Mastering Your Voice for Authority, Connection, and Healing

Your voice holds an astonishing amount of untapped power. In this fascinating exploration, we reveal how conscious voice modulation can transform your relationships, professional authority, and even your emotional well-being.

Most people never realize they're walking around with a magical tool they rarely use to its full potential. We dive into the psychology behind why speaking slower and deeper commands more attention than raising your volume. Remember that parent shouting "Hurry up!" while being completely ignored? We share the vocal technique that gets immediate results without the stress.

The emotional dimension of voice is equally compelling. Through personal stories, we reveal how a simple "hello" with the right tonality completely transformed a disconnected breakfast interaction, and how looking someone in the eye while speaking with intention creates profound emotional resonance. We also explore the fascinating phenomenon of personality shifts when switching languages – why do we become more vivacious, musical, or serious when speaking in a non-native tongue?

Drawing from our background as hypnotherapists, we share professional insights on voice training that initially shocked our family members ("Stop using your training on us!") but ultimately led to more effective communication. For anyone struggling to be heard at work, school, or in personal relationships, we offer practical techniques to develop vocal presence that commands respect without aggression.

Whether you're looking to speak with more authority, create deeper connections with loved ones, or even use your voice to self-regulate anxiety, this episode provides actionable insights into the remarkable instrument you carry everywhere. Your voice isn't just for communication – it's a powerful tool for transformation.

How will you use your voice for positive change? Come share your thoughts with us on social media, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube!

Chapters

• 0:00 Discovering Voice as a Personal Tool
• 1:28 The Cringe of Hearing Our Own Voice
• 3:14 Lowering Your Voice for Authority
• 6:08 Voice as an Emotional Healing Tool
• 9:57 Language Switching Changes Personality
• 19:21 Training Your Voice for Better Impact
• 25:12 Using Voice for Positive Change

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Self-expression, healing and also authority when you need it. Yeah, I think a lot of the times, we don't realise that our voice can actually be utilised as a tool and we can use our voice in a way such as to command respect, to convey so many other things. I think we all instinctively know this, but we forget it. To command respect, to convey so many other things. I think we all instinctively know this, but we forget it. We forget it and we can train our voices, as we have as hypnotherapists, to get the best out of them Exactly so. Listen to this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters Mind, health and anxiety. The pauses are just as important, aren't they as the voice. You're absolutely right. Do you remember when we first heard Back in the Day? We first heard Back in the Day, the first that heard our voices on those cassettes we used to record. Do you remember we used to record our voices for revision? Really, you never did that. No, I can't remember. Oh yeah when we, when you, oh yeah in the 80s, oh yeah, we're talking like 90s. I said back in the day. Back in the day was definitely right. When we were little, yes, when we were. I was 13, 14. Yes, oh gosh, yeah, oh God, I used to hate the sound of my voice. Do you remember when we used to have to press a button and when you used to hear it, you'd cringe. Is that what we sound like? Yeah, isn't it funny that none of, basically we can't hear ourselves? 99% of people will not like the sound of their voices when they can hear it played back. So if you watch a video or something, oh no, why? Why? I don't like the sound of my voice. Isn't it funny when, yet, we can hear it, but it sounds different to us when we're speaking. I know it's weird, isn't it? It is weird. Yeah, that's what happens, we don't? I remember when, in the year 2000, that our family was videoing everybody and what are your memories and everything. And I remember here when I used to watch myself back and I think, oh, I was so. I used to cringe when I heard my voice. Used to cringe so much I used to. I mean, I love my voice, I'm so used to hearing it, you're so used to, because, with the podcast and all the videos and everything we do as english sisters, I still don't like my voice when I hear myself speaking italian, not italian, because I think, gosh, I've got such a bad accent. I'm very, I'm very like critical. I never want to be recorded when I'm speaking.

Speaker 1: 2:44

A finger accent, no, no, just the sound of my voice in Italian. Is it higher? No, it's not higher, it's more high pitched. Is it more high pitched? Probably?

Speaker 1: 2:56

I remember when we first had our little ones, I didn't want to speak to them in English, I wanted to speak to them in Italian because it was more like lovey-dovey La. I wanted to speak to them in Italian because it was more like lovey-dovey La, la, la, la, la. Yes, italian Musical. Yeah, it is musical, isn't it? Bella di mamma, quanto sei bello, oh mio, oh mio, si, si, it's got all these lovely, it does, and there's lots of E, the I sounds at the end of it, so it creates this kind of musicality.

Speaker 1: 3:29

Yeah, but I think we all have a lot of power in our voice and a lot of power that we do not realize. It's kind of like a hidden magical source. I think that if we learn how to use our voice, we can really put emphasis on what we want to obtain, and it's amazing how people will listen to you. I think that's one of the first lessons I learned yes, the slower you speak, the more people listen. Not only the slower, but it's also the tone, intonation, the intonation, so your voice goes a bit deeper than normal. So do you think like, if you're not, if you, if you find that people don't listen to you much, do you think it's worth like it, like going and taking a voice coaching? Yes, yes, I do, but I think, if you don't want to take a voice coaching course, yes, I do, but I think if you don't want to take a voice coaching course, because it might sound like it's a bit much or it's an investment which would be a good investment, I think that, even if you just become consciously aware of your voice, do you remember as mothers as well?

Speaker 1: 4:42

I remember the first time I would, I would would like be shouting and thinking, my gosh, I'm shouting and I'm not getting the results I want, like, hurry up, come on, let's not be late. And then, once when I remembered we started studying NLP, I suddenly realised I had what I had to do instead of shouting is to actually lower my voice. I remember that and I did it. And I remember saying come on, but no, no, not even like. That sounds really high pitch now, but I I don't know how I said it, but I remember these two little ones. They just turned around and it worked and I thought, gosh, it's working. Why is it working? It's working because the deeper you go, even if you're a lady, it doesn't matter, but you can still use your voice.

Speaker 1: 5:36

The deeper you go, the more it sounds calming, I think, and the more it sort of came off as a command almost, but soothing, a soothing command. You must do this now. Don't make me laugh, it's not. You must do this now. It's like, instead of well, even that you know, like you say, in a voice that does not convey command, you must do this now. I mean that does, and now say it with a voice that you like. You must do this now. Exactly what you've actually done is that you've lowered your voice on the word now. So that means the word that you lower your voice on. It's not lowering your voice, it's the tone of voice, the tone You've deepened your voice. Yes, that's correct, you've actually deep. You must do this now. So the now you've gone down with a good little look.

Speaker 1: 6:38

Yes, definitely, and I think, if we all learn to use our voice as a tool. Well, I think, if you use your voice like that and you're looking someone in the eye, it's a very powerful and emotional and healing. It is A tool as well, isn't it Very healing? Imagine if you're talking to your loved ones or your children and you're actually giving them that eye contact and not necessarily telling them to do something. But even if you say I love you so much and you actually look at them and, you know, hug them, it's a different thing to say you know how much I love you. Yeah, oh, I love you.

Speaker 1: 7:15

You know, I think, when, when you hear that kind of sing song voice, even like when you know, like when you pick up the phone and they say, hello, this is, uh, there are motors speaking to you and you can hear that kind of sales pitch voice, it sounds false, doesn't? It does sound false and you think, oh, I'm not even going to be listened to. But I think if they took a pause and they said, hello, you know it's. Well, I mean, don't laugh at me now, you know what I mean, but I have to explain it, of course. Yeah, so it's not like this kind of voice. They all sound the same, don't they, they do.

Speaker 1: 7:56

And also, I think, if you're speaking I mean people in authority if you notice they speak a lot slower, they have deeper voices, they're a lot calmer, they're not all frenetic and you know, it's like as if almost as if they're thinking before they're speaking. So they're calibrating their words, they're looking at what words to use, what's what's going to convey the message across, importantly, yes, and whether you deserve importance as well. Yeah, that is very true. And in the meeting, you'll find that if you have four or five people there, they'll sort of lean in to listen to what the next word's going to be, as opposed to just like switching off when you're in some kind of a monologue, in some kind of a talk, when you're telling them things, that you can say the same things, but with different tones, exactly With different tonalities in your voice. If you think of it like a musical instrument and you're just banging away the guitar strings or just banging on the piano, whereas instead you're actually carefully plucking the strings, carefully thinking about making this sound like a melody, something that somebody would want to listen to, something worthwhile. Something worthwhile, definitely, something worth your time, yes, otherwise you just turn off. It's like those robot voices, like if I ever hear this hate those, yeah, on youtube and I just hear a description, I just oh, it just doesn't. I just don't like it. No, makes me feel anxious. Yes, in the future they'll probably get a lot better at that. They will get better. Ai will get a lot better at that. That's another discussion for them, and they already have. They have to, yes, but that's a different thing. Yes, but do you think you can you have like more persuasive powers? Then, if you know how to use your voice, we know you definitely have persuasive powers.

Speaker 1: 10:10

I can see, even in my own personal relationship with my husband, how I used to speak before I knew all this and how I speak now. I can see. I definitely. I mean just like the other day we were at breakfast and he was reading the news on his phone and all I had to say to him and all I had to say to him, all I had to say was I just said we were both eating breakfast. Over it, I said hello, hello, and then he put his phone down and, and, and then he he connected with me, eye to eye and I almost got emotional. And he got emotional. He said oh, sorry, and it was just one word. I just said hello and I meant I'm here. Why are we having breakfast together? This used to be our moment for connection. And now he says, no, I'm just reading the paper. But he's reading it on his phone. He says I'm just reading the paper. I don't get much time afterwards.

Speaker 1: 11:14

But I thought, yeah, but where am I now? You know, before we would be communicating, yeah, we would be talking about something. So, even just one word, and and I have learned to lower my voice a lot with him, especially when it's something that is really important to me and I find that when I don't use that, no, it doesn't work, it just doesn't, it just doesn't go in. So if I want to tell, he always says oh wow, you do tell a good story. Is that like if we watch a film and he falls asleep? So I'll say tell me what the story would tell me how it ended. Then I'll tell him and and and. If I just tell him in a boring voice, he doesn't like it. I see he switches off. But then if I tell him in an interesting voice, there's a big difference.

Speaker 1: 12:07

Well, that's like when you tell your children's stories, isn't it? When you're reading a story, if you read it in a really boring, monotonous voice, who's like when you tell your children's stories, isn't it? When you're reading a story, if you read it in a really boring, monotonous voice, who's gonna? Like? You were saying you were at the um the lawyers the other day and they were just reading out the contract, oh yeah, in a really monotonous voice, and everybody switched off because you just can't, your brain can't absorb the words. It's all the same tonality, completely. It's like as if they'd had pauses and shifts and then you're legally binded to obey and sign this contract. You think, hey, wait a minute. Oh, hang on a minute. What's going on? Yeah, instead of just you're legally binding to obey and sign.

Speaker 1: 12:45

It's a bit like the news, the way they broadcast the news. You know, that's kind of that, that kind of same voice. They don't, they don't say, you know they don't exaggerate too much with their voices, no, it's, they would convey too much pain, otherwise they would probably get too involved, emotional themselves. Because how can you not, you know, if you say, and there were two people killed last night, you know they just. And then, and then last night on that area there were two people who were shot and killed, and then they go on to the next news and it's all like very. I think you're right. You know, that is also a way of being kind of neutral and they're taught from it. They're taught to speak that way. But, um, imagine if they, they told it like well, first of all, it would be far too much for all of us. Yes, I mean, some of them do do that when they try, when it's like clickbait, don't they? Yes, but I mean you do that to hook you in and, yes, make it sensational. Yes, yes, yes, there's a kind of I'm talking about like world news. You know, not just the sensational news, yeah, but the world news, unfortunately, has become very. It has. Have you noticed how we're getting really monotone, are we? No, I have not noticed it. We were. We were getting really monotone as we were talking about the world news.

Speaker 1: 14:17

The interesting and curious thing about your voice is that you can really use it to to heal yourself as well. If you're feeling very anxious, you can just speak to yourself very in calming, soothing tones, right, they're going to soothe you a lot. You can have an inner dialogue that's calm, or just speak to yourself. You know when people talk to themselves, they may hear them talking. Yeah, all the time, expletives and all sorts, yes, yes, yes.

Speaker 1: 14:44

If you just changed an expletive, for instance, and you said whatever it was, you're going to say in a really calm, low-toned voice yes, it's going to change it instead of you're not going to feel the same way. It's not going to give you that impact. No, especially if you're you say it really slowly as well, yeah, it'll probably just make you laugh or you just just you make you disassociate it with it. What are you thinking of? No, I, I was not thinking of a word in particular. What are you trying to get me to say a word? Now, I know, because I was just thinking.

Speaker 1: 15:22

If you're thinking of a word in your head, if you are listening and you're thinking, oh, you know, yes, f off, or whatever, you say it really slowly, yeah, in a really low tone, right, yeah, like in slow motion, it's not gonna have the same effect on your brain, is it? No, and it's gonna slow you down, it's gonna force yourself. You will be slowed down by it and by slowed down, then you'll be calmed, then you'll probably take a deep breath and then you'll feel calmer and you'll feel less anxious. Definitely, we have this little toolbox that we forget about, and it's in our voice. It is, and it's a voice that other people can hear and it gives off so many unconscious messages that we're not aware of Just the way we're communicating with other people. We're just simply not aware of it.

Speaker 1: 16:24

No, and have you noticed how because we did languages as well have you noticed how, when you speak a different language, personality changes completely? Not completely, but very, I mean definitely quite a lot? Yeah, I mean like, once again, if I speak italian, I suddenly become more vivacious, like what you said, my voice may be louder, more frivolous. Frivolous, well, it depends on the subject, but maybe, I don't know, yeah, frivolous, what does that mean? No, I don't know what are you saying. Frivolous, more like easygoing, carefree, because it's not your own language. Oh right, yeah, never thought that light-hearted, not really. No, do you become the opposite, more serious? Maybe because, yeah, I, I don't know how I become? No, I don't think so. No, you're right, it probably, probably is more frivolous. Think about it. Next, I'd have to think of speak.

Speaker 1: 17:26

Yeah, it makes you laugh when you speak italian, some words make me laugh a lot because they're really cute, like some words I obsess about that are really funny, like spiffero. Every time I hear that word, you know, spiffero, it just sounds it's a gust of wind. Yes, it's really funny to me, but I don't know if other people find it funny. It's just the sound of some words are really cute. In Italian it sounds comical, doesn't it? Yes, to me it does, but there's lots of sounds that are very musical in Italian. They're different, but it sounds a bit like figaro, doesn't it? Spiffero, figaro, figaro. They can.

Speaker 1: 18:11

Changing the language you're speaking if you do have that ability does definitely change you. Yeah, it does change your personality. So it makes you think why? Why is it? Because you learned that language when you were in. Obviously, I learned Italian when I came here on holiday. So what goes on? What's a background? Yes, holiday, even though now I've been living here for 40 years, the same as you, almost 40 years, so it's not really a holiday. We still do feel it's like a holiday, don't we feel very blessed? Very blessed because of the good weather? Yes, I think it's also because, yes, coming from being born in the uk and london, we certainly feel that the weather has a massive impact on how we perceive that the our lives, I think.

Speaker 1: 19:10

Also, I think when you speak Italian, your personality does change a little bit and your voice tone changes a lot. Mine used to be a lot higher before I studied hypnotherapy. I had a very high pitched voice compared to now. I remember that you used to say, oh my gosh, how am I going to use my voice? And you had to sort of learn how to use it. I did have to learn yeah, I mean, I did as well, not just you, but you had a naturally higher voice.

Speaker 1: 19:40

We studied conversational hypnosis, which means we do therapy while just using our voices. If you like, you can go and listen to one of our recordings on YouTube, our meditations or sleep hypnosis and you'll notice that before we did this, before we trained our voices to speak like this, there was a period where our family members would be really horrified. They would be annoyed what? That's? Not your voice, speak normally. They would say to us Stop speaking like that. You're training, you're using your training on us.

Speaker 1: 20:20

I remember especially your husband when we went on a holiday once. He was saying you're both doing it. Now You're training. In a way, we were training. We were training on the go. Yes, we were training and we were learning all our new skills and we were putting them into practice.

Speaker 1: 20:35

But maybe it made them feel a little bit uneasy because before they were used to us being all la, la, la, la la and all high pitched yes, and then they felt that we had a certain kind of authority and they thought it wasn't. It was destabilizing for them. It was very destabilizing and it wasn't real. They thought why are you faking it? You're like faking this different voice. We weren't faking that, were we? No, it was just the voice that came out naturally when we were learning, after learning. But I remember once, at the airport, I remember your husband was saying no, this is just too fake.

Speaker 1: 21:09

Talk like yourselves now. This is not how you both talk. What is it? And we were thinking isn't this how we talk it? Because the more you practice, the more it becomes an unconscious competence. And so there you therefore think that's how I talk becomes part of you, because how you talk is is you, is you yes? And when you're a baby and you start learning language, you model both parents or the caretakers around you. That doesn't mean that that's how you naturally talk. That's how you were taught. That's how you learned how to talk. So if your mother perhaps had a very high pitch voice and very anxious and talk very fast, yes, exactly, you will model it. Or you might have, you might have had a parent or a caregiver. That was very calming, yes, and you speak very calm and monotone maybe, and when you're talking to people you don't convey enthusiasm. So people think are you okay? That's very common. Are you feeling tired? Are you lethargic today? What's going on? Are you all right? That's so common.

Speaker 1: 22:21

You think when they say, how was your holiday? Oh, it was lovely, thank you. You think, really, was it lovely? That's even quite exciting. Yeah, the way you said it, because for me I put a lot of emphasis. I was like, oh, it was wonderful, no, but I mean the way you said, oh, it was lovely, thank you. That's already quite a lot of emphasis. Yes, I find it difficult not difficult to be monotone. Yes, yes, and more. It would be probably lovely thanks, yeah. That that to me conveys, even if you're smiling and you weren't smiling, no. But if you say lovely thanks, yeah, and you put a little fake smile, yeah, it sounds like it wasn't lovely to me, but maybe it was.

Speaker 1: 23:06

Maybe you were brought up in a family that didn't really use either their hands or didn't use expression much, and their tones of voice were very um, were very um, like monotone, like very, very quiet as well. Sometimes you have that when you you learn to talk like your mother and your father and they're like whispering, so they have. You know, you may find that you have difficulty in conveying your ideas. For example, even at work, people have difficulty listening to you. You've got to, you've got to think about that, because that can make a big impact on your life. Yeah, and all you have to do is like, go on on youtube or something and just look at a few. There's even free videos, isn't there? There's so many of them of how to train your voice to be more confident, exactly yes, and how to use.

Speaker 1: 24:00

I'm also thinking of, like you know, when you phone a doctor up or something because you have, maybe you have to phone a specialist or something, and they answer, yes, how can I help you? Okay, yes, yes, yes, yes, okay, one minute, please, and and they're so you can actually feel the anxiety. They just want to put the phone down, goodness, and it doesn't give you confidence, it doesn't make you feel good. Afterwards you think, oh, was I bothering them? You know I shouldn't. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Whereas if someone says hello, yeah, how can I help? And then they pause and then they give you the time to speak and I can understand that.

Speaker 1: 24:38

Perhaps a lot of health professionals are saying, yes, this is it's easy for you to say, but if you have to answer, I think if health, you know, we've worked with a lot of yes, we have. When we train them, they realize that using the power of their voice, even if they have to speed things up, but it still makes the patient feel listened to. Yes, yes, yes, there's definitely ways of using your voice in all kind of kinds of work. You know, no matter who you are, whether you're you're still at school, and you can use your voice to convey your ideas and even speak to authority members in a way that demands respect. You can use it in any kind of context.

Speaker 1: 25:30

Yeah, so how are you going to be using your voice for change, to make you feel better, calmer, less anxious? Let us know, send us a text. I was gonna say, send us a voice message. I was gonna say that that'll be, that will be harder, but whatever, uh, just come and say hi on social media, on our podcast episode, whether it's apple podcast, spotify or youtube. Come and see us. Come and say hi. Lots of love and smiles from the english sister. Bye for now, bye.