Unmasking Your True Habits: What They Reveal About You

We delve into the habits that shape our lives and reveal our true selves. Habits are repetitive actions or thoughts that can make or break us, reflecting our beliefs about ourselves and impacting how we navigate the world.

• Conscious habits like daily water intake and walking create a sense of empowerment
• Habits reveal our comfort zones and can limit growth when we become set in our ways
• Many habits serve as unconscious coping mechanisms for stress, fear, and overwhelm
• Neural pathways strengthen with repetition, making habits easier to maintain but harder to break
• Our true priorities are exposed through habits, not through what we claim to value
• Anxious thinking is a habit that can be transformed through mindfulness
• Awareness of unhelpful habits is the first step to changing them

We are therapists and we're here to help you. Get in touch with us on Instagram or wherever you listen to our podcast. We're happy to chat or you can book a session with us.

Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding Habits and Their Impact
• 3:40 How Habits Reflect Our Beliefs
• 7:02 Breaking Out of Comfort Zones
• 15:32 Habits as Coping Mechanisms
• 19:39 The Neuroscience of Habit Formation
• 22:03 Transforming Anxious Thinking
• 25:37 Finding Root Causes Behind Habits

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

I'm asking your true habits and what they reveal about you? Yeah, and why do they matter? Why does it matter if we sort of consciously become aware of our habits? Yeah, what are habits? Why? What are habits? What are habits?

Speaker 1: 0:18

Habits are something we do habitually, yes, without really being conscious of them at all. Most of the time, they're just repetitive actions that we take or repetitive thoughts that we think, and they have an ability to actually make or break us. Make or break us, yeah, because conscious habits, habits that we're totally aware of, that are going to help us. They actually make us feel empowered. Well, like the 10 000 step a day thing. Well, yeah, because exactly that has become my habit, really. Yeah, that's that off. Yes, tick it off. I mean, I, I, that was supposed to be my habit, but I haven't quite got around to perfecting it. But I am much more conscious of how many steps I do take and I try and do it.

Speaker 1: 1:12

So that's what we're going to be talking about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters Mind health and anxiety. Come and watch us on YouTube too, where we have the video version and the podcast version, and listen wherever you get your podcasts, and please do send us a text or comment. Come and see us on instagram. We really we would love if you would make that a habit. Yes, and we are therapists, so we are very happy to be able to help you. So if you want to chat with us or just send us a message or book a session, or book a session, yes, but if you just want a chat, I mean you know, you can just write to us and it's completely free of charge. So there's no worries there. No worries, no worries at all. We're happy to help you.

Speaker 1: 2:01

So, yeah, so what we were saying, that becoming aware of our habits gives us a power to actually choose differently, and, and every small intentional change sends a message to our brain, doesn't? It has become a habit of the 10 000 steps, and I'm very grateful for it, because before I used to think I wasn't sedentary until this happened, because I used to think I move around a lot, but like in the wrong way, yeah, yeah, whereas now I make an effort to go for a walk or play golf or do something which will get me those steps, or go on the treadmill, and you actually get 10,000 every day. Yeah, more really, wow, yeah, yeah, I forgot about that. I hit my fitness levels every day or double or quadruple the. I've only put 30 minutes in to make it easy for myself. Yeah, I do that with the like a movement. It always says, oh, you've done really well with movement. I mean, yeah, anyway, I'm going to get down to that more now, now that I've heard about it, yeah, even further, I'm going to do it more.

Speaker 1: 3:05

So, yes, I think that's why they create empowerment, because they're conscious habits and they become, once you become so used to doing your 10,000 steps that you're not bothered about it anymore. It's like every morning, drink a glass of water, like I do that now. Every morning, I drink a large glass of water and I'll put some lemon juice in it. That's become a conscious habit and I'll miss it if I don't do it. But I'm, you know, I'm fully aware that I'm doing it and it's something I'm doing for my health and to create that sets you up for a healthy day. Of course it does well, it keeps me hydrated and then it's a healthy. You know it's a healthy habit. Yeah, it's a healthy habit. Exactly Because habits they can.

Speaker 1: 3:50

Habits can be healthy or unhealthy. Exactly so you want to have a healthy habit. I mean, habits always reflect what our beliefs are about as well, don't they? Well, I wouldn't have thought so, but apparently they do. Well, the small repetitive actions that we take every day are often rooted in what we believe about ourselves and the world. For example, if you avoid social situations a lot, that might reflect that you have a belief that you're not good enough to be there, for example, and that could fuel you know, you could be fueling social anxiety, because you might find that you're always avoiding these kind of things and and that's a habit that can you know show what you believe in yourself, what you believe about yourself. Yeah, well, exactly, yeah, what you believe about yourself. That's that's.

Speaker 1: 4:41

That's a tricky one. You have to do. You'd have to. How would you break that habit? You'd have to. You have to do. You'd have to. How would you break that habit? You'd have to make a conscious effort. You'd have to take a conscious effort and make you know, like what you were saying before, to, since you become aware of that habit and now you know that you're often doing oh, no, no, I don't know. Thanks, I'm not going there, or you're avoiding certain situations. You can take a more, you know, may have a good look at it and decide that you've been more proactive about it.

Speaker 1: 5:11

Yeah, and say I will go. You can force yourself to go to these things. Well, not, I mean well, yeah, like make like force yourself to say look, sometimes this is a negative habit, it's impacting my life negatively. Yes, yes, I am going to override this habit now, like making a conscious effort to say, no, I will go, even if it's only for 20 minutes, I'll show my face, well done. Or I'll go into the kitchen and stay by the kettle or whatever. Exactly that's what I was meaning by social situations.

Speaker 1: 5:44

Situations. It doesn't necessarily mean going to a party. It just means, oh, all the colleagues are over there by the coffee machine and I normally don't do that. I go off and I go somewhere else or I sit in somewhere else. So no, I'll make a conscious effort of going there. Why aren't I doing this? Why aren't I joining the group? Is it because I have a belief that I've got nothing valid to say? Or you have to analyze why you're doing. Obviously, if you say I'm not going there because I don't like any of them and they and they have a horrible, boring conversation, then, of course, that's a different situation.

Speaker 1: 6:20

What we're saying here is that habits can reveal certain things that if you're one of these people, you might realize yes, that's what I do, yeah, and I do it because I have that feeling that I'm not good enough to join that particular group where I think, if you take a good look, you are good enough. You're just the same as all of them. Every single other person in that group is has the same kind of insecurities or very similar, even though they don't appear to have them. They might be more confident about one thing when we first started going to the gym and then everyone would gather outside smoking yes, exactly, and we would always feel left out because we didn't smoke and we would feel as if we were like imposing if we went outside as well. And I had a chat with them, yes, but yeah, because we realized that if we didn't go outside even though we didn't smoke, no, we would miss out on all these nice conversations with people and socializing and socializing yeah, I do remember that. Yeah, that was distinct in the end, we going out, sort of staying a bit further away, further away.

Speaker 1: 7:27

Smoking was less taboo in those days, but it was still. Well, it was when it first started that in Italy you weren't allowed to smoke inside, so people would go outside. But what happened is that a lot of the interactions that you would have inside were missing, suddenly cut off, because everyone would just go outside all the time and then have all these chats and laughs. They'd be all laughing and chatting and you think, oh, we're missing out on that, because in the end they became our group of friends. But since they were always smoking outside, yeah, so what? What did we do? We joined them. We joined them.

Speaker 1: 7:58

Eventually, when we realized it, we were missing out. Yeah, because it was a habit they had. They'd just go outside for smoke and everyone would join them and we would be left inside without anyone to talk to. But at least we weren't getting the passive smoke. Yeah, but I mean, it was outside, so you stand away. You didn't have to, and they would. They would be discreet. You know they blow it away and that. Yeah, yes, it wasn't. We don't like smoking, so it was a nuisance for us.

Speaker 1: 8:25

But you, you have to weigh, weigh up the benefits, what it was more of a. It was more of a hindrance. Yes, to be left out of the group and not have any fun or talk to anyone. Yes, it was. It was indeed. Yeah, you have to weigh the benefits against the, you know, see what outweighs it, if it outweighs one, outweighs the other or not.

Speaker 1: 8:47

Yeah, because habits can expose your comfort zones, can't they? You know, definitely expose them. Because they do. You want to stay in the same comfort zone. You don't want to do anything. So like, for instance, if your friend wants to travel, or your partner and you're used to being at home all the time in a homebody, you might say, oh, I'm not bothered, yeah, yeah, but then you miss out on a whole load of things. Yeah, because they want to keep you in your familiar territory, don't they Doing?

Speaker 1: 9:16

Repeating that same habit, I was thinking like I didn't want to go to India because of all the monkeys out there. What do you mean monkeys? I mean they're not all. There's a lot of monkeys in the streets, aren't there? Well, I mean I've been many times and I just remember the beauty of the place. You do remember the beauty, but I was thinking, if I was there in that corner, you're the monkey. I don't know about the monkeys, I don't want to get attacked by a monkey, oh, come on. No, yes, in the temples and things like that, yes, but you don't. I mean, come on.

Speaker 1: 9:54

If you go into the city, you know you're fine, there's monkeys not very many they. They mostly hang out in these. You know old temples and things. There are a few, obviously, you don't. You know you be a little bit more careful. You take the precautions, don't you? You have to be careful with your phone, because they can light the phone as well. Now they want to steal your food in your phone, the food they've always wanted to steal. I remember that, you know it's like.

Speaker 1: 10:18

But I mean, yeah, you have to be careful, but is that really gonna stop you? That's like a joke. Is it gonna stop you from visiting? Well, it would put me on beautiful country of india. Put me off. I'd have to fight against that. You'd have to fight because it's not familiar for you to have monkeys. Yeah, you would think, no, you know, you know, I don't want to go there. I mean, I used to go for work, so now, basically, I would think, well, I'd have to pay for my own ticket. It'd be out familiar for me as well. I wouldn't want to go there either. But that's not good, is it? No, it's definitely not good. No, that's why we have to fight against these kind of things.

Speaker 1: 10:55

The habits, yeah, just, oh, easy things. You know, you become more and more used to your comfort zone and less, because it's very enriching in the end, like what you said, if you just take the precautions not to go where there's nothing, you just put everything away and you make sure you keep like your backpack, you don't leave it on the back, you put it on the front where you can hold it, you just cross your arms or something. I'm sure they're not going to be that dramatic. I mean, it's like, obviously, if you have, you're eating an ice cream or you've got a sandwich banana, yeah, you've got. You know you're actually eating something or you've got they. They're playful, aren't they? So they'll come and I think I would squish. Yeah, I think most of us would probably scream, especially knowing us. We'd probably definitely scream, but I don't think that's going to be, you know, a major issue.

Speaker 1: 11:51

But this is one of the ridiculous examples of the stupid thing I'm saying yes, I'm just being a bit fickle, you are being fickle, I'm being a bit of a what's it called? But just being a bit funny Silly, yeah, a bit silly, but it's a laugh. The reasons just being a bit funny silly? Yeah, it's silly, but it's a lot, it's. It's um, the reasons it's like why don't you want to go to egypt again?

Speaker 1: 12:10

Ah, because last time we went to egypt we got ill with the uh because bug, the bug, yeah, the what's it called the egyptian bug or something. It's like a joke. You get this severe diarrhea and and you don't think as well, it's fine, I didn't actually get that. Oh, you know, your daughter got the high fever, didn't actually get that. Oh, you know, your daughter got the high fever, didn't she? Yeah, it puts you off, but then it's so beautiful. So you've got to sort of and I've got those memories to treasure, but I wouldn't do it again. Yeah, but I was just talking to my brother-in-law yesterday and he said, oh, I've just come back and it's absolutely amazing. But do you remember we went and we did that scuba diving? Yeah, beautiful that was. But now I would be frightened to do that now, because I know the danger.

Speaker 1: 12:54

This is turning to a comedy podcast. You know the dangers, yeah, but we were quite safe. We were before the barrier. I mean, we were just sc? We weren't. I mean, we were just scuba diving. People think we're down there with our big no, but we were over the barrier reef. No, no, no, we were just before the barrier reef. We did not go beyond. We went into the deep sea. We did. It was deep sea, it was deep ocean. Wasn't there somebody with us, though? A husband, no one that can protect you, and the kids are the jellyfish.

Speaker 1: 13:28

They started following us, gosh, now that I see these videos maybe because there's so many videos around of animals attacking people, like yesterday I watched one of the this seal pulled a little girl that she was just on the on the pier just sitting there, and a seal came up and pulled her into the sea. What for? Just to play? To play, yeah, play for whatever. And the father immediately went and jumped in and got her out. God, what kind of videos are you watching? I see these gorgeous videos. Yeah, that's wise your son, because the other day I saw a beautiful video of a dolphin saving a man or something you know. Come on, it's the opposite of a dolphin saving a man or something you know. Come on, it's perspective, isn't it you're watching? Yeah, your son is obviously feeling a bit anxious now and he's showing you all these videos I don't know what he's doing, but anyway trying to make me anxious, yeah, in the end.

Speaker 1: 14:17

But what habits do is they expose your comfort zone, so you but you can become aware of them. You can know, right, I'm becoming very happy to generic. Is that what? It's set in my way? Yeah, very set in my ways now, and I'm always doing the same things. That's why I don't want to do that.

Speaker 1: 14:35

You know, if you're aware of it to myself, I me too, but then I, then I, then I, then I say, yeah, like if you, if you're used to doing something all the time with someone else or doing something together, then you don't want to do it on your own, maybe, no, no, I'm used to going to places with you. Yeah, yeah, if I have to go on my own, I don't like it as much. It causes more anxiety. Yeah, you say, oh, no, I have to go there. I'm used to being part of a team. Yes, yeah, when you're used to it, is it that? Yes, obviously, you obviously have to fight against that. I think you have to make a conscious effort saying no, okay, but I, I'm used to this, this is a habit for me to go with somebody, but today I'm going to have to do this alone and I'm going to sort of you know, become aware of the habit and you're gonna have to break it. Yeah, you know, sometimes, because it's you can't always keep it, can you?

Speaker 1: 15:30

They reveal habits, do reveal how we cope in life in general. Yeah, whether it's scrolling endlessly or emotional eating, you know. Or constant multitasking, many habits are unconscious, you know. Or constant multitasking, many habits are unconscious. You know coping mechanisms. That's what they are for stress, fear and overwhelm. So, yes, they do indeed reflect how we cope. We know that if we're just scrolling like that, we might be feeling overwhelmed or something. We're trying to find a distraction.

Speaker 1: 16:02

Or we suddenly say, oh, I want to eat you know this all these comfort foods. Why? I think, if we become aware of them, we can know more, can't we? So, yeah, if you, if you want to eat lots of comfort foods you might think I'm feeling a bit anxious now and you go for a walk instead, yes, and you can break that habit, can't you? Or you can break the habit of having lots of comfort foods in the house if they're bad for you, because if it's a plate of pasta, I'm not going to say anything. Yeah, no, no, no, yeah. Or a banana no, banana again. Yeah, because bananas are like my comfort food. Yeah, me too. Actually, they've got my magnesium. It's funny because yesterday, on the way to work, I actually said to my husband I haven't had a banana for about two days. Should we stop off and buy some bananas? And he was like, yeah, I miss the bananas. See, that's why we don't want to go anywhere near monkeys, because you're possessive about your bananas. Oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they do.

Speaker 1: 17:02

What other thing habits do is they show our priorities, don't they? They definitely, even if they're unintentional. You know we have our priorities and we know, you know, like we might say, mental health is important, but if our daily habits don't support that rest and reflection or nourishment, we may be living out of alignment without realizing it. Yeah, yeah, I think loads of us do that. Yeah, so we say one thing, but we're not congruent. Yes, so our habits actually do reveal what we prioritize. We might be saying, yes, it's really important for me, it's really important for me to do that, but then, do we really do it? That's a good one. Yeah, we don't do it. Do we, I do, do you? Well, they do. Yeah. Well, they reveal our priorities on how I cope. I think I do. I think yes.

Speaker 1: 18:03

Why do you say they don't for you? Because I think a lot of the times we, we, we say we have like habits that, um, that are productive or that, but then we actually do the opposite, like we procrastinate a lot, we do things that, but we say, oh no, we, you know we're really high function. Is that what you say? Is that what you say? You're really high-functioning? Is that what you say? Is that what you say, you're really high-functioning? And then you do the opposite and you'll go off and not do it right. Then you might go and sit on the settee and watch Netflix or something.

Speaker 1: 18:38

I just think it's important to become aware of. It is what I'm saying, because a lot of the times they're not in line with that. So we might think we're really healthy, like when I used to think I was really healthy and fit and my daughter said you're sedentary. I got the fry of my life because I said I'm not sedentary. I'm always doing gardening or walking around or doing, so I'm putting the fire on, uh, working. I'm always up and down doing things and she said, yeah, but that's not being an active, that's not an active lifestyle. You're not even doing 10,000 steps a day. Yeah, I remember when she said that and I said what 10,000 steps? That's a joke, that's like a joke. Yeah, that's so many, and yet now it's your habit is to prioritise that. You do prioritise it. But what I mean is a lot of the times we make this movie in our head about how our lives are and then when you actually go and analyse and you look through your day, you see it's all the opposite. It's the opposite of what you think of yourself. Yeah, and you know that they actually have it's to actually impact how our brain is wired. No, because the more you repeat yeah, the more you repeat something you know.

Speaker 1: 19:47

Neuroscience tells us this, that you know, habits strengthen certain neural pathways. Well, if you become more confident, if you become more active, you're going to be like. You know you're going to feel better about yourself, aren't you? You're going to be more confident. You're going to, it's going to. You know you're going to feel better about yourself, aren't you? You're going to be more confident. You're going to, it's going to, or it could also be. You know, the more you engage in anxious thinking or avoidance behaviors, yeah, the more your brain will just naturally default to.

Speaker 1: 20:17

That's why I say we have to force ourselves against this kind of thing. We have to cut that neuro wiring and say you know, our brains will want to go and do what we are used to, what our habits tell us. That's why we want to have a cup of tea at five o'clock or a coffee in the morning. Absolutely, we have to say is coffee good for us? I think it is, so I'll have one. But if it wasn't good, like when I had high blood pressure and I wasn't not on my meds, I I said I can't coffee out. Yeah, so you have to think, you know, is it good for me? Is it okay to have it? Is it productive for me, yes or no? Yeah, I don't think.

Speaker 1: 20:55

I think a lot of us have become used to having like you can become used to having these anxious thoughts and you can sort of feel comfort in them and it's odd to say that. But you don't, like, you're almost scared of just thinking well, what, what would I do if I didn't have those? Your brain goes if, yeah, what would happen if I didn't always have to feel anxious? What would happen if I didn't always expect the worst to happen to me? What would happen if I can just be calm?

Speaker 1: 21:29

I think a lot of the times with anxiety is because our imaginations are too vivid, so we develop scenarios that don't even come true. Yes, yes, so true. Make up these little films in our mind about something that's going to go wrong, when it probably never will exactly. And that's a habit, isn't it? And that's one that the more we do, the more we get better at doing. So. We've got to become aware of it and think and become aware of the same thing, up of a scenario that's positive yeah, like you're doing the 10,000 steps or becoming mindful and thinking okay, I'm going to break that habit of anxious thinking just for today, and I'm going to start thinking no, that's not necessarily going to happen. This is what's going to happen. I'm going to have a good day, it's not all going to be bad.

Speaker 1: 22:18

It makes you feel amazing when you start talking to yourself like that. Yes, one of the things that you know, internal dialogue, yeah, habit of how you talk to yourself. Yeah, what you focus on, how you respond, how you respond to all the mistakes that you make as well. The feedback you can get from them? Um, instead of you can, because because the thing about anxieties you can either feed it or you can soothe it and it or embrace it or well done, yeah, clever clogs here you can embrace it and understand it and just say, I that's actually better, you know, because you're embracing it and saying, look, I know why me too. I know why I'm feeling like this.

Speaker 1: 23:05

Thank you, brain, for making me become aware that there is a potential situation that I have to, you know, navigate, navigate. She's giving me all the words here, so I have to navigate today and I, I will navigate it, but I want to navigate it feeling strong and empowered, without having to feel weak and anxious. And that's how I want to navigate my day feeling strong, exactly, and in control, not just thinking my mind is going to go off and worry about monkeys coming to steal my bananas yeah, bananas or my phone. You know, like what you were saying before, because the brain is a bit like a wild monkey. Yeah, you know, it can go off and be. It's called the monkey brain, isn't it? They do actually. Yeah, I've heard of the monkey brain.

Speaker 1: 23:59

Yeah, it's like never calm, always, you know, jumping around I think that's a mick to that when you're not, you just like you fight the fight or fight all the time. Yes, so if you start observing your internal dialogue, you can start shaping it, can't you? That's what we do, that's what, how we learn to stay calmer. Well, that's what really helped her. Yeah, so much. I mean, it was. It was a light bulb moment, wasn't it?

Speaker 1: 24:29

Well, also yeah, definitely it becomes is when you become mindful of how your brain works and how you're, what you, how you're thinking, how you, how you know you suddenly can have thought, you can like disassociate and look at yourself and think well, is that realistic? Is it true? No, it's not. I'm not. You know, I'm coming from a place of fear instead of a place of calm, and and it's uh, it's very calming and soothing really. Yeah, you can ask yourself is this just a limiting belief? Once I learned about limiting beliefs that they were just beliefs that actually aren't real. They're just things based on things that have happened to you in your life. Somebody said a grade that you got at school something, and it's not really real at all and you just suddenly believe that about yourself. Yeah, it compounds over time.

Speaker 1: 25:22

So you can change that. You can change a lot of things and you can make your habits help you and be successful. You know you can be, you can have success with the habits that you create. Well, yes, because they can also sort of like I mean, I'm laughing here, but it's quite no because habits can mask also some of the more serious, more serious problems. Well, yeah, it's nothing funny really, but they can mask. No, I'm just thinking of the monkeys. Still, that's what I'm thinking of. Sorry, yeah, yeah, but they can. They can mask serious problems like, if you don't, if you have a fear of, say, traveling, you can have that.

Speaker 1: 26:11

That fear is not just one fear, it's generalized into other areas. Exactly, it's like sneaky, it's sneaky, yes, so have a fear of lifts, for example. Or you might have a fear of doing new things. So there might be this deeper reason. There's, it's a wound. Why are you behaving in a certain way? Why do I have this habit?

Speaker 1: 26:34

If you become curious about yourself, you can start unmasking it and thinking oh yeah, I'm going to the root of the problem. Yeah, maybe I'm a perfectionist, maybe that's because I have a tremendous fear of failure. Where did this fear of failing come along? Maybe I can become more conscious about that. Instead of having always fear of failure, maybe I can embrace failure and just say I'm going to learn Because there is no failure, only feedback. Maybe I don't always have to be this perfectionist.

Speaker 1: 27:06

You know, becoming aware can help you get to the root of the issue. Becoming aware can get you to get to the root of the issue. Yeah, it can help you actually trace yourself back to that root and become aware of it and think, no, want to break that habit. It's not, you know, it's masking something that I'm. It's not really me. Yeah, it's not me.

Speaker 1: 27:31

You can break free of it, yeah, free, and make sure that your habits the ones you have observe your habits. Maybe observe one of your habits today and think is it a helpful habit? Is it working for me? Do I like this habit? Are you, does it make you feel safe? Does it make you feel in control? You know, and and if you have that habit of thinking these things, do I, am I safe, am I in control? Then you can make the habit of thinking to yourself I can change. Yeah, and that's it.

Speaker 1: 28:07

Beautiful things, change is a beautiful I mean, it's something to embrace. Really, change is as good as a rest. Yes, exactly that's what our mother would always say a change is as good as a rest. So give your brain a change, exactly. Do something to unmask these habits that you know, the ones that you want to keep. You keep them because they're good for you and you become aware of them. But lots of those habits that you're doing unconsciously, you can decide to change them. Yes, and you have the power to change them. You do have the power. We are therapists and we're here to help you. So do get in touch, and lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye.