Your Stress Response Is a Learned Pattern

Stress doesn’t always crash in all at once. Sometimes it drips into your day drop by drop until you’re tired, snappy, and overwhelmed without even knowing why. We start with that seasonal feeling many of us get as the days get longer and life speeds up, then we introduce a simple image you can actually use: a mental mop that clears the puddles of worry, fear, and perfectionism that gather in your mind. 

We talk as hypnotherapists and as real people who have had to learn stress tools the hard way. You’ll hear why so many of our reactions to pressure are learned patterns from childhood, and how one deep breath can interrupt the stress response and bring you back to the present moment. We also explore “happy stress” the kind that shows up around weddings, parties, and big milestones when the to do list steals the joy. We share practical anxiety relief ideas like planning less, taking one step at a time, and lowering expectations without slipping into negativity. 

From there we move into what you can and cannot control, especially other people’s behavior, and why accepting that boundary can reduce anxiety fast. We end with reframing and solution focused thinking: how clarity returns when your mind feels clean, plus stories about creative problem solving that turn a setback into something useful. If you want simple stress management techniques, mindfulness you can do in real life, and a calmer way to meet your day, press play. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs a breather, and leave us a review with the stress tool you want to practice next.

Transcript

Seasonal Stress And Feeling Tired

SPEAKER_00 0:00

There's a stress going around now, isn't there? Yes, the seasons a little bit. It's always particularly um challenging, I think, for everybody, even though the season is changing and we're going on towards a warmer. Well, we are in this hemisphere. In this hemisphere, we are. Yeah, that's so true. Very true. Yes, we are here. We're going towards, well, we're in spring now, so it's actually quite lovely. But yet again, it can be quite tiring at times. Very tiring. Sometimes I just think, isn't the darkness? Isn't because especially if you're outside, for example, we've got garden, so you're outside in the garden, then I just think that's enough now. Like, but let's just close and and sort of being used to more like cooching up in the winter, like the day is finished, but no, it goes on. And you can say, Oh, I can still be. There's a lot of cleaning involved. There's more, there's more cleaning, there's more, there's a bit of everything, but it's wonderful, but at the same time, it can be tiring. And that's what we're going to be chatting about in this week's episode of Get Real with the English Systems. And as usual, with a dose of therapy. We are hypnotherapists. We are hypnotherapists, and we are here to help you. So we're going to be reading from our book Stress Free in Three Minutes. And it's called The Mop. Yes, this little story, The Mop. So we're talking about cleaning, aren't we? We love a mop, but I don't like using it much. But I like having one. And they're useful, very useful tools. You'd be surprised without one. It's difficult. Especially with our hard floors. Yes, indeed. Drop by drop, she took the mop and used it to wipe away what she no longer needed. The stress, the fear, the longing to be perfect. For she knew that with a mop her work would be easy. Before drops that formed puddles in her mind stopped her from bringing herself. Like she once was. When all was well. She no longer wanted that daily torture. She knew now how to be free of stress, worry, and all that she no longer needed. The mop came to her from her aid. And as she wiped away the puddles in her mind, a sensation of space of freedom to create and a longing to live in the present moment flooded her senses. With the sweet smell of fresh air, clean and free to be. Just herself without all that worrying. Oh, yes. So there you go. Sometimes you do need the tools. Well, you need the tools for your mind. You do indeed. And for the house, for everything, really. It's funny, but it's true. It's funny. I could see you laughing there. But it's so laughing because it's so obvious, but we do need the tools, and when we and we're not born with a toolbook. We are how to manage our minds. That is very, very true. We're not born with a toolbook, yeah. If anything, it's the opposite. We're giving all we're given all this stress and all this worry and all this stuff that we don't know what to do with. Yes, and very often the people that look after us are also incapable of of dealing with these challenges, and they they show you how they deal with it or how they dealt with it, and those are the patterns that you end up learning without really they're not the most useful patterns. Let's let's put it that that you know, there may be ways that your parents or your caretakers reacted, and that's how you find yourself reacting to stressful situations, which well, I think when you get stressed, you you tend to like shout more and you're like on edge and you're more impatient, aren't you? So we're gonna learn how to just take a deep breath. That's how you wipe away the stress, isn't it? Yes, yeah. Basically, just by breathing and then coming back to the present moment and thinking a little bit about yourself as well. Thinking about what you want, yeah, so true, yes. And if you have that tool, if you have that knowledge of how to deal with situations that arise that are stressful, because let's face it, we've all got them in our life every single day. Sometimes they're more and sometimes they're less. And sometimes it's happy stress as well. It's not always bad stress, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Sometimes you can just be overwhelmed by happy events like a wedding or something that's you know, organizing a party and you want to do that. Yes, you've chosen, but at the same time, you might just feel like your mind is racing through the to-do list, and you forget to enjoy what you're actually going to be celebrating. That moment in life that's that's a special moment, and you forget that. Well, you do because you've got so much on your plate. You do have a lot on your plate, but a lot of what is on your plate is also anxiety, you know, that may not be necessary. So, you know, it makes you think, doesn't it? Talking about weddings, you know, but it does that, especially a wedding, is is particularly a moment that we know that even the brides and grooms find uh overwhelming and they they might forget. They forget to celebrate the moment. Yeah, yeah. Because there's so many financial concerns as well that go along with it, aren't they? You're like always pushing and stretching yourself with these parties and weddings and vegetations. Yeah, very true, yeah. Yeah, you think a lot. And sometimes like the parents, some people don't get on either. So you've got like uh my one of her friends is getting married, and she says she's had a lot of trouble with people like not getting on within the family themselves, causing her extra stress. Saying, don't invite so and so, I'm not coming if so and it's not always so lovey-dovey and peaceful that everyone gets on. No, it's not. No, so in those particular cases, having a little mental mop is very, very useful indeed. Just to mop away. Because you mop away the excess, those excess um drops, the mop. Those puddles. That's it. You have to remember it's so hard. I know. And isn't it funny that in the English language the present is a it is so it is like you know, it is a gift and it's called the present. And you wonder why, you know, presents are called presents, and and and that is it it's literally called a gift, the present moment. It's a gift, it's and yet it's so easy to forget, and and so easy to become overwhelmed. And I think as human beings, we're always that's because we're we're prepared, aren't we? We're genetically we're prepared to look for trouble so as to keep us safe. So I think that when we do feel overwhelmed, we can say to ourselves, well, that's just how humans are made. Yeah, so I'm not particularly odd, or I'm not, there's nothing, I'm just looking out for particularly stressful moments because that's how my I'm programmed to be. Yeah. So, and you can be kind to yourself. Well, kind, and you can also help yourself by organizing your days. So, like saying it's okay, I feel safe, I'm gonna do this tomorrow or after tomorrow. Yeah, so like be be wise about what you program in one day. Yes. Like, don't I remember we had that friend that used to program like 10 things in a day, and then she could never actually fulfil those things and she would feel really frustrated. I know, that was crazy. And she would be and we would say, Look, it's normal. You you can't expect yourself to do all that stuff in one day, go rushing around like a maniac. Yeah, well, so much. And then be angry at the end of the day because you haven't done it all. Yeah, you have to be kind to yourself. So you have to you have to take each step, and yes, don't procrastinate because that can make it worse, but take one step at a time and just do things like step by step. I think that's part of time management learning, uh, and it that is really actually really really important to learn how to do that. To manage your time well enough so that you don't become overwhelmed, and yeah, that can also be easier said than done. Would you say well it's all easier said than said than done. We can appreciate exactly why we had spent years trying to manage our own anxiety and stress. Yeah, yeah, very true. How am I today? What do I need to do today to feel better? What's helpful for me today to do? Yeah, what thoughts are helpful for me to keep and what thoughts are helpful for me to mop away and really decide to let go of for now because they're not helping me. No, because you can't, you can't like, you know, you can only do what you can do, but then you can't expect to influence or you don't know what other people are gonna uh how they're gonna behave and react to you, do you? No. So you can't you can't expect to control other people's behaviour. So as long as you're doing as long as you're doing the best that you can do, like say for say for this person that was having trouble with her relatives or whatever, she can't control how her relatives are feeling about the wedding or what they're gonna do or what or how they're gonna behave on the day. You can only hope to have a good day that day and just prepare, prepare for it, maybe tell people this is my special day, but after that, there's not that much you can do, and you can just either not invite those people if it's possible, or otherwise invite them and just accept the consequences. There might be a few squabbles. There might be. Hopefully, you'll be if you're the bride, you'll be, yes, you'll be you'll be in your wedded bliss. Yes, exactly. Yeah, you'll be hopefully people when they actually come they focus on the actual moment. There's emotions, it's a love, yes, it is that people feel for each other, yeah. That that's the whole point of it, and yeah, exactly. I mean, weddings. I was just thinking about weddings now because that's what we were talking about earlier on, and of course, yes, they can be a moment of stress. I do think they have to the the the big reminder is a reason what what why you're doing it ultimately, and um you you've chosen to love over over everything else, haven't you? You've chosen to do it. So and it's a beautiful thing. So if you've chosen it, accept it. Accept it and and be ready, you know, be ready to accept that you uh you will you will find yourself perhaps with a lot of things to do. I know, but I think it's it's just like that in life in general, isn't it? There's always so much to do all the time. I know, yes, that is very, very we have to cut down. I mean, I was I I remember thinking about that there was this one uh man on Instagram who was saying, I want people to come back to a more humble way of living, I want to bring people back to like the little Italian way of life, these little villages in Italy that are shutting down because everyone's left. And the young people and he said, I want people to come back to these villages, I want to encourage young families to come back, build the infrastructure, the schools that they need, and and so that people that want to have that more simple way of life where their children can just play in the streets, yeah, and just have like not that much going on every day. He wanted that he wants that to happen, and maybe that is the way forward for for these tiny Italian villages. Well, yes, well, they are a lot of them are actually doing that, they're they're bringing in uh most of the time what they do is that they're they're selling these houses that are no longer habitated, these apartment houses, even some villas at very low prices, and they're attracting the foreigners. So wouldn't it be nice if they attracted the local, the Italians, everybody, anybody who wants to come really? I'm not you know, not just because they're foreigners, but no, no, but that that is what's happening. That is what's happening, yeah. A lot of the um the the councillors and that are actually promoting to the foreigners. I think because they're trying to promote to people that have the money maybe to make that big change as well, which is a bit controv, or maybe people that can't afford the housing where they live because exactly it's so extortion. I was speaking to life to a couple from Norway, and they said we could have never afforded the house that we bought in this little village called Arpino in Italy. They said, We could never. I said, So you've got this lovely house, it's beautiful. She said, Oh, we could have never afforded it in Norway. But we've decided to make this big change to live this kind of more humble life. She said, We really do want. I said, You really want your children to grow up in this little tiny, there's a little village school. She said, Yes, there's dua maest. They're like, There's two teachers, and that's it, you know, and a headmaster or headmistress. So it's very, very small. They had two classrooms, they'd reduced everything, they'd reduced everything. So what you were saying before about the humbler life, I think we can simplify our own lives, can't we? Yeah, you don't have to move to a village in Italy. You can become your own village, can't you? Yes, you can. You can get your little friends around you that support you. Yeah, you can definitely do that, and you can reduce a lot of the excess things excess that you don't need and the expectations. A lot of the upset and the stress comes with these enormously high expectations for everyone. Yeah, that is so true. If you reduce the expectations, you reduce a lot of stress. Not saying that you have to think negatively about things and think, oh, it's gonna be awful. No, just think it's gonna be as it is, whatever happens, happens. I can keep a portion of peace, not that you have to be like some Buddha, but you can keep some peace in your mind, and that peace, it really does it helps you so much when you have that mental calmness. When you're talking with other people, they can kind of like feel it as well. I think they feel it, but I think that you feel it more than them. Well, yeah, absolutely. And if you think about it, if you just take a deep breath now and you think, most of the stuff is things that you're worrying about or excesses that you know that that you couldn't maybe sometimes you may be in trouble, in financial trouble or whatever, but there's always a help you can get, there's always the the little tiny steps that you can get towards making your life better without having to take these giant leaps. That's true, just small differences every day can really make that difference to your life, and just and when you when you do stop to take a few deep breaths and just think, okay, I'm gonna live in the present, it's amazing how much clarity of mind you get. That is so true, yeah. You you you can suddenly think, you can think because your your mind has been, as with the mop, it's been cleaned, it's been cleared, and so you you can you find solutions. That's what happens. Instead of finding problems, you look for solutions, you look for solutions, and I think that's the best thing you can ever do in your life is to look for solutions. I'm always telling that to my focus. Yeah, yeah, to my to my kids, even though they're adults now. I say, well, okay, there's this problem, let's look for a creative solution, let's try and pivot the problem, look at it from a different point of view, and see what what can we see if we're not looking at it only from that point of view? What about if we turn around a bit, let's let's have a good look at it. Let's try and be a little bit creative here, let's find a solution. Well, I'm just that's brought to mind the Parmigiano Regiano story, the Parmesan story. When they had so much Parmesan left over in the warehouse and it was going to go off, it was gonna go bad. And they said they they didn't know what to do with it, and then they said, let's invent a re someone said we'll invent a recipe that everybody loves and we'll use it. And they they they invented a recipe to use it. I think it was either Parmigiano or Pecorino, one of the cheeses. What do you mean they invented a recipe like they like the Cachapepe recipe that didn't exist before, and then looked at everywhere started making it and they used up all the Parmesan. The actual pecorino, the Parmesan people in Bible remembered the trendy something they made lemonade, they had a problem and they found a creative solution. Solution for it to solve it. Wonderful, yeah. So they created this recipe that they knew was gonna be and they use abundant quantities of it so it all get used up. I don't I can't remember the exact reason. Okay, is it cheese? It was one of the pick it up in the end if you want to. Alright, oh there you go. That is that is a way that's like when you have clarity of mind instead of thinking, oh poor me, or you know, how am I gonna sell go under everyone's gonna go under there? We won't be able to do that. All I need to do is find a chef and and and create a recipe together and say what recipe and then promote the recipe the the hell out of that recipe, basically. That's what they did and made it um made it trendy. Yeah, all right, yeah, that's a clever that that is a wonderful idea. That's what you can do as well in your own just in your own small way. You can do that with your life. You can find it every day. The people that are the most resourceful and have the most creative solutions, they will find they're always looking for a positive solution out of something maybe negative that's happened to them. You see it all the time, these inspiring stories. You find these silver linings. I mean, like for example, today we left the house. I left the house with my husband, and we'd driven already 20 minutes because it was like a 45-minute drive. So we'd driven 20 minutes, full 20 minutes, and then he said, Oh no, I've left my phone at home. Oh damn it, he's he started with all the Italian, the the cursing in Italian. And I said, Well, okay, do you really need your phone? He said, Yes, I can't go today. I've got a meeting here, there. I go, all right, just go back. And as he was driving back, I was thinking, I wonder if it was like destiny for us to have to go back. And I just said that, I go, there might be no reason why you have to go back. And I started thinking about it, and I said, in the end, I said, Did you take all your medicine this morning, your blood pressure medication, everything? You have to. He goes, Oh my god, I didn't take any of it. And he suffers, he he really does suffer from high blood pressure. I don't know. So I said, Oh my goodness, I knew there was a reason why we had to go back. So that's just a little example to say I found another positivity. Yes, I I sort of looked at it in a different light, thinking, Thank goodness. And he kept on saying, Oh, thank goodness I went back in the end. He just like bounced off it and he said, I really had forgotten all of them. He takes so many that I forgot all of them, and I thought, goodness me, just as well, you know, because that's probably why he forgot his phone as well, because he was obviously a bit distracted. Yeah, he was distracted because something else happened, a distraction occurred, and like when things aren't like when you're in this pattern, you're in this automatic programming when you get up, you do all your normal things. If something is disrupted, you you can forget things that you would normally do. You do forget. And you do forget. Anyway, I mean, there's there's always a way of looking at it differently, isn't it? There's a different perspective, always. There's always that perspective. You can always reframe things, you can reframe around. See it in a different light. You think, oh well, that happened, but what about that? And that's so helpful in life to think like that. Because you come out of the victim mode, oh poor me, poor me, I forgot my damn phone, you know. Or you can think, well, all right, I have to go back. Oh, what a drag. But maybe you know, there's a reason why I had to go back, or for whatever reason this happened, or even if there wasn't a reason. There wasn't a reason you can usually find one. Yes. I started finding one and thinking there might be a reason why we have to go back. You might have left a window open. Some something that you needed. Something that you were distracted by. Absolutely. So anyway, the mop is a very useful tool to clear your mind once and for all. Oh, well done. And having said that, I think we'll say goodbye. Yes. You've made a little rise. Please do come and say hello everywhere because it makes a real difference. Do you know that only one in four or five of you actually bother to subscribe? And I know it's difficult because you're on the go as well, but it really does help us and make a difference. Or if you send us a text and say hello, we really do love hearing from you. We really do. We do. We really, really, really. We really do. What was it? The mop for once and for all? What did you say? You made a little rhyme. I can't remember. Oh, there you go. Never mind. Use the mop once and for all to clear your mind. And that is all. Bye bye today. Bye bye. Lots of love and smiles from the English sisters. Bye.