Self-Care: Non-Negotiable for Your Wellbeing

Self-care isn't a luxury but a non-negotiable necessity for wellbeing, especially for women who tend to prioritize others' needs before their own. We explore how breaking social conditioning, learning to say no, and managing the invisible mental load are crucial elements of an effective self-care practice.

• Self-care is essential—without it, burnout and overwhelm are inevitable
• Women often face social conditioning that teaches them to put others first
• Learning to say no is a cornerstone of effective self-care
• The mental load women carry extends far beyond physical tasks
• Small self-care moments throughout the day can make a tremendous difference
• Asking others for help isn't selfish—it's necessary for balance
• Taking care of yourself first allows you to be more patient and present with others
• Even small actions like declining to make tea when tired count as self-care
• Setting a daily intention for self-care helps establish it as a priority
• Self-care actually makes you more productive and pleasant to be around

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Chapters

• 0:00 Self-Care is Non-Negotiable
• 3:10 Breaking Social Conditioning for Women
• 5:58 Learning to Say No
• 8:20 Managing Mental Load at Work
• 10:30 Asking for Help Without Guilt
• 13:31 Benefits of Self-Care Moments

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Self-care from a therapist's perspective, or two of us in this case, what would you say? The number one thing that, if you had to be thinking about self-care, what would it be? Well, I would say that the number one thing is that it's non-negotiable. Self-care is essential For well-being, absolutely because the the if you don't, if you don't take care of yourself, there's going to be really disastrous consequences. You're going to end up feeling burnt out, overwhelmed. Yeah, you've got to put that oxygen mask on first, just like when you know you're in the airplane airplane and the air hostesses and the stewards teach you how to put on the mask first and then help other people, your loved ones. You can do the same thing. You must remember that. How many times are we here? I haven't got time to take care of myself. You haven't got time to not take care of yourself.

Speaker 1: 1:07

Ladies out there, yes, yes, you have to take care of yourself first. First, it's essential, even if it's only 10 minutes a day, doing something that you need to do for your own mental health, whether it's doing your nails or going for a walk, or doing something that you know, having a lovely long bath, or something you know. You've got to get the time take, you know, ask somebody to help you, you know, especially if you've got small children out there, little kitties, up to her tricks. Yeah, she's come and she's, you know, making sure that we can hear her by ringing her little. I think she wants to join in and yeah, so it is essential, isn't it? You know we've got to. I think we have to just realise that we have to take care of ourselves.

Speaker 1: 1:59

Ladies, we can't just be putting everyone else first, because it is so common for, especially for women, yes, especially for, like you know, women like us that we're just you, just you give, you give and you give. And you may have young children or you may have, you know, you may have other people, that you're looking after elderly parents, and you just think, why, why, why do I always have to put everyone else first? It's not that you think why. It's that you automatically end up doing it and then resenting it and feeling overwhelmed. You know why. You think why. From a third, how many people have we seen? It's because you think why? Because there's social conditioning that, especially for women, yeah, that we have to put other people first and it's us last. Yes, you're right. Yeah, we are taught like that. We used to be more, but I think even today it's still more like that, you know, like that today.

Speaker 1: 2:56

You know, be the nurturing one, make sure that you look after. Yes, all good and fine, but you have to nurture yourself. And how many number one come up to you asking you to do things for them. Oh, can you just do this. Oh, you'll have time. Oh, can you just pop in on your way home and get this? No, no, I can't. We have to learn.

Speaker 1: 3:17

Yeah, you know, sometimes, like yesterday, I was walking towards the bathroom and my husband said to me, can you just put the tea on? And I thought, yeah, sure I could put that. I was tired, though. I was feeling really tired and I thought, no, it's my self-care day, I don't want what. I was just gonna go to the bathroom and then just go upstairs to bed. So I thought that's something extra I have to do. So I said, no, sorry, I'm not going to put the tea on now. Yeah, that was good, you know, and it was such a silly little thing, but I sort of became aware of it because I thought, no, that's kind of like, I feel really quite. I feel really tired now and I don't want to have to do that. No, it's an extra thing, isn't it? It was an extra trick. It. It's like when you're so tired you drop everything. I mean, you probably would have dropped the tea well, I don't know, but if I would have dropped it or not, hopefully not, but I just didn't want to do it right. And and you know he was fine, he said, okay, thanks, it was a self-care moment for you to realize that you had to.

Speaker 1: 4:18

You know you have to just say no to something, because there's so many requests that come, especially from my husband. He's like, constantly, he's at that. You know he's at that age of his life where he was used to constantly, you know everyone else around him oh, can you get this, can you get that? So he's really used to it and um, and so he's always asking I think that's yeah, if you're in a relationship, to be mindful that you're not the one that has to do everything.

Speaker 1: 4:45

As women, we already have so much mental load of having to think about so many things. We have to learn to say no actually, physically I might be able to do that, but mentally, mentally, I can't exactly. It's like you know, can you just pop into the supermarket and buy that. Of course I could. Yeah, because in the end it gives you a headache, doesn't it? But do I want to? No? So I mean I'm learning a lot to say no to these things and learning how to say no.

Speaker 1: 5:18

Young women, we have to teach young women how to do that as well, to learn to say no because you're young, you're active, you've got lots of energy and you think, sure it's, I mean, what doesn't matter if I just pop in there and get that. What's the problem? The? There is no problem if you're actually okay with it, but if you are feeling tired, you've got to acknowledge that and say well, if I say no, that's part of my self-care routine and now there's no guilt attached to it because it's self-care and self-care is non-negotiable, so it's not something you can do without. So now you are fully entitled to your self-care and becoming aware that's a good point. Yes, because you can't just say, oh, am I being mean, not doing that, I'm like no, no way, it's called self-care For a reason, ladies. Yeah, so it's self-care, it's what's going on inside your body that you have to become aware of and you have to take care of yourself yeah and and um, I think at work as well.

Speaker 1: 6:29

When you're at work, you can get so many people asking you to do things as well, and if you are feeling overwhelmed, you can just say hang on a minute. Yeah, I'll get to it. If I, if I have a moment, I'll get to it, but I can't promise you anything. But if I have a moment, I will do it. But then just think to yourself well, if you can't do it, someone else is going to do it exactly in the end. Yes, don't be in such a rush to do it. Yeah, don't be in such a rush to just do it so quickly. Obviously, if it's something that needs to get done and you're going to, you know you have to do it. But just take a moment just to be a bit more mindful of how quickly you feel pressured into saying yes to doing things that might not be actually.

Speaker 1: 7:13

You know something that should be assigned to you, something you just take on other people's responsibilities because people know that you are a person that will say yes, yeah, you go to the coffee shop, do you mind getting me? And then you think, oh god, how can I say no to that colleague? You know, ah, here here, I'll give you the money for it. Can you just go and get me? Hi, it's an extra thing, isn't it? Yeah, so it's self-care. And you can say, oh, actually, you know today's my self-care. And you can say, oh, actually, you know today's my self-care day, so I'm just taking care of myself. A big smile and I bet you they'll say, oh, I need one of those.

Speaker 1: 7:52

You know you can make a little joke about it, especially if you're constantly being asked to do these things. Obviously, if you're the person that's constantly asking for someone else to go and get coffee, it's nicer if you do the coffee round. But you know, I think you know ladies out there that are feeling this. I think you're going to fully appreciate what we're saying because you know who you are. You know the ones of you out there that are listening to this. Yeah, and maybe also make an effort to ask people for more help.

Speaker 1: 8:20

Yes, so make an effort to maybe saying, oh, I feel tired today so I don't feel like cooking. Can you make the meal tonight? Yes, or can you get? Should we get takeout? Can you get something for tonight, can you just? And then your partner might say, oh, but what should we get? And you say, oh, you just think about it.

Speaker 1: 8:37

Yes, because even thinking about what to get is meant is part of a mental load, isn't it? It is, we have so much responsibility, so many things that we're constantly thinking about. We are that we have to do. Yes, yes. So just embracing your humanity, your growth, you know, and and the fact that you, you know you can get tired, you know you're not super women out there, you get tired and and you have to embrace that and say, okay, except that you will get tired and that you might need, like, a pajama day, you might need a pj day. So maybe at the weekend, maybe when your partner wants to go and do millions of things, you can actually say, actually, I need to take a breath and I need to have a pj day and I just need to stay inside all day and do nothing, listen to an audio book or do something that I want to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. I know sometimes you can think, oh, no, you want to organise so many things to do at the weekend, right, yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:38

And yet you know, the little cat has just jumped on the sofa, little kitty, kitty. Yeah, you might see her in one of her shorts, I don't know. Yeah, she's cute, but if I touch her, you know, if I start petting her, she's going to be purring so loudly. No, she'll stop purring and she'll think it's her self-care day and it's not today, and it's always her self-care day. She I mean, if you learn from your pets, you learn from your pets. It's little giddy, honestly. She takes such good care of herself, from the grooming, the making sure the food is just right, you know, the resting, the stretching oh, yes, it's everything. So look, here she is. She's slowly getting into the picture, aren't you there? You are trying to fully distract me.

Speaker 1: 10:29

So, yes, it is something that we have to take care. We have to realise it. I do think so. I think we really must. I think we must emphasise, put more emphasis on it as well, especially if you are a person that you notice you don't put your needs first and you put other people's needs first. Just take a moment to say no, and I actually need an hour to myself, or whatever. Yeah, you have to set that intention. I think when you get up in the morning, you say I'm going to set the intention to have self-care moments throughout the day that are just for me, whether it's listening to my favorite music or doing whatever I want to do. That is going to nurture that part of me that needs to be cared for, needs love and attention. You know everything does.

Speaker 1: 11:21

What happens is that when you do allow for these self-care moments or, you know, or days, then you feel a lot more energized and you will be able to produce more and be more productive, a happier, healthier person. So they're definitely worth your you know your time. It's not like you're wasting time by having self-care. No, no, or you're going to be negligent to your family and to your friends. You're not. You're going to find that you'll have more energy afterwards, more patience with the children if you have any, and whoever is your partner partner exactly, you biting and shouting, because what happens is when we do get overwhelmed, we start biting and shouting.

Speaker 1: 12:06

We do, yeah, we're biting. I don't know about that. That sounds like biting back. All right, I was gonna say it sounds a bit, I don't know. But yeah, um, but yeah, we do, we do, we do do that. You answer back really, you know, curtly, curtly. Hey, you don't want to be that kind of person. You know you're not normally like that.

Speaker 1: 12:32

So you've got to realize there's a reason why I'm like that and it's because you're neglecting yourself exactly. So you've got to do something about it. You know, say no, ask for things. Can you make me a cup of tea because I'm feeling really tired? Yeah, can you go and make the breakfast? You know, say no, ask for things. Can you make me a cup of tea Because I'm feeling really tired? Can you go and make the breakfast? You know, I say things like that to my husband. Can you go down? Can you unload the dishwasher? You know, especially if we're going off to work, you know, can you unload the dishwasher for me? Simple things like that make a difference. They do make a difference and they do absolutely contribute to your feeling like calmer and more empowered as well, because you're actually asking for things.

Speaker 1: 13:12

You're not neglecting your own feelings and your own emotions. You're actually acknowledging that you have these feelings and emotions and want to. You know, take care of yourself. You're being heard, just like you take care of other people. You're being listened to by yourself. So when you say to you know, in an argument you say you're not listening to me. You're not listening. Are you listening to yourself what are, what do you need? Yeah, as therapists, we can absolutely 100 guarantee that if you take more care of yourself, everybody around you is going to be feeling better for it 100% better. Let us know what you think and if you enjoyed the podcast, then please do subscribe so that you can see all our videos and podcast episodes and join us next week or in our next video. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. We are therapists and we are here to help you. Bye.