Stop Being Sad (Overcoming Negative Thought Patterns)

Your mind keeps knocking, even at 2 a.m.—book the appointment, fix the thing, worry about everything. We’ve been there, and we break down what actually helps when thoughts won’t let go: a deep sigh that resets your system, a “mind house” where you park tasks for later, and small, deliberate actions that pull you back into the present.

We talk about the paradox of stress—how doing less often makes anxiety louder—and why adding the right kind of activity changes the game. From a short walk to a gentle class, from chopping vegetables to ironing a shirt, we show how familiar, hands-on tasks quiet mental noise through sensory anchors and achievable steps. You’ll hear how writing things down turns open loops into closed tabs, and how a simple script—“Thanks, Brian, I’ll return to this at 7”—can soften self-talk and reduce rumination without pretending to erase your thoughts.

This conversation is warm, practical, and grounded in real life: busy schedules, low energy, and those moments when rest feels like another chore. We share stories, tiny tactics, and mindset shifts that make it easier to interrupt the loop and return to living—sight, smell, touch, and all. If you’ve felt stuck in analysis, crave calmer days, or want tools that work when willpower doesn’t, you’ll find them here.

If this helped, follow the show, share it with a friend who overthinks, and leave a quick review—what’s one small action you’ll try today?

Chapters

• 0:00 Why Thoughts Get Stuck
• 1:01 The Power of a Deep Sigh
• 1:49 Compartmentalizing Tasks in Your Mind
• 4:02 Procrastination vs. Writing It Down
• 6:10 When Rest Becomes Another Task
• 7:23 Do The Opposite: Move Your Body
• 8:38 Adding Good Things Helps Stress
• 10:12 Cooking, Ironing, and Mindful Doing
• 12:25 Keep Hands Busy, Calm the Mind
• 13:39 Catching Wandering Thoughts Gently
• 15:05 Rename, Reframe, and Return to Now
• 16:23 Awareness Over Avoidance

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

We all get those negative thoughts, don't we? Coming into our minds. Yeah, and that that they can be hard to get rid of, especially when they're like on repeat. Like some kind of this recurring thought that we we we think about it and then we we we sort of analyze it and then it comes back again and we think about it again and again and we think what's going on? And it like taunts us, doesn't it? That keeps coming back throughout the day. And that or night, which is horrible at night. That's what we're gonna be chatting about in today's episode of Get Real with the English system. Mind, health, and anxiety. There's always a deep sigh before we do these podcasts because we do have to talk about things that uh sometimes uh are quite difficult to handle in everyday life, you know. And and we all have them, don't we? Yeah, and I think you said you said a good point about sighing because sighing does actually relieve anxiety. I know. So it's a natural mechanism that we can use as an anxiety-reducing sort of technique. Just sigh, just have a good sigh about it. Yeah, it's like taking a deep breath in and just letting it out, isn't it? Just letting go. If you close your eyes well, not if you're driving, but if you close your eyes well, you you take a deep sigh as well. It can really it like interrupts a negativity, interrupts that negative thought that's trundling into your brain. Sometimes it's not just a negative thought, it's just a repetitive thought I find with me, for example, like if I have to go and and book an appointment or something, I might say, okay, I have to book an appointment. I might not book it right there and then because it's not it's not the time, but then I just keep on thinking about it until I find I've done it. So I I've had to learn a technique of sort of putting things that I have to do into places in my mind so that I can sort of calm my mind down and say, okay, I'll get to do that when I can. Sort of put it into little compartments, as to say, almost as if my mind was a room. There were like lots of rooms in my mind where I could just place that thought in that room and close the door and think, when I can, I'll open that door and I'll deal with that issue, whatever it is that I've got, because it might even be a good thing, like booking a holiday, for example. But I might just keep on thinking about that all the time. Because you want to book the holiday. No, no, no, that was an example of no, my mind sort of works like that with whatever it has to do. I know it's different to the way your mind thinks. No, I think that's very, I think that's very accurate. I would be the same with if I have something to do, every now and again it will pop into my brain, you have to book that appointment. Yeah, you have to do, but I tend to procrastinate more and I tend not to do it. To forget about things until something is if something is really urgent that I have to do, then I'll do it quickly. Yes, when it's if it's like a regular checkup or something that I can't be bothered with, or even like a legal thing that's not that important, I'll tend to I'll tend to procrastinate and put it off. But then you you manage not to think about it again. Well, I won't think about it that day, and it might come up in three or four days afterwards thinking, oh, I should have done that or I should do that. Yeah, it's so it's not like a repetitive thought though, you can sort of put it away all day. But I think if you I think a good a good solution for anyone that's uh that's the same as Jutka or even me with procrastination is to write it down somewhere, either in your on your phone or or physically write it on a piece of paper, and then if you actually can't do it there and then, you know, make it like you're to-do list for the day and then just get it done. Yeah, get it done that day. Yeah, so like you say put it in my calendar thing to do, like book a holiday, you could say, okay, tonight when I'm resting and I've a holiday, but look, it's something like I can sort of put off and say, Okay, I'll do it at the weekend, you know, I'll do it together with my husband, we're we're look at we'll look through them together. But I suppose, yeah, I do too. I think the it's more because I think that if you're very stressed at work or whatever, and you have to you think I should need I need to go away, but just to de-stress and have a nice time, say like with your husband or your partner. Yeah, but then it's like that also becomes an extra thing that you have to do, which you don't want to do because it's it's time consuming and it's a bit like work. Well, I just said if you had like someone that could just say, Okay, I booked this holiday for you and you're leaving on Friday thing. That to tell you the truth, that's why we jumped into your holidays this summer because you did it all like in this summer, you found this beautiful house, and I just jumped at the chance. You said, Oh, there's an extra double room. Yeah, we're leaving like in four days or something, and I said, Oh wow, that sounds amazing. Let me just see what if my husband, George, or likes the idea. He said, Great. After he'd been like searching for holidays in his spare time, he said, Oh wow, that looks amazing. If you look, let's just go. So, yeah, I do believe that's you're right. That is one of the things that when you are very busy. Well, yeah, when you're really busy or really stressed out or anxious, you don't really feel like doing these extra things, they just become and also I think because you probably feel a bit low as well. So, like low in energy, and maybe low in mood. So, like thinking of going away and packing and organizing it all can all just be a bit too much. But as we always say, when you do feel into bed, maybe and just put the covers over your head and not look. Yeah, you don't want to see what the world is. That's when you need to go, though, isn't that? That's what we've always said. When we find it sort of uncomfortable to do something, that's when you really need to do it. Because it it's ironic, but no matter how busy you think you are, it's like when you think you're too busy to go to gym. In the end, when you go to gym, you'll feel better, no matter how busy you actually are. Sometimes doing more is actually oddly better for you than doing less when you're stressed. And it it's it's an odd thing, isn't it? Because you would think no. So that's just you've just hit it on the nail there. When you when you are feeling anxious or stressed or have negative thoughts, one of the best things you can do is exercise, but it's one of the the last things you want to do. I remember when I was really stressed out and the kids were young, mum and dad were sick. Yeah, yeah. A long time ago, my husband told me to go to join a gym and uh like a fitness centre, and I thought he was just off his rockers. I said, What? You nearly bit his head off, didn't you? I said, What? You think I've got time to go and do that when I'm so stressed out and I've got so much on my plate? And he said, I think he'll be good for you, Violetta. And if and so in the end, I listened to him. Uh it started, I started thinking about it, and I listened and I did it, and it was one of the best things that I could have ever done for myself. That's what I that's what I was thinking about. You know, sometimes ironically, the last thing you want to do is go and join a club or go on that painting course. You think I haven't got time to go painting or pottery or whatever you you may like, a book club or something. Stop reading a book. You think I haven't got time for that. I'm far too stressed. Well, actually, taking on more is actually going to help you. Well, yes, taking on more of the right kind of things, though. The things the kind of things that will be stressed. The kind of things that you think I don't have time for are those kind of things that now is the time to make time for, and that will actually help you when you do have these anxious thoughts that we all get. As I was saying, I get them, Violetta gets them, and we're therapists, so it's not like we're immune to them at all. All humans get them, and it's just a question of how you manage them and adding more to your life instead of taking things away, because the less you do of those kind of things that are good for you, the less you feel like doing, and the less motivated you are. So if you think you don't have time to cook your favourite dish because you're too stressed and you just keep on ordering these takeaway pizzas or whatever, in the end, they make you feel worse than if you say, No, I'm gonna go and like me the other day, for example, I went and I bought a whole pumpkin. And I thought, when am I gonna have the time to cut this pumpkin up and actually bake it and bother making, you know, whatever I want to make with it. But I did it, and it actually made me feel less stressed doing that, taking the time to actually cut the pumpkin, roast the pumpkin, then I made these lovely gnocchi with the pumpkin, then the next day I had pumpkin soup, this delicious vellute, I don't know what it's called, in you know, well, it brings you into the present, doesn't it? Doing things like that. It's a mindful experience. It's a lot of work, but in the end, it's work that that benefits you. For instance, the other day I was reading an article about ironing, and they were saying how beneficial ironing is for you. And I remember I used to spend hours ironing. Do you remember? We used to call it ironing talk. Yeah. There was something odd there about iron talk. Oh, yeah, sorry, iron talk. When you would just chat away with somebody while you were ironing. Well, really, it was just uh the iron talk we we called it when we were just mindlessly chattering. Yeah. When we weren't ironing. Ah, is that what it was? That's what we named it as. Oh, are you sure? I thought I remember ironing and chatting like when we were younger. We didn't even have cell phones. No, we wouldn't chat and chat. Not on real life, talking, not on cell phones. When we were young and we would iron at home, like when we were like kids. We weren't there, we would iron on our own. No, I remember ironing. I remember mum being sort of around pottery. And you'd talk to her. And you and Mum were like sewing, and I'd be ironing, or she would be ironing more likely. No, no, I can't remember that. But anyway. It was like the old time. I used to call iron talk when it was just like not real talk, and it was just mindless chattering, which is just chit-chat. But it was like very good for you because it meant that you were like in the present moment and relaxed. What happens when you're talking like about like rubbishy things? Do you know why? It's because your mind, your brain, is focused on the action of doing something manual, like ironing. So the other part of your mind can be more relaxed. It's not that that's a reason for it, isn't it? While when you're like sewing or cooking, or something that doesn't not like cooking if you have to read the recipe, no, it's like when things when you know how to do them just because you do them so often, they're just sort of like automatic, then you can relax, sort of because your m your hands are busy. Yes, but it's not too stressful. No, it's something that you have an automatic competence at, you know, it's something you're automatically good at. That's why children love being around their parents when they're cooking. If you're if it's if you like cooking, if you like cooking and you're calm, and you're showing your kids how to make a cake or do something. Yes, very much. It's like very therapeutic, isn't it? Because you're just all calm and you're all happy and cozy and you're doing a little thing. Exactly. Put that in there, and it's like everything is almost as if time slows down because especially if you've got a little one, you have to be very patient with them. Yes, yes, and show them, and they're just all learning and all fumbly and they don't know how to do it properly. Yeah, yeah, you're absolutely right. So I suppose it's the same as gardening. Any kind of those things that you can sort of relax at doing are good for these kinds of repetitive thoughts because they can keep your mind busy because you're doing your actually in the action of doing, which is better than not doing in this case. So it's you're in the action of actually doing something. So your mind is busy doing, and then your hands are busy doing more than and then your mind can wander. I know, I suppose some people say that's when the anxious thoughts can come in again. Uh often. When your mind is wandering. Well, yeah, because I was just thinking, hey, I'm saying all of this, but yesterday I was actually cutting the grass. So I was actually really busy doing something. It was quite hard work, and yet my mind was wandering, so I had to tell it to stop. I had to say, stop, you know, that that's like the time when literally you're going to put that thought in a room and keep it quiet for the moment, and then I'll I'll come back to it when I can. Let me enjoy the rustling of the leaves, let me see what I am experiencing now. And I'm telling you, it did take effort on my part. So you have to be sort of consciously aware of what's going on in there. So if we're using the metaphor of your mind is like a house, you have to go and check the room sometimes, you know, and clear out and be consciously aware of what's going on in your house. Because if you're not, you'll become disturbed by it. You won't be able to actually be in that moment and notice what's going on around you. Yeah, well, I think is that so many of us are so like we're always on the go, we're always so busy, we're always doing that when we do have like when we are doing something manual like that, it's when our brain has like time to say, Hey, can you listen to me? This is what you need to do, or this is who you need to call. So you say when we're doing when we're having to. So I think that's when you have to acknowledge these thoughts you're having, and maybe not see them as negative thoughts, but just see them as something that you have to do, or something that I did actually do it later on. Yes. Yeah, so it was good for me. If it is something really negative, like if you're just beating yourself up and about something or putting yourself down, uh uh, you know, one of the good tricks is like to give give your brain a name, and uh and you can just say, Hey, whatever the name you you've given it, uh you know, that that's fine, that's okay. But now I'm in my little mindful moment and I want to enjoy this. So thank you for letting me know about that, Susie or Brian, or whatever. And then, you know, and then I'll I'll come back to you later with that. But at the minute, you know, I just want to have a nice time and do my gardening or running or whatever it is. You know what I mean? Yes, I do know what you mean. I know of many people that say that does work, that they do give their brain uh sort of a name and they uh they talk to it that way, and that's also good because you're becoming consciously aware of some of the thoughts that are going through your mind that you might not be aware of, and that's good too, because also in meditation you don't have to block all thoughts out, you can just see them and you can let them pass through, you can become aware of them. Thank you for listening. Lots of love and smiles and laughs from the English sisters. Bye.