get us out of the car. So the whole thing, if I you know, it's very, it's very, very odd, but anyway, I do remember seeing his face. Yeah, even though I couldn't see very well at the time.
Speaker 1:No, I probably imagined it, or maybe you, your senses were sharpened. You can't you know what they say. When you you're in fight or flight, you can suddenly see you can. Everything is that obviously? Yes, I remember, I remember seeing the hair and the smile. I was slightly short-sighted, yeah, I had, I remember it. I get, I guess you.
Speaker 1:What you do a lot of the times when you you don't realize that you're falling for somebody, is the feelings that you feel like the kindness was coming through, good, good vibes, whereas the other person that picked us up in the car it was bad vibes I did not like that person had to get away from, but this other person was. Yeah, you can sense it. But I mean, I don't know whether this has got anything to do with chasing. Well, it's, it's gone on a bit of a story, yeah, but these stories are like stories that our mother used to tell us. Yeah, and there's a reason why we're sharing them with you, because they have served us well and we hope that our stories may serve you, you know, and to the listeners out there, because they're just life stories with their real life, and they're things that really do happen and yeah, and then I suppose there is also a lesson that don't always be so quick to push things away because they might be good for you in the end. They might have. I mean what? From both of our stories as far as relationship, they might be good for you. Yes, yes, they might. They definitely. I mean they definitely. I do love him very, very, very, very much, my husband, and so do I, and so do you. So, yes, they were treasures, in disguise, let's say Maybe they don't think they were in disguise. They were in disguise to our eyes, yes, to our eyes. We couldn't realise it.
Speaker 1:Anyway, let us know what you think. Has chasing ever done you any good service or not? What do you think? We're definitely, we've definitely had experiences of it. We've had experiences, and I know know that you know to be, to be persistent, like in business, is good, yeah, but if you feel that you're just chasing, chasing, chasing and you're not getting to where you want to go, that's not good. No, no, you've got to re-evaluate, accept and change change plans, even Change plans, even though you think, no, I've, you know, I've invested so much in this. Yes, and it's also true that a lot of the times you're almost there, yeah, and you don't go that further step. But in this particular case, I think you know there's a difference between chasing and being ambitious. You know you have to understand the difference. You know being ambitious, you know you have to understand the difference. You know if you're yeah, I think if you're ambitious, it's all good and good and good, it's good stuff, as long as you don't get too attached to the outcome, because you know when the outcome comes you might not even be that bothered in the end.
Speaker 1:It's about the journey. Really, it's about enjoying the making sure it's my every day. You know, quite nice, do I actually enjoy my every day? You've made a good point. There is do I actually enjoy every day? Okay, today I really worked really hard, but did I have a good day? Yeah, I did have a good day. Well, okay, that's fine, that's fine.
Speaker 1:Some days, you know you can work 15, 16, 17 hours and maybe, and as long as you realize that you only have a certain amount of hours to to live yeah, so if you, if you become like, mindful of that and you know that these are your hours, these are your minutes and they're precious, then that's okay. I'm doing something that's in line with what I believe in. Yeah, something has given me satisfaction, or it's giving me satisfaction because it gives me financial freedom. I can buy things and provide for my family and help others. That's fine, you, you're getting something back, aren't you? Anyway, let us know what you think. Do. Come and see us on youtube, too, where we have the video version of us and also have the podcast version. So, wherever you get your podcast, come and see us. And come and say hi on instagram at get real with the english sisters, or at the english sisters, where we also have our luxury lighting vintage lighting there too. Uh, goodbye for now and see you soon. Love you, smiles, bye.
