Transforming Mental Weakness Into Strength

We explore how to recognize and transform perceived mental weaknesses into sources of strength through reframing techniques and mindfulness practices. This episode offers practical strategies for moving from frustration and fear to empowerment and understanding.

• Mental weakness often appears as frustration, anger, procrastination, and fear
• Self-awareness is the foundation for transforming limitations into strengths
• Empathy is a learnable skill that reduces your own anxiety while improving relationships
• Reframing techniques can transform procrastination into purposeful action
• Being present and practicing mindfulness helps filter out overwhelming information
• Our brains naturally adapt to filter out distractions – we can consciously direct this ability
• Connection with others provides perspective and diminishes feelings of fear and isolation

We'd love to hear which strategies help you transform your mental challenges into strengths. Come say hello on YouTube where you can watch the video version of this episode and join our community!

Chapters

• 0:00 Recognizing Mental Weaknesses
• 4:35 The Danger of Living in Bubbles
• 8:52 Empathy as a Learned Skill
• 12:11 Reframing Frustration and Procrastination
• 18:55 Being Present in a Chaotic World
• 26:15 Personal Stories and Mindful Moments
• 31:31 The Power of Tuning Out

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

recognizing your mental weaknesses and how to empower yourself. This week, that's what we're going to be talking about. It's going to be a very exciting episode, motivational that'll get you from sitting on your backside to moving in the right direction for you, to finding some solutions and to understanding a little bit more about what's actually going on in your mind. Yes, recognizing your habits and what makes you think that you're mentally weak, because you may find that you're actually mentally strong, a lot stronger than what you believe you are, and I think that's what's so exciting. Yes, there are possibilities here, lots of them. So listen in to this week's episode on get real with the english sisters mind, health and anxiety. We are therapists and we are here to help you. Yes, feel calmer, feel more empowered and generally feel better. Feel better because the more you understand how your own mind works, the more you're, you can feel in control and calmer. So I think that's very, very't it. Well, who doesn't want to feel calm in today's frenetic world? Yes, exactly who doesn't? We all need it. We all need to feel a little bit calmer we do and to have more empathy for ourselves as well, and, I think, to have more empathy for others too. Yes, good point. Yeah, definitely have more empathy for others, because a lot of us are so quick to judge and quick to get on our high horse about things on our soapbox or whatever. Yes, yes, and what we're finding more and more is that, um, the society is becoming more a lot about self-care and looking after you know all of your own things, but it is becoming a little bit more individualistic. So I do think that sometimes, looking outside of the I, looking outside of me and seeing a broader view, can definitely help you become less anxious and less concerned as well, because you're thinking, well, if other people may be feeling that way, or maybe I can understand that point of view now. Well, I think that we're getting. We we're in an age now where I don't think we've ever been more divided, exactly. So there's like polar opposites in politics. In just everyday life. We get fed the stuff that we want to see, so we can only see one side of things.

Speaker 1: 2:56

Yes, everyone has their own news feed. Yes, and it's all. Each person. It's individual. The more you click on that because you like it and you're interested, the more you're going to get that. But that's going to give you your point of view and it's going to reinforce that point of view, whether it's political or whatever it is, it's going to reinforce that and it can be dangerous. It can. So I think we have to be a little bit more aware that other people may be getting their own news feed and that's why they're reacting to what we're saying in that particular way. Yeah, in such a polar opposite way. So like the opposite way to what, to how you're thinking, which is very divisive. It could be. Yes, I mean, I'm just thinking about family arguments, for example.

Speaker 1: 3:47

A lot of the times, it's difficult to see somebody else's point of view, definitely, so we all have to have the ability. I think and this is this, is, this is a tool, isn't it really? You learn how to do this. You can learn how to step out of your own mind and go into somebody else's shoes, like what they, you know, those that express and step into somebody else's shoes, try and see their point of view. Why are they speaking to you that way? What's going on? What kind of hurt is going on in their mind? Why do they feel as if you're, that you're attacking them, or why do they feel that they have to be so defensive? These are all things that you know. We can discuss at length, I think, and I think if you just it's what we always say if you're listeners, you'll hear this in every episode.

Speaker 1: 4:46

Yeah, self-awareness is the key to everything. Once you become self-aware, just everything just gets so easy. Yes, you can just see everything for what it is. You can see other people's points of view. You can. You can understand them. You can stop feeling so frustrated. It's like you're in the car and you're driving and you're thinking why is that person being so slow? Gosh, they're so.

Speaker 1: 5:14

You know that that I, I often hear my husband say things like that. Yeah, say what's wrong with them, what an idiot. And I always think you don't know what kind of day that person has had. This is going to sound really cliche, but it's so true. How do you know what's going on, what's happened? What kind of news has that person received? You have no idea and you're making a judgment based on what? The fact that they're going slowly, the fact that they didn't speed off because the green light turned on? Well, would you say that you're like this would be mentally weak. Then your husband reacting like that is a mental weakness, frustration is.

Speaker 1: 5:56

I think it can definitely be classified as a mental weakness. Anger can definitely be classified as a mental weakness. Anger is a normal thing to experience, but if you feel that you're getting over angry and you always feel frustrated and angry about certain situations that perhaps you can see other people cope with in a different way, then you can think perhaps that might be one of my weaknesses, maybe I could work on that, maybe I can. Like my husband, he listened to me and then he just smiled and he thought I wish I could see the world the way you see it. And I said it's something I learned, how to do. I learned, learned how to do this. It's a skill. Maybe I am naturally empathetic, but I think 70% is the skill To learn.

Speaker 1: 6:55

It's mastering the skill of stepping out of your own mind and thinking I don't know what that other person is experiencing, I do have no idea. Let me be respectful of that and let me try and understand that, and so you learn how to do this. So it's definitely I do like that. I like the fact that you are respecting that person. Yes, yes, because I think there's so much disrespect nowadays. Yes, it's so easy to be disrespectful and not to understand and see the other person as a vulnerable human being. And the thing is that I think people that are being disrespectful they don't actually realize they're being disrespectful. No, it's what you said.

Speaker 1: 7:46

If you're not aware of the fact that you do have any mental weaknesses as we've decided to use that word here then you're not aware of it. No, you, you have to become aware of it in the first place, and I think if you have them, you'll probably know, because a lot of the times I get criticized by family members or friends and they say that you're too kind. You always see the nice, the good side in people. You're, you're too nice. That's their reaction when I say something like that, like if I say much to my husband, oh, you don't know, you don't know who's driving, they might have had a bad day or they might be really frenetic at the moment because they're stressed out and he says, oh, but you're too kind, that's how you see things. So he would consider your kindness to be almost a mental weakness from his point of view.

Speaker 1: 8:45

Obviously, it's all subjective, isn't it? Yes, this is very subjective. It's how you decide to live your life, that that kind of life choices that make your life fuller and less filled with stress and anxiety. So that's how you choose to live your life, so for you it's not. For me as well, it gives me serenity and peace of mind to be kind and, and even though I might find some situations frustrating, like in long queues and I, like I went to the post office the other day, I had to physically go, which I already think oh, how boring. This is so boring, you know, because you could receive an email and and I think why.

Speaker 1: 9:29

But then at the same time, the lady behind the desk she was picking up her phone every five minutes and there was like three or four people going. Can't she put her bloody phone down? What the hell is she doing? And in my mind that could have been my first thought. I thought, oh yeah, drag. Then I thought how do I know what she's going on? Maybe she's got this really important, important message. Maybe she has an elderly parent, maybe she's got a kid at school. How do I know what kind of notification she was she was anxious to receive? And that instantly calmed me down. So that's my way that I can cope, and I find it very, very helpful to me to think like that, because it reduces my anxiety levels. I instantly calmed down when I thought, thought of it that way. I wished I could have told other people, but I probably would have got shouted at, you know. So I kept quiet and just by being calm, I think, in the end, and sending out a few smiles and calmness to other people, they kind of caught that vibe. Well, there was one lady, yeah, she, she like smiled back and we just, you know, I let's just chill In the end. How long has it really been? It has been 30 minutes, but we'll be okay.

Speaker 1: 10:54

I think a lot of people as well. I mean, she might have been working, because now you get work emails on your phone, yeah, who knows what she was doing. So she might have been getting notifications about the work she's supposed to be doing at the post office. Yeah, we don't know, we, about the work she's supposed to be doing at the post office? Yeah, we don't know. We don't know exactly, so we don't know.

Speaker 1: 11:15

So I think a lot of the time we judge without knowing and that can also be the signs of getting very frustrated, very angry. That could be something that's definitely worth working on if you're feeling it. Yeah, because these kinds of emotions can be you know they are there's something that's going to limit your life. They're going to they, in the end, from seeing other things, doesn't it? It stops you from actually seeing the world in a different, with a different perspective, with a different lens. Well, definitely stops you and it definitely and it makes causes you to feel anger and more sympathetic and more empathetic to people's needs. Definitely, um, I mean.

Speaker 1: 11:56

Another one is when you're constantly procrastinating. That's another thing that could be something. Definitely that, if you're aware of mental weakness, yes, well, yeah, because it's something you're delaying. You're you're, you're kind of, in the end, you're delaying your whole life. If you, especially if you're one of these procrastinators that are very good at it, you know you're like, you're an expert strength, isn't it being an expert procrastinator? Well, yes, if you think I'm really good at this, it's a skill, isn't it? You can reframe it. Well, use a reframing technique to say I'm, if I am, so amazing at procrastinating, I have this amazing skill, this ability. I can use this to my advantage and stop procrastinating.

Speaker 1: 12:48

Basically, use that strength and perseverance that you have To procrastinate To procrastinate to actually go and do something Because you Like. Force yourself to do something, actually force yourself, discipline yourself into doing something you need to do. As you are so disciplined not to do a particular task, you can be just as disciplined to do it, because you do have the strength not to do it. So what's going on in your mind? You may not see as a strength, but you are capable of procrastinating. So you are saying that since you're capable of procrastinating, you can also be capable of doing something else with just as much determination. As you say, no, I won't do that now, I don't want to do my whatever it is you've got to do, you can be just as determined to say well, if I can do that, I can also do the opposite. I can do it, I can do it and I can do it now because I'm capable of procrastination to such a good level. You can do it and we've done it, we've tried this out. You just do the opposite. Just do the opposite. Just do the opposite. I don't want to make that phone call. I don't want to make that phone call. I don't want to book that appointment. Go, book it. Make, yeah, make it. Do it, do it now, do it, do it quickly. Yes, everything you think you've been procrastinating. I don't want to.

Speaker 1: 14:14

I used to have it with a supermarket. I used to hate going shopping. I mean, now my husband goes. That's how I've got around it. You delegate. Sometimes you can delegate things, a lot of things that you find particularly tedious, and then you can do something else that you don't find as tedious. Yes, yes, I do that as well. I say to my husband if you go and buy the groceries, I will do this and we're. But you know we have a little barter. It's like teamwork. I think that's very useful in relationships, because if you find something particularly tedious and you just don't, you know it, just find it boring, then you can get. You know, teamwork, yeah, but when I used to have to go to the supermarket and get the groceries, I would just reframe it and think how lucky I was to be able to afford to go to the supermarket to have such a beautiful selection.

Speaker 1: 15:09

I mean, we live in Italy, but if you're living in any age of town, you've probably got the same, hopefully, and if you haven't, you know it's something to appreciate. Whatever you've got, it's something. If you're appreciative, that's a big mental strength to be appreciated. Oh, yes, to be grateful. Yes, definitely one of the top strength.

Speaker 1: 15:31

I do think that if you feel that you're always criticizing, always in a position, or not always, but very often that's that's. That's already a lot, isn't it? Very often most of your day is spent. Think about this now. If you do a little mental exercise, if you think, what are the thoughts that you're having during your day? Are most of them moaning about something or somebody, complaining and moaning and feeling ungrateful for things, criticizing, judging, feeling anger. Think about those things. Is most of my day spent that way. And do you like living like that? How does that make you feel? I think most people say it makes me feel bad, because we know it makes you feel bad. We're therapists and we've also. Whenever we experience these kind of feelings. It doesn't make me feel good to feel like that.

Speaker 1: 16:36

Now I quickly turn it around. Yes, I think I'm being judgmental now, or I'm doing this. Don't do it. Stop it. Stop it, yes, change it around.

Speaker 1: 16:46

So we use this technique called reframing, which is an actual nlp technique, and it just means that you're like literally changing the frame of what you can see, which is the picture or your life situation. What can you see and how can you reframe that. So if we put it into practical examples, you can have a positive spin. How can you have a positive spin on that? On whatever like? If you're waiting in traffic or in a queue, the positive spin is that you could discover something new. I like because I remember once, when I was waiting in traffic, I started looking around. I discovered this lovely little restaurant on the side of the road that I had never seen before.

Speaker 1: 17:26

Or if you're waiting in a queue, you might strike up a lovely conversation with someone and they might live next to you and you might be able to go to their house for tea or to have a coffee. Or you might make a new friendship or a new love, love interest, we don't know, because just by talking with somebody else it's you know that can open possibilities, can't it? Just talking literally? Oh, you can just, it's lovely, you can still do that nowadays. Yeah, you have comfort in it. You can find out.

Speaker 1: 17:55

You were talking to the gardener the other day, weren't you? Yes, to your gardener, and he was worried because he's buying a car from a different city. Yeah, he didn't know whether they were trustworthy or not, and you, immediately you Googled it for him and you found out, yeah, and like he was super grateful and happy and felt comforted, didn't he? He did yeah because he spoke to somebody and I mean, I just found out through online, through the reviews, and I thought, well, look, it's got 38 000 reviews. I think you can be calm in thinking this is a trustworthy place for you to go and spend your money. I think you'll be okay. Obviously, you never really really fully know, but I mean, based on what I could find, I told him and he was very calmed down by that. So actually, yes, not forgetting that talking to other people is really good for your psyche and for your mental health as well. So, once again, we're talking about connection, connecting If you find that you do feel frustrated and angry and maybe you're living in fear as well.

Speaker 1: 19:03

A lot of fear, yeah, a lot of fear, yeah, a lot of fear is masked by anger, yes, and that's something that you can. Perhaps, if you decide, you know you can share that with other people. Well, I mean, what happens when you're fearful? Once you share it with someone, they might say, yeah, I'm fearful of that too, I'm scared of that too. I don't like that, or I'm scared about this situation and I feel fear when I do that. But you know, feel the fear and do it anyway, kind of thing you can. You can face your fears and conquer them, like my son.

Speaker 1: 19:43

He's 25 now and the other day he came in and he was all looking all miserable. I said what's happened? He goes, mom, haven't you heard the news? And I thought, oh my gosh, the news this news is is 99, is filled with doom and gloom, darling. You know, if you're going to base, look, look at your face, look at how stressed out you are. He goes, mum. But it's just the news. I mean, I don't know. I go. Obviously, if I listen to it and I tune in, I will be affected by it, but if it's out, I can't do anything about this right now. So let's look at where you are now. You're here, you're, you're working in the family business. We've got another family business. You're working with your mother, your father. You know that everybody's okay around you. We're going to have a lovely cappuccino. So let's think about the present moment now and let's focus on that. And then I could see that slowly he began to calm down.

Speaker 1: 20:48

Yeah, so I think one of the techniques isn't it just to be mindful, be in the present moment. Don't allow your mind to run away with. Just think this this is my reality, and people may say that that's selfish. It's selfish to be like that because that means you don't, you don't care about anything that's going on. It doesn't mean you don't care, it just means too much.

Speaker 1: 21:10

Yes, things that you actually absorb the information and think about it, and they will make you feel ill, and that's and that's. Though is that going to be helpful to anybody for you to feel ill? No, no. Is that going to prove a point that you can be empathetic with the whole world and yet shout at the person that's next to you? Because that's what often happens with these situations that you become so involved in situations you actually can't help or do anything about that. If there's somebody that's just sitting next to you, you don't see them, so what is that telling us? That's a tragedy, it's a paradox. You become completely absorbed in things that are all the side of the world, or things that you cannot help, and yet the things that you really can help you become blind to, and you can't see or listen to these people around you, and that is a big tragedy, and I think if we focus more on the present and on the things that we can do, we can build our mental strength. Yeah, and then everybody, or the people all around us, will become more mentally strong as well and feel calmer and feel good, and then that can radiate into our own little world, but it radiates out into the bigger world. It does, it does. In the end, it does radiate into the bigger world.

Speaker 1: 22:39

Everybody's on the edge of burnout in a world of today because there's just so much information that's like attacking us every day, it's bombarded. We have to stop it and push it away and look at our own little worlds and have a more simple life based on mindfulness. Mindfulness, for instance, the other day, I know I'm extremely lucky because I've got a beautiful garden and I we've created the life that we wanted to create for ourself. We've been extremely fortunate. But we've also made many challenges, though. The best of everything, haven't we? Yes, with our health and with our parents being ill and everything, but we've always managed to just look at, enjoy that cappuccino or look out the window.

Speaker 1: 23:29

The other day I looked out the window. It was sunrise and the crows were crowing. First they were driving me nuts, because they woke me up then I thought no, this is the wildlife. They're here, they're having their own little conversation yes, with each other, and the garden is looking beautiful because it rained overnight. And isn't this beautiful? And if you live in a city, you can do the same.

Speaker 1: 23:53

You can open, look out the window and look at your neighbors and think about their little lives that are going on and just be in the present moment. And it is so beautiful when you just stop and nothing else matters and it's just you and what's around you, and you could connect with others that way, because we do need other people. You need it in order to feel better. So if you connect with somebody and you smile at them, or you just connect, even if their music imagine you're living in an apartment. The music is so loud, the next door neighbor's driving you nuts, like you gave the example of the crows, which is nicer. But sometimes you know other people can also drive you crazy with their music and that you can reframe it and think okay, then maybe they're having a party. You know it sounds like fun. Yes, maybe I can dance too. Or I can just enjoy the fact that there are other people enjoying themselves, or just, if anything, become neutral to it and tune in to my own thoughts, if you can. There are.

Speaker 1: 25:05

There are different ways of dealing with this. You can, your mind can choose. It's funny how we're able to block out things when we want to, isn't it? Yeah, so you can focus on that particular noise with all your intent and let it become drive you crazy and drive you mad. Or you can decide to first of all, become to understand that noise and become empathetic to it, whatever it is. Or just think, oh, they're youngsters or they're having a party, whatever it is, I, you know and and and go along with it. Or you can decide to tune out and start focusing on other things and you will have that capacity. You can do that. You can tune out as well, and you can also get some noise cancelling headphones if it gets really bad. If it gets really bad yes, I was just thinking it was going to be a one-time thing. Obviously, sometimes it just becomes part of your you. You just become used to it.

Speaker 1: 26:04

Yeah, do you remember when we went on holiday that time we went to Barbados, and how we couldn't sleep because of the birds? Yeah, I do. I mean that was a beautiful experience. It was just so loud. It was so loud for us Because we live here and we have lots of birds here, but we can't hear them because we've just tuned them out. Yeah, they'rean sounds. Now they're european little birds, but when you hear the different sounds the tropical birds, so loud and I thought I'm never going to be able to sleep here with this loud.

Speaker 1: 26:35

When we first got out of the airport, I thought I could even talk to you. I couldn't hear you. It's so ridiculous, because it was only like how long were we there? For 10 days or something. Oh, it was like five days. It was a work trip from my husband. You remember we all went along, we all went along with all the kids. Yeah, it was wonderful. Oh, was it only five days? It was short, maybe six. Well, I'm so glad we enjoyed it so much.

Speaker 1: 27:02

At time we had this kind of like time distortion. Yeah, oh, yeah, I remember. Yeah, that's because our mum, when she passed away, she she would always, always say to us I don't want you to be sad and gloomy, I want you to go on holiday, I want you to go on holiday, go on holiday, have an experience. So we thought, okay if she had any little leftovers. She wasn't rich, but she had a little tiny bit of money left over and we, we did. We all decided, yeah, all of my family as well, my husband, my two children and you, all of us went on this Barbados trip just after she had died and and it became this celebratory experience. It was beautiful. It was so beautiful. We were just so much in the moment there. Yeah, and it did feel like time was much longer. Maybe that's why we could hear the birds more as well, because our senses were heightened.

Speaker 1: 27:59

We were kind of like in this trance experience because for all our lives, ever since we were children, I think, the fact that our mom I mean, she had me when she was 42, yeah, I knew when she was 41, so I do believe that she had, like this sense that she wouldn't live that long she used to say she might die. She did yeah, which is very you know not exactly yeah, she did used to say that, and she would always when she was going through menopause I remember her saying it. She was obviously more frightened at the time. She became more anxious. Yeah, she did, yeah, she would say that. So I do believe that when we got there, we've all our lives she would say don't cry, go on a holiday, enjoy yourselves, have a party, go on a holiday, go on a holiday. So we went on this holiday and it was the best.

Speaker 1: 28:50

It's true, we could hear the birds, but I remember asking my husband can you, can you speak the birds? And he, he said I can't. What birds? I think my husband could hear them, yes, a little bit more, but not like us, not like us. He was just, yeah, fine, yeah, we were asking the kids can you hear?

Speaker 1: 29:10

Like when you go to a nightclub or something, the music's so loud? Yes, that's how it felt for us, that when we because I remember we went out to, to the little local, little place where you eat, and I remember that I can't here because the birds are making so much noise, it's so funny and you were thinking the same thing, same thing Me, and you were like, wow, the birds. I mean they're amazing, they're beautiful. We couldn't see them, though. No, tony Town a bit. I felt like you could just hear them. I felt like this is amazing. But I mean, as soon as we got to the airport, I mean we saw that hummingbird coming towards us. It felt like some kind of uh you know, this was inside the airport, which was really weird this little tiny hummingbird. And my son, who was obsessed with nature, he was only like 10 he said, wow, mom, there's a hummingbird. So I turned around and I saw it and I thought, wow, this is already becoming this magical experience.

Speaker 1: 30:14

But then, with this loud noise, but then the whole point of it is that we were saying we couldn't hear it. It's because at the end of the holiday, the birds had like gone. Yeah, we were asking ourselves what's happened to the birds? Have they stopped singing? And then we realized it. No, our brains have deleted that sound now.

Speaker 1: 30:35

So this is the power of the mind. Exactly this is what your mind can do, wasn't it? Yes, the light bulb moment. You can see and hear things, depending on how you're feeling, and you can also delete other things that, if not unrelevant, aren't relevant. So you can do this. Our mind does this, naturally to help us, but you can also do this. You can learn to think okay, this is a momentary moment. Well, that's not the right word, but anyway, this is something that's just happening for now, but I can realize that I have the ability to tune this out and tune this sound out, or these feelings that I'm experiencing at the moment Of overwhelm. Overwhelm and frustration Can also be, you know, deleted from my mind. They can be tuned down.

Speaker 1: 31:38

So we've gone back on our trip again. We have. It was very beautiful, very beautiful indeed. So we do hope this episode has been of help. If you have any thoughts on it, please write to us, send us a message, come and see us on youtube, where you can see the video too, and now there's youtube communities as well where you can come and say hi. And please do come and say hi somewhere, whether you're listening on yes, say hello, apple podcast, or if you're seeing us on youtube, where you can actually see the video as well, as well as the podcast. Please do come and say hi, because it makes such a difference.

Speaker 1: 32:20

The other day, we don't actually get that many messages. The other day, someone said I've listened to your episode twice and some really useful tips and it really did make our day. Yeah, so please do do come and say hi. We love hearing from you and let us know if any of your mental weaknesses you think you can work on them or you know, help yourself, become aware of them and, yes, they may be your actual mental strength in the end. In the end, turn everything around you can. So see you soon. Lots of love and smiles from the english sisters. Bye.