Balancing Holiday Social Obligations and Self-Care: Embracing Traditions and Spreading Cheer

Have you ever felt torn between the excitement of holiday gatherings and the comfort of a quiet night in? We unravel this common festive season dilemma, exploring how social obligations can sometimes clash with our need for self-care. Whether you're energizing your soul with a glittering party or finding peace in solitude, we offer insights on navigating these choices with grace. From managing work parties to establishing your own comforting traditions, we discuss strategies to balance the pull of social expectations with personal well-being, always keeping your happiness at the forefront.

As the magic of Christmas envelopes us, we reflect on the comforting warmth of traditions new and old. From the ritual of sipping hot chocolate to the laughter of Secret Santa exchanges, we explore how the holiday spirit can evolve with time yet always remain special. We emphasize the joy of connecting with loved ones and the importance of community in keeping the holiday magic alive. Join our heartfelt discussion on embracing the season's spirit while thoughtfully reevaluating relationships that may not contribute positively to your festive joy. Share in our journey and the stories of others, as we spread cheer and foster a sense of togetherness this holiday season.

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Love and smiles from The English Sisters.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Navigating Social Obligations and Self-Care
• 9:25 Creating Christmas Traditions and Magic
• 18:42 Spreading Christmas Cheer and Magic

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

It's party season and many of you may be looking forward to parties, but some of you may be thinking, oh yeah, some, some of you may not like. You know those social interactions that a lot of the time you kind of have to go to or you feel obliged to go to, don't you? Especially in work environments, you do, you feel as if you're, you know, you feel as if you're going to miss out if you don't go as well. It's as if you're you know, you feel as if you're going to miss out if you don't go as well. So there is a part of you that may want to go, but then there's another part of you that's concerned. Like what am I going to wear? Have I got anything? Yeah, you know what I mean. What's that syndrome called? When you want to do it? Oh, yeah, fear of missing out. It's not, yeah, the fear of missing out, yeah, but there's also germoy, the joy of missing out. Yeah, there's these little reels going around now I saw saying yeah, I'm quite happy to be at home.

Speaker 1: 0:50

Who misses parties when you can be cuddled at home watching your favorite series? Yeah, but kind of like, I feel as if I do that a lot. Well, yeah, like a lot of evenings I cuddle up and put my you know fluffy dressing gown on and just coochie up and watch my favourite series. So I don't actually mind just one. I don't want too many, though, but I like a few now you do, don't you? Because it's glamorous as well, isn't it? Because it's glamorous and it's more sociable as well. And also, I think the first times I used to start going out a bit more, it was more tiring. I was very tired. Sometimes I'd even get a headache afterwards because I would be like a little bit tense, I wouldn't know people, yeah, having to talk to, and just the pressure of just being out and about really in the evening. But I think you can always just break the ice by saying something like that, can't you Saying oh, these things, things, you know you're supposed to be fun, but they can get quite stressful, can't they? And then everyone else probably it's the same. It's lovely to get out, but then you have to sort of be, you know, dressed up, and uh, what I love about going out is then you come home and it's so lovely. You love getting back. So it's like you know, because I think you're on your phone. So I think really, really, yes, I'm more of an introvert. I do love doing that, you know being, you know at home and that.

Speaker 1: 2:10

But then there is also a need, for I think the more you go out, the more you want to go out as well, because you feel like you feel like more connected to. You're right about that. The more you go out, the more you kind of realize that this is you need it, yeah, to be close to people, to be close to a group of people, to to make the effort. Parties and music's loud, yeah, but there's always a kitchen or something, yeah, yeah, you're right, where you can actually chat, yeah, and connect with somebody. You're absolutely right about that.

Speaker 1: 2:41

Yeah, yeah, sometimes, like especially over, you know, over the christmas, over the holiday season, you, you find you have to go to like family reunions, yeah, oh gosh, yeah, sometimes they're a bit tricky, aren't they? But then there's always that one person, though that gives you something, or you have a little chat with some somebody and you feel, I think, you just feel better in the end afterwards. Well, I mean, I don't know if you people that are listening feel better, you guys, but I mean it can be just personal, you know. Of course, sometimes you might know you might not, if you've got, if you haven't got, very um, welcoming family exactly, or if they're always having a go at you exactly, depends what kind of you know. But if it's like that, then maybe you can say, no, I'm not coming this year.

Speaker 1: 3:32

Yeah, if it's really bad and like, establish your own little traditions exactly and say, oh no, look, make up excuses and say this year I'll be celebrating with, oh god, I don't know if that'll be allowed, that's a bit tricky, like actually, you know, like certain days, like the actual christmas day, yeah, yeah, or wherever when, whatever you know, you celebrate. You know you have to get through it, though, don't you sometimes? And you just have to put your boots on and say, oh, I'm gonna do it, for there might be one person in your family that really needs you there. Yes, even the other people don't want you to be there or don't care if you're there or not. Maybe it's a parent, yeah, yeah, somebody who really wants you there, or a sibling, or a close friend or someone. Yeah, exactly, yeah, and you'll be letting them down if you don't go.

Speaker 1: 4:22

So always think, try and think of the positive, of who you know who am I helping if I go to these things and then maybe like, try and leave a bit early or something? No, because I was thinking, yes, that is lovely to have that kind of altruism and think about other people, but you also want to, you know, think about yourself. So if you really don't like these do's and these parties but you feel like it's just an obligation, if you can, maybe you can do something for yourself that you enjoy. I do think that you don't have to go to them. There's no one forcing you at gunpoint. There's moral obligations.

Speaker 1: 5:00

A lot of the times, in the case of family, family invitations, if you don't turn up, it's, it's rude, isn't it? It's not only rude, it's like it's like a taboo almost in certain cultures. You know not to come up on for thanksgiving, for christmas day or for whatever you know, whatever kind of uh party you, you know, you, you, um, you go to. You go to whatever kind of thing is you know is part of your religion or whatever I think there are. You do still have to set boundaries. So if it, if you find that it really does make you feel bad every time you go and you're feeling really bad about it and you're dreading going, and then it's really, it really is awful on the day and you just end up fighting and bickering and there is no one there that's gonna gives you any joy, gives you any joy or any like support, or or you think you don't even think you're supporting them. Well then, yes, I think there is a time to say no, sorry, sorry, cut loose and make your own. Yeah, this time we're not coming. I'm sorry, we're not coming. It's not when we don't have anyone. You know, particularly like that.

Speaker 1: 6:15

I used to enjoy going to Christmas, so did I. So did I? Yeah, we have Christmas at my house now, but you have it yours on the 24th, the night before, but then you always come to Christmas day. Yes, we're quite lucky in that way that you can celebrate with her family on the 24th, and then on the 25th we do it at my house. But sometimes a lot of the family you know the larger family, they're more extended, they don't really want to come, but then afterwards they all jolly up. You know, once they're, they always say what a drag it is. Yeah, they do right. They say, oh, no, not Christmas, they're not. As I mean. Yeah, I don't know, because in England and all our family have always loved Christmas.

Speaker 1: 6:57

But I notice that a lot of people they don't particularly like it or they're sick of it or they don't like you know the fact that you have to be with everyone on that day. I mean we love it. We love Christmas. I mean it's just one day. So I think it's okay because you know if you do have some Christmas holidays from work and you know if it's just one meal you have to attend, okay.

Speaker 1: 7:20

But sometimes the things like celebrations can go on for ages. Like one of my daughter's friends got married, like last summer, and he was saying that his celebrations he had to go around to see all his aunties and friends and friends of them because it was in a little village, right. So he said that he was italian, really, yeah, he was italian and so it's really she's italian as well. So it's really like lengthy, heavy going and lengthy, very lengthy process Because you had to go and if you missed one out it was a big deal. You know they'd be offended like for the rest of their lives. Oh, because he wouldn't go and visit, he had to go and visit everybody. He had to go and visit everybody, yeah, and say you know, say we're getting married, otherwise it was officially considered very rude, very rude, very rude.

Speaker 1: 8:09

Yeah, that's from in southern Italy. It's a bit like that. Yes, in southern Italy, this was in southern Italy. Yeah, because in Rome it's a little bit more easygoing now. It's very easygoing here. Well, I don't know, they're very easygoing, but they're sort of like. You know, weddings are a particular thing, I think, in every culture, but yeah, I think here in Rome they're like more okay, you know, I don't know, when it comes down to it it's all very tricky.

Speaker 1: 8:40

Anyway, really, the thing about this you know this episode was really about parties just, you know, nice parties that you might want to go to, things that have Christmas parties, people saying, come along, christmas drinks. Sometimes, you know, all this Christmas, you know, you think how can you suddenly be so joyful when you were a misery guts, you know, last week, and now you know, or how do you get into the Christmas spirit? Yeah, but a lot of people don't understand how to get into that Christmas spirit. Well, you get into it by doing it. Exactly you have to put the little little decorations that go to the parties. Yeah, you start. Eat the foods, eat the special Christmas foods, that kind of remind you. Yes, and that's how the spirit sort of evolves, doesn't it like?

Speaker 1: 9:25

For me it's like going for a hot chocolate. Yes, you know, I love that, so that I, oh, that's kind of like wintry, christmassy. So I might have a drink of a hot chocolate and then suddenly feel, oh, in the mood, or you might, you know, but sometimes I do feel, because I'm 57. Because you can, I think I'm not a kid, you know, I'm not a baby anymore, so the Christmas spirit doesn't suddenly, you know all the thrill of Father Christmas. You know all the thrill of father. You've never been as much I have. What are you talking about? Not as mad about it as I have. Not as mad about it. No, I think it's because your husband's not as mad about it, though he couldn't give. You know, he really couldn't give it. Yeah, he doesn't. He discovered christmas through me.

Speaker 1: 10:07

You do not cook the turkey, I cook it. Yes, I think if you cook the turkey it might make you feel more christmassy. Well, I love christmas because I just come to your house. So for me, christmas is like, you know, like the decorations. You usually leave that more up to me because you can't. You think I'm going to christmas at violettas, yes, but so you do do christmas as well, but I don't think you do it to the extent that I do it. No, no, no. I get tired of all of that. Yeah, no. And then you know you want to put the Christmas tree away really quickly. Yeah, sometimes I just want to sort of get, oh, get the house back into. You know all these bits and bobs all over the place.

Speaker 1: 10:45

There was an involvement last year because you still got a wreath up that you left up from Christmas. Yeah, because that doesn't look like a christmas wreath, it's like some kind of winter wreath. It's a winter wreath. Yeah, I left it up. Yeah, yeah, I do. You're right about that. Yeah, they do like, like one of my, my oldest son, said let's put up the christmas tree already and I thought, god, already. You know that's a bit early. And then I like to have like very simple tree which is a sparkling light, very simple. So I don't want too much stuff on it. But that's just personal taste. Really, I still do love the Christmas uh thing I did.

Speaker 1: 11:22

I did start to get really tired of having to get like every single person on the list. You know, the Italian family is very large. Is it a problem? Yeah, and they started of. Oh, in the end, I used to start getting tired of it and I thought, no, that's not the right mentality. Instead of getting tired of it, let's sort of like, make a game out of it, make it more fun. And so, since everyone's an adult basically now, no, they're all adults in my family. They are, yeah, even the youngest little one. He's 18 now.

Speaker 1: 11:52

So, yeah, I'm gonna be 90, so I have like a secret santa. Yes, so in the end last year, I said let's have a secret santa. And, um, not everyone understood why I was trying to, but I did. I did say it look, there's gonna be like 10 gifts and they're all random and they're not. The other wasn't. No, no, it wasn't actually. I'm thinking about that now. So that might be a bit of an issue, because each one was used to getting their own gift. Yeah, they look forward to it. Yeah, they were looking forward to the gift that they're.

Speaker 1: 12:30

I don't know what we're going to be doing this year, because that's also another issue, isn't it? Because, you know, this year my husband actually has an operation. Yes, that's going to be tricky. He's got to have a whole knee replacement, a whole knee. I mean, yikes. Yeah, that's on the 20th, so hopefully he'll be okay, hopefully he'll be able to come for Christmas. He might be able to make it. I think the Christmas spirit will prevail and he'll get out. They'll kick him out of hospital, I don't know. Yeah, but you know, I think you know even things like this, let's.

Speaker 1: 13:07

But then you have to be flexible about things. Flexible, yes, don't say it's just, it's going to ruin the end of Christmas because I've got to be in hospital or whatever. Just keep the Christmas spirit going. Yes, and if you can't have that special meal on that day, you can make it. That's what I'm trying to say, that's what I said to myself. Okay, it doesn't matter, I'll be there.

Speaker 1: 13:28

You know, the important thing is not just the special meal, no, it's the whole. It really is the whole Christmas festivities being with your family, being with your friends, taking time off. It's time to reconnect with uh, with your family and your friends. But obviously, and if you, and if you, if you struggle with that because your family and your friends aren't that supportive, you know well, it's maybe it's a time also to reflect and think maybe I need some new friends that will support me and I do enjoy it. And, you know, start some new little christmas traditions. Yes, that's how it could be. Even going away for christmas, yeah, you might say I'm gonna go away up the road or whatever. If you can't, everyone starts their own tradition somewhere. You know, yes, exactly each little nucleus of people that form together and gather friends, family, whatever it is, you all start your own little traditions. Yeah, because it's fine, it's okay, it's good to do that, it's good, and then each one has their own, like we.

Speaker 1: 14:29

Personally, I, in my family, I want everyone to open their gifts on Christmas morning. Yes, because it's that that's a bit of a problem. Because they're Italian, they want to open it. Yes, they were born here. They want to open it on Christmas Eve. Yeah, in Italy, the children wait up and you don't go to bed early for one day and you wait up and then santa arrives somehow, through, you know, and the chimney through the chimney. No, not because they don't arrive through the chimney, no, no, he kind of just arrives, even knocks on the door or something. It's not half as you know, this fairy tale that you have to go to sleep. Yeah, that I.

Speaker 1: 15:09

So I kind of wanted to recreate that for my children. You know, and I used to say no, we, you know, by the chimney is when your real gifts will arrive. Because I wanted to create that magic that we had growing up, because I still remember the emotion of feeling or getting out, not being able to sleep all night. Yeah, that was. It was hard, it was a sufferance, but how exciting and magical was it to see those gifts under the tree, that you really believed in magic for one day.

Speaker 1: 15:56

You know, it was true, and the grown-ups all seemed to believe it as well. They did believe it, otherwise we wouldn't have believed it. Well, they didn't believe it because mum and dad were the ones who put the gifts there, but they believed in the story, in the magic of it. Yes, what we tell ourselves, they're all stories, aren't they? They are all stories. Yeah, like fairies that lived at the bottom of the garden was more of like, oh, like you kids have a fun with that. Yes, but father christmas was like, oh, wow, you know, that was a real thing, even on the news. You would hear it when you would see him on the news Father Christmas is arriving. So children, all of you go to bed. Yes, and you know you would hear like BBC would announce it. So come on, you know, was it some kind of? Obviously Some children were affected by that when they learned that it wasn't true. Oh, yes, you know, but most kids they try to have it.

Speaker 1: 16:51

I think most of you, you know, appreciate the fact that it was your parents that was creating the Santa. You know the magic of it. The magic of it, yeah, or whoever it was that was doing it, you know, yeah, whoever it was, a neighbour bringing gifts, whoever it was, I remember that our neighbour was worried about the bike that she'd bought her children, really, and we had to hide it at our house because she said it's got to come down the chimney and I have to explain how Santa could get it in through that. I mean, it's all a bit of a laugh where everyone grown up, everyone kind of joins into this wonderful, you know, moment of magic, really. And maybe it's not wonderful for those who can't have a gift, and I understand that. But then there's always someone that's going to give a gift. Isn't there Someone that you can go to? Or there's lots of charities that give gifts for children. I think you can if you want.

Speaker 1: 17:53

If you're a parent and you want your child to have a gift, yes, there's a way of getting them. There's a way. Yes, there is a way. Yeah, there is a way. No, yes, it's made me start crying. No, because I'm thinking about you know how. But there are so many charities. Yes, even you know you go around. Yeah, there's so many.

Speaker 1: 18:13

If you actually go to a charity and say, look, I can't afford to bring my children, you know, whatever it is, but I want them to receive something, no, there will be. There will there will be. There's so many people that want to help. Yeah, there are. I mean, I remember here there was a case in, in, you know, in Rome. I remember there was these parents that said our kid has asked for this particular toy and we just simply can't afford it because it costs like 100 euros or something. It was really expensive.

Speaker 1: 18:42

And, oh my gosh, you know that that was released. And then, ah, you know there was so many people that wanted to help and they were saying, if any any other parents have this problem, you know, please reach out and we'll try and help you. We're sending, we're so there are to anything to keep this Santa alive. You know we like all believe in it, so you know, anyway, it's, it's fun. It's fun. We love to hear from you. So let us know if you like uh parties or if you like christmas it's turning to more of a christmas conversation about, I guess. So, yeah, and if you are going through the holidays, wishing you very happy holidays and see you next week. See you next week. Lots of love and smiles from the english sisters.