How Conscious Effort Can Change Your Life Forever

We explore intentional living through the lens of relationships, community, and self, arguing that everything meaningful requires conscious effort. From small greetings to protecting home as a romantic space, we map practical rituals that reduce anxiety and deepen connection.

• shifting from autopilot to deliberate presence
• early dating energy versus long-term complacency
• doorframe rituals and meaningful greetings
• setting boundaries between work and home
• gratitude, politeness and cultural nuance
• prioritizing energy to avoid burnout
• community kindness as mental health support
• comfort versus complacency in love
• eye contact, attention and micro-connection
• self-appreciation as a daily practice

Come say hi on YouTube and Instagram at Get Real with the English Sisters, and message us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts

Chapters

• 0:00 Intentional Living And Effort
• 1:37 Autopilot Versus Showing Up
• 3:10 Dating Energy And Early Effort
• 6:41 Small Gestures That Change Connection
• 8:54 Creating Home As A Romantic Space
• 12:25 Priorities, Burnout, And Nourishing Effort
• 15:37 Explaining New Intentional Habits
• 18:30 Politeness, Culture, And Everyday Respect
• 22:44 What Matters At The End Of Life

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

Intentional living and how we can live more mindfully and with intention, but there is a snag to it. Yes. Everything that truly matters in life, whether it's relationships, whether it's work-life balance, every single thing does require effort. And lots of it. And I think when we start assuming that things can just run on autopilot, that's when things start breaking down. And that's what we're going to be chatting about in this week's episode of Get Real With the English Sisters. And thank you so much for taking the effort to show up for us on YouTube, on Instagram, at Get Real with the English Sisters. And you know, really showing up for us and leaving your comments because we really do appreciate it. And it does make our podcast grow, doesn't it? It makes our podcast grow and it make it also gives us ideas to bounce back off. Yes. And gives us the motivation to the motivation to continue making these podcasts. Because we are real therapists and we actually do want to make a difference. And we really do want to help. So it's something that is very close to our hearts. And we make an effort to make these podcasts. As we were just saying before, everything requires effort. So it takes everything that's worthwhile requires effort. Effort, yeah. And we were just saying that, weren't we? Saying about relationships, how so many people come to us saying their relationship isn't working. And when we truly ask them, how much effort, yeah, do you actually have you just become so accustomed to that person's presence in your life that you know you you take it for granted? I think that's that's that's a good point. You do take it for granted, and then you suddenly think that because you're you are in a relationship that it doesn't require effort anymore, so it doesn't require you to show up for that person or to you know make the effort to be like charming or funny, funny, everything that you used to do before. Because at the beginning, we all know that when we first start dating, that requires a massive effort, so much effort that people don't even want to date, they hate dating. Exactly. So many people come to us saying, I'm single, but I hate dating because of the effort that dating does require, because it takes you have to socialize and you you want to look your best, and etc etc. And even when you're in a new relationship, that's a lot of effort. There's effort that you you kind of want to do because you've got energy, you really want to make yourself look as as good as possible, and you you make it this massive. I mean, I remember at the beginning of my relationship, my husband would just jump on a plane and come all the way to just see me, like randomly. And he had to come from London because I was in London, he had to come from Italy to London, and I would make a massive effort to meet up with him. There was so much effort, and now I think sometimes, you know, are we running on autopilot too? I do think about that. Well, we put the effort we all run on autopilot. I don't think there's any way of getting away with it. And I think it is useful for us because otherwise we wouldn't be able to cope, probably. There'd be too many. But I think that you know, every day we should make the conscious effort, bring it into your conscious mind to just get out of that autopilot and say, hey, so if like say if your partner comes home and you're used to uh like what I do, sit sit if I'm sitting on the sofa doing some online work or something, and my my husband comes home, I'll usually say hi darling, and then he'll come over and he'll give me a kiss. But say if if today, for instance, if I get up off the settee. I always get off. And and because you're more active, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 4:20

And your husband requires more effort.

SPEAKER_00: 4:22

He does, yeah. He wants to. If say today I get off and I get up and go and greet him and give him a big hug, it's it's it's it's a bit more than just it's that like turning around saying hi, darling, and a kiss, which is still good, but it's not there's a study which says that if you kiss your partner hello and goodbye, you're gonna live for longer, I think that's what it said. Yeah, or actually hug them for more than like I don't know, like 10 seconds. It's it's like a real hug. Yeah, but if you take the time to give a hug and then say, Oh, you look nice, are you tired, or would you like me to make you a drink? That's really sweet. Or it it's just you know, like for example, a lot of the times me and my hubby, we enter the house together, and it's just it's it's sort of like de taking your work stuff off and entering a different space, which is your your the your chosen home space, your home environment, which you have to consider it a bit like your love nest. But does that can does that take effort then? It takes a massive effort to just come home and take a closer. No, it to enter a different brain stop talking about work because we also I also run the family business together. So you you have to stop. That's an effort, it's it's effort. You have to stop talking about the work that you were talking about five minutes ago. It's all right on the on the way back home, like in the car, but then when we enter the home space, that has to be So is this something that you've established and put into place? I've started, I'm trying to start to put it into place. I'm doing it consciously, but it's a conscious effort, it requires conscious effort. And is there a reward associated with it? Well, yeah, because I see him more like my romantic partner and not just like my uh yes, exactly, not like my work colleague. I think that's really important. It is because you choose, you build you, you you make your house together, and you choose to live in that space together, and that has to be that's that's your romantic space. Yeah, I mean there's a famous date night, isn't there, when you have a date night, but sometimes I don't do that then. I there have been times in my life pilot. Yeah, when you do you just don't want to make that effort, especially if you've been in long-term relationships. This is really tired, or you're really, really tired. But even if I think if you're really, really tired, but in your short relationship that hasn't lasted that long, you still get that adrenaline. The adrenaline kicks in and you still want to make that effort. So, do you think it comes with the lack of effort comes with a with a slight complacency of complacent? You start taking things for granted, whatever it is that you've had for a long time. If you've had a good job for a long time, you'll take that for granted and you'll put less effort in than you'll see the new person that comes along putting massive effort in. It's everything, it just anything that you want to really flourish, you have to take great care of. Well, you have to constitute care. You have to nurture it. A garden doesn't grow without nurture. Growth takes care. You need anything for it for it to grow. A child, uh, your relationship, your work, everything needs great care. Yeah, but that's a great care that sometimes we do not want to put into things. What I say is if you're really overtired and exhausted, where does that care come from? How do you how do you get enough energy to take care? Prioritizing. That's where the balance comes in. Exactly. We need to prioritize, we need to say learn to say no to certain things and yes to others, where we want to put that effort into because they're things that make us grow as well. So it's growth from both parts. You're making something else grow and one of your projects, but at the same time, you're growing and being nourished because you're putting the effort in. Yeah, it's that effort that makes you grow. It's like you're saying, I'm gonna take care of my personal space now, and that's gonna require effort, but it's a different effort to burn out effort when you're just working and slogging along, and it you know you're not really getting nourished from that. Do you know? Do you know that's that that that's where the difference is, and it's fundamental. Well, I think it comes with um with being intentional of how you connect with your space, but also with your partners and the people around you and your family. Yes. So are you giving them, are you making the effort to give them that full attention and connection, which takes effort, but the reward is is amazing. I mean it can come across as almost unsettling at first if if people around you aren't used to it.

SPEAKER_01: 9:43

Like if, say, for instance, if you happen to ignore your partner when they come home or just say quick hi, if you suddenly get up and give them a big hug and say, Oh, darling, I love you, babe, or whatever, and then you go over all cuddly, they might think, What's got into them?

SPEAKER_00: 10:00

Well, yeah, they might even have alarm bells, might even go off because you're not you they're not used to you being like I suppose you just say, Look, I want to live more intentionally, I don't want to take you for granted, darling. That's why I'm doing this. Yeah, but I really appreciate you my. Well, look, I wouldn't think that. I mean, uh you wouldn't, because you're used to it, but if you happen to not be used to it, and then you suddenly get all this attention. Well, then that's where you have to say, Look, I want to live more intentionally. But you couldn't explain why. Because I feel like I'm just taking things for granted, and I and living on an autopilot is not a nice way to live because you're not consciously aware of things. So I guess you would have to say, Look, I listened to a podcast or something. You'd have to explain. The other day I listened to a podcast and they were talking about intentional living and how it's important not to just take things for granted, and even relationships take effort, but it's a good kind of effort, and I wish to implement that in my life. Yeah, because I think a lot of people think that if you are in a good relationship, it doesn't take effort because it should be effortless. But we've been married for over 30 years, and we can guarantee that it does take it does take showing up, being present, making a nephew, saying thank you. It's so I mean for an English person to say please and thank you can seem like a ridiculously obvious thing. But for example, here in Italy, every time I say thank you to my husband, he he's like surprised and delighted by it. Even if he just brings me a coffee over and I say, Oh, grazia more. That grazia more, the other day he actually said to me, gosh, you're still you're so wonderfully polite or something, he said, which is, and I realize because in this Italian culture, it's it can they don't use as many pleas and thank yous. Everyone all over the world, we you know, English people are like they're instilled within them at very young age. You your pleas and thank yous are like essential, but it doesn't, it's not part of every culture in the world. You know, some other cultures just have a smile, or I I'm not an expert in other cultures, so I wouldn't know, but I know that English culture that's how it you're you're taught, aren't you?

SPEAKER_01: 12:28

Oh, yes, yes, it's I remember reading a book when I was about five about P's and Q's, and I had no idea what the Q's were. I go, What are Q's? I found out when I was probably about 50 that the Q's meant thank yous.

SPEAKER_00: 12:44

Yeah, you would see P's, P and T. I would have understood it more because the beginning is a thank, you know, the word thank. But thank you because of the Q. Yeah, I wouldn't have known that either.

SPEAKER_01: 12:57

I was so uh bewildered by it, but anyway, it was just a book. Obviously, I read it on my own. I didn't have to.

SPEAKER_00: 13:05

It's this kind of um this effort that But it's a kind of it's it's like it's being civil, it's beautiful. It's being respectful, even though you're you're with somebody that you know you you sleep with every night and you would think, oh that, you know, it's just it's just that kind of respect to, you know, even sometimes I might say prego, which he says that's so formal, like after a grazia in Italian, you say prego, which means you're welcome. So sometimes he thinks I'm almost too formal, but the other day I actually got a sign that he actually appreciates this kind of formality. Formality sometimes. He says, gosh, you're so like you know, I think you make the extra effort, don't you, to say it. Well, uh it kind of just becomes a second nature in the end because it becomes what you're used to, what you're used to doing in the end. So it's yes, it's what what I'm saying is that fundamentally everything in life takes effort, and you have to choose what kind of effort where you want to put that effort into your life, whether you want to make your garden beautiful, your family life is is often the the part that you put less effort into, but in the end, ultimately, every single person that any elderly person you'll talk to, they don't talk about work. No, they talk about their family, they talk about the relationships they've had in their life and their life has been well lived, and that they're okay if they go on to the next life and they die because they've had these good relationships. What are you looking at me like this has to bring it back to death because life isn't forever, and and and if we remember that green podcast episode it's not, it's when it's when you have to remember that's meaningful things are not forever, are they? They're not forever. So if you remember that, it helps a lot, it helps. It's like when you told me when when the kids were having everything was so messy, and you said your mother-in-law said to you, remember that the fingerprints on the window panes that your little babies are always touching the windows. One day you'll remember those tiny fingerprints. Yeah, the story was actually that she said that when we left, because we used to go and visit in uh in we were used to go up to go to Castle.

SPEAKER_01: 15:43

And then she said when she when we used to leave, she would actually leave uh it's gonna make me cry. She would leave the little fingerprints of our two children, which were her grandchildren, she would leave them on the windows because she used to think how cute and lovely they were.

SPEAKER_00: 16:01

Oh my god, that's so cute, yeah. Yeah, but you see, she's no longer with us. No, but she left that.

SPEAKER_01: 16:08

I mean, she told us a story which we treasure because then whenever I would be at home, maybe shouting and screaming, thinking you've left a big mess in the room, I would think of the fingerprints.

SPEAKER_00: 16:19

And you told me that story, and hopefully we'll tell you, you know. I told you and you appreciated it. I loved it. I thought, wow, that is incredible. That that just makes me appreciate, you know, all the little messes I would see. You know, I think, oh, I see a little dinosaur there on the floor today because it's a sign my little one has been playing with his dinosaur toy, and okay, that's fine. There has been life there.

SPEAKER_01: 16:46

It just made me just realize it makes you focus on what's important and what isn't important, really, and it's uh what we need to be cultivating more of our relationships with our friends, with our family, with our loved ones, which will make us feel better, more grounded, and less stressed and less anxious.

SPEAKER_00: 17:09

Absolutely. We need to prioritize that kind of effort. Yeah, like the other day we were at the petrol station, just yesterday, we were at the petrol station, and my husband he always has a little chat with with the people there. That's nice and the the lady that was putting petrol in the car, she he said, How are you? and she said, Oh, I'm really stressed out now because my daughter's hurt her ankle, and I have to go and buy her some crutches, and they're like they're or or hire them somewhere, they're expensive. And I don't I haven't I financially we're not that well off now at the moment to buy these crutches. So my husband thought, Oh, I I had a pair of crutches, I don't use anymore. I'll I'll I'll go back home. He was even ready to go back home, or this afternoon after work, we'll bring them to you, and she was like amazed by it. And because she she only knows us because we put petrol in the car every week, and that's it. But because of the fact that she always asks us, how are you? She she puts that extra effort in, she doesn't just serve and say, How much? She actually comes, Oh, how how's it going? How are you? It makes such a special kind of connection that she started it, and then he gave we we were able to help her in some way, and even though in the end she says, somebody else has given me has but lent me the crutches, so you don't have to worry. But I thought that's kind of that special effort that you put in is also making you feel good because we felt good because we could help her, and she's just a neighbor, somebody that's here, a local person, but it's somebody that you can actually help. So that kind of effort is going to make you feel good and ultimately make you feel less anxious about the world around you as well, because there's not much you can do for the big wide world, but your small community can really help you if you manage to help somebody in your community as well. That's the kind of effort that's worth it, right? There's been so many studies on how random acts of kindness can really help us, uh, help our mental health and help us feel better, feel less depressed, feel less anxious, feel more uh as if we have agency over what's happening to us, and we've it it makes us feel more in control, just being able to help people. Yeah, you're absolutely right, it's something that's so easy to do. My husband's face lit up. He thought, Oh, I've got a pair of crutches, I'll end you ours, who cares? You know, I don't need them anymore. I've had my knee surgery off, you know. He was he was delighted to be able to help. So I think that any one of us that believes that relationships, being uh with your girlfriend, with your boyfriend, with your whoever it is, is it shouldn't require effort. That's a false belief, and it's a dangerous one. It is dangerous. What what it the confusion is where you think that because they love you, you can't be at ease. That's a different situation. You can feel comfortable, you can just you know be in your pyjamas around someone, and and you don't always have to have your hair perfect, etc. That's a different, we're not talking about that. No, that because that's lovely when you can feel comfortable with somebody, that you don't always have to, you know, be on top form, etc. We're not talking about that kind of effort, that's different, that's being at ease with somebody. The kind of effort is the effort that you're always seeing them as somebody that's special in your life, and that requires effort, and being present for them, being present so being in the present moment to give them the attention, so not always being on your phone or being absent because sometimes you can be in a room with someone and you're not even alone. Yeah, you can feel alone, especially you know, you can just so they're on their phone, it can just be like getting having dinner together or eating out together, but actually being there and chatting and talking and looking at the the person in their eyes, yeah, giving them eye contact. Eye contact, that's so obvious, but it's so underrated. Giving a person the eye contact they deserve, your child, your your partner, your the people you work with, if if that's effort, that might be more effort than you want to, but that's real connection. Yeah, even giving yourself eye contact. So, like looking in the mirror in the morning and giving yourself eye contact and saying, I appreciate you, I appreciate you, and I love you, and I'm for you because you're also worth the effort. You are definitely worth the effort. You are worth it. You are you are enough, like what they say, you are enough, and you you deserve to have that effort. And the thing is that when you make the effort to invest in your relationships, in your community, in your living intentionally, living mindfully, then it's the effort's all worthwhile. So you reap so many benefits from it that it's inspiring and it makes you feel good, and it gives you that that dopamine rush that you need. It gives you all those good, feel-good hormones that you you can take in and absorb and enjoy, and the effort's worth it. You see the growth. You'll see the growth. It's like a flourishing, beautiful garden, and it'll be green and and packed and beautiful, so it's definitely worth it, definitely worth it. And I think that's the effort we put in for today. And I hope you appreciate it because we really do love helping you. And so do come and see us on our YouTube channel where we also have the video version of the podcast. Do come and say hi on Instagram at getRill with the English sisters, and also visit the link in our bio or on any of our social media profiles where we'd love to say hi. And you can also text us or message us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you for listening and for watching. And see you soon.

SPEAKER_01: 23:44

Love and smiles from the English sisters.

SPEAKER_00: 23:47

Bye.