How Self-Love Teaches Others How To Love You

What if your worth didn’t hinge on output, perfection, or constant bloom? We dive into the real meaning of unconditional love and why it’s hardest to offer ourselves. From the tender roots of childhood to the playful wisdom of a rescue kitten, we unpack how acceptance not achievement creates safety, confidence, and healthier relationships.

We start by acknowledging how early experiences shape the way we love ourselves, then show a practical path to relearn it: inner child work you can feel in your body. Picture the younger you, offer a long, sincere hug, and replace the old deal of “I’ll be lovable when…” with “I’m worthy now.” Pets become our unlikely teachers; the way we adore a mischievous animal becomes a blueprint for daily self-kindness. We talk rituals that stabilize mood light, food, short check-ins. and how gentle maintenance beats self-criticism every time.

A simple nature metaphor anchors the episode: be like a tree. Some days you blossom; many days you root. Both are valuable. That reframe softens shame on “still” days, loosens the grip of hustle culture, and paradoxically fuels sustainable ambition. We also explore how unconditional self-respect attracts people who treat you well and filters out those who feed on doubt. Expect clear practices naming needs, saying no without a story, celebrating small wins to help you embody this shift.

If you’re ready to trade performance for presence and pressure for steadiness, this conversation offers tools, stories, and permission to begin. Subscribe, share this with someone who needs a softer voice in their head, and leave a review with one takeaway you’ll try this week.

Chapters

• 0:00 What Unconditional Love Really Means
• 0:44 Listener Love And Community Boost
• 1:39 Childhood Roots Of Feeling Loved
• 2:52 Pets As Models For Self-Kindness
• 4:58 The Rescue Kitten Lesson
• 6:22 Meeting Your Inner Child
• 8:39 Imperfection, Enoughness, And The Tree
• 11:09 Still Days, Guilt, And Worth
• 13:03 Countering “I Haven’t Done Enough”
• 15:16 Tribe Wisdom And Modern Pressure
• 17:05 Self-Love And Healthier Relationships
• 19:05 Closing Reflections And Support

Transcript

SPEAKER_01: 0:00

What do they say about unconditional love?

SPEAKER_00: 0:04

It's the best kind of love, isn't it?

SPEAKER_01: 0:06

It is without any ties, without any condition. And yet, so many of us find it so hard to give ourselves unconditional love.

SPEAKER_00: 0:18

Because if you give yourself unconditional love and you love yourself unconditionally, it gives others permission to do the same. Isn't that odd? They actually they realize that you love yourself even with your flaws and all your imperfections, and that allows them to love you.

SPEAKER_01: 0:43

Exactly. And that's what we're going to be chatting about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Sisters Mind, Health and Anxiety. And thank you all so much for showing up for us on YouTube where we have the video version and on at Get Real with the English Sisters on Instagram too and X. You've been so wonderful getting in touch and sending us your comments.

SPEAKER_00: 1:14

Yeah, it's been lovely reading them. Thank you very much. And it's really helpful. It does, it kind of boosts our morale as well because we we write to each other, hey, look at this comment. It gives us it gives us inspiration to continue going. So it's great.

SPEAKER_01: 1:32

Yeah, we feel that we're feeling the love. We're feeling emotional love.

SPEAKER_00: 1:36

Yes, coming our way. Yay! Because um, yeah, that it it is it's it's a kind of love that if you receive it when you're young, when you're a baby, and when you're little, it it is a blessing to to receive that kind of love. And it can it can be very, very healing. It is very, very healing.

SPEAKER_01: 2:05

We know all of you, some of you may not have had that as children. We were lucky enough to feel unconditional love from our parents, where that whatever we did, um with our choices in life, they always supported us, and we always felt, we always felt that we were loved, you know, we didn't have to like justify to ourselves, oh we did this, and they love us because we were like good or because we were clever. Uh it was lovely to it's a lovely thing to be able to experience, but we know if you have not been as lucky as we have to have had that kind of love, it is a journey of self-love that you have to begin to discover exactly on your own.

SPEAKER_00: 2:52

Yes, it's um it's learning to to laugh at yourself, learning to look at yourself with that with a softer eye. Uh because it's like if you have a puppy, you wouldn't expect the puppy not to make any messes or any mistakes, would you? And yet you treat your if you treat yourself with that kind of love, you will you will not go wrong because that's the kind of love most of us have, like with pets or with very small creatures that we have. Small creatures, who do we have? Pets, obviously. Sounds like we've got little fairies in our house, little magical creatures that we look after. And you've got your turtles, is that what you're referring to? Well, it's just anything, really. Yes. I sort of think that if you love, if you love them unconditionally, and that's why a lot of people say actually that's why they love their pets more than other humans, because they say, My pet will just love me unconditionally. They don't care what what I've been up to during the day, if I failed at this or I failed at that, and I didn't get in here and in use uni or didn't do that, they'll come home and they'll still love me. And I think that's a kind of love that we have to learn to give ourselves. We have to understand that we are the pet. And if we look at ourselves like we would look at our pets, or you know, something gentle, something fragile, something that needs to be nurtured, then we'll find that we'll nurture ourselves more with that kind of care.

SPEAKER_01: 4:38

Well, I think that's why pets are so healing, aren't they? Yes, that's why they are healing. Yeah. It's a good thing if you've never had a pet, if you can, even if it's just a little small furry animal, to get something that you can, you know, you can share your love with.

SPEAKER_00: 4:56

Yes, yes, definitely. I mean, now my son, he's 25 now, and for the first time in his life, he's actually got his own little pet, a little kitten that he he saved. It was a rescue kitten that he found in the garden, in somebody's garden on a holiday. And it was just completely abandoned and so so tiny. And he's had to look after it and give it the bottle and and and feed it and look after it, and now it gets up to all sorts of mischief. And I can see him, ah, he says, Oh gosh, what a little rascal he is. He's all up to all sorts of trouble getting the toilet paper, goodness that he bites his feet. He's up to in the morning, he wakes him up, he says he nibbles my ears, he does all kinds of little mischief things, but yet the love that he has for this little kitten, and he says, It's actually really amazing because it's my first. I know at home we've had dogs and cats and all kinds of little animals, but he said, for me, it's my first pet in my own apartment, and I really feel love for it. Yeah, I really feel this, it doesn't really matter what that pet does, what that little kitten does. He loves that kitten. Boy, does he love it, you know? Because he's nurtured it, he's taken care of it, and he he's put time and energy into it. So that's why I say if we look after ourselves the same way.

SPEAKER_01: 6:22

Well, we have to put time and energy into ourselves, and so many of us aren't willing to do that or don't know how to do that because we've never done it.

SPEAKER_00: 6:33

We've never done it, we've never looked at ourselves and looked inside and seen that small, fragile child, which is what we all have inside us. We all have that child inside us, no matter how grown up we are, there's a fragility within us that still needs to be nurtured and loved and loved so much. That's why the example of the pet is similar because we we do have that in us.

SPEAKER_01: 7:07

Yeah, I think um I think like like if you if you if you want to to think about it for a moment, if you think about your inner child and think, was was was my inner child loved um by by the people that took care of me, by my parents or my caregivers. And if your inner child wasn't loved, you can say, Well, I'm here for you now because I'm an adult and I know about these things, and I've learned how I can give you my inner child love, and you can give your your inner child a hug, and you can just stay there with her or him or they for a while and just just love them and until a lovely inner smile come out, and they they will thank you, and then that will carry with you throughout your day and in the days to come, and you'll feel more love for yourself and more forgiveness as well.

SPEAKER_00: 8:11

Yes, absolutely. Well while you were saying that, I was thinking of a little photograph of me as a child, as a five-year-old, and um so I could I could visualize that so that can help as well if you look through some old photos of you and you can sort of uh pick one and just see that child and see that child within yourself, and uh you know, be you know, you can help that child. Be kind, be kind, you can love that child, uh, and you can nurture definitely, it's a good that's a good way, and to and to know that with all our flaws, we are enough.

SPEAKER_01: 8:54

We don't need to be perfect, we don't need to be like the perfect parents or the perfect children or the perfect employees or the perfect boss. We just because that's what makes us so special, the fact that we're not perfect, and the fact that we're learning all the time and we're always evolving and learning, and and that's what make life so so wonderful, really.

SPEAKER_00: 9:23

A tree isn't required to blossom every day. A tree is just required to stand still and and and to live. So it's not every day that we have to do exceptional things, it's the little things in every day that count. So sometimes it just means we just stand still and look at ourselves and look inside, and even if we're not doing these amazing things all the time, we're we're we're getting along with our lives.

SPEAKER_01: 9:56

And we're and we're showing ourselves kindness as well as it's not. It's that kindness, that everyday kindness.

SPEAKER_00: 10:02

The kindness is that even if we're not doing amazing things, we're getting up in the morning, we're going along with our day, we're standing there, we're living, we're being present just like the tree is, and that's enough. That's enough for many days. Then there'll come a time when we're blossomed too, and we can produce fruits and flowers and everything else, but for the moment we're part of a larger forest.

SPEAKER_01: 10:32

And we've lovely, yeah, we're part of a larger forest, and the more we nurture that forest, the more we'll feel good and loved ourselves, and we'll be able to blossom one day. And and you know, if we just accept the fact that every day we make what about if we never blossom, doesn't matter, we're there, we're part of it.

SPEAKER_00: 10:56

We're part of a larger forest where there's we're contributing. We're contributing, our presence is still of great value, even though we're just sitting there eating.

SPEAKER_01: 11:10

And because a lot of people might think that they've never blossomed or that they won't blossom.

SPEAKER_00: 11:15

Yes, but they're still doing the little things and they're they're part of a larger thing because even if they're just there and they're managing to have their breakfast in the morning or whatever it is, they're still contributing to a larger, a larger plan, a larger forest, aren't they?

SPEAKER_01: 11:35

They're very what you're the the tiny thing that you do, you don't know what that will blossom into. Your one action could blossom into someone or something you say might give someone else a thought that could have a scientific breakthrough or something. You don't know. Exactly. You don't know, you're not in doing anything here of what you're doing, but a kind word that you may give out to yourself or to someone else that day might make someone have a light bulb moment for all you know. We're all connected in every way, aren't we?

SPEAKER_00: 12:12

We are absolutely connected. That's why I said, even if you're there sitting eating the honey, you're there because the other day I was just thinking I've done nothing today. I'm just eating honey. Then I actually looked at the little jar of honey and I thought, well, I'm actually helping the person that's making this honey. You know, so even me just sitting here eating honey has helped somebody else who's producing the honey. Exactly, and I am, I am doing something, and even if it's not much for today, it's enough for today. And I will love myself in this body, in my person, even though I am not producing, and I'm not, I don't feel you are you are a person that always feels that you have to be doing something. Yeah, so if I have those sick days or those days, I think, oh god, I'm not doing anything today, you know. What on earth? And then I thought, no, I'm eating honey, I'm having my toast, that's fine. That's just good enough for today because sometimes it's just the little things, and I will love myself completely today for that, and with all my flaws and imperfections, my illnesses that I may have. And sometimes you have to look at yourself and think that you know you have to accept that.

SPEAKER_01: 13:32

Yeah, I think it's hard for people that are real go-getters or they're always striving for something to just accept those days where they're not doing anything. That's why they criticize themselves for they realise they're standing still, like either. Yeah, and they're not like loving themselves for that moment either, for just being still and and and knowing that maybe that still day is what they need, and then tomorrow may not be a still day. Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 14:05

Tomorrow may be the day when they're and it may not. It may not, their roots may have absorbed enough nutrients for them to go on, or maybe not, maybe they need some still some more quiet time, and that doesn't matter. It really doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_01: 14:23

But what do you say to those people that feel as if they can't love themselves because they feel as if they're like not happy with themselves?

SPEAKER_00: 14:32

Because they haven't done enough, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 14:34

Because they're not they haven't done enough or they haven't lived up to what their parents wanted them to be. Um what do you say to that?

SPEAKER_00: 14:45

How can you how can you, if you're in that situation, how can you still love yourself for that when you are doing because you are still a tree if we're going back to that metaphor, and you are worthy, and your existence is important, and you're here for a reason. You are definitely here for a reason. You can believe in a spiritual reason or just a reason for because you're connected with everything else in this world, you're part of the universe. I say to those people, look inside, go inside, imagine that photograph of you as a little person, and go inside and see yourself as that child and and give yourself one of the biggest hugs possible. You can imagine yourself grown up and going towards yourself, and and actually, you can either pick yourself up literally and hug yourself wonderfully and warmly, and give yourself a really long embrace, a real one where you can feel the small heart and your larger heart now connecting and melding into as one, and truly appreciate everything that has gone on in your life, and you'll see that you have done much with your life, but you may not have done anything, but you have done because your heart is beating, and you are you are part of the universe. You have done whether you believe you you have not done much for your as you as you believe, then you can seek what is it that I want to be doing? What is it? Maybe you have loved somebody else, maybe you love somebody and you don't realize how much that love is important to that person, or for your pet. Maybe you're taking care of your your your dog or your cat, and that has an importance. It does.

SPEAKER_01: 16:49

So what are you saying that you have done and because sometimes I think people they come to they come to re the realization that they f they feel as if they're you know, because maybe because they're slightly depressed, they feel as if they're like not worthy, that they haven't done enough. I mean we see this with our clients. Yes, and the thing is that this society is always it's always like making us strive for more. Yes. It's like we without even realizing we're always being brainwashed into striving for more, wanting more, being more, being more successful, wanting more things, having more money, having more financial uh security, for instance. When I think all these things will come more naturally to you if you just allow yourself just to be and say, Well, it's okay, today is a it's a tree day, and I'm yeah, yeah, you know, I'm just here and I'm just chilling out, and it's fine. Um, as long as I love myself, because I think when you begin to truly love yourself and appreciate yourself, that's when all the magic kind of unfolds because you realize that because you all of the need is love, and you are, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 18:04

You you are the song, yeah. You are the yeah, it's going back to ancient times. Yes, it's back to the ancient times. We're mammals, we're like those little pets. What were we supposed to be doing? We're supposed to be absorbing sunshine, we're supposed to be eating, finding our own food, and that was kind of enough. You were surviving, okay. But imagine if you lived in a tribe where everything was possible like that, you did have enough food, and you had already discovered fire or whatever, and you could you were okay.

SPEAKER_01: 18:40

And that what was that? That was enough, yeah. To see the sun come up with it.

SPEAKER_00: 18:45

To see the sun to plant your little veggies or whatever, eat them, to have enough food for the day. That was it. There wasn't some grand plan of you having to become this massive, successful person. Afterwards, and we're not saying ambition isn't good. Ambition is brilliant when the time is for you to bloom, but you have if you love yourself unconditionally, you will see how you will blossom, how the life around you, other people will see you and say, hey, they're confident, they won't know it, but they kind of feel that you love yourself and they will treat you with respect that you deserve.

SPEAKER_01: 19:31

Yeah, people do treat you differently, don't they? Absolutely. You'll even notice that if you if you're on a if you're like if you're looking for a partner, if you first if you learn to love yourself, then you will attract um a partner to you that's more uh a healthy partner, like a person that's that's good for you, and you won't be attracting maybe people that are uh wanting to make the most of you.

SPEAKER_00: 19:58

Yeah, take advantage of you. Because they see your weaknesses and they think, oh yeah, absolutely. It's always like that. When you're ready to to find love, is most of the time is when you've sort of accepted yourself and managed to find love within yourself. When you found yourself is when you find others, exactly.

SPEAKER_01: 20:25

So we hope that you've enjoyed this episode, and we hope that if you are not feeling love for yourself and this unconditional love without any strings or attachments, that you'll uh think about what we've been talking about today, and that hopefully it will help you in some way, and that you'll write to us and tell us. And we're also online, we're here to help you. If you'd like to book a therapy session, we we can see you online and uh and sending lots of love, and we're gonna be more loving to ourselves because all of us have that inner quitting, aren't we? Yes, yes, we're going to be working on ourselves too, because I think in life it is a journey, it's a journey of self-discovery and working on yourself and and just just being like a tree and enjoying the wind and the sun and the the waves.

SPEAKER_00: 21:21

Yeah, exactly. The waves that come at us, the waves that come at us, learning to ride them gently and with love.

SPEAKER_01: 21:29

So thank you for listening once more. Do come and say hi. Say hi on Instagram, on YouTube, wherever you get your podcast, Apple Podcasts 2. Thank you so much. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye.