The Hidden Strengths of Quiet Communicators

Ever notice how fast words can outrun wisdom? We dive into the surprising strength of saying less how holding your tongue can calm conflict, deepen trust, and make room for real growth. From resisting the urge to “fix” your partner’s story to letting kids make glorious kitchen messes that turn into mastery, we share practical tactics and personal moments where silence did more than a perfect speech ever could.

We talk about the high cost of instant replies and why late-night emails and heated texts rarely age well. You’ll learn simple, evidence-backed moves to slow down: draft and delay, breathe before you hit send, and choose words you can stand behind tomorrow. We also examine gossip and small talk, replacing them with constructive conversations that honor context, compassion, and responsibility. If your words are going to travel, make sure you want them traveling.

Active listening gets a spotlight. Interruptions often feel like enthusiasm but land as dismissal. Try a new rhythm let them finish, reflect a detail back, and ask if they want ideas or just an ear. That small shift can de-escalate tension and build respect fast. We explore where praise belongs in all this too: don’t silence genuine compliments. Hold back harm; let encouragement through. By the end, you’ll have a toolkit for using silence as a deliberate choice creating space for others to step up, and for you to speak with clarity when it counts.

If this resonates, tap follow, share it with someone who talks for a living, and leave a quick review to help more curious listeners find us. What’s one moment this week where you’ll choose the pause?

Chapters

• 0:00 Why Silence Can Be Wise
• 1:10 Control, Competence, And Stepping Back
• 2:30 Pause Before You Text Or Email
• 4:00 Gossip, Small Talk, And Responsibility
• 7:40 Interrupting Partners And Active Listening
• 12:20 Letting Kids Learn Through Mess
• 16:40 When Advice Helps And When It Doesn’t
• 19:20 Speak Up For Praise, Hold Back For Harm
• 22:40 Silence Is Golden, Final Reflections

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:00

When less is more and when it's best to just bite your tongue and keep quiet. And for some of us, it's very difficult.

SPEAKER_01: 0:11

It is, yeah. For some of us, it's like we always have to say something. We always want to be involved.

SPEAKER_00: 0:19

We do. And that's what we're going to be chatting about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English sisters, Mind Health, and Anxiety, the podcast that you can come to to just chill and relax and learn something about yourself and others, hopefully. We are therapists. And we are here to help. Exactly. And we have found that sometimes in life, yes, quite a lot of times, it's best just not to say anything than say too much or interfere too much. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01: 0:56

Because a lot of the times the people that you're with can actually do without your words.

SPEAKER_00: 1:04

Yeah, and I think they can also step up if you're not always interfering as well. Because I think sometimes we like to take control, don't we? Yeah. Especially if we're very competent. And I think as women, especially a lot of the times as women.

SPEAKER_01: 1:22

Well, like even when you've got the small children, if you have a family and you want to, you think, oh, I know how to do that, you know, or or like if you're talking to your partner, you say, No, don't do it that way. You know, you have to heat the milk this way, or whatever it is. I remember, you know, many times just having to think, no, quiet. You know, let uh my husband let it let him figure it out. But it was like a discussion me and you had. I remember, you know, you saying, No, just bite your tongue, hold still, let him learn. You know, who cares? Uh, you know, if he makes mistakes, it doesn't really matter. It's not like life or death, they were just silly things, changing and happy, it's not perfect. Who cares? You know, just but but quiet.

SPEAKER_00: 2:10

Yeah, because I think if you take over too much, you take control, then the other person just kind of backs off, don't they? They do back off.

SPEAKER_01: 2:17

Anyone would you back off and you say, Oh, well, you know, no, oh, I'm not good at this, and you get put off. And of course, this is one example. There are so many examples when biting your tongue is really a good idea. Like in the it's like if you're angry, for example, it's definitely what they say.

SPEAKER_00: 2:35

Never write that email at the last thing at night, always wait till the next day. Sleep on it. Sleep on it. Same way as especially because emails are official and anyone can request them at any time. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01: 2:49

That is definitely an email or a text, keep it to yourself, wait, make sure time has passed before sending it until you're absolutely clear on your ideas, and then send it in a more in a calmer way, and and and make sure that the words that you write are you have to be responsible for.

SPEAKER_00: 3:10

I noticed that like in relationships. I remember with mum and dad, mum was always like nagging at dad, always telling him off, goodness do it like this, do it like this, or you're not doing it properly, it's supposed to be this way. And I used to that used to get on my nerves, so I really do try not to do it with my with my husband. I try not to, but of course, it's inevitable that you're gonna catch yourself doing it, especially if once you become aware of it, you may notice throughout your day how many times you actually interfere or or say something when really it would have been more beneficial for you just to keep quiet.

SPEAKER_01: 3:46

Absolutely, it's many times when it's best to hold your tongue, it's like an old Shakespearean phrase, you know, hold your tongue. It's best to hold it, you know, or to literally put your tongue in between your teeth so you literally cannot talk. And there are times when I've actually done that because I'm thinking if I don't do that, I'm gonna say something, and what I say may not be what I want to say, but it's gonna come out out of anger, uh wanting to control a situation like what we were saying before, and that's not gonna be good for the other person, so I will literally put my tongue in between my just gently hold it there, so it's like a conscious reminder for me as to not place it against the roof of your mouth. You can do that, and that also automatically will relax you. We can't do it now because this is a podcast where we have to talk anymore. But it will quieten us, it will quieten us, but yeah, definitely. I think you know, there's lots of times in when you're angry or when other people are gossiping, you know, and that gossip isn't any good. I I just wish, you know, just quiet and don't I I I I yeah, I I personally do not like it.

SPEAKER_00: 5:03

If there's anything, I might tell you about it, but it's but then it always might end up in like a bit of a therapy session, be like a constructive gossip where we think the poor person. Did you know the poor person is uh they're going through a rough time or whatever?

SPEAKER_01: 5:19

Yeah, and that's kind of like in a way, it's like constructively talking about somebody.

SPEAKER_00: 5:24

It's learning, isn't it? We learn from them as well, from what they've gone through.

SPEAKER_01: 5:28

Yeah, but I just been through I do not appreciate just gossip for the sense of it, and I know and I'm glad I'm with you and with my partner as well. He does not like it, so but I know that it's a well-known hobby for many, many of you, and I think okay, that's fine, as long as it's the words you're gonna say, if if they're not gonna be of any, if they're gonna be hurtful, I think, because then though you're responsible for those words, then they're gonna be spread. So somebody else is gonna be spreading those words. So well, they'll say so-and-so said this about yes, so and so's lost his job, so-and-so, oh yeah, oh dear. I mean, it's not even oh dear. I I mean, literally, do you remember that person when we meet that lady? We're always so shocked, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 6:21

It's like verbal diarrhea, isn't it? About everyone in the neighbourhood, yeah. And she's a lovely person, really. I mean, she's lovely, yeah. But but yeah, what is this? I think it's just their way of chatting, but it's not helpful. It's like small talk, but I wish that small talk would not exist. Yeah, be more constructive.

SPEAKER_01: 6:39

Yeah, sometimes it's just nice to just look into each other and say, How are you? Oh, no, lovely. Give yourself a hug, and that's it. Let's talk about ourselves and leave the other people out of it that have nothing to say for them because they can't, they can't because they're not there.

SPEAKER_00: 6:57

No, they wouldn't. A lot of uh the TV programmes are like that though. Well, they're based on watching. Yeah, I was just watching uh the OC for the housing because I like the houses there, but I was thinking they just well, obviously it's all staged. It's staged as well, staged, but the it's still not very nice because like the it's like gossiping all the time. So and so said this. She had a whatever, and it's it's uh I don't like that part of the program because I mean I don't even I I call it. I do something either working or doing something else. I just look at the houses. Yeah, I do look at the houses because I think that part of the program is like demeaning for the others in in it, and then they have these little squabbles, and then afterwards they make up.

SPEAKER_01: 7:44

But the thing is, it's going back to the importance of words and the fact that you're responsible for the words that come out of your mouth. That obviously they hold an importance, they are important, so you it's better to bite your tongue or to quieten yourself rather than just say words that are not going to be wise.

SPEAKER_00: 8:10

That's the only hurtful words that are gonna be, yeah, or even not hurtful, just interfering, like interfering when someone's doing something saying, I know how to do it better, or you should be doing it this way, or why didn't you do it like this? All these, all these kind of things. But I think also um biting your tongue holds its place when you're having a conversation with your partner and you keep wanting to interrupt because apparently men don't like to be interrupted. Really? Well, that sounds very women do, but I think the women, when women talk, I don't know, it's obviously this is obviously a generalization, but in our personal experience, like we're always interrupting each other, aren't we? Yeah, like we're it's like a little bit of you say something, then they say something, and then there's it's a bit of like a little dance. But for men, I find that they like to get their whole point of view out, and sometimes it can take two or three minutes, and it's very hard to keep quiet for me without question or asking some because I want to know some detail while they're telling the story. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So sometimes you have to keep quiet, don't you? Well, yes, that's a good example. They come, they might come back to you and say, You're not listening to me, you have you keep interrupting me, you know, you don't love me. Why don't you want to hear what I've got to say?

SPEAKER_01: 9:35

Yeah, I do think that is an act of love, is when you can keep quiet to somebody that's telling you their story or a story. They're telling that story, and if you're able to listen, uh listen, truly listen, not be distracted, look at your phone or look away, but truly listen to that person, and then only when they have finished, then repeat back some of their words or uh show them that you've understood what they have said, that's a great gift. Well, that's active listening, isn't it? Yeah, I mean I didn't want to make it to a therapy session, but yes, it is active listening. That's when you are that can actually be really helpful in in in couple relationships when one person says you're they never listen to me. And because even though they look as if they're listening, because they might not be on their phone, they might just be going, Yeah, yeah, I get it, I get it. Then afterwards they don't really listen. Why are you laughing now?

SPEAKER_00: 10:38

Because I'm thinking of someone, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 10:41

It's a little in joke, but yes, I exactly. They're not really listening, and so yes, they just do it their way, and then they do it their way, yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 10:53

But that's also part of the acceptance, isn't it? And then you have to find out is that does that work for you or not?

SPEAKER_01: 11:00

Yeah. Well, I mean, it doesn't work for me if I'm talking to somebody. I I I love it when I when somebody actually says, Oh, if I tell them, so I had a hectic day today, and then I fell over, and and then they uh they'll let me tell my story, and then I say, Oh dear, so did you really hurt yourself when you fell over? That's active listening. They're asking a question related to something I've said. It means I'm being heard. It's not just ignoring what I've said and just oh yeah, well, sort of like I don't know, what are we doing tomorrow? Yeah, or something. Hey, I've just told you I got stuck, I got stung by a bee. I remember once you said it when you told your husband you got stung by a bee, and I got no sympathy, and it got rolled on, and you wanted some kind of hey, you got stung, gosh, where? Well, let me see you, you're okay now. It was a bee. Well, there but you're allergic.

SPEAKER_00: 11:58

Yeah, I'm allergic, but not really badly allergic to a little bit. But you still have to take the cortisone, but I don't have to have the epi pen or anything with with you know it wasn't that serious. I could have dealt with it on my own, but it just hurt so much.

SPEAKER_01: 12:11

It hurt because you felt as if you weren't being listened to it.

SPEAKER_00: 12:14

Actually, it did hurt. Oh, it hurt, and then I wanted to be listened to.

SPEAKER_01: 12:18

Oh, yeah. It does hurt when you're not listened to. So I think that if you're kind of person that I've interrupted you.

SPEAKER_00: 12:26

Do you find that in especially in relationships with your partner that sometimes they feel as if you're always interrupting too much and always have a solution for them when they just want to figure things out themselves?

SPEAKER_01: 12:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 12:39

Because that could be like if for him, for instance, for my husband, he doesn't like to be fussed over that much. So but it's funny because really he does. Yeah. But he says he doesn't. He says he does. If I just totally ignored it, he would say, like, where's the medicine or whatever? Where's the ice? Yeah. So, but really he likes to be left more to his own devices. But I think sometimes we, especially as caretakers and nurturers, we always want to be there to offer solutions or offer medicine or like here's a plaster.

SPEAKER_01: 13:14

Oh, I'll go and get it for you. It's part of how we were brought up and and and having families and taking care, exactly as you say. But sometimes it's best it's too much for them, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 13:26

It's like a bit overwhelming. They just want to be able to figure it out themselves and think, oh, uh maybe that for them to ask the question, do you do we have plasters instead of quickly offering a plaster or put some put some Medicaid, you know, wash that out, you're gonna get infected. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01: 13:42

That's when we have to learn to buy to quiet in and think, hey, you know, everyone's an adult around here.

SPEAKER_00: 13:48

Let them decide.

SPEAKER_01: 13:50

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 13:50

I think that also happens with when you're when your children's like that. That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_01: 13:54

Yeah, you tend to because I I don't I don't think I was like that as much before.

SPEAKER_00: 14:01

I always was like you were always like the mother my aunties and everything. Yeah, oh no, I was a clean up, but you were yeah, that's true. We're always looking after Mum taught us to be like little nurses, you bought us those little nurse music.

SPEAKER_01: 14:15

No, talk about conditioning, goodness made.

SPEAKER_00: 14:17

We had to look after each other when we were sick, it's probably just to keep us busy.

SPEAKER_01: 14:21

Probably was, yeah, like when we went through chicken pox and that, we couldn't go out. She would bought us and she I mean, it was a darling little costume.

SPEAKER_00: 14:29

It's a little costume, the handmade costume that she had made. Yeah, with a little red cross on it.

SPEAKER_01: 14:34

We used to love that the little stethoscope, checking each other out. Yeah, that was cute, but at the same time, it teaches you, doesn't it? Teaches you, even with our uh our our toys, every toy was special.

SPEAKER_00: 14:48

Yeah, none of that throwing them about.

SPEAKER_01: 14:50

No way. The toys were treated with such love and care that I remember, you know, thinking, I mean, gosh, I have to like they're so pre even my little tea set. I had this little tea set, the orange and red little plastic tea set, it was a little 70s thing. Really? Gosh, I used to have to treasure that, rinse it out because I would put real tea in it, I think, or some water or something, it gets sticky with the milk or something, and we'd have to rinse it out, take great care and put it each little cup back inside its original little packaging. After each time I played with it in the box, everything was treated with such care, it taught us how to look after things, which is a lovely skill, really. And it transferred onto other things in life, but sometimes, as we're saying in this particular case, it's like because we know how to care for things, you and maybe you do as well, you can relate to this, you can you can see how to do it, whereas at times it's best not to see how to do it and just let it be done. I remember when my kids were learning how to cook in the kitchen, it was a disaster. Flour on the floor here and there, and I just had to let it be. And now one of them is a chef, and the other one absolutely adores cooking, and and they said it's because you let us just muck around in the kitchen, mum. And you never said, Oh, I know how to do it. This is the wrong way, this is the right way. I just sort of let them get on with it and say, Oh, we're very good with that.

SPEAKER_00: 16:27

I didn't have the patience.

SPEAKER_01: 16:28

No, you didn't have the patience, no.

SPEAKER_00: 16:30

But also, my kids didn't really show an interest either.

SPEAKER_01: 16:33

No, exactly. It depends if they're desperate for it, you know. Let me, I want to do this, I want to do that. Obviously, you think, okay, I want to help. It was also a way of keeping them busy, sort of like, yeah, have a potato, help me, keep it there, you know, sort of thing. But that's part of rearing children, and it and you have to learn that also there to think, no, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00: 16:59

Let them figure it out.

SPEAKER_01: 17:00

Let them figure it out. That what's this gonna taste like? I don't know. I think that might be a bit too much. Water, sugar, flour, but you let it be.

SPEAKER_00: 17:12

Would you really let it be?

SPEAKER_01: 17:14

Many times I let it be. I remember, especially when they were learning how to make pancakes, they were a total disaster. And I used to think, no, that's not gonna work.

SPEAKER_00: 17:21

Didn't you give them recipes?

SPEAKER_01: 17:23

I well, I haven't you know we haven't got recipes, I would just claim.

SPEAKER_00: 17:26

I know, but you wouldn't you say like one cup for them, one cup of water, two cups of flour.

SPEAKER_01: 17:31

Yeah, I would, but I remember, especially with a younger one, it wasn't but wouldn't work. So with you, mum wouldn't let you. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_00: 17:39

So I would just have to let it be the wending or the cookies, just give you a little bit of dough or something. Should probably see, oh dear, this one's gonna this one's gonna just I remember the bread dough would come out black when you used to probably didn't make me wash my hands well enough. She did, but you were needing it for so long, I think. She's playing with it as if it was play dough or something. Yeah, well anyway, she did let us she was very patient with things like that.

SPEAKER_01: 18:05

She was indeed. Yep. I mean, you have I think it I think it's a good recipe if you want them to become you know good at something. You they acquire those kind of skills in early life. But yeah.

SPEAKER_00: 18:22

Today I had the all the washing, all the soap went all over the floor and uh it spilt and fell off the washing machine and it spilt all over the floor. All the detergent before I had to come to podcasts. I had to clean it up and I asked my husband to help, and he quickly came and he said you should use Cortex to just like absorb it all by like paper towels. Yeah, paper towels. I go, that's I was thinking that's a waste. Really? Yeah. I kept quiet though, but then he went off, so I just said, I'm gonna use a mop because I was the one dealing with it. And so I used the mop, and then in the end, when I was cleaning it, I was thinking, gosh, I should have just listened to him. And I mean, that's when he was saying giving a solution, but I was thinking I should have just listened to him because in the end I'm using so much water, which I actually re repurposed it, but I it made me think about all the people that haven't got any water, and I was thinking this is just it's a waste too much. Yeah, in the end, I used the water to clean all the terraces and everything and and water some of the f plants, even though it's winter now and I didn't really need that much because it had soap in it as well, didn't it? I would mostly use it to clean the terrace, yeah. But I thought that that's a waste. And then afterwards I said, You were right, it would have been useful to use you know, just some paper towels to just mop it up.

SPEAKER_01: 19:49

Well, obviously, in that case, he didn't quiten his tongue.

SPEAKER_00: 19:53

Well, he didn't, because he just came in and he saw it and he said because he saw me using the mop and he said, Don't you want to use paper towels instead? And I said, No, I just carry on with this because I thought it'd be easy, I could just rinse it out. But there was so much yeah, there was just too much soap.

SPEAKER_01: 20:07

That that well, it's concentrated, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00: 20:09

You've got to be careful with those in those. I thought if it goes in the washing machine, it doesn't cause that many bubbles in there, so they can't be so frothy.

SPEAKER_01: 20:18

But it was frothy, a whole bottle of it falling on the floor. That was like a little bomb going on.

SPEAKER_00: 20:27

But then I told him his his his suggestion was better, and he seemed quite chuffed with it.

SPEAKER_01: 20:32

Well, of course he was. He loves being right, as most of us do. We all do, not just him, poor fellow. All of us. It's it's lovely if you actually get that recognition. Somebody's saying, Oh, hey, you were right, you know that. I mean, that's not that doesn't often happen. No, but it is lovely. That's in the case when you do have to give somebody that kind of compliment, that's when it is nice not to quiten your tongue. Yes, when there is a chance to give encouragement or praise.

SPEAKER_00: 21:01

I think a lot of us do think nice things about other people. And we don't and we do bite our tongue, exactly. We do quiten because we might feel a bit embarrassed or just thinking. Vulnerable, vulnerable, yeah. No, we shouldn't be.

SPEAKER_01: 21:13

Yeah, I actually remember seeing the my my uh my my son's girlfriend yesterday and thinking, oh, she had this really cute pink jumper on.

SPEAKER_00: 21:23

I thought the same. You didn't see it yesterday. No, no, not yesterday, but the day before. Really? It was my birthday. I thought she looked really pretty, and I didn't tell her.

SPEAKER_01: 21:31

Oh well, I I actually saw her and I saw her with that pink jumper, and I thought I in my head I thought, oh, that's so cute, she looks so cute. And and I and I didn't say it instantly, and then I thought, no, say it. You do so. I said, Oh, that's a lovely jumper. I saw her, she loved it. She goes, Oh, yeah, thanks.

SPEAKER_00: 21:48

Yeah, sometimes I think it's intimidating to say things all the time. So I didn't say all the time, obviously. Sometimes I don't say things when I should. I think well, you're all you always give off a lot of compliments. Yeah. My husband was kind of telling me off the other day because he said, You give so many compliments, it's like too much. And I thought, well, that's what I think. So maybe that's why I quietened my tongue and I didn't say anything. Could be. It could be, because of that. Because last time I was with my husband, he said I gave too many compliments. Well, there you go. So whether you give lots of compliments, which hopefully you do, because it's I think it's always lovely to receive genuine compliments. I do too. Uh, or whether you always tend to want to interrupt someone or something, interfere, and you you you know it's better to quiet and let us know what you think. Yes, and uh how you're gonna implement what we've been talking about today. We're gonna be doing both, I think. Giving more compliments and whitening our tongue more. Sometimes you think, no, hey, I wanna, you know, I wanna speak out and we have a voice, and yes, we do have a voice, but there's there's uh there's situations and situations where like sometimes keeping quiet does make you more powerful and giving you a lot of people. Silence, yes, where silence is golden, yes, exactly. Silence is golden. So thank you for watching. Thank you for coming and seeing us on YouTube too. We have the podcast version on YouTube and also the video version with the podcast, and we also have our shorts you can come and have some fun on them and uh just give us a little shout out, give us a comment, say you like us, and if you do, obviously, and what's it? Um follow, follow, follow, follow, and subscribe. Thank you so much. Thank you. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters bye.