Embracing Discomfort: Personal Growth Through Infertility, Patience, and Life's Challenges

In this episode, we discuss the necessity of discomfort in our lives and how it leads to growth, resilience, and a deeper understanding of ourselves. We share personal stories of overcoming struggles, particularly around infertility, and connect those experiences to broader themes of patience and the lessons learned through enduring challenges.

• Exploration of discomfort as a natural part of life
• Personal narrative on the struggles of infertility
• The importance of patience in personal and professional challenges
• Cooking as a metaphor for life's challenges
• Discussion on the value of slow living and perseverance
• Reflection on how difficult experiences build character
• Encouragement to embrace discomfort for personal growth
• Closing thoughts on the journey being as vital as the outcome

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Chapters

• 0:00 Embracing Discomfort and Growth
• 13:45 Rediscovering Patience in Daily Life
• 17:03 Building Strength Through Challenges

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Being uncomfortable. Yeah, I think we're always trying to avoid discomfort, aren't we? We always try and seek comfort, seek, not seek change. Most of us, yeah, we look for the familiar so that we don't have to go through those moments of discomfort, which is normal also. Well, it's a protection mechanism, isn't it? But it can be. Sometimes, through the greatest discomfort come the greatest like benefits and the greatest surprises in life and the greatest moments of growth that we all have to. You know, we're growing every day, so we have to learn how to almost embrace those moments of discomfort that are inevitable in all of our lives. Anyway, they are. So that's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of get real with the english sisters. Thank you for joining us. Please remember to subscribe on youtube and come and follow us wherever you get your podcasts, because we truly appreciate you all listening so much. Thank you very much. I mean the greatest discomfort. I mean I'm just thinking of you how much discomfort you had to go through to get your boys. Oh, my goodness, me definitely. There was a lot of discomfort there, physical, mental, so much, with all the oh, so much worry. That was awful. Yeah, if I think I mean awful. It was a real moment of growth though as well. Yeah, but it was a lot of suffering. There was a lot of physical discomfort because it was painful. I mean mental discomfort, I think it probably.

Speaker 1: 1:39

You had this infertility. Yes, for those of you that don't know, yeah, definitely had a long infertility journey. For those of you that don't know, yeah, definitely had a long infertility had we went through four rounds of IVF, me and my husband. Yeah, three miscarriages. All this long journey until I finally got my first son and then the second little qg, pi, came along easily and naturally, and it's like what all the you know, the elderly people were saying oh, it's just because you're stressed. And I was so annoyed about that because I thought, you know, physically there was actually I was okay because I was still really young and everything I was. I mean, I was only 26, 25 when I actually started this, this journey, but my husband had like issues with um, varicose veins and things, and he had like a low, low count and so which was a big surprise, because at first they didn't even test the male because it was back in the day, wasn't it? It was quite a while ago.

Speaker 1: 2:43

And then one doctor In Italy. In Italy, yeah, one doctor said, oh, let's do the check. You know, the sperm check. That's what it was, yeah, and he said oh, it's actually low motility. Oh, wow, yeah, that was a bit. I mean, he was fine about it.

Speaker 1: 2:57

It's not like he was really one of these old fashioned no, no, no, he was perfectly supportive, he was a perfect sweetheart. Yeah, he did every single possible thing we had to do. Rushing around with all these little oh my gosh. Yeah, it was a long journey. Any of you are going through it. I can appreciate what you're going through. It was so worth it, wasn't it? It was definitely. And he used to say even if nothing comes of it, I'll know I will have tried my best. Yes, I'll know I will have tried my best. Yes, for me it was like I'm going to do everything possible because I really wanted to become a mum, and yeah, it was really. It was something that I just sort of felt I really wanted to do, and so I just knew I would do everything possible.

Speaker 1: 3:36

But then, when I thought I can't, this is my last try, when it was actually our last, last try, we tried this method called gift, which I thought was quite symbolic. It's like a gift, you know, and I think that's when you put the two, you know, the sperm and the egg, inside the fallopian tube, first of all they're in the test tube and then they're both inserted into the fallopian tube. You know, that was it. Yeah, I can't actually remember the technical term because we are talking about almost 30 years ago, but anyway, and it was in Italy, they used to have Italian. Yeah, that's why I'm getting a bit confused, but I remember it was called gift and um, yeah, and what was I saying? It was a gift. Yeah, and that actually worked and you know, and I got my first son through that.

Speaker 1: 4:26

But while I was doing that, I was doing all the papers for adoption as well At the same time. We were going through all that process because I thought, you know either one or the other, and then I also wanted to adopt and that also fell through, because we did get a famous phone call in the middle of the night saying that we had a baby and we had to go and, and and and do all the papers for that and everything, and then that fell through as well. That was very unlucky, all at the same time. So I mean there was a lot of discomfort. There's a lot of growth that came from it as well as a couple, as a human being. You know it was a massive journey that I think, if I'd look back, I would have said could I sign not to go through it? I probably wouldn't want anyone to go through that. You would have signed not to go, definitely. So I think anyone would sign not to go through these things.

Speaker 1: 5:20

I don't think you choose to do that. No, you don't choose. It's just. It's just what life gives you at the time, or an alternative of saying, okay, I'm just not going to have children. Then it can bring on a Unless you decide that you don't want them. Obviously, there were loads of couples that were going through. Yeah, and if you're calm with it and happy and you've made a good choice. But if you're going to resent, if your future self is going to look back and say I wish I had gone through that discomfort, I wish I had made the effort, when it's too late, it's a shame, isn't it? It is a shame, yeah, obviously, you know it's. There are choices. There are choices, sometimes economical choices as well. I mean it's, it's hard, it's very, very hard. So I can appreciate any of you.

Speaker 1: 6:09

I think that it it's like that with anything in life that's there's challenging or there's a discomfort element to it. Yeah, you know, like even if you think when you're, if you're studying for something right now, yeah, you know you go through. You go through such difficulties. Or, like my daughter, she's a scientist and she was telling me in in science how much uh hardship there is because first of all, to get the funding and then afterwards because a lot of the experiments they don't go well and you can feel as a scientist that you've wasted four years of your life or whatever trying to get results and you don't get any results that are positive. But she said she wouldn't change a thing in the end because that's what she loves doing and she wants to make a difference and she just goes for it and tries to make the difference as she can. It's, it's going. When it's so hard, yeah, and a lot of times you know what what's involved is really slow and long, and we've spoken about infertility, which is really slow and long, and sometimes you have to wait for another three or four months before you can try again and everything is like. But it's that kind of patience that's required as well. That's that teaches you certain things about you know, it teaches you so much. It teaches you a lot. Yeah, there's a lot about having patience, having to, um, persevere, having.

Speaker 1: 7:48

It's a bit like, you know, like the cast iron pan. Yes, I just bought a cup, because your son very kindly, he's crazy the other son, yeah, your other son a cast iron pan, and it was on offer. So I thought, okay, I should be getting a cast iron pan. And it was on offer. So I thought, okay, I should be getting a cast iron pan myself. So I bought one for our house. Oh, yeah, first I was thinking it's heavy. Then I don't, don't be such, don't be such a weakling. I said to myself you can lift weights, you're going to be able to lift a cast iron.

Speaker 1: 8:18

We've become so like, um, we made our life so easy in our kitchens with the dishwasher, with all this like food brought to our houses or this self-prepared yeah, everything's so easy. So, having this heavy cast iron pan that you burn your hand on if you touch, yeah, you have to be. I mean, I put it in the kitchen behind the stove and just stared at it and oiled it. Then I read all the instructions and it sounded like you know, like this impossible in diva. You have to cook it in the oven, to season it with oil and then you have to take it out. You're not allowed to soak it, which is your son? No, he said yeah, he soaks it all the time. So now it seems easier, now that I've talked to your son. No, he said yeah, he soaks it all the time. But so so now it seems easier, now that I've talked to your son about it.

Speaker 1: 9:08

But before I was thinking I'm going to give this a chance. It's going to live here for one week or two and then, if it's too much bother, it's going to be passed on to your son. I thought I can have two, but then I thought why I go? Why have we become like so like everything's so like everything. If it's not easy, it's not worth it, it's like difficult. I mean, everything is so easy. Now you go online, you can buy everything.

Speaker 1: 9:35

I am a bit like that. For example, like for Christmas, my son again, who loves cooking, he was making the um, the beef and and Guininness pie. I mean that when I saw and the chicken and leek pie the traditional english ones are actually super delicious and you have to make the shortbread um, and they were absolutely amazing. They're amazing. But when I saw that he started cooking at nine o'clock in the morning and he like finished at 7 pm and I was looking at the state the kitchen was in because he still lives at home, you know, so it's my home kitchen, but soon he'll be moving with his lovely girlfriend, but anyway, yeah, they're still at home and I was thinking, gosh, I just don't have the patience for this. No, I mean so I think each person has to put the amount of patience they have into a project or something that they really want to do, so we don't all have to have patience for one certain like. I don't think I've got patience to cook like that for nine hours.

Speaker 1: 10:38

Well, you're not passionate about it, are you? So you can become passionate, because I didn't think I could learn about this pan. And then I remember mum used to have one as well, cast iron one. Yes, she was always scrubbing and it would. The rust would come on it if you didn't look after it. You have to look. And then I was thinking how rust has got iron in it or something I know, but there's benefits to this and well, the cast iron pan actually gives off iron.

Speaker 1: 11:02

I'm actually annoyed about the fact that the other pans that we bought have lasted like a year and then they go into landfill. It's disgusting. It is disgusting. And the teflon pans, yeah, apparently they're not. I've just I'm a bit sick of all of this. Yeah, me too. I will change now. I mean gradually, but we don't have to do it all straight away.

Speaker 1: 11:25

It's been in the kitchen for a week. Yes, I cooked chicken on it. It got stuck. Now I have to do what your son said you have to season it with a seed oil. I'm going to season it with a seed oil, put it in the oven and then look after it, make it nice and shiny and black, yeah, and then see how it comes out and it'll probably be delicious.

Speaker 1: 11:46

It may not be delicious the first time, no, but it's like everything. I mean, even when you get your first love, it's not always easy. Is it the first intimate? You know? Relations you have with your oh no, your loved ones aren't easy. No, they're not. They're not. Everything is hard at first. Most things, most things are hard. You have to actually learn how to do them or they're difficult and you have to go. You know, you have to go through the process. You have to go through that discomfort. It's a cast iron pan. It's really heavy. You have to wash and scrub it. You have to learn how to do things with patience. Well, yes, are you joking? It's like riding a bike. You don't just get on it and go off. You fall down, don't you?

Speaker 1: 12:28

The other day I watched a cute little video about rats that were no, but they were. They were. The scientists had them in their lab and they gave them little cars to drive in. Oh, I think I've seen that one with With the little pedals. They had two, so they were like automatic little vehicles and it was an actual scientific experiment. But obviously they were treated very nicely and everything. There's very strict controls on it and they would actually choose to drive the car to get their treat rather than just walk over and get it. They would go a longer route or route to go in the car because they actually enjoyed it. And then they measured their serotonin levels and everything and they got dopamine and serotonin from driving. But what would the little paws like? They were like little square vehicles that they would hop into and they had like two little paw things that they would press and they would enjoy that more than walking. They would choose that to get the treat because they knew that in the end Was it faster? No, it took longer. Oh, wow, that's quite surprising. So I mean, if it takes longer for rats to get to their treat because they choose to drive, maybe it's a lesson for us as well.

Speaker 1: 13:45

How long you know the things that take longer, the slow cooking, the things that take, like the chicken broth that take hours to make. I've already got the chicken broth on, I mean, because we're here in the studio at home today. At home, I've got the kitchen over there, we've got the slow cooker now where you make it. Yeah, that's true, and then you can leave the house for that, you don't have to be there. But I think there is lessons to be learned in the patience and the longer, and I think we do become very impatient now because everything is so. That's what my son was saying Mum, why do you care whether it takes eight hours? You just leave it on really low and you go off. Yeah, but I'm always scared it's a fire. No, you have to be in the house. Obviously I know in the house, but yeah, I'm not like yeah, but I'll put. I mean like now you have to go and check on it, check it every now and again. Yeah, I feel that way too, but anyway, anyway, this is about cooking, but there are other things.

Speaker 1: 14:44

Our auntie in Spain when I went to live there for a bit when I was a student, I went to live with our auntie in Spain and she, she would put on her garbanzos, which like the chickpeas in the morning, then she'd put them on a low flame and then she'd go off to the market. We'd go together to the market and buy all her stuff in the veggies and things, and then come back and she would just leave it on. I used to say, isn't that dangerous, Auntie? And she'd say, no, it's fine. Well, I think it's a little bit dangerous because some of the water or the soup can fall out and the flame will turn off.

Speaker 1: 15:16

But then I think gas still leaks. I don't think it does leak. I think the cookers have some kind of a system. The new gas still leaks. I don't think it does leak. I think the cookers have some kind of. The new cookers do, but she, hers didn't, so hers was slightly dodgy. Yeah, the risks, but they used to think, no, I have to have this is what we do, that housewives in those days. Yeah, that is true, that's what I mean. Now they have induction tops and things that just turn off if there's nothing on them anyway, so they're not dangerous.

Speaker 1: 15:41

No, but this is just to say that, yes, I mean, we've come. We've come far, haven't we? And perhaps some of the things that we used to do were slower before and it's time to go back to them. I think so a little bit. Yeah, I mean not saying we want to go back and washing in the river, no, like you know, it's nice.

Speaker 1: 16:02

Or hand washing I like my dishwasher, yes, or hand washing, but sometimes you have to like that. But this cast iron pan, you can't wash it by, you can't wash it in the dishwasher, it's not allowed. So that's going to be a little challenge for you. You have to wash it by hand. My husband to wash that, yeah, good idea. It also brings in. I do enjoy, enjoy, mind you. I did enjoy putting the oil on it and seeing it all nice and shiny. Shiny and black. Yeah, yeah, that is a nice part.

Speaker 1: 16:31

Anyway, let us know what you think. Have you had things that have maybe been very difficult but worth the effort in the end, and maybe it's time for all of us to go back to a slower way of living where we enjoy things and we have a little bit more patience for things? Yes, definitely. Maybe not such instant gratification, instant rewards, yeah, and remember, if you are going through a period of discomfort, know that all this is super valuable feedback for you, for your life and for the lives of other people that you've got.

Speaker 1: 17:03

You know, this is, this is really, really is what's making you, it's, it's, you know, your building, it's building, it's all these building blocks that go and and you think I don't want these building blocks, I don't, I'd rather not have them. Yes, I can understand that, understand that, but in the end it makes you stronger. It does make you stronger. They're really important for you and they will change who you are. And if you appreciate them, appreciate the process. I know it's difficult, but Well, sending you lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye, bye-bye, bye-bye.