Escape the Overwhelm: Take Back Your Life

We share the one question that shifts perspective fast and helps us choose better actions in the moment. Through mornings, workouts, work boundaries, and big life choices, we show how honest answers cut stress and build agency.

• the core question that reframes thoughts and behavior
• awareness of thoughts driving feelings and anxiety
• swapping unhelpful morning scripts for simple motivators
• handling procrastination and exercise with truthful answers
• setting boundaries at work with authentic yes or no
• choosing social plans to match energy and values
• separating fear from wisdom in career moves
• applying the question to marriage and major decisions
• using honest reasons to power follow‑through
• building everyday habits from tiny helpful choices

So, as usual, come and see the video on YouTube where we have the YouTube version of the podcast, and please do write in and message us with text us with your thoughts
Of course, the podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts
So definitely do write to us, come and see us on Instagram, wherever, wherever you want
We're here to help you
Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters

Chapters

• 0:00 The Magic Question Revealed
• 2:10 Thoughts, Feelings, and Awareness
• 5:20 Monday Mornings and Micro-Motivations
• 8:50 Exercise, Procrastination, and Honest Yes/No
• 12:30 Boundaries, Bosses, and Authentic Decisions
• 16:20 Social Energy, Neighbors, and Truthful Answers

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

The one question that will change your perspective on everything. That's what we're gonna be chatting about in this week's episode of Get Real With The English Systems Mind, Health and Anxiety. And listen to the full podcast to find out what the question is. What is that question? Are you joking? We'll let you know straight away. Straight away, yes. Yeah, I think the very, very important question you have to ask yourself with a cheeky grin. With a cheeky grin, yes, are you going to say it? Is that helpful to me in this moment, right here and right now? Yes. Is that helpful to me? So whether you're having um, whether you're thinking something, a particular thought, imagine if you said to yourself, well, is that helpful to me now? So what's your answer going to be? Well, it'll either be yes or no. Exactly. Or maybe. If it's maybe, then you can ponder and consider the thought. But if it's no, well, then you can just discard it and say, I'm gonna do something else. I'm gonna flip it around or do do the opposite or do something different. Something different to shift your perspective slightly. Exactly. Because there are many times that we have thoughts, and um with thoughts come feelings, obviously. Wonder and fears and anxiety and stress and and stress that comes along with it all. So it's like all string together. And we can have these feelings and these thoughts, and we know whether these we don't we know, we don't know. The problem is we very often do not know because we're not aware of how they're actually making us feel and yet if we become aware of them, we suddenly take a moment and we just stop and we say, Well, what's going through my mind right now? What am I saying to myself? What am I actually saying to myself? Is this helpful? Is this helpful? I mean, many times I wake up on a Monday morning and I say, Oh god, no, I do not want to get out of bed. Is this helpful? And I always say to myself, Well, is this helpful? And no, it's definitely not helpful because I know I have to get out of bed, and I know there is no other option for me but to get out of bed, so it's much more helpful to think, for me to think, oh, I'm gonna go downstairs and make myself a delicious cup of coffee. That's a more helpful thought, and then you can ask yourself, is that helpful? And it's yes, it is. No, it is helpful. I know that's helpful to a delicious breakfast because I'm looking forward, I'm looking forward to my breakfast. So that's like for me, is a motivator for me to actually get up. So if you're screaming and shouting and thinking, oh, I've got to rush off, I've got to do this, and just stop a minute and say, Is that helpful? No, screaming and shouting. Yeah, well, sometimes I mean how many times does it happen that we're in a really bad mood or we're shouting at our partner or or at ourselves, and we're just thinking, is this helpful? No, it this will if you ask, if you start adopting this one phrase, this one question, you will notice such a difference in your life, and a massive difference. Now, really and truly put it into practice. Ask yourself, is this helpful? Whenever you're thinking about something or you're thinking about not doing something, the other day procrastinating, you can ask yourself, is this? The other day, I didn't I didn't want to go and do my exercise, and I hadn't done any of the 10,000 steps. Yeah, you do have to do that. And then I was I I mean, I don't do them every day, but I was thinking, uh, I don't I don't want to go on the treadmill, I don't want to get off the sofa. And then I asked myself, is this helpful, Violetta? And I said, No, and then I said, What would be more helpful to you? And it I said, Well, it'd be more helpful if I start imagining putting my gym clothes on, my outfit to work out in on, and just going and doing it, and so then I did that, and then of course I did my training and I felt great afterwards because I always feel better after training. I think that's a that's a really great thought to have, and to think instead of saying no, I don't want to train, to have that thought and think I always feel better after training. So that's a good thought to have, isn't it? Most people do feel better after training, but they don't want to train, they don't want to go and actually do the exercise. Yeah, because they but is it you can ask yourself once again not to be repetitive, but this is what this podcast episode is about. Is it helpful for me not to not to do my exercise today? Is it helpful? And you might say, Yes, actually, it is helpful because I've got a terrible migraine. Oh, yeah, and you know, going to do my exercise is not going to be good, so then you can say, Okay, so it's fine, I'm gonna be just chilling, and you know, it might take something like that. In that case, obviously, is it's good, and it's helpful to listen to the your body and to listen to the feelings that are coming through your body. But a lot of the times the feelings are just I don't want to do it, not because I don't feel well. If you don't feel well, then you it's good for you to listen to your body and say no, okay. I really do not want to exercise, I need to lie down and just like what you were saying, just really relax and and and uh maybe go and eat something or take some uh medicine for it. That's a different case, I think. But the the question's still there, isn't it? The question is, is doing exercise helpful? That's a good question, even when sometimes we're just overkeen or we're overly we we tend to over we do too much, we abuse our bodies, we abuse them, we do too much, whether it's exercise or whether it's helping other people and not taking care of ourselves as women. We often get into that, fall into that trap, and you can ask yourself, well, is it helpful for me to accept that invitation today to my neighbour's house because I actually feel really tired? Is it helpful for me, or am I just not wanting to go because can't be bothered or whatever? I like the way you mention your neighbour. Well, it was an invite we had, and and and my first instinct was to say, oh no, I don't want to go. But then in the end it was okay, it was nice. They then ask yourself, is that helpful to me? I did ask myself, is it helpful for me to say no and to and to say no to social occasions? And in the end, I thought it's not helpful for me because I become too much of a an introvert in the end, and then it's just work, then it's therapy, work, you know, it's not it's not enough. It's also important to see people in a social context. So I had to say all of that to myself while my my hubby was just staring at me, saying, Oh, the neighbours invited us you were going over, you know, and even he knew the internal dialogue like six seconds for me to think, oh, is this helpful? Is it not helpful? Yeah, that doesn't be fair to your hubby, he just goes wherever, he doesn't get a shower, he doesn't get dressed, he's not bothered, you know. You have to get out of your PJs, get dressed, put your makeup on. Well, yeah, especially like on it was like Sunday evening, so it takes more of an effort, yes. Yeah, so for him it was just like, oh, come on then, should we just toddle over? Just pop over for you, yeah. But I think these thoughts out to myself, and I you're right. Yeah, I mean, it's a massive difference, I'm sure. But I think if my husband did ask himself whether his thoughts were helpful, he would be a happier man. Could he? Because I uh I tell him these things, but he does not fully absorb them, even though I am a therapist, which is ironic. It's always the same, isn't it? It's the same family and friends. Yeah, I mean it's frustrating because I say, You I I know what's going on in your head, you're repeating the same negative thoughts, negative, because not because they're bad, but because they're not helpful to you. So if you ask yourself the question, is this helpful to me? I'm sure he would say no a hundred times to himself, and he would that would force him to have to make a change. His perspective on it in the end, it's like um changing ordinary experience. If you really do ask yourself that question, it does change things because for a start it makes you aware that you're looking out for your best interest here, and you have to be objective, you can't just say, Yeah, it's much better for me to say no because I can't be bothered and I just want to be in my pajamas and do the same old, same old answer truthfully, truthfully, yes. The answer has to be coming from a place of truth and thinking, well, it is good for me, for example, in case of the the neighbours, to to get out to talk to people that aren't my clients and patients, and to just see a different perspective of the world, and just uh it's also good to have uh you know make a good relations with the neighbours. But I mean we've known them for years, and we know they're lovely people and everything, so it's just to step over the boundary, like over the hedge. And but I have to ask myself those real questions, and then you have you'll get a real answer, and you'll know what you have to do, and then it's up to you, really. But I mean it it's it's it's so it's so simple, and I think often in life the most the simplest of things are the most effective, and they're like little life hacks. When you when you know them, you can just really apply them and use them every day and like every moment of the day. Like if your boss says to it, for instance, can you do this for me? You can quickly ask yourself, is it helpful for me to do this? And if the answer is yes, you can say sure. Whereas if the answer is no, my boss has already been overloading me with so much stuff, and I have to really get on with this. You can maybe say, Well, I I can't get on that yet. Is there someone else that can do it for me because I'm doing this? Or you can say maybe tomorrow, but you can you can be more, you know, you can be more authentic to yourself, whether it's just saying yes or no, because if you just say no and you and you should be doing it, and it's helpful for you because you know, you know, your boss is gonna think, oh, they're really good, they're competent, or whatever. Exactly, or it's gonna help you grow in some sense, or or make you see a different different facet of life into somebody else's life, or just just see something different which is good for you. You know it's good for you because otherwise you wouldn't say it's helpful. I think once you answer the question, is it helpful? and you answer yourself honestly and truthfully, and you say yes, then you've got to look into it. And then that'll give you the answer. When you answer yes, that'll give you the motivation to go and do it. So it will make it will empower you. So it's a very powerful word. It's a very powerful question. It's a powerful question because, yeah, because ultimately you you say yes, and then you can say yes, why? Why? Because it increases makes me socialize more. It's good to have relations with my neighbours, it's good for me to see other people's points of view, see how other people live. Uh, I don't know. There's so many reasons why I had to say yes to myself really quickly, and that's just about a casual infight. There'd be many other really important decisions in my life that I have made by asking myself, is this helpful to me? So many important questions, like in my marriage, I've asked myself that same question as well. Whether, you know, when we had a crisis, I thought, is it helpful for me to stay together? Is this in my best interest? Not financially, but in my life, in all of my interest. What is the best thing? What is it really that my heart is saying? What is the best thing for me? And that question has helped me, so it's not just a little question about going to your neighbour's house. No, it's a very it can be very deep. It can be deep when you learn to just you learn to listen to your own feelings as well and ask yourself, is it helpful for me? Yes, that's what you're saying in the relationships, whether you're considering maybe a divorce or considering staying together with someone or not, you can really say, Is this is this helpful in the long run? Because maybe you might be going through a difficult time at the moment, but when you look at the overall picture, or you look to see if the other person is willing to adapt and change and discuss, then you might say, Well, I think it is helpful for me to stay in this situation, or or or not. You might say, No, really, if I think honestly, it's not helpful in one slightest bit. Yeah, you'll know it because the answer will just like blurt out. Yeah, yeah, it's it's like an instinctive thing. You're you're when you ask yourself this question in your own mind, you'll find answers come out really quickly. You'd be quite surprised. Yes, you will surprise yourself. And I think if the answer is I don't know, then you can explore it. Yeah, exactly. Because sometimes it could be, but it can be either. Is it like if you say no, is it is a no out of fear? If you get offered a promotion, for example, and you're frightened because you think, God, I don't know if I can take that on. That might be just fear. It could be fear of the unknown. Or it could be that in this moment of your life you know you really don't want to spend that much time at work. My husband refusing that promotion for many years. I was thinking of it. And he did not want to go, you know, go further up because he said, uh, if I do go further up, I know there'll be a lot, lot more responsibility, and I'll have to deal with problems and difficult, difficult people. That I am he's in IT, so he said, I don't really want to be on that side of things, more on the management side. He said, I'm not, I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling it, Violetta. So I I mean I respect him. I said, fine, you just have to be, you know, it's important for you to be happy. Yeah, yeah. He expects it wasn't out of fear that he didn't want to grow or he was, you know, he thought I'm not capable of doing it. He just didn't want all the responsibility and the long hours that went with it. Exactly. So, yes, ask yourself if it's helpful. Yeah, there may be a time in your career where you want to you want to wind down, you may be wanting to start a family, and you might be thinking, actually, I don't want to take that promotion because if I do, they're gonna expect me to work 10 or 15 hours a day. You might get paid. And I might want to be thinking about having a baby and just being calm and you know, cutting down on the hours of anything. So yeah, and you can ask yourself, is it helpful to me? Is it helpful to me today or looking slightly ahead in the future? Is it going to be helpful to me in the future? There's so many, so many times you can ask yourself this question for for anything, really. Well, we've asked. Looking a dentist appointment. Is it helpful? Is it helpful for us to do this podcast, haven't we? Many a time. Yes, we have. Many a time we've said, is it helpful to us? And we always say yes in the end, because when we talk to you about things, we also it also reminds us to do, we take we take on the same whatever medicine, whatever we're talking about, we'll actually remember it and do it and do it more. It's like once they say that if you learn something and then you tell somebody else about it, it reinforces in your brain, it like sticks to it, doesn't it? It's the best way for you to assimilate something, yes. So by speaking to you about it, even though we've learned this so many years ago, but it re-refreshes things in our mind, and and we we always put it into practice again. So we look so we we do it along with you. We're gonna be asking ourselves more. Even more, yes, even more. Is this helpful to us? Yeah, absolutely, definitely more often because it more often than not, it is helpful, but there are many situations where it really is not helpful, and then that's when you have to have your guard up and you have to look after yourself and think, no, no, this is not helpful. Doing this to go to this meeting or to meet up with my ex and discuss this in in live. We can just do it over the phone, you know, over a text. We do not, I do not need to meet, it's not helpful to me at that moment. You can say that, you know, if it's not. Because you can get dragged into other people's agenda a lot as well, where they they want what's helpful to them, to them, and it might not be helpful for you at that moment, so you can actually say, No, I'm sorry, but um I'm not willing to do this at the minute. You can put, you know, you can set up boundaries for yourself as well. It goes both ways, doesn't it? It definitely goes both ways, but it definitely changes the way you live your life and the perspective, it shifts your perspective completely on how to do things, doesn't it? Yeah, it's incredible. Well, let us know. It's a magic question. It is a magic question, yeah. But definitely use it and you will be surprised by the results. Use it and abuse it because it's one question that's gonna be really good for you to really, really good for you to ask yourself definitely uh an inspection inside your soul as to say you will get from this question, you will get your answers. So, as usual, come and see the video on YouTube where we have the YouTube version of the podcast, and please do write in and message us with text us with your thoughts. Of course, the podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, wherever you get your podcasts. And we do love hearing from you. So definitely do write to us, come and see us on Instagram, wherever, wherever you want. We're here to help you. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye.